Even the Stars
by BorntoDraw
Summary: "When they said 'he won't be able to handle it' I don't think they meant me…" Jim is taken from the enterprise only to return a child. As he slowly ages, will the Crew realize that the worse is yet to come? Completed.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: This is also a m/m slash, its slow going but it is there. I'll warn you ahead of time but if you don't like then don't read. I also want to warn you now there will be angst and serious hurt. Also some hint of prior rape. Its hinted not mentioned, but if you don't like then don't read. It's all meant to provide background and add to the hurt/comfort. I will hint to when it will show up so that you have a warning of the chapter it is in._**

**_Also there is language. You have been warned.  
><em>**

**_AN: Otherwise I hope you enjoy : D_**

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><p>-Prologue-<p>

James Tiberius Kirk hadn't been missing for hours. Hell, Jim hadn't been missing for days. Their captain, the federation hero, had been gone for a year. There was little to no hope left that he was even alive let alone capable of being found. As Spock would say he had a .001 percent chance of survival and half that of being found.

It had started out as a routine mission, but as is common with Jim and the rest of the crew of the Enterprise...it didn't remain "routine." It was a fight that turned into a chase and finally capture.

Jim had been planet side with most of the members of the alpha crew when the planet, which was supposed to be an m-class planet and completely void of any life signs, was crawling with Romulans. Jim and his best members of the crew were quick to outsmart and outmaneuver the enemies, but they had lost connection with the ship and were trapped on the planet with a larger number of Romulans to their own seven.

They had managed to evade most confrontation and no one had died yet, but the Romulans were stronger than the humans. Spock might have been able to hold his own (even Jim and Sulu could manage against them), but when it came to a hand to hand fight they were not winning. Jim had seen this first. He saw them weakening and the only sign that he noticed this was a quick glance he had managed to send to Spock during the last confrontation. That one look had struck Spock cold for an instant, because in that instant Jim's eyes had shone with emotions even he had never revealed before.

Fear, not for himself, but fear for those with them, for his team.

They were captured soon after.

It didn't take much. They were weak and had realized that communication with the Enterprise was not likely an option until the problem was dealt with.

On the enemy ship, Jim had found a way to keep their morals high; even when all seemed to point to failure. He would stand before the members of the Romulan crew and glare down at them as if they were only there because Jim had allowed it and that they wouldn't be visiting for much longer. He looked on at the Romulans as if he was there to amuse them, and brought his team along for the show.

Jim had been separated from them immediately. They would keep him from the crew for hours at a time and sometimes even for days, but each time he would return with his cocky smile and even with the bruising he seemed completely at ease. Yet, it did not matter how much McCoy or the others tried, they could not get Jim to reveal what transpired during his times spent with the Romulans. Whatever they had done took its toll and slowly Jim's constant warm morals began to crumble away along with his confident mask.

During these sessions the crew took it upon themselves to try and find some way to get all of them safely off this ship. If Jim could keep them the Romulan preoccupied for days at a time they could certainly make the best of his sacrifice. Uhura and Spock had managed to hack into the comm, on the wall of their cell, and were slowly progressing in reaching out for the Enterprise.

It had been a long week, but on the ninth day of their capture they got static and finally a transmission from the Enterprise. It was a beckon of light that everyone needed. Yet, no one realized the strain in Kirk's smile when the voice of Chekov and Scotty broke out over the static. How he seemed to pull away from the conversation as the two spoke enthusiastically to the still kidnapped members, rather than step up to command as James T. Kirk was want to do. They had all been too wrapped up on what was five steps ahead and their escape then what was going on presently.

The kidnap group was some of Kirks best men. Uhura, Bones, Sulu, Spock….hell, he even had Giotto and another head security officer with him. So, it wasn't surprising that they had all been wrapped up on the future. They were all calculating individuals and while some were planning escapes others were looking out so that what was going on would be kept under wraps. What would be worse than getting caught at this moment of hope?

Jim was pleased that he had left Scotty in charge while they had been planet-side. He knew that the engineer would be able to keep his girl safe, and who better to track them down then their own little boy-genius, Chekov. It wasn't just him that felt this way. The whole captured crew seemed to forget completely that they were even kidnapped at all.

Kirk's original optimism blossomed in all of them, and they were already seeing their safe return to the Enterprise. They were already planning a return attack for these Romulans who had dared to strike out at James T. Kirk and his crew. They were already too lost in what would be, that they missed how, as the communication between the ships passed, the smile that had bloomed on everyone else's face (minus Spock of course but a glimmer in his eye showed that he was just as pleased to be getting off this ship) had been completely absent from Jim's lips.

They missed how his bound hands scraped over his side as if testing something. They missed Jim taking a step back when Scotty spoke about how their systems had been experiencing interference during the time of their capture. They missed how he looked over the small but powerful group, his gaze lingering as if taking them all in. All while Chekov spoke happily about "zi problem iz all fixed now." They missed him placing the smile back in place when both Scotty and Chekov spoke out about the crew hanging tight so they could be beamed back.

They missed so much and yet, as the white buzz began to slowly form around the crew they had all seemed to snap back to the present as if on cue.

Nothing was happening to Jim.

Spock had been the first to react. He tried lunging out to grab Jim, but as the cries of "Captain!" and "Jim" followed this action, Jim just shook his head and took a further step away from the crew.

"It's alright. They were never planning to keep all of us." His words had been spoken so calmly as they all began to flicker before him, "But they wouldn't allow it any other way, they were the ones causing the interference. It's alright. It's going to be alright." He had smiled almost amusingly at his crew, and with such a 'Kirk' warmth, as he tried to reassure them all. His eyes were quick to meet with Spock's and the smile fell into a strained calm, "Spock I leave you in charge. You get them out of here. I-It's been a pleasure." They had watched in mutual horror as Jim tried to put on his casual smirk speaking his final words to them, "Try not to miss me too much." He had whispered over the final hum of static before the crew dematerialized. Spock's eyes were the last thing he had seen, the brown a piercing color burned into his memory with disbelief and betrayal fading into concern and fear.

The comm on the enemy ship had buzzed to life within moments after their disappearance. The static broke out to the shouts of protest from those who had been beside him not long ago. The crew had realized by this point that they could not get back to their captain nor locate his signal as the disruption returned.

"Mr. Sulu, Spock." Jim's voice broke back over the static and everyone on the bridge froze, "Remember when Pike went to Nero, he gave orders to come back and retrieve him.

This is me informing you as my last command. Do not return for me." His voice seemed to shake at this, "This is bigger than you know. Just…get them away from here Spock. Keep them safe. I'm so sorry." He breathed out and the transmission cut into static.

"Com-Captain…we're being hailed." Uhura chocked on the title but looked tensely up at Spock.

"Pull it up on the screen." Spock stated folding his arms behind his back in an effort to look composed amongst all the shaken members on the bridge.

The image of the captain of the Romulan ship gazed back at Spock with an amused smirk. "Crew of the Enterprise. You have been given a chance of life as a gift from your Captain." He paused looking around at the crew before him, and damn Jim would have been proud to see all the members hold their ground as they were taken in. "However, I am not nor did I claim to be an honest man." His smirk morphed into a twisted and cruel glare as his eyes returned with Spock's. "We got what we came for now it's time for the Federation to understand what is coming."

There seemed to be a struggle from the sidelines that took the captain's attention as he glared at the incompetence of his own crew. Then finally with a crack and a cough the reason came to be known.

"Dammit no! Leave Sp-!" Jim's voice sounded raspy and slurred but recognizable in the background before the transmission was cut.

"Shields to one hundred percent, Mr. Sulu now would be a time to get us out of here!" Spock replied immediately, "Be prepared to fire all weapons."

"Aye sir!"

"Yessir"

The ship managed to break away from the Romulan attack, and reluctantly forced to warp out of there. They were bruised and broken and would not be able to stand in a fight. Yet, as they came away with their lives the weight of one settled heavily over the Enterprise.

"In due to recent events, Captain James T. Kirk is no longer aboard the ship and has promoted me to Captain. We are no longer capable of pursuing a rescue mission and with our current status require an immediate return to the nearest starbase…You…are all expected to behave admirably until that time. Spock out."

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><p>"Dammit we have to go back for him!"<p>

"You heard the admirals as well as we did Leonard. We are explicitly not to return to that quadrant or to look for….him" Uhura breathed out choking on a sob as she fought with bringing up Jim's name.

"And Ve vill let that stop us?" Chekov asked appalled. Like Uhura he too had tears in his eyes and angrily swiped at them before responding further, "But ze keptin vould come for us! I know zis…I know he would."

"The admirals have made it quite clear that we will not be able to pursue Jim because going could result in a war. One which at the moment the federation is on the edge of preventing." Spock spoke up silencing the chaos on the bridge.

"Dammit! Are you saying we are just going to leave him…to those, those-!" Bones began to curse but was cut off by a raised brow.

"The Captain also ordered us to not return. The only logical course of actions would be to heed both commands." Spock cut him off but then looked at the crew. Still struggling themselves with healing from physical wounds as well as emotional ones, "Be that as it may. As acting Captain I believe it is also within my right to decide what is best for the ship. I cannot see any logic in not looking for the captain if we find ourselves in such a situation where finding Jim could be a possibility."

"So, were going to search for Jim while under the appearance of following orders." Sulu spoke trying to word that in a way the rest of the crew could manage.

"Brilliant!" Scotty added in clapping his hands, he was more than ready to get their captain back.

"Spock-" Uhura began to protest the flaws in such a statement.

"In this instance doing what is commanded rather than what is right does not seem to be the best course of action, and thus I believe a more Jim-like approach would be acceptable."

"You're damn right it's acceptable! Let's go get him back." Bone's hollered and the whole crew seemed to have their spirits raised at this new turn of events, "Damn kid probably has the whole Romulan crew under his thumb anyway…might as well spare him from the boredom."

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><p>However, because of the rumors of war, the boundary lines in space became tight and the unmarked zones became areas of surprise attacks and ruthless battles. No matter how close they got. Word of James T. Kirk was only ever mentioned in whispers of lost causes and forgotten hope.<p>

Romulans were not the only ones who struck out. It seemed that after the Federation's poster boy was rumored dead and missing; many sought to strike out. Old foes hidden in shadows took this as a weak time and planned to strike.

Words of war fell with the battle at Delta Five where the Federation took an impressive win, and the enemies began to shrink back into the shadows from which they came. Just as soon as they had all came out of hiding they seemed too compliant to return. Overall it seemed far too easy for the last word of their beloved captain. '_This is bigger than you know.'_ Still rang loudly in the ears of the Enterprise crew and it left an unsettled feeling within the crew. The crew was left trying to pick themselves up, and the only thing keeping them running were the odds that the captain would get away and survive until they found him.

.001 percent was still a chance of his survival. Perhaps for any other person it would be a lost cause, but this was James fucking Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise. He did not give up until there was no chance and even then he would still fight tooth and nail to prove it wrong.

Though as time progressed the crew began to realize that there was so much space to cover to try and find him. They often found themselves backtracking or stuck on where to search. It was time consuming and no matter how they searched, turning up empty handed and without a trail to follow left little to hope for.

Days turned quickly into months and after a year it became more of a wish then a drive, and they began to fall into a routine to try and wash away the regret that they hadn't fought harder to save their captain. They should've seen the signs while in that cell. Jim had been anything but subtle, yet they had been blind to it. They should've known it wouldn't have been that simple to just escape without any losses.

James T. Kirk was lost as a victim to war, and no one knew how to survive with this loss.

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><p><strong>AN: So there you have the prologue. Sorry if the characters seem slightly off. First time doing a fan fiction so still getting the hang of it. Hope you liked.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: Okay so not much information yet. Jim is missing but obviously that won't remain. If you stuck with me to chapter one then woot! Haha. It'll get better I swear. I'm still getting used to writing in characters that aren't my own. So I hope you enjoy. : ) _**

**…**_**.and without further ado here is chapter one.**_

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><p><span>Chapter One<span>

…_..we have him…..he is here….James Kirk…._

…_..we have him…..he is here….James Kirk…._

…_..we have him…..he is here….James Kirk…._

The words rang out as if on repeat. The sound was no more than a whispered hum, of static, slowly clearing up as a young lieutenant messed with the controls of her station. The machine itself was slightly outdated and if not for a blinking red screen she wouldn't have even delved into the sound wave at all. However, as the words began to separate from the static and become coherent she was left reeled by what was being said.

Her gasp of surprise filled the quite quarters within the space station, and many annoyed glances turned her way. It was far too late into the night hours for such noises.

"S-Sir we are getting a distress call….from a nearby planet." The lieutenant said her voice a mixture of dazed and alarmed.

"Yes Lt. Greene, what is it?" the leading commander of the ship turned to look at the girl rising alarm across the once quiet room.

"Well sir that's the thing the distress signal isn't asking for aide its sending out a message." She stopped to look up at the man, "'W_e have him. He is here. James Kirk_.' It is just repeating sir. Do you think….?" She breathed out her earlier excitement. "Do you think it's really him? The one they say went missing. The man who saved the Earth those years ago."

"Lieutenant, don't let yourself get too wound up. Prep a team and send a shuttle immediately. Let's first make sure this is not a trap." He then turned in his seat with a smirk, "But if it really is "The" James Kirk then I think maybe we might find ourselves on a first class ship ride back to home base. Rather, then stuck out here in the outskirts of the federation reach."

"Aye sir." Greene chirped happily but still a little dazed, "I'll send for a team immediately."

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><p>As the shuttle docked, the Head of Command, on the space station, made his way to the docking zone. If anyone were to ask he would inform them that he had moved calmly and that if they believed his steps had looked rushed he had wished only to move with efficiency to not waste more time than necessary. It was his duty as a Federation class commander to check out firsthand if this was the return of their home-land hero. Alongside him, Lt. Greene had followed silently but where he tried to mask his excitement her anticipation flowed almost as if radiating from her.<p>

However, as the doors to the shuttle slid open they were greeted to the crew of the rescue mission, but no plus one. The only thing that was different was one of the members was holding a wrapped bundle to his chest. There was a collection of gasps as a soft cry emitted from the bundle to reveal what the officer held.

"This is a child." The commander growled looking over the crew as if appalled by this occurrence.

"Yes sir we are aware sir."

"A child."

"Again sir we are aware." The officer spoke again but paused before clearing his throat to voice something either difficult to speak of, or perhaps of importance. He met the gaze of the commander and he realized it would be the later of the two, "However, the people on the planet…they said it was in fact the very Captain James T. Kirk. They seemed like a very advanced species sir, and their Elders are known to be capable of unspoken gifts. Perhaps it is possible-"

"A Child ensign!"

"Sir what he is trying to say is that the elders warned us that they needed to return him to this state. They stated the need to alter his time so that he could survive; so that he can handle it….some trauma he must face or has faced…the dialect was not very clear. But they repeated one word…Remember. He must remember."

"Lt. Greene!"

"Yessir!" Greene jumped slightly from her own daze and hurried over to the three standing figures. One of which was the one currently holding the youth wrapped in finely silk cloth and crying softly.

"I want this child checked. See if he really is who the Elders say he is." At his orders, Greene went to protest that that is not within her job, but was cut off before even a single word could leave her lips, "If this is him. He is to be under close watch. We do not need any mishaps."

"Aye sir!"

"Well sir…there may be a problem with that plan, sir." The officer spoke up halting Greene mid step, and pulling the commander's steely gaze back upon him.

"Speak clearly Ensign. What problem?"

"Well Sir when we beamed aboard the shuttle we had also thought it'd be wise to check and be sure that he was who they said he was. However, our medical technology and records are not up to par. As far as we can tell…it is possible that he can be James Kirk, but his brother George Samuel Kirk also has multiple sons who could be matches as well. Or our machines could be faulty…sir. They are old. It's been some time before Federation members have updated this Space Station." The ensign spoke wearily as he watched their commander slowly grow angrier.

"Lieutenant patch me through to the nearest Federation ship." Their Commander growled out spinning around to face the nearest view screen in wait.

"Yes sir, right away, sir." Greene rushed away from the two ensigns and the babe to return back to the room they had started out in. She didn't need to listen to know that the pair had followed close on her tail back to her station.

"Two ships within a day's distance and one just on the outskirts, sir." Greene replied turning as the others entered the main command center.

"To all three Lieutenant let's see who responds first, and we'll go from there."

There was a pause on the bridge as Greene tapped on her screen, fingers wildly typing and adjusting. "This is Space Station Element, requesting nearest Starfleet ship. Come in nearest star fleet ship."

A static buzz filled the room along with a horrid crackle, "This—USS—Captain Speaking—What can we—do for you—Station Ele-?" A male voice broke through the crackle and filled the room.

"This is Space Station Element, you are coming in choppy USS Federation Ship. We wish to send a message to the Federation Base but our technology is not as advanced. Can you patch us through?"

Another brief pause and this time a girl spoke out, "We-you through. Repeat. We can patch you through." The static was still hovering over the words but the voice the young female came back much clearer now. "Ready—when you are. Repeat. Ready when you are."

"Thank you. We are reporting now." Greene replied then turned to give the commander the go ahead.

"Admirals we have just recently received a distress call from one of the neighboring planets in our sector. The distress came in at 0800 and under my command was responded upon immediately. The distress was in fact a message. It stated that the inhabitants of the planet claimed to find one James T. Kirk. We have retrieved said person from the planet but lack the equipment to test the truth to these claims. We wish for aide…we do not have the technology or the ability to provide for the ch-."

"This is Enterp—we will pick up the precious cargo. Please acknowledge." The ship replied immediately interrupting the message and speaking to both locations. There was a brief pause. "Admirals give go ahead. We will be arriving within the next 6.8 hours." The male voice replied once again, "Acknowledge."

"We will be expecting you in 6.8 hours. See you then. Send our regards to the admirals." The commander replied as calmly as he could though the whole ending of the conversation felt urgent and rushed.

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><p>The Enterprise arrived to the very minute and hailed immediately to be allowed to beam aboard. Once they were given permission to board both Leonard McCoy and Spock beamed over to the Space Station from the Enterprise.<p>

Upon landing Spock was capable of remaining just as collected as he always appeared. However, McCoy seemed to be struggling to keep composed. He was fighting between the ecstatic desire to get Jim back, but also the fear of it possibly not being Jim and the hurt that would soon return as they failed once again to find him.

As they materialized they became aware of the others within the room. "Hello I am Captain Spock and this is my CMO, Leonard McCoy. We are the ones who received your call."

"Hello, I am Commander of this Federation Substation. This is Lt. Greene who received the message and Ensign Joshua Abrams who had retrieved the child."

"Whoa…hold right there." McCoy and Spock both jerked at this, "Child?"

"I must admit I too am confused by this." Spock spoke quirking a brow, "Had we misheard your transmission. I was led to believe that the person you hold on this station was James T. Kirk…as in the missing federation Captain."

"That is why we requested aide. We had also been led to believe that. As I said the message we received was that they had found James Kirk."

"Was that the entire message?"

"The message said that they had found him. That he was there. James Kirk." Greene spoke out, and ducked her head, "They hadn't stated it was Tiberius Kirk. Sir, I'm afraid that the idea that it was possibly him brought out the desire to react anyway."

"Yes, but on the planet the Elders spoke of him as an adult not a child. They said that they had to alter his time." Ensign Abrams spoke up, "Please follow me I can lead you to the child and fill you in on what we know."

"That would be advisable." Spock agreed and McCoy nodded as well.

They were led from the transporting room to the nearby medbay. It was a fairly quiet place and within the room only a few nurses moved about tending to sick or injured patients. Yet, they all seemed to stop at the arrival of the commander and of the crew. In the background a soft sob followed by some sniffles could be heard. One of the nurses that had turned to look at them upon their entrance now shifted her attention back away and to the source of the cries. She sent a glance to the group once more before disappearing towards the back of the room.

The commander of the station seemed content to just stay where they were and wait. So, none of them moved until the nurse returned. She had a small wrapped bundle in her arms, held gently to her chest as she tried to soothe his cries. As she reached them she came to a stop and her eyes immediately rose to meet Spock's and then to McCoy's (whose father's instinct had already made him want to aide with the distressed child).

"You must be the Federation crew that's here to take him back to the base?" She smiled fondly at them and cooed as the child pulled closer to her, "He hasn't woken up since we got him on board but he seems to understand that something isn't right." She whispered and adjusted the child in her arms, "We weren't really ready for someone so young but we do have kids on the station so it wasn't hard to manage. Especially since it's only been a day. Is your ship capable of handling children?"

Both McCoy and Spock remained silent unwilling to answer her question before McCoy finally spoke up, "We are one of the Federations best ships. We also will have the technology to figure out who he is so we can bring him home. I'm a doctor…I can promise you he will be fine." McCoy said carefully answering her question without answering it completely. However he spoke with reassurance, and stepped forward after sending a quick glance to Spock. "May I?" he questioned just as soft-spoken as she had.

The nurse sent a look to her commanding officer before giving a nod and moving to hand him the child. The reaction was immediate, as soon as the child switched into McCoy's arms the sniffling stopped and his eyes blinked open. Blue eyes as rich as the sky and as piercing as electricity gazed up at McCoy. There seemed to be a moment of understanding before he scrunched up his nose and wearily let his eyes slide shut.

McCoy seemed too stunned to speak as the child curled into him.

"Fascinating." Spock spoke stepping closer to McCoy and the child.

"That is the first time he has stopped crying." The nurse breathed out with a wary laugh, "Good. Good I'm glad." She smiled.

"I-yes." McCoy stuttered out and turned to Spock, "Alright, Captain?" he spoke with a shaky voice and a strain to his lips, "How 'bout we head back to our ship and see if this here is our space hero or not?"

Spock gave him an odd look but then nodded his head, "Very well." He turned to the Commander, "We will return the child to the base station and inform the admirals of any news on his identity. Thank you for your aide, and for the story of what had happened."

"Story." McCoy huffed, "Leave it to Jim to escape from Romulans only to be turned into a child."

"If it is true you should know within a few months. They said the time may vary but he should begin to age in leaps rather than by year." Ensign Abrams replied. "That it is necessary for him."

"Yes well, whatever the case we're not going to leave a child out in space." Bones grumbled.

"Please remember to inform Starfleet who found the child." The commander spoke up as they were heading back to the transporter room.

"Indeed." Spock hummed and flipped his communicator open, "Mr. Scott three to beam back."

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><p><strong>AN: Yay! They have Jim back. Well, sort of. I think the enterprise is in for some serious changes. Hope you like it. I apologize for any mistakes or errors I make.<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: This is longer than the previous two chapters so I split it in two parts. If there is any confusion Jim is roughly 3 years old at this point in time. Enjoy._**

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><p><span>Chapter Two (part one)<span>

The outside of the Medbay was filled with chatter, and was much too crowded as the alpha crew tried to make their way down.

"Alright now get! I told you we don't know nothing yet and you all have work to be doing!" Bones voice rose out over the crowd and suddenly the large number of people dispersed quickly. The alpha crew was all that remained and they turned to see Bones standing at the entrance to his medbay looking worn and unsure.

"Iz it him? Iz it our Keptin Kirk?" Chekov asked the question they all held beneath their breaths.

"We took some blood test and they're getting scanned." Bones said and gave a wary smile, "But if you ask me I'd say we don't need to run the tests. Its him." he breathed out.

"Ya-my-oh!" Chekov replied a bright smile blooming on his face.

"And yet you sound like that is worse?" Uhura replied seeing that both Scotty and Sulu shared her observation. Sulu reached out to take hold of Chekov's arm when that hope crashed down with the same dawning realization.

"Just…something the Elders told the crew on the station. It's got my mind at the moment." Bones replied honestly but stepped aside for the crew. As they went to move forward he held his arm up to stop them once more, "Right now. This is not our Captain. It's a kid and he does not know why he is here and not home. So, if he seems frightened back off. Give him time. I'm only allowing this because Jim would want to see you guys no matter what the situation…if he was in his right mind. So maybe this can help."

The crew nodded in understanding and entered the room to see Jim propped up on one of the beds. He had a pillow clutched close to his chest and seemed to be holding his own in a staring contest against Spock. He appeared to be trying to figure something out but as time passed he kept burying his head further into the pillow as they watched each other in silence. Though, the tension seemed to break almost instantly when the boy finally realized that there were others here now, and he stiffened turning away from Spock to look at the approaching group.

He scanned the crew members with a calculating gaze which made them all practically gasp at the site of bright blue eyes staring back at them. Nyota couldn't stop the sob at the site, and reached forward, all while taking cautious steps, "Hey…Jim do you remember me? I'm Nyota but you'd always call me Uhura." She whispered wiping at her tears as she stepped closer to the bed. However, the closer she got to him he flinched with each step and dug deeper into his pillow. This reaction made her stop in her assent.

Jim turned his wary gaze to McCoy and tears began to fill up his blue eyes, "I thought you were getting Sam!" he choked out, "Why can't I be with Sam?" he turned to look at Spock with a plea in his eyes.

"Sam is not onboard our ship. Remember Jim we spoke of this." Spoke replied honestly, "We are on route to Earth, but it will take us 11.3 months before our return. For now Dr. McCoy deems it fit for you to meet some of our friends so you may come to recognize some faces that you may trust while you are on board with us." He spoke calmly and factually, and the crew silently watched as Jim seemed to shift closer to Spock.

"Leave him for five minutes and he's already attached to the hobgoblin!" Bones huffed and moved towards Jim, "Stop hiding now Jimmy. How about you come with me and we go explore the ship with Miss Uhura? Doesn't that sound fun?" he smiled down at the boy only to gain a wary glance shot towards Nyota before Jim reluctantly nodded his head.

Before anything else could happen Jim turned to look at Spock. It seemed that whatever he was searching for he found, because he pushed up and released his hold on the pillow placing it off to the side and holding his arms out to McCoy. "Up you go." Bones spoke as he hoisted Jim up into his arms and playfully almost dropped him, "Whoa there Jimmy! Almost lost yah." He gasped out, and the crew all gasped as for the first time in such a long while, the room filled with laughter.

"Be careful Mr. Bones!" the boy laughed and pulled closer to McCoy, "I'm not that heavy!" he huffed out earning a ruffle to his hair.

"Of course not Jimmy but you must've grown up when I wasn't looking because I don't remember you being so big."

"Don't look away too much I can't grow up without Sam." Jim gasped his voice holding a serious note now but he earned an amused grin from Bones before the Doctor turned to look at Uhura.

"Well I'll haveta keep my eyes on you then till we find Sam." He smiled when she nodded that she was ready, "Where to first Nyota?" He asked moving to lead the way as the three of them filed out of sickbay.

The rest of the crew couldn't do much but watch silently as the three of them exited the room.

As the sickbay door swished shut Spock seemed to deem this an acceptable time to address them, and rose up out of his chair, turning to face the three remaining. "Leonard was afraid that it might overwhelm Jim with all of the new faces at once. Yet, he wanted to see how Jim reacted before we approached the matter. We had figured that if he seemed reluctant, we would try to separate it so he slowly meets us all individually. He seems somewhat aware that he knows us. So, we wish to introduce him to those he is closest with." Spock spoke again in that calm manner and noted that Chekov seemed to cast questioning glances to the door, "Yes Chekov?"

"Why iz he a child sir?" he asked sadly and met Spock's gaze, "I'm sorry to ask because I am happy ze Keptin is back. It is just sad zat he iz not remembering us. Vhat will we do if he is still child vhen we get back to ze star base?"

"We are at one of the furthest reaches of the Federation. Already it would take us 6.5 months to return at a high warp. We figured that a more…leisurely pace would be beneficial." Spock replied.

"How old is the lad?" Scotty breathed out, turning away from his gaze on the door to look at Spock.

"The Doctor has estimated that he is roughly three Terran years. We will know more when the scans return."

"But he will not stay that age, right?" Sulu asked speaking up now.

"Very observant of you, Mr. Sulu." Spock replied and looked towards the door as everyone else seemed to do now and again. It was like a gravitational pull, Jim was back kid or not, and they couldn't seem to stop searching for a glimpse of him. "They stated that he is slowly going to age until finally he will return to the proper age. Whatever happened to our Captain left something that the elders of the planet felt they couldn't heal without altering his age. We can only wait and see what is to come to pass."

"So, then were going to take shifts with the captain?" Sulu asks, "What about when we all are on the bridge? And what if he doesn't come to recognize us? Are we also planning on keeping this from the rest of the ship?"

"A'Lil too late for tha last one lad, you saw the group, it seems like all the crew knows 'bout our Captain's return." Scotty speaks turning to Sulu, "The crew don't care what age he is. We all just want are Captain back."

Chekov and Sulu both nodded in agreement there. Before, finally, Chekov broke into a huge grin. "Can I have next shift with Jim, Comman-uh-Captain?" He spoke with his best puppy eyes towards Spock, and both Sulu and Scotty knew they'd give their chance to spend time with Jim up under that gaze.

"We will see how Jim is after they return." Spock said and finally in an act out of norm he inclined his head, "We are all excited for the Captain's return. You will get your chance to be with him do not fear Chekov." He replied and then lifted his eyes, "For now it would be advisable for the three of you to return to whatever tasks you do on your free time. It is likely that Jim and the others will stop by during their tour." Spock spoke calmly and guided them from sickbay.

If no one asked why the boy did not ask for his mom, but rather his brother Sam…well no one seemed capable of dealing with the pain that thought brought up.

* * *

><p>"No I want to stay with Mr. Spock!" Jim cried out as he clinging to said Vulcan's leg.<p>

"Jim it is wise of you to cease this immediately. The doctor is a friend and you have trusted him for longer than you have myself. Add to that I have no prior experience with Terrain children. He is a much more logical choice to stay with." Spock replied as McCoy hovered now by his leg trying to pull the boy away.

"I-I don't want to." Jim sniffled out the words and went about clutching Spock's now truly wrinkled pant leg much tighter. "I won't sleep if you make me." He stated firmly and looked up at Spock, "_Don't let them take me away." _

"It is illogical to fear that McCoy will 'take you away' Jim. You are not leaving the ship nor am I. We will reunite within 8.0 hours after you have sufficiently rested and will require sustenance at the mess."

"Please." Jim breathed out and McCoy stood up almost violently.

"You take him tonight Spock. It should be fine he's old enough and bright enough to not cause too much trouble. Obviously there's something about you that makes him feel safer than I do. Who am I to argue when he asks so nicely?"

Spock looked up to see a mix of hurt and concern on McCoy's face but the man smiled and looks at Jim. "Now give me a hug you brat and off to bed." He grumbled out and Jim immediately released Spock to crush into Bones' legs.

Spock hesitated for a moment believing this to possibly be some ploy to trick Jim into releasing his hold. Yet, it seemed that Jim trusted McCoy on his words, and true to those very word McCoy let's Jim stay with Spock.

They returned to Spock's quarters and Jim walked Spock through the '_night schedule,' _or what Sam always had him do before going to bed. Shower first, which he was old enough to do alone! He made sure to be adamant upon this fact, though, if Spock stuck close to the door it had nothing to do with not believing the young version of his captain. After that he brushed his teeth and hair before clambering up onto Spock's bed and furiously readjusted the pillow arrangement so that he wouldn't accidently intrude his emotions upon Spock while asleep.

Then when he is finally settled he turned expectant eyes upon Spock. Who at this time was waiting patiently for the boy to fall asleep, so that he might meditate until meeting the crew for breakfast in 7.8 hours.

"Yes Jim?"

"You have to climb into bed and then tell me a story so we can both fall asleep." Jim replied as if this was the most obvious out of his entire evening routine and that even Spock should've known about this.

"I do not know of any terrain tales for children nor do I plan to fall asleep tonight." Spock replied remaining where he stood just within the room looking at the child.

"You're…not going to sleep? Is it cuz I took your bed?" Jim asked not really understanding what was wrong. Sam had always allowed him to share his bed on nights he did not wish to sleep in his own room.

"Vulcans do not require as much rest as terrains do. I had planned to meditate until morning."

"Oh." Jim replied slowly then looked at the whole extra space on the bed, "Well can you at least sit and tell me a story till I fall asleep?" He asked sounding somewhat disappointed but understanding.

"Again I do not know any stories Jim."

"Then I can tell you one!" Jim cried out but quickly bit his lip in an effort to take back what he did. He gazed up warily at Spock before wiping furiously at the tears on his cheek, "_I don't want to be alone_." He stated under a mumble and Spock finally succumbed to Jim's request.

"Very well I will sit with you until you fall asleep." He stated and sat upon 'his side' of the bed allowing the child a moment to recollect himself though it seemed he cried for quite some time before he finally settled.

"Do-do you wanna hear 'bout my brother?" Jim asked cautiously and the lack of tremors in his voice told Spock that Jim was no longer distressed.

"That seems acceptable. You seem quite fond of him; going so far as to call for him rather than that of your mother. Odd seeing as most terrains adolescents seem to require their parents' protection until a certain age."

"Winona is 'round." Jim replied almost as a side note not lacking emotion, but rather not holding any compassion either. "Sam is my hero though!" Jim beams, "He's so smart and helps me out with everything. He says I'm bright for my age and that other kids won' stand a chance when I start school."

Jim goes off on all the reasons his brother is amazing to him and the adventures that they go on. Eventually the tales trail off and the boy falls asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _

_AN: Cuteness ensues. : )_

Chapter Two (part two)

"God dammit Jim! Don't go running around the halls!" Bones hollered as he chased after the kid.

Jim had his arms spread out to his side as he ran down the halls twisting and twirling. All the while he was making his best impression of a plane and laughing as Bones tried to capture the toddler. "But I'm not running I'm flying . I'm a plane!" Jim shouted over his shoulder to the older man.

However, he did not realize the approach of another until he was stopped mid run and hoisted into strong arms, "Lad no plane can fly just coastin' on the ground." Scotty said spinning Jim high above his head making the boy laugh more before settling him down in his arms.

Bones approached the two grumbling curses about children having far too much energy and that he's not that old dammit.

"You giving the Doctor here a hard time Jimmy?" Scotty asked now that Jim was done giggling.

"Nope." Jim chirped with an amused smile and looked to McCoy, "You said to keep myself entertained. I wanted to be a plane." He smirked and at McCoy's failed attempt at a glare he laughed warmly. "Can I hang out with you Mr. Scotty in the engine room!" He asked excited by the idea.

"Last time you got hurt playing down their Jimmy. Scott can't work and keep you outta trouble at the same time. You cause too much havoc without constant supervision." Bones replied and moved to take the boy from Scotty. Jim held out his arms to McCoy even as a pout settled over his face.

"Why can't we let the wee lad have some fun? Last time we were just havin' some minor problems with the ole'girl but should be right as rain now. If not I'm sure Mr. Riley will be glad to watch the little tike." Scotty smirked, ruffling Jim's hair after the boy settled into McCoy's arms.

"How about we go up to the bridge and see how everyone's doing up there huh?" Bones countered and watched as the pout immediately broke into an eager smile.

"YAH!" Jim shouted happily, "Can we please. I want to show them how great a plane I am!" He wiggled in Bones' arms trying to get down so as to quicken the process of getting to the bridge.

"All right settle down lad before you fall right out of the good Doctor's arms." Scotty laughed at the site but McCoy eventually caved and had to set the boy down for fear he'd fall out in his attempt to get away.

"Well see you at mess for dinner Scotty." McCoy said as he quickly grabbed Jim by the wrist to stop him from racing off. Jim struggled to get free and then finally began to try and tug McCoy along with him. "Jimmy you going to say goodbye to Mr. Scott?"

"Bye Mr. Scotty! Thanks for helping me fly!" Jim said pulling away to give Scotty's leg a firm hug before trying to race off again.

"Hold on there, you." McCoy caught him by the hand this time.

"Bye you two." Scotty laughed as he watched McCoy allow himself to be dragged along at Jim's fast pace.

* * *

><p>"And then Mr. Scotty picked me up and twirled me around so I was just like a real plane!" Jim called out happily looking up from where he sat on Uhura's<p>

"Oh did he now?" She asked and fondly stroked his hair in a very motherly manner.

"Mhm. But then Mr. Bones wouldn't let me go down to Engine Room with him." Jim huffed.

"Well that's probably because you bumped your head last time. Remember sweetie, the scar just healed up the other day. Don't need to go get a new one just because it's gone. He's just looking out for you." She smiled down at him and laughed as Jim huffed again.

The little boy seemed fine remaining where he was for a couple minutes until something lit his gaze and he sprawled out across her lap before sliding back down to set his feet on the floor. He raced across the bridge over to Chekov and Sulu's station, "Miss Nyota is beginning to talk like Bones!" He called out clambering up onto Chekov's lap, "You'll still go on aventurz with me right?" he asked his tone pleadingly.

"The word you're looking for is adventures Jim. And I believe Nyota is just reacting as many terrain women do in a manner I've come to know as motherly instincts." Spock replied and Jim turned in Chekov's lap to gaze over at Spock.

"Can I play Captain, !" Jim called completely forgetting the prior conversation as he spotted Spock in the Captain's chair. The crew themselves felt a sad cringe at the thought of Jim only being able to 'play' captain at this moment in time.

Chekov set Jim gently back onto the floor, and couldn't suppress the laugh as once again the boy raced around the bridge to switch his position. He never was one to sit still.

Spock studied the boy as he came up to stand in front of him. "I do not know if it is wise for a child to be playing at all on the bridge."

Jim held his arms out in wait and wiggled his fingers as he was left standing still. "But you could do it to amuse the illog…illogic-cal child?" Jim countered and smiled in a manner he knew would gain him whatever he wanted. Sam had once called it a cruel cheat because it could get him out of anything. Bones called it his free pass saying that he could pretty much lay that on anyone and they'd bend the world if he asked it. Spock just thought of it as one of the few true resemblances of their captain. This was Jim's smile when he finally beat Spock at a game of chess, or when he finally got Spock to cave and let Jim attend the landing party. It was one of his few honest smiles and not one of his many smirks that seemed to be only a proper mask that never let the happiness reach all the way through.

"Very well." Spock said and hoisted the boy up into his arms as he himself stood. He placed the child down onto the chair and moved to stand alongside, "But do not press the controls this time James." He scolded making clear he would only give one warning.

Jim nodded enthusiastically and chuckled as the 'ahhs' filled the room around them.

"What's your orders captain?" Spock asked after a moment of silence and could practically feel Uhura's amused smile at seeing their Vulcan bend to the games of a child going so far as to play along even.

"Um…" Jim paused to think really hard, "_We have to go save the people_." He spoke out instantly his eyes getting a far off look as he gazed at the view screen and into the depths of space. The words themselves even sounded like they had not been the thoughts of a child. However, that thought was quickly squashed as Jim clapped his hands and smiled wide his eyes returning to their sparkly blue, "They are getting attacked by the Dragons and we have to fly in and rescue them!" he chuckled.

"Like Space knights" Chekov laughed out as he turned from his own work to take in Jim's words.

"YA!" Jim smirked and looked to Sulu, "Mr. Sulu….um set a course for the planet."

Sulu turned to chuckle at Jim's request. "And what planet is that Captain Jimmy?"

"The-the planet with the Dragons?" Jim replied and then looked to Spock, "You get to go with me to fight the dragon! Cuz you'd totally be able to take on a dragon and I'm the captain so no dragon's going to scare me." He smirked and turned to Uhura, "And Miss Nyota you'll let the survivors know we are on our way!"

"Oh Jim." The crew cooed at him, but throughout it all Spock had remained set on the look that had passed over Jim's eyes, and couldn't help setting this aside to meditate over later.

* * *

><p>"Come now Jim, let's go to bed." Spock said as he moved from the bathroom in search of the child. Jim would switch among the crew members throughout the days but he had a habit of always following Spock back to his room when it came time to sleep.<p>

Even after both his own protest and McCoy's they eventually had to cave when they found that Jim would not sleep if he was not allowed to stay with Spock.

The two just put the questions aside and decided it was better to amuse the stubborn boy then fight this. After three months of the same routine it no longer felt like such a burden to have the child curled up against him during the night. And what was most odd was that even with such contact it seemed that the child's emotions rarely slipped through Spock's barriers. Occasionally he would get a feeling of comfort or even of fear but these were only if Jim was having an especially bad day. On one version of these days it would end with Jim seeking comfort and offering it in return. The other would be when a nightmare would wake him constantly throughout the night.

Though the nightmares hadn't started until just the last few weeks and slowly they seemed to be getting worse. Even if his day went by smoothly. Like today on the bridge. Jim would still find himself woken up after screaming trying to escape. He never seemed to remember what it was he was dreaming about but the small glimpse of fear from the child always sent ice through the commander's veins.

It was as Jim was going through his nightly routine that Spock found something unsettling. He stepped from the bathroom into the bedroom in search of Jim. Who, would at this time be setting up the bed with his fortress of pillows. However, not finding him there he felt the unsettling feeling turn to ice as he moved out of the room in search of the child.

"Jim?" Spock ducked into the main room and caught his breath at the sight of the boy lying motionless on the floor. "Jim!" He called out in a manner unlike him and rushed to the child quickly turning to assess what was wrong with him.

Getting Jim on his back he realized the boy was hot to the touch. His skin was burning up with fever and his eyes were clenched shut. "Computer contact Doctor McCoy!"

"McCoy here what can I do for you Spock? Jim not settling in for the first time?" McCoy grumbled but the warmth in his voice gave way that he wasn't truly upset as long as Jim was being taken care of.

"Doctor Jim has collapsed. He is displaying symptoms of fever and I cannot wake him." Spock actually sounded unsure of what to do and McCoy had to pause as the warmth fled with concern.

"Get something to cool him down I'll be right there." The connection cut and Spock set about in search of a cloth to cool down. Though, he did not like leaving the child side for more than an instant.

McCoy arrived not long after Spock had gotten the cloth to settle over Jim's small forehead. Spock was afraid to move the small child and was once again reminded how frail humans were. Yet it was worse that the child that had so swiftly wormed its way into his heart was now in discomfort.

Jim ended up needing to be moved to sickbay where they tried in vain to break the fever that slowly grew worse throughout the night.

It was sometime between late that night and early the next day when the fever broke. There was a slight scare until finally a comfortable lull settled as his fever did not pick up again. Bones seemed to believe the worse of it settled and left Spock to watch after the boy, heading to his office to catch some sleep on his couch. Even though he deemed Jim fine, something in the back of his mind was telling him not to go far. This ended up being a good idea, on McCoy's behalf, because as peaceful as the lull was it only lasted for a short while. The quiet was soon replaced as the systems around Jim began to go off. The alarms were enough to rattle all persons within the immediate area and McCoy found himself and Spock both waking to the worst news.

Jim had aged.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: Warning for signs of child abuse…mentions of neglect…and Spock clingingness (on Jim's behalf). _**

**_AN2: _**_Okay just have to say, after posting this last night I was regretting it immediately. I have read some amazing stories on this site and felt mine was just not up to par. But your reviews and how many people read my story. Gah! I totally understand why people post thanks for reviews in their author's notes. _

_So thank you : ) to all who reviewed because I will continue posting and writing this story. I'm about halfway through writing it but I keep making changes and going back to reedit. I have the whole thing all planned out in my head and in segments, just have to get it all written correctly. _

_Thank you again for all who reviewed. So, where I had been planning to wait for a bit to post this, I give you all another chapter, and the longest post so far. Hope you like chapter three ^ ^ _

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Three<span>

Spock had been beside Jim for the entire night, but when the alarms went off things changed.

Jim's body went into shock and then finally his heart stopped all together. Bones had to order someone to remove Spock, who was most certainly not panicking, from the sickbay leaving him to himself in the halls just outside.

So, for the first time Spock seemed unsure what to do.

He had barely let his eyes slide close. With Jim not feeling well it had seemed reasonable to remain awake so he opted to allow himself to meditate briefly rather than sleep. But it seemed that he had only shut his eyes for a moment when everything turned to chaos.

What was worse was that when he opened his eyes it was not to the small toddler he had grown accustomed to over the past three months. Rather the Jim upon the bed looked to have aged by at least five years. His age was not the problem. What was the problem was the condition of Jim's new body. The eight year-old showed traumatic signs of abuse.

Bruises littered the small form. Burns, cuts, and broken bones seemed to be obvious throughout the small form. All together it seemed to overwhelm the small system and it just shut down. There was probable cause to also believe that there was internal damage or bleeding.

Dr. McCoy had rushed in before he could assess this further, but it was a logical assumption.

At some point, after he was thrown out and while waiting for McCoy to return with good news, the alpha crew had formed around him. Spock wasn't sure how the word got around that quickly, but Nyota mentioned that Chapel had managed to warn her that something was wrong.

Spock couldn't find it in him to be displeased that nurse Chapel felt she had time to warn her friend while she should be assisting McCoy with Jim.

"What's going on Spock? Is Jim okay?" Nyota asked.

"Nyet. It iz obvious that he is not. Othervise the Keptin would not be in sickbay again." Chekov muttered and looked at Spock, "Vhat happened to Jim?"

Everyone else turned worried eyes to their "Acting" Captain with hope to find answers. However, the attention was drawn away from him (thankfully) as the doors to sickbay swished open.

The Crew all turned in hopes of finding Bones but found a rather disoriented looking nurse. There were shouts coming from within and the crew didn't find any reason not to enter as it was obviously Jim who was shouting.

To say they were all expecting to see a tiny Jim on the bio-bed yelling at Bones to let him return to Spock would have been somewhat true. Hell, they would be happy to see their little captain yelling at Bones for sticking him with a hypo again.

What they weren't prepared to see was an older version of their little toddler hovering in the furthest corner of sickbay, with both McCoy and Chapel trying to coax him away from the wall. All while trying not to get too close to the obviously frightened boy.

The boy was wrapped up with medical wraps that where growing with smears of blood. Bruises littered any exposed skin and his right arm seemed strapped close to his chest to keep him from unsettling what must have been a broken bone.

"!" Jim shouted absent of words and trying unsuccessfully to burying further into the wall. He clenched his eyes shut as he shook his head, wishing to be anywhere but there.

Bones took the instant to scoot closer to the boy, "It is okay Jimmy….shhh…it's okay." Bones whispered his voice calm and as soothing as any of them had heard but the concern was very evident. "I'm a Doctor. I'm here to help. You're safe." He whispered, "You're safe."

The boy seemed to contemplate this, and though he still shook violently he opened his eyes and seemed to truly be considering stepping towards the man.

However, there was movement behind McCoy and Jim's eyes shot up like a deer in headlights as he looked over at the crew. He cried out again and forced his way back to the wall sliding down and curling into a ball in his attempt to shrink away.

"What did you do to him…?" Scotty breathed out at the sight of the broken boy. They had just seen him not so many hours ago and, yes he was younger at the time, he had still been all sorts of bright and bubbly. This didn't look anything like the boy they had spent the last three months warming their hearts to.

Bones pivoted instantly at the voice and the rage on his eyes was enough to send them tripping back and away, "God Dammit! What are you fools doing! You're frightening him! Didn't you think to reason why we sent the nurse out! He's overwhelmed, sending more bodies in won't help. Get out! OUT!" He shouted out at them angered that after all that time trying to get Jim to trust him they were now two steps further away.

His anger was fighting the bitter fear that was still hanging over him because Jim had been in surgery not an hour before and they had barely got him all patched up when he woke.

The boy had been so terrified that nothing they could do could stop him from trying to escape, and the more they tried to assist the more he seemed to fear. It was obvious that he was struggling with the new surroundings so McCoy had sent the extra nurse away believing that himself and Chapel would be sufficient in not scaring off the boy. Whoever caused the trauma must have been male for how greatly he cowered away from McCoy, but he looked almost more fearful of Chapel and the distrust shone brightly on his eyes when she had tried to promise him her trust.

The crew was gone almost instantly, but McCoy remained facing away from Jim and Christine. He knew that whatever hope he had had been erased by his outburst. He could practically feel Jim's frightened eyes on his back.

He turned slowly and looked sadly back at those fearful eyes. "Oh Jimmy." He sighed sadly, "It-It's I didn't mean to shout kiddo." He breathed out but Jim just ducked his head into his knees and shook more violently. "We're not going to hurt you Jim." He tried again kneeling down and watching Jim visibly flinch at the movement.

Soft steps indicated that someone else had entered the room and Bone's looked up to see Spock now approaching the three of them. McCoy recalled now that Spock hadn't been in the group that rushed in, and was probably only now entering due to what he had heard from the crew.

"May I be of assistance Doctor?" Spock asked calmly not lowering nor raising his voice from its normal tone.

"I-I don't know what help you're going to be Spock. He's obviously threatened by both males and females. It's normally one or the other…" his voice seemed so broken with not being able to aide this version of his friend, "Chapel." He breathed out a sigh of resignation and she shook her head wiping a tear from her cheek as she stood.

"He'll hate you for it. You know he will." She breathed out, "Maybe not when he's himself but you'll never gain his trust."

Spock's brow quirked at this then he saw her go to retrieve a hypo and he suddenly understood.

"He's already not going to trust me after that outburst. Saying it won't happen again doesn't work on abuse victims." He breathed out as he stood to take the hypo, but before he could do anything Spock reached out stilling his movements.

"That will not be necessary." He stated then turned to the boy, moving around the Doctor to approach the quietly shaking child. "Jim." The boy flinched as the new voice was directed at him. "Jim will you look up so that I may speak to you? It will make it easier for you to discern if you can accept my word."

Warily Jim raised his head and blue eyes, rimmed with red from crying, gazed back at him.

"Hello Jim my name is Spock. I know you are afraid right now, but you must allow us to assist you. You are still injured and should not be moving. It is logical that you cease hiding and return to the bed." He stated matter-of-factly his voice lacking all emotions. "I understand that you do not trust males and females, for some reason or another. Though, it is illogical to believe that all Terran males and females will act the same. It is, however, reasonable that you would perceive it to be so at this time, since you are still young. I am not a human male. I am a Vulcan." Spock replied in the same manner and watched as Jim's brows squinted in thought. "Vulcan's do not lie Jim, lying is illogical and thus not necessary. Now, I wish no harm upon you because we also do not believe in violence against the young. Nor can I still comprehend how any species can. However, I ask that you trust me and allow me to bring you back to your bed so that the good doctor can patch you up and make you well again."

Jim seemed to consider this for a long moment. He seemed compelled to not agree, but then a look of wary hope flickered through his gaze, and Spock realized how much Jim was entrusting him as the boy slowly uncoiled from his spot against the wall. Spock listened as both Christine and McCoy breathed out a sigh of relief when Jim moved to allow Spock to gently scoop him up.

He returned to the bio-bed and warily settled down. His eyes stayed trained on Spock, and as Spock moved to pull away once Jim was from his arms, Jim reached out and clung onto his arm. The fear from earlier was burning brightly in Jim's eyes as was the building concern that he may have misjudged.

Yet, Spock turned only slightly to pull up a chair (allowing Jim's hold to remain) and settled down nearest to the head of the bed. So that Jim needed to only turn his head to see him. "You are safe Jim I will make sure of it." Spock replied reassuringly and Jim nodded as McCoy stepped over and whispered concerns about the wounds and having to heal them once more.

Jim flinched repeatedly through the process but never protested as he was treated once again. His eyes constantly flickered towards Spock, but kept scanning the room every now and again. Spock recognized this as a survival tactic, knowing that Jim had probably by this point found several ways to escape if the need arose.

However, that never happened and with a hypo to his neck Jim was sent into a meditative sleep.

* * *

><p>It took longer than it had previously to get Jim to warm up to the crew once more. He liked Chekov the most (beside Spock, of course) because he was too warm to be frightening. It is because of this comfort he found in Chekov that he eventually allows Sulu to be near. Mostly at first because Chekov seemed sad by the distance, but eventually because the man told fun stories and taught him tricks on how to protect himself.<p>

Eventually Jim admits to liking Bones and even refused to call him anything but Bones, saying that if he were to call him McCoy he'd only think of him as a Doctor and he didn't trust Doctors….they never stopped it before why would they help now? He does understand that McCoy is different and says the man has a grumpy humor; all while smiling fondly about how the man still manages to baby him.

Scotty took a bit longer for Jim to warm up to, this time, because Jim didn't know whether he could trust someone who drinks so much. He still flinches now and again whenever Scotty gets too close too quickly, but he was working on it. He found picking Scotty's brain to be a favorite pass time and often snuck away to the engine rooms to talk about what's happening and share thoughts he had the night before.

Nyota was last and Jim still looked at her like she was going to betray the group at some point or another. It saddened her so much at first until one time when she had managed to spend the day alone with Jim. Jim couldn't look her in the eye as he admitted that it wasn't her in particular that he did not trust, but if he believed women could be trustworthy then he had to admit that it was only his mother that was like that. She cried late into the night, after he left her to go with Chekov and Sulu to the mess for dinner.

Nyota's time alone and Scotty's rare visits were some of the occasions where Jim allowed himself to spend time with them alone. However, it wasn't that often that the group got to spend time with this version of Jim by themselves.

He seemed almost attached to the hip with Spock. He would sometimes realize that he was alone with one of the crew members, and even midsentence he would disappear in search of Spock. It wouldn't be till later at mess that he'd even go about finishing his sentence or thought from earlier now that Spock was beside him.

The young boy that chased down the hall pretending to be an airplane was barely a glimmer within this eight-year old version. His eyes never shone as brilliantly nor as joyously anymore, but every now and again they would shine with a hint of that child's existence.

This version Jim didn't even request that he remain in Spock's quarters, he just did so, and no one felt the desire to question or deter this. It was obvious Jim would not be comfortable anywhere else, not even left on his own.

Spock had become someone who he trusted completely and believed without a doubt, to be able to protect him. He continuously likes to point out each moment throughout the day where Spock would unconsciously go through acts to keep Jim away from people who would stray too close for his comfort. Where Spock would interrupt a conversation because it seemed to remind Jim of something, and just the mention would force the boy to clam up. Though, where everyone seemed to continue without notice; Spock seemed to always notice.

There are certain topics that had become almost taboo on the ship after such instances. His life back in Iowa was never mentioned unless Jim had been the one to bring it up and only then was it allowed, but still with treading lightly. Violence of any kind even in humor was to be taken lightly or avoided completely. Though, the most recent topic that seemed to be most discouraged was any mention of his brother Sam.

Jim wouldn't bring it up nor did he enjoy others asking about it. He would clam up completely and stop speaking for hours afterwards. It was a topic that seemed to drive something within him to a different place and no one seemed to have the heart to see that look on his face.

It takes up to two months of dancing around the subject, before Spock seems unable to not voice his concerns. After a conversation that sends Jim hiding away in Spock's quarters, Spock knows that it can't be left alone.

* * *

><p>"Hello Jim."<p>

"Spock." Jim replied, his voice a sullen whisper with his face turned to the wall. He seemed to have barely reacted at Spock's request for the lights to be put up to 40%.

"I would like to discuss something with you that I fear you will not appreciate. However, know that this is because I fear if it is left unattended to then you will not fully be able to heal from your past." Spock replied his voice sounding vaguely cautious as he moved to sit upon the bed with Jim.

Jim turned at the change in the bed and shifted to curl up against Spock; pressing his face against Spock's side and wrapping his arms around Spock's waist. He grunted out a response which Spock took as approval and decided to push ahead in the conversation.

"When you last woke you had been three. As we've explained previously. At that time you requested one thing. You wished for you brother, Sam. It was so adamant that you became almost angry when we could not comply." Spock said setting his hand comfortingly on the small of his back as Jim cringed at the name. No longer, did Spock feel the need to deny the child the comfort of touches and embraces. It was through these past few months, that he realized Jim not only craved the comfort but he needed it. A form of healing that the boy seemed to have been denied of.

"You have given plenty of signs to come to the conclusion that something had transpired between the five year changes. However, I cannot contemplate how you could require his presence so fiercely and proclaim him your hero and now wish not even to mention his name. Did Sam…did Sam harm you as well, Jim?" Spock asked carefully.

"Sam left a while ago." Jim whispered out against Spock's side. The words were barely comprehendible with them muffled against his shirt but they still brought Spock's mindset to an immediate halt. "It was some time after Frank lost his job…he drank a lot and Sam…he tried to protect me at first, since I had been so young."

"He left you." Spock breathed out. Not only did Jim's mother turn a blind eye and ear to the abuse. Now he found out that Jim's own hero turned around and left him when he needed help.

"Yah," Jim breathed out and shook his head, "But it's…it's alright."

"He left you to be beaten by your father-figure, Jim that is not alright." Spock replied bluntly and Jim could feel the suppressed anger radiating from Spock as the thought sunk in further.

Jim pushed up at this and with tear filled eyes he gave a sympathetic smile. "No it's okay Spock. I do understand, now. You see, Sam couldn't handle it."

Spock let out a breath, trying to force the anger from his body. "Jim, you were both children neither of you should have been expected to handle it."

"Yah but I just…it's sad that the good people have to suffer so much." He muttered and wiped at his cheeks to rid them of any lingering tears.

"Why do you believe that Jim?" Spock spoke softly believing it best to let Jim get this off his chest, as humans would state.

"It's just. You had to grow up as an outcast on Vulcan. Your own people who claim to hold no emotions shunned you for your difference and your father forced you to feel like you must choose between the two rather than encourage you to be the best of both. Then the only one who truly supported you without qualms…just….you lost her and your home." Jim broke at this point to suck in a shaking gasp and turned his gaze to his lap, "And then Bones was forced to leave his daughter and live every day in space though he obviously hates and fears it."

"As humans tend to say, Jim, life is not always fair."

"Oh I know that Spock." Jim replied looking up once again, and Spock could see a new understanding set deep within those bright blue eyes, "Which is why it is okay that Sam left. He wasn't meant to handle it, but I can."

Jim pauses to take a shuttering breath, "I believe that people have bad things happen to them because they are destined to be something greater later in their life, like you and Bones. I believe that I'm destined for something very-very big….but I fear that I may not be strong enough to survive all the bad I must face first." He looks slowly to his lap and clutches at Spock's tunic as if to gain some confidence before meeting Spock's eyes once again. The set determination falls to fears of judgment about what he just confessed, and revealing some of his deepest thoughts.

"That is very insightful for one so young. Though, your words give evidence that you assume this is not the worst to come?" Spock asked his brow rising as Jim smiled grimly and moved forward to once again curl up against Spock.

"Oh Spock…I feel this is just a scratch on the surface." Jim muttered his voice sad and his small figure trembling with fear of his own beliefs coming true.

Spock doesn't say anymore to these words because they seem to almost hold a foreboding to them. He feels his blood turn to ice in his veins even within the warmth of his own room and with the child pressed snug to him. How much of their Captain's past had been hidden beneath the warm inviting person he claimed to be? How much trauma and pain did he keep beneath layers of what now Spock could only assume was a mask of happiness? Or was it that their Captain truly found himself to be happy at his present person? How much did they know about their Captain….how much did he know about Jim?

Spock had always suspected that so much lay beneath that calm smirk Jim laid before everyone. He had seen Jim reveal many different sides of himself and was never surprised to find that there was more he did not know. However, he believed that it was merely just some more hidden talents or odd personality quirks that made Jim who he was.

He had never believed that Jim's tragedies went so far past the loss of his father and living shunned from his mother. Those had been the two Jim had shared openly with him during their chess games, and he had believed at one point he was finally starting to understand the man.

It appears that he had just barely received, as Jim's younger self said, 'a scratch upon the surface,' and now Spock feared what the crew was in store for.

How much did Jim suffer under his alleged fate?

* * *

><p>Spock had fallen asleep at some time to the soft sound of the child's breathing, but couldn't seem to shake the unease from lingering in his thoughts.<p>

He woke some time later to the pain filled screams of Jim and found himself once again spending the night in sick bay, fearing for the child, as he aged once again.

_**AN: Sorry if Spock seems out of character. I wanted to portray that because Jim only found security in Spock, that Spock had opened up to the idea of giving a more human form of comfort.** _


	6. Chapter 6

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: Warning for Tarsus IV mentions. Spoilers . _**

**_Okay thank you passionfornight I totally didn't catch that I was spelling his name wrong. so I went back and fixed it. I appreciate the comment : ) I'll probably goof like that again with something else and I welcome the help. So thank you.  
><em>**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Four<span>

This time when Jim woke up in sickbay, it was not fear that he showed first but confusion.

Spock was seated nearby, again, and seemed to consider how to best handle this version of Jim. He was unsure what to expect because of what they had talked about the night prior. He was also unsure how Jim would react to him this time…let alone how he himself would react to this new Jim.

His concerns mostly lay with the fact that once again Jim's aged form showed signs of abuse. He had been beaten to such extremes, that the last times bruises seem nothing in comparison to now. As well, the boy before him was almost sickeningly thin and malnourished.

Jim blinked and slowly took in his surroundings. He seemed rather calm about finding himself somewhere strange and finally he turned his eyes to meet Spock's, "Did the others make it?"

"Others?"

"The kids where are they? Are they on the other ship? You got them from the caves right? I-I'm sure I took you there." Jim rubbed at his eyes trying to force away a head ache and jerked his head up as McCoy approached to stand beside Spock.

"He's awake." McCoy replied with a pleased sigh, giving the computer a scan over before looking at Jim who had fallen silent at his arrival. "Damn you don't go half way on anything do you? You have multiple bruising, a cracked rib, you're underweight, dehydrated, though getting better and you seem to have a slight concussion. Broken left hand, some scraps, but mostly just bruising." Bones whispered and set his scanner down, "Everything seems to be healing nicely though. Should be fine in just a couple days and after we get a few meals in you. You obviously don't fear us this time, which is a bonus in my book. But most importantly, how are you feeling, kid?"

"Where are the others?" Jim asks again, immediately dismissing all that was said.

McCoy turned a confused eye to Spock and mouthed the word 'others' in confusion. Spock's eyebrow rose as if to reply with the evident 'how should I know.'

Jim watches the exchange between the two and the blue in his eyes dim with an exasperated gaze.

"Where is your captain? I wish to speak to Pike." Jim asked and now the signs of fear seem to be blooming in his brilliant blue eyes. "He said he'd get us out!" Jim shouts and threw the blanket from him before struggling to escape the bed and flee the room.

"Whoa! Whoa easy Jim." McCoy reaches out placing a hand on Jim's shoulder to push the kid back down on the bed.

"How do you know my name! Who are you?" He shouts trying to break out of McCoy's hold and now becoming increasingly more fearful as the seconds continue, "I said my name was J.T. you shouldn't know my name!"

"Oh, no." Bones mutters and then curses. "Okay…okay calm down. I'll find someone who can answer your question. Okay, so just…you have to calm down." He breathes out trying in vain to hold the boy down and keep him calm.

"No let me go! I told them I'd keep them safe! I have to get back to them! I cannot leave them there! I'm all they got!" Jim fought fiercely to the point where Bones was forced to literally pick the boy up kicking and screaming and pin him to the bed. "NO!"

"Chapel comm ensign Kevin Riley from engineering tell him to get here immediately that J.T. is awake. Be sure you say J.T.!" Bones shouted over Jim's own screaming and Spock shifted to aide in McCoy's futile battle to hold Jim down.

"I have to get back!" Jim sobbed out thrashing against the arms holding him down.

"I have comm'd him he should be here shortly." Christine said rushing back to the trio.

"Good prepare a sedative as well just in case." Bones replied and sent a wary glance to Spock who was staring down almost bewildered by this new side to Jim, but was acting like the kid was not struggling against the hold he was under.

Spock barely has a moment to send a questioning glance back at McCoy before the requested ensign runs into the room, not twenty minutes later and looks to have sprinted the whole way. "I'm here." He gasped out but freezes at the sight before him. "Oh god. J.T."

Jim flinches at the name and turns to look at Riley.

"Stop let him up." Riley replied calmly though his voice comes out shaky as he moves toward them all.

Bones backs away first followed reluctantly by Spock who keeps sending curious glances between Bones and the new ensign. "You know this version of the Captain?" He questions with a quirk of his brow. He would not have been able to previously state the ensign's name nor recognize him had Bones not referred him by name. Yet, now he was learning he played a part in Jim's past.

Riley only sent a sad smile and a quick nod before brushing past them to Jim's side.

"Where are they?" Jim forced out now angry and his eyes shoot distrustfully between the members in the room with him. "Who are you?"

"It's okay. J.T. saved all the kids, even the ones back in the caves. You did it. They are safe now. Everything is alright you completed the mission." Riley replied falling into the seat besides Jim's bed.

The boy gazed back at the ensign trying to calculate the honesty of his words and must've seen something because his face broke out into a comforting grin. "Kevin" he breathed out with relief, but then gasps as a thought seems to strike him, "Wait, Hunter? Did he-?"

"I'm sorry…he was already so weak when we left in search of supplies. They said he didn't even make it thirty minutes after we left. We wouldn't have been able to save him even if we had gotten back." Riley muttered and squeezed Jim's arm reassuringly, "He was young and easily susceptible to airborne diseases. It struck too quickly and you had reacted as soon as you knew what it was. You did more than anyone else could've Jim. He knew that. We all did."

"Th-thanks Riles…." He muttered with a small smile before his eyes slowly slid shut, and Jim slumps back onto the bed.

Bones jerks forward at this and scans Jim quickly with the medical scanner trying to get a reading. "He's unconscious…but otherwise fine." he sighs in relief and turns now at the tense silence within med bay.

"I would like to inquire what just transpired." Spock speaks out turning to Bones and Riley, "Who is J.T. and why did he ask about the kids? What mission did Jim supposedly complete?"

"I don't know anything about it." Bones replied, "Hell, the only reason I know who Riley, here, is at all is because Jim would sometimes wake screaming about getting to the kids. It wasn't common and I'd be able to calm him down after some time, but he never truly settled until Riley started attending Starfleet and the two crossed paths. I heard him call Jim, J.T. in passing one time after a bad night and I just assumed he was our best bet. Looks like a good call." He sighed and looked to the youngest member, "Care to explain kid?"

"I don't know how much he has already told you and I'm not quite sure it's my tale to share." Riley replied honestly looking at the young version of Jim, "Man it's so weird to see him like this again. He had always been the strongest of us. He was the one who kept us all safe and together even though he was only thirteen. He wasn't even the oldest kid, but he was like some untouchable figure and now he just looks…so weak…no, that's not the right word. He looks so weary." Riley replied, "James T. Kirk could never look weak to me after all that happened there." He breathed out and smiled sadly at the two, "You see when I was eight…I was living on a planet called Tarsus IV."

Both Bones and Spoke seemed to have everything soundly click into place all at once. "Jim was a survivor of the genocide that happened on Tarsus." It was not a question it was a statement of fact.

"He probably would've been the only one if he hadn't taken care of the rest of us. 'His kids' that's what he'd call us. He treated us all like we were his responsibility to protect and we truly were, his. Every single one of us followed him without question and with unbidden loyalty. He rescued thirty one of us. When all the other 4,000 meant to be killed failed to survive, Jim kept us alive." Riley looked fondly at the boy lying unconscious. "The only life I know about Tarsus was with Jim. I had been young, one of the youngest in the group. All I recall is Jim's bravery and feeling safe even during such a traumatic time. Our Captain, older Jim, probably doesn't want anyone to really see what he had to face to keep us alive. He would wish to spare anyone from that. It's probably why he's blacked out. He probably won't wake up to make sure that he, as J.T., doesn't cross over into him as Jim." Riley muttered and looked up at the two, "His mission was to get us off the planet. I was with him as one of the nine to get inside Kodo's walls and one of the nine who actually knows that monster's face. Though, like in the caves Jim kept us from harm and would only face Kodo's alone. It was obvious that whatever happened left Jim scarred but he never showed it. He wanted us to stay strong and promised that help would come. He would make sure help would come."

"Pike." Bones breathed out.

"They did seem familiar with one another when you had stowed Jim away on the Enterprise and he forced his way onto the bridge." Spock replied in slight understanding but though he spoke to the others he couldn't seem to look away from Jim. A Tarsus IV survivor and a hero even back then. This persona seemed more like the Jim they were accustomed too. More rough around the edges but perhaps the start of forming their Jim.

"No…Jim never mentioned that they had met prior. Pike had been the reason he joined Starfleet. They crossed paths in Iowa at some Bar. It's where Nyota and Jim met. I'm sure she mentioned that." McCoy huffed out and ran a hand through his hair, "Pike was his mentor and probably the only positive father figure he has, but I never knew him to be a person who saved Jim. Jim never treated him like someone he owed his life to. More someone he respected and looked up to."

"The federation didn't want word to leak about the Kelvin baby being a part of the Tarsus 'disaster.' Jim would not have mentioned it. Especially not, if Pike had asked it of him. He had never regretted what J.T. did but after some time he detached himself from that name. It's like a background persona to him now and only lets it slip around the nine of us. Keeps in touch with all of his kids, though." He smiled fondly and shook his head, "Jim shouldn't have to suffer this alone…I know he will inside there." Riley mentions poking at his own head to give emphasis what exactly "there" meant.

"Oh Jim." Bones breathes out sadly and brushes his hand through the kid's hair, "Don't stay in there kid, where we can't reach you, you have people to lean on out here now."

There's a brief moment where they think that Jim might actually blink those blue eyes open and smile appreciatively at them, but he doesn't move. He does nothing more than continue to breath in a steady rise and fall of his chest.

* * *

><p>Jim's unconscious turns slowly into a comatose state. His body slowly heals and with all the food and fluids pumped into his system he also slowly begins to return to a healthy looking thirteen year old boy.<p>

As days turn to weeks of Jim remaining asleep the crew slowly finds time to stop in and check in on their captain. Though, after the first visit many of the crew members seem to struggle with the idea of going back. It is hard to see someone that is always so full of life remain so immobile. It's painful to watch him so weak that he requires tubes and wires to keep him sustained.

Their captain was, as Riley said himself, 'an untouchable figure.' It was hard earlier to see him broken and scarred, but even that was better than immobile and dependent on machines to keep him alive.

It isn't until only three days remain of the month that Jim finally stirs awake. Bones gets him settled in and remains confused along with the rest of the crew as to why he didn't age to his next point in time. After the first day passes with unspoken words and getting the feel of eating once again, Jim asks once more to speak to Pike.

Bones doesn't have the heart to tell the kid no, and leaves him chatting happily with Riley as he goes in search of getting an okay from Spock. Just to give the kid a couple minutes with his own savior.

As Jim talks adamantly with Riley, Spock and McCoy return to sickbay. The way he speaks it's like blurring the lines between his thirteen year old self as well as his real age. It is a strange sight to behold and often they catch signs of withheld knowledge and a certain shine within his eyes.

"Pike has agreed to speak with you. Though, it will be under a disrupted communication so that it will not be overheard. At this moment in time it is desired that we keep your identity on board the ship under wraps." Spock replied and watched as Bones pulled up a small view screen so that Jim could speak to Pike.

The three stepped out into the hall to give the boy some privacy and only returned an hour later so as to inform Jim that they could not keep the line open any longer.

* * *

><p>Riley stayed in sickbay with Jim that night and late into the next day. Jim seemed happy by this and was even able to laugh while explaining to Bones a joke about this one time on Tarsus before things had gone badly. Riley seemed content that Jim was able to smile once again, and openly shares his own versions of these tales or added his views onto Jim's tales.<p>

Jim seemed comfortable enough to not fill the room with a tense sadness, but rather he excitably spoke about how Pike was the one to get them off that planet and save them all. He spoke about Pike like one would speak of their father; trusting and capable of saving the day. Another hero figure.

After Riley left for the night Jim stayed up talking about his plans for when they finally return to Earth. "Pike was going to keep me in the system. When he rescued us it was the one promise he made. Says that he wants to help me. This way I can stay with my kids." Jim smiled, a radiating warmth blooming in his voice, and McCoy could only laugh and shake his head at Jim's capability to remain optimistic even after such events.

Spock had arrived some time shortly after and Jim went about updating him on all that he missed. He laughed at some of Spock's responses and mentioned again how cool it must be to have a Vulcan as a friend.

"If I was missing for a year…I'll have to make sure and send a message to my kids. You'll remind me in the morning right Spock?" Jim asked wearily his eyes drifting in and out of a sleepy haze.

"If that is what you wish than I may inform you as soon as you wake that you want to ease the concern of those in your past. Though, I recommend that you do not call them personally. Seeing you in this age may come as a shock rather than a reassurance. "

"Mmm…alright. Just a letter than…" Jim smiled and reached out in his sleep muddled haze, letting his hand lay atop Spock's briefly, "Night Spock." He breathed out and turned to get more situated on the biobed. "Night Bones." he mumbled into the pillow no doubt his voice not caring to the good doctor, but welcomed none-the-less.

* * *

><p>That night Jim's body fell into shock of aging once more, though not to the surprise of the crew, who had been expecting it for some time now.<p>

Even though it was expected it still left the crew falling into a new wave of tension and apprehension. Bones, however, seemed to be the most stricken by these events, as he realized that the next Jim was not going to be as optimistic as this version had been still capable of.

Bones crumbled under the weight of this realization and when finally asked he seemed almost reluctant to reveal the answer. It hadn't been until Spock approached him that McCoy finally cracked and informed him of Jim's excitement to be able to stay in the system. Of Pike's promise to keep him away from his place back home.

"Jim mentioned that he lived with his relatives for a short part of his life, and I know that now he was referring to Tarsus, but when he told me about Pike finding him he was still living back in Iowa. Jim never got put into the system. God Spock, his mom—she brought him back home…" McCoy breathed out a shuddering breath, "Whatever version of Jim wakes up next…we aren't going to like what happened this time."

**AN: bum bum bum. What a cliff hanger? No...oh well it's foreboding.  
><strong>

**Ah, also I tried to add in more Spock/Jim moments, but it didn't seem right seeing as the focus was Tarsus IV so I kept it mostly focused on that. Hopefully it came out all right. Don't worry next chapter will have more Jim with Spock. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I'll post again soon. :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: So, I dunno. I guess last chapter didn't sit well with everyone or maybe I'm just reading into it poorly. I thank again for the pointer cuz I didn't realize I had been spelling his name wrong, and it is a big deal, so thanks : ) _**

**_Um…I dunno how well this chapter will go. I hinted at the beginning that there would be a chapter with mention of rape and this would be it. I hate to follow up tarsus with this but it's how I have it written, and I wanted it in this order b/c this is like Jim's fall out after being sent back home. So, hurt/Jim but it gets better. Thanks to Spock _**

_**If you stuck with me then yay. If not, I'm sorry. Also, if you don't want to read anything to do with even hints to rape then please hop on over to the next chapter. I'll fill you in with what you missed. ** _

Chapter Six

Bones stayed with Jim in sickbay during the next few days. He didn't let the crew visit their captain this time around and apologized, but he didn't know what to expect. He didn't want to expose any more of Jim's vulnerable side than the crew had already seen. So, he refused admittance to anyone who was not in serious need of medical assistance.

Which included all the alpha crew members even Spock. After Jim had forced his own body into unconsciousness he believed that this was the right move to make. Jim needed to trust that he didn't have to hide things to protect them from his own pain. Friends were there to help, dammit.

When Jim finally came too he was no longer the joyous toddler, he wasn't the frightened boy, or even the valiant preteen who saved so many. Rather, he was a seventeen year old boy.

There were no broken bones or horrible gashes this time. He had some bruises along his shoulder and hips, but that could've been from just being a rowdy teen. However, even though there may not have been any evident physical harm, it was immediately obvious that something was wrong.

Throughout all the prior stages Jim's eyes had always remained the brilliant blue that shined with innocence and hope. As this teenage version of Jim blinked open his eyes he revealed them to be a terrifyingly grey tone that seemed almost vacant. They were void of any feeling and even as he took in his surroundings they seemed unable to express anything rather just acting in a manner which was routine or ingrained.

With this McCoy immediately went for his scanner, because he must have missed something. Jim had never looked back at him so empty or so broken. His hands were practically trembling when he returns to Jim's bed side with the scanner in hand. However, he was barely able to lift it when Jim reached out to stop him. Dull grey eyes flickered with some unnamed emotion, and without a word he pushed the hand away.

"Jim." McCoy breathed out, "If you are hurt this will let me know so I can help you."

The boy just shook his head and pulled his hands back to let them rest in his lap once more. He shifts only slightly to sit up some but doesn't seem to wish to move any more than that.

Again McCoy goes to approach Jim with the scanner but when the boy visibly flinches at this he backs away. "Dammit Jim, let me help you." McCoy huffs out the concern evident in his voice as those dull eyes meet his own gaze.

Jim reaches out once again and squeezes McCoy's hand. He gives a weak but reassuring smile and once again pushes at the scanner. He shakes his head once more and then points to the chair beside the bed before pulling his own hand back. This time he doesn't bring his hand back to his lap but rather rests it out against the bed and along his side leaving it palm facing up. He lets his eyes slip close but the actions spell out what he seems to not wish to voice.

Bones lets out an annoyed sigh and sets the scanner down a little harsher then needed, "I'm taking a big chance on trusting you here kid. You better appreciate that. Normal procedures require me to check for all possible injuries even if you want to throw a fit about it." He tries to grumble out but as the chair slides against the floor and he sits down beside the bed, Jim knows that Bones is just trying to cover up his fear over his friend.

Jim reaches out blindly to snag McCoy's hand once more and gives it a small squeeze in reassurance even going so far as to let a small smile turn the corners of his lips before his breathing falls into an even rhythm.

It is hours that the two remain like this. Each time McCoy would move or get up Jim would wake up or seem to subconsciously react to it. If he tried the scanner Jim would react the same going so far as to react violently or even pleading with the cruelest form of puppy eyes. It's almost too much and he reluctantly gives up after a whole day of trying to catch Jim at a moment where he is unaware.

He comms Spock at some point during the day complaining about maybe using logic to get the kid to react, but he knows that McCoy just wants to give Jim the chance to see Spock first. Each version of Jim seemed to find some strange attachment to the hobgoblin and who was he to fight against the obvious signs.

He was Jim's friend, he was supposed to support the fool.

Spock appeared after alpha shift and McCoy will swear on his life that he did not imagine the flinch when Spock saw Jim's eyes for the first time. The two stood silently staring each other down before Jim eventually lowered his eyes. It almost hurt to see this silent side of Jim and McCoy wanted more than anything to go and shake the kid until words fell out.

Spock moved over to where McCoy had been sitting earlier and let himself take over the spot. After he was settled he began to explain to Jim about how the crew was and of the events on shift today. He mentioned of the new experiments going on down in the science lab and how lunch was at mess with Chekov and Sulu.

He continued to speak of many things both logical and illogical, and didn't seem to even consider the fact that Jim did not interrupt or reply. He carried on a conversation as if they were speaking casually over a game of chess.

When Jim fell asleep Spock would fall silent and just stare at this new form of his captain. He didn't question anything this time, just seemed to silently take in what was laid out before him. When Jim stirred awake he would continue as if no time had passed. If Jim flinched or woke with a start then Spock would lay a hand calmly on Jim's shoulder but otherwise remained sitting.

* * *

><p>It was late into the next day that McCoy returned to the pair.<p>

This time Jim was sitting awake and even sent an all too familiar cocky smirk over at him as he gets closer. "What's up Doc!" He says with amusement in his voice and even though his presence is warm and his demeanor is inviting none of that reaches his eyes. Though, who is he to complain about Jim finally speaking again?

"Spock, here, has been telling me about how I'm some famous captain who's just been de-aged. Apparently some elders from some planet in some system decided to play with time so that I can relive my life. Ain't that nice of'em?" He laughed out and though the sarcasm was evident it didn't seem as if he doubted the actual truth of what was supposedly happening to him.

"You actually are just okay with accepting that this isn't some trick? That we might've kidnapped you and are just feeding you some B.S. story; or something. Spock told you the truth and you're okay with just believing it just like that?" McCoy asked giving the Vulcan a considering glance before looking back at the teenage Jim.

"Who am I to doubt a Vulcan's word?" Jim said with a knowing smirk that left Bones feeling oddly nostalgic and even brought a mirroring smirk to his own lips.

"God damn hobgoblin gets your trust and I just get a hand squeeze. Shows what four years putting up with you truly mean!" Bones grumbles but the mirth is evident.

"Awh don't be like that Bonesy!" Jim chuckles and pats at the end of the bed, "Join us." He smiles warmly, "I was just about to tell Spock what a joke school is for me 'at this age' and all the cool pranks I pulled." He smirked and McCoy could only just shake his head at how backwards this all felt.

Spock just gave a quirked brow when McCoy sent him a seriously confused glance, and the two decided to just take it how it was for now.

Jim laughed and spoke with gestures to emphasize certain points. It seemed almost too good to be true and even though it was comforting to see Jim smiling, both Spock and McCoy seemed to be withholding a tension that they didn't want to believe existed but couldn't quite shake. It was, however, a relief when Jim allowed McCoy to check him and patch up certain wounds he hadn't caught earlier. He even mentioned how he got each one.

"Oh man that one was when I was trying to get over the fence with the school security chasing after me. Closest I've ever been to getting caught, yet. Scared the crap outta me!"

He had stories for most and lies for others. Neither had to question which, but allowed Jim to fall into what norm he wanted.

There was only one time that Jim seemed completely stunned by one of the wounds and he paused to consider it. It had been something Bones had cleaned up in the shift between Jim's 13 year old self and this 17 year old one. It hadn't fully healed and he had assumed it was from Jim's time on Tarsus, but was unsure because of how long it had taken to heal.

Though, no matter what wound he allowed patched up, if McCoy even reached towards the scanner Jim would shut down completely. Even if he was talking he would stop midsentence and watch silently as Bones neared the scanner. McCoy wound up setting it across the room so that Jim would stop mistaking him reaching for a hypo for him reaching for it.

His reactions left little to imagine but no one seemed willing to mention it. Rather, Jim flat out refused to and Bones just didn't have the heart to. Spock seemed to understand, even if it was illogical, that some things were necessary to be left unspoken.

They were both proven correct later that week when Jim finally decided he could not stay in sickbay any longer, "We have got to get a change of scenery." He huffed throwing the blankets off and clambering out of bed. It wasn't really too unexpected to see him struggle with adjusting to stand again. He had been off his legs for almost a week. What truly brought it home though was the limp he tried to cover as he walked away from the bed.

Jim turned to the two when he realized they hadn't followed and his eyes caught with Bones' first. It wouldn't have taken much to force a smile but he had seen assault victims before. It was the worst part of his job and to see that it happened to his closest friend…heck the kid was like his brother. Seeing him with this new information left him crushed and he knew it showed on his face now that he knew what he suspected was true.

"Jim…" Bones breathed out in an apologetic sigh wishing to erase this part of Jim's past more than any of the other forms.

"I…I'm a teenage boy, I mean really a week is definitely pushing it if you ask me." Jim laughed brokenly throwing him his best plastered on grin, "How 'bout you two show me to the mess so we can get something to eat, growing boy and all, then a tour sounds wonderful. I mean if I am captain of this mighty fine vessel I should know the layout. Don't you agree Mr. Spock?" Jim breathed out finally letting his eyes flash over to meet Spock's.

"As you are not back to your proper age, yet, it is not possible for you to be captain of this vessel at this time. Right now you are more similar to that of a passenger. Seeing as this version of you would not know the layout of the ship I find a tour to be agreeable. As you are also…as you said a growing boy…stopping at the mess for food would be most logical. I will lead you there if you will follow, Jim."

Jim seemed to be caught off guard for a second his mask faltering as a sincere smile tried to break through and he was forced to cough to cover it up, "Y-yah." Jim nodded and rubbed nervously at his hair, "Lead the way Cap'n." He cooed trying to gather himself again, and finally giving Spock a playful wink as he passed by.

"Don't harass him Jim." McCoy huffed lightly whacking the kid on the back of the head, "Now get! Go have fun with your first officer. You can fill me in on this great tour of yours when you check in later tonight. And I mean tonight, you hear me?" he said pointing at Jim warningly and receiving an amused grin once again.

"Aye 'aye Bonesy!" Jim chuckled and slid off after Spock the limp fading as he adjusted to walking with it. 

**AN: Okay so not my cup of tea but there you have it.**

**Things will get better. This version of Jim has a lot in store. Roughly three pages that have to do with this Jim. So, he'll stick around for a bit. I'm posting two chapters for those who didn't want to stick this one out.**

**Thanks for those who are still with me. : )**


	8. Chapter 8

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: Okay so for those who skipped last chapter…if any did. There wasn't much that will really deter you from what's going on. Jim was abused yes and was in sickbay. Spock was the one who finally got Jim to speak again and now Jim is behaving normal minus his complete denial to having anything happen to him. _**

**_**One thing to note, is that Jim noticed a wound that he couldn't recall getting and Bones brought up that he saw it between the Tarsus version and this version of Jim. _**

_**Anyway, this is mostly just Jim up to no good. : ) enjoy.**_

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><p>"Okay, you cannot tell me you've never played hide and seek before?" Jim gasped staring at the three security guards before him.<p>

"Kid, we are top federation security officers. We don't have time to play games with you."

"Oh come off it really. How's this? You all don't even have'ta hide. All you have to do is go bout you're normal daily routines. Just know that at some point in time I'm going to sneak up and…I dunno tag you I guess. If you are really 'top federation security' officers you should be able to not only see me coming but you should be able to stop me before I tackle ya."

"I thought you said tag."

"Whoa kid, are you implying something? Captain later on or not, you have no right to doubt our skills. You yourself hand-picked us for this team. I'm the head of Security!" Giotto asked his voice dropping all humor at amusing the teen as he took up the offense that Jim had just given.

"Cool down, Cupcake I didn't mean to get your panties in a knot or nothin' all I'm saying is how can you expect to protect the rest of the crew if you can't protect yourself from a little teenage kid like me?"

"I believe Jim is trying to persuade you into playing by pointing out not only your flaws, but also by demeaning your capabilities against that of a child." Spock spoke out now as he approached the group.

"Alright kid you're on." Giotto huffed out followed by the other two.

"Good." Jim smirked satisfied, "Now I ain't telling ya when I'm going to attack so you better be on the lookout. Try not to attack the random passerby and make a fool of yourself." He chuckled, clapping Giotto on the shoulder as he slid around the trio to make his way towards Spock, "Let the games begin."

"Is it wise to pick on your own security team, Jim?" Spock replied following Jim as he made his way down the hall.

"I'm just…helping them out." Jim said throwing his most innocent smile up at Spock.

Spock managed his own version of the Terran's eye role before silently following Jim off to the mess.

* * *

><p>After dinner Spock led Jim back to their quarters even going so far as to walk the boy to his door.<p>

"Captain's chambers." Jim says aloud his voice mocking as if he's reading a banner over the door. He turns to Spock and sends a warm smile. "Thanks for walking me to my room again Mr. Spock." He winks, "Though I remembered all the other parts of the ship I can't seem to find my way back here by the end of the night. So I appreciate it."

"Your manner of humor portrays sarcasm that I am unsure to find offensive, or if it is a means of self-preservation to mask vulnerability at the fact that you enjoy being led back to your room. An act I have done for the last few weeks."

"The mysteries of life." Jim mumbles turning away to hide the red that quickly bloomed across his cheeks at Spock's words, "Goodnight, Spock."

"Goodnight, Jim." Spock replies evenly watching as Jim disappears into his room. He finds it interesting this game Jim plays, but does not question it as he turns to enter his own room.

It's not more than three hours later that the door to their adjoined bathroom whooshes open and the shift of the bed implies that Jim has settled once again beside him. The room is silent for several seconds after this before Jim shifts to turn looking up at the ceiling. In the darkness of the room the faint glow reflecting from his eyes shines blue and reminds Spock of the vibrant color he is accustomed to seeing there.

"If you wish to sleep in here Jim you do not have to pretend every night that you are not planning to sneak in." Spock replies not moving or even registering that he noticed Jim's arrival, beside his words.

"Why did you keep his room, Spock?" Jim asks deciding to forgo answering Spock's question to ask one of his own instead.

"To whom are you referring to?"

"Myself I suppose. Just the older one, the Captain you all are waiting for me to turn back into." Jim replied a sound of hurt at that concept slipping through but only briefly. "Why'd you keep his room if regulation stated that you stop searching for him, and they appointed you to Captain rather than acting captain?" he breathed out, "I mean nurse Chapel even said that you were ordered by me not to return. I think she thought it was admirable that you still continued the search even against my own orders…think she has a crush on you, but still. Why'd you keep his room if you knew that he wanted you to move on? That everyone wanted you to move on."

"Nurse Chapel should not have been sharing such information with you." Spock replied after a prolonged silence, "And it did not feel right or necessary to switch to the captain's chambers. I knew it would only be a matter of time until either we found you or you found us. I do not doubt my Captain's capabilities so I left the room as his. So that when you returned things would not feel out of place."

Jim hmm'd in understanding, perhaps also trying to force down other emotions as they lay side-by-side on the bed without touching or moving any closer, "He sounds pretty great. This captain of yours." Jim muttered his tone almost sounding childishly jealous but also wishful.

"He is an admirable Captain, and a cherished friend." Spock acknowledged. "As you are him there seems no reason to feel jealousy towards yourself. Who you are at this age reflects upon who you are now." Spock stated and isn't surprised when in the next instant Jim shifts to curl himself up against the Vulcan.

"Thank you Spock." Jim breaths out his reply, resting his head upon Spock's shoulder.

Some part of Spock realized that he should be uncomfortable by the closeness and how personal such an action was. However, after so many months of Jim's closeness, in each form he had previously embodied, Spock couldn't find himself bothered by it. Again Jim seemed to not emit a rampage of emotions like most humans, but rather he seemed to radiate a comforting lull that settled nicely in the back of Spock's mind.

"Thanks are not necessary at this time." Spock replied and shifted slightly to settle his one arm around the youth.

"Perhaps, but I didn't mean just for right now." Jim mumbled into his chest, "You're the only one who doesn't treat me like I'm some victim; you look at me like I'm still me and don't speak down to me like you're afraid I might break. So, just thank you. For treating me like….me."

"Of course, Jim." Spock replied evenly, "Now you require rest."

"Same time tomorrow then." Jim mumbles once again the words sleepy but the tone warm with jest.

* * *

><p>"Jim, Chekov has duties to attend to. Does it not seem wise to wait until after shift to ask your questions?"<p>

Jim turns from his place beside Chekov's station to look over at Spock, who is currently seated at the captain's chair. "I'm just interested in the fact that someone else close to my age is as smart as I am."

"Smarter, Keptin." Chekov smirks.

"Oh shove it boy genius I bet your just gloating cuz I'm probably much smarter than you at my proper age." Jim laughed good-heartedly and playfully shoves the other.

The room seems to bristle slightly and Jim huffs, "See I told you Uhura I don't just openly flirt with Spock it's everyone." Jim chuckles trying to play off the tension and sends a wink towards Sulu before looking back towards Spock. Jim can't help the smile that pulls at his lips seeing the slight tint of green upon the Vulcan ears of his first officer. "I don't plan to keep him from his job and if I something happens I'll make sure not to distract anyone on the bridge. Promise, Captain." Jim smiled fondly at the commander, "And no worries its Chekov's turn to be harassed but your still my favorite." He grinned as the tint grew darker and at the gasp from Uhura.

Chekov and Sulu seemed amused by his banter, there suppressed laughter making Jim send them an award winning smile before sending a softer smile back at Spock. "Sorry again Commander my mouth runs off with me at this age." He grins trying to use the de-aged information in his favor.

Spock seems to reluctantly not push further, and Jim huffs turning back to his previous conversation with Chekov now that his fun was halted, "Okay smarty pants."

"I highly doubt his pants have any amount of intelligence seeing as they are not a living organism and lack the proper organ to been capable of thought."

"Thank you Spock." Jim sends another warm smile over to the commander holding back his amusement at the interruption, "It is another one of those human idioms I'm so fond of." He smirks and once again turns to Chekov. "I think perhaps it's him I'm distracting most." Jim whispers, knowing full well the capabilities of Vulcan hearing. He catches the flush of green out of the corner of his eye and his grin widens.

"Alright back to the point." Jim chuckles.

"Da, Keptin I've been waiting for you to stop flirting with ze…Keptin, my apologizes, so zhat we can continue ze conversation."

"Alright, alright." Jim smirks and pivots completely to lean once more against Chekov's station. "All I'm saying is that there is a possibility of cloaking a ship so that it cannot be seen even without our sensors."

"Nyet. Our ship iz one of zhe best." Chekov replies shaking his head as he taps furiously at his monitor. "Vhe would be able to pick it up. I am sure of this."

"But what about the ship that got me?" The room seems to suddenly grow cold at the mention of this and Jim tries to fight away from the open-eyed stares he received, "I mean it had to have been there before we got there. Those Romulans were lying in wait. The ship didn't just pop up beam'em off and disappear undetected. So I think maybe….possibly they had to have some kinda cloaking device right?"

"Logical." Spock breathed out at the thought of the Romulans having that technology. How had they not considered this already?

"Stop interrupting you or I'm going to have to leave for distracting the captain." Jim laughed trying to send a mock-glare at Spock.

Chekov seemed too stunned to even laugh at the teenager berating the older Vulcan and the captain. He just blinked until his mind seemed to click into place. "It…iz logical as Commander Spock has said." He breathes out and his fingers return with a new vigor while typing at his monitor. "I did not think of ze possibility of zhem having been there ze entire time. When ze ship appeared we had believed it to have been ze first time. It iz possible zhat I waz wrong."

"Not wrong just not prepared." Jim said clapping Chekov on the shoulder, "Plus this was just a seventeen-year-olds' theory. Staying up late, leaves a young mind so much time to think, you know? And finding information about my older self has become a recent hobby." Jim grinned in amusement watching as Chekov began to try and calculate the ability to cloak a ship so that the sensors could not pick it up.

"Iz like vhat we did with the rings of Saturn during the Nero accident."

"Yah!" Jim smirked, though with the overwhelming idea of cloaking the response coming from Jim was not thought on. "So if they were able to cloak their ships we need to find a way to see them without the sensors."

"Nyet, we would need the sensors." Chekov shook his head. "If we did not have zhem we vould be looking for nu'zng it iz not possible. Unless of course ve could listen for zhem but they had disruptors so ve could not even get you from zer ship." He grumbled out in thought, "If ve could alter the sensors vhould be better shot in ze dark."

"I liked your first idea better…or well second because I guess your first would also be the same as your last." Jim said twisting his finger in an arch before shaking his head, "Never mind your idea of looking for nothing."

"Zhat does nyet make anzy sense Jim." Chekov scuffed out.

"Look for the nothing!" Sulu chimes in looking up at Jim as if he's a genius, "That's brilliant."

"Vhat? Vhat is brilliant about zhat? Their vould be nu'zng to look at." Chekov complained pouting at Jim's praise.

Sulu turned to face Chekov and the warmth in his eyes spoke much stronger than any action Jim could've seen to spell out what was going on between the two. He just smiled fondly and waited as Sulu explained the concept. "The ship would be projecting nothing to mask itself. So, we would just look for the irregularity in the stars. Search for movement or oddities." Sulu said with a fond smile at having caught on before his brilliant boyfriend.

"Got it in one." Jim teased and smiled when Chekov seemed to flush at Sulu's attention. Chekov turned back to his monitor to try and cover it up and it took several minutes before he met Jim's gaze once more.

"So ve look for vhat is wrong." Chekov nodded, "Makes sense. Though iz it not dangerous to us? It vhill take time to find it and zhey will most likely be firing on us again."

"Hypothetically." Jim replied.

"Hmm?" Chekov lifted his eyes from his work. "Oh yes. Of course. Vhy would ve not be speaking hypothetically Keptin? Zhey obviously got vhat they needed or zhey wouldn't have left-"

"Chekov!" Uhura called out to stop him from continuing the train of thought. Chekov's eyes widen at the realization of his own words. Slowly it seemed as if every eye turned at once to peer over at the teenage version of their Captain. Jim seemed unaffected or rather he seemed completely out of the conversation entirely. His eyes were focused at where Chekov was sitting but he seemed to be gazing through the navigator rather than at him.

"Jim." Spock spoke up first looking almost concerned at the lost gaze.

"Hmm?" Jim blinked turning to smile at Spock. "Oh. Opps. Sorry dazed off I think." Jim chuckled scratching at his neck, "Too much thinking not enough sleeping I suppose." He smirked turning to Chekov. "What we need is to train your eye to catch the unseen!" He smirked standing up straight and ignoring the concerned gazes, "I'll figure that out, and you just be expecting it, okay?" He smiled at Chekov ruffling his hair as if he were the youngest of the pair, before turning to Uhura. "Is there a way to intercept a disrupted single? Like can we program something to treat it like a puzzle? You know take the jumble and piece it together?" he asks but before he gets even an open mouth gap from her he is racing around the bridge towards the lift, "I have to figure out how to make something invisible!" he shouts and takes off leaving the crew overwhelmed and stunned into silence.

"Did ze Keptin just ruffle my hair?" Chekov pouts after the lift closes leaving the bridge lacking one James T. Kirk.

"That is what you decide to comment on first?" Sulu laughs with Uhura and the rest of the bridge slowly joins in as well (minus Spock of course). Sulu leans forward to flatten Chekov's hair giving him a bemused smile before settling back in his chair, "I would've spoken about the fact that he is planning on making your conversation into a game or challenge." He mentions and Chekov shrugs.

"Zhat I do not fear. I vhill beat his test easily. You vhill see." Chekov smiles.

Uhura watches the two for a moment with a fond smile before her eyes turn up to meet Spock. It seems Spock had been stuck on a different part of Jim's time on bridge and she could assume which part it was. They hadn't just imagined that far off gaze that left Jim almost elsewhere. Though she didn't linger too long on that, it was good that he was remembering perhaps the next alteration they would have their captain once again. One could hope.

She turned back to her monitor knowing that it would only be minutes before their shift ended and she had a few more tasks she wished to complete. Yet, as she was finally facing away from the rest of the bridge the thought of unscrambling a disruptor seemed like a brilliant idea….if she could figure out a code that could take all the pieces and treat it much like one would a puzzle. Well, perhaps they could use that in case something like the attack by the Romulan ship happened again.

She eagerly waited for shift to be over so that she could hop onto this little side project. Perhaps she could finish it before their captain aged back to himself so she could present it as a welcome back gift of sorts. This way she could feel like she was finally aiding in helping to protect their beloved captain and friend.

* * *

><p>Jim ends up wondering the halls of the enterprise with a bemused smile on his face. He had successfully planted twelve invisible pieces of fruit in places that Chekov was sure to cross. By next shift, if Chekov found all of them he would be amused but also believing in his earlier words of winning Jim's test. He hoped that Chekov was right but mostly he was excited to see if he even found one.<p>

After successfully accomplishing such a feat Jim felt full of energy and desired to continue to play games on the crew, and who better to pick on then the heads of security. He smiled amusingly and slunk into the shadows in search of a good place to plan his attack. 

**AN: Op. So, did I mention I find Hikaru Sulu and Chekov adorable together? I did forget that didn't I?**

**Well if it isn't obvious now then here is me warning you that those two are totally together in the world that is my mind.  
><strong>

**So, I am new to the Star Trek scene...so this is me taking some creative liberties. If there are major issues please forgive because it's all to do with how I planned it. Hope it sounds okay and hope you enjoyed it.** On to the next and last part of chapter five! : )****


	9. Chapter 9

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

_**AN: Jim is testing our beloved crew. How far will he go to make sure they're prepared?**_

_**Thanks **_passionfornight_** for your comments. There will be Jim attacking security guards here ; ) plus some more fun stuff.  
><strong>_

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><p>Giotto walked along the halls of the enterprise smiling as he chatted up a pretty ensign from the science department. He was telling stories of his times on shore when he had to fight beside their captain.<p>

The Ensign laughed and cooed at his tales with a bright smile on her lips complementing him on his skills and mentioning her own experiences on shore with the captain. A fondness settled between the two at their own memories.

"H'YAH!" Jim lunged out from his spot. He knew that his timing was perhaps unwarranted and almost cruel, but he couldn't help the smirk as he took 'Cupcake' down instantly. The bigger man falling under the surprise, but Jim did more than just tackle the man, shifting to tap vital points and finally poking him in the neck with a small bar he had in his hold.

The ensign had screamed at first attack and had managed to make a good distance between herself and the pair; her own phaser pointed and ready.

"Dammit Jim!" Giotto growled hoisting the kid up by the scruff of his neck and glaring at the teen as he stood.

Jim fought the hold breaking free when Giotto realized who it was he was actually holding.

As Jim settled on the ground Jim huffed up at him, "You didn't take me seriously! You didn't even try to block that. I got you in the spleen, in three different arteries, and managed to inject you with a poison all while you just laid there!"

"You what?" Giotto reached out to his neck in panic.

"Not literally you big oph!" Jim grumbled, "Top of security! Rachael was more prepared for an attack then you were. Look she even had her phaser out ready to help." He grumbled kicking Giotto in the shin to further express his disappointment.

"Captain?" ensign Rachael seemed almost bewildered but not of the attack that just happened. "You remember my name,"

Jim looked up at her, "Um…sorry no. You're a science ensign though right? Cuz of your blue shirt?" Jim asked turning towards her now and his dismay leaving as he gave her a sheepish smile.

"You just called her Rachael." Giotto agreed as he tried to straighten out his rumpled appearance, "And can you blame me I thought it was all just some game. It's been a week now since you even brought it up. Kids forget about things all the time, I just assumed you had." He grumbled.

"I did not." Jim mumbled his hand moving as if unconsciously to his chest a breathy gasp pulling air into the teen's chest until suddenly a frowned marred Jim's features and he glared at Giotto, "I would not forget!" Jim huffed out rubbing at his hair and then pointing a finger at Giotto, "It won't do if you see it coming; that ruins the point. You're supposed to be prepared for anything, right, that's why you're the best of the best. Otherwise I wouldn't have hired you. So, prove my older-self right in choosing you to lead his security." Jim said and beamed up at his security officer. "Now don't tell the other guys I gotta see if they're just as forgetful as you. Didn't Spock embarrass you enough with the whole demeaned by a child comment? At least you owe it to him to beat a kid."

"You're not just some kid Jimmy." Bones spoke up glaring at the boy as he made his appearance known.

"Bonesy!" Jim smirked happily.

"Playing games outside sickbay? What did I do to deserve that? This is a place to be taken seriously Jim."

"I…figured if I got hurt while rough housing then…I'd be right here?" Jim replied though it was more of a question then an answer.

"Oh I bet you did." Bones huffed and looked at the other two. "Well go on get! Don't just linger blocking the path." He huffed, "Never know when someone might need to get through and y'all just be standing in the way."

"You're funny when you're all grumbly." Jim smirked and allowed Bones to lead him into sickbay. "Guessing it's time for some type of check-up since I'm here?" He chuckled moving to 'his' bio-bed and hopping up.

"Heard you're going around harassing the crew on board." Bones said walking around Jim in search of the scanner and a hypo.

Jim flinched at the scanner but it had been a month now so he seemed comfortable enough to allow it. After the scan McCoy carefully administered the hypo and smoothed a hand through the kid's hair in an endearing manner.

"Why don't you ever treat me this nice when I'm older?" Jim breathes out as he rubs at the left over feeling from the hypo.

McCoy's brows furrow at this statement and he leans back to study the kid before him, "Jim?"

"That seems like the wrong way to go about asking if I'm the older Jim or the younger Jim." Jim laughs at Bones' question, "I'm still the young one, I just seem to get flashes now and again of the older me…man it's still weird to think of it like that. Him and me…though were both the same."

"You get flashes?"

"Yah I think the bridge crew expects its cuz I'm gonna switch ages again soon." Jim mutters kicking his feet out childish over the edge of the bed.

"You don't think it's because of that?"

Jim grins wolfishly at this and shakes his head, "Nope." He hums but runs a hand through his hair, "Wouldn't have actually realized it if Cupcake didn't point it out…guess I've done it a lot. I think it's got something to do with noticing the wound. The misplaced one. I wasn't supposed to…I doubt the others did." He mutters and blinks up at Bones, "Heya Bonesy! Did you know that on Tarsus I saved thirty one kids? I was like your captain, a real hero." Jim beams.

"Jim." Bones sighs at the jump in conversation, and to such a drastic topic. Jim must've really wanted to stop talking about it.

"It's cool though cuz I've kept in touch with all of them. But I have a point to this so let me continue." Jim replies patting the bed next to him. McCoy grumbles but finally takes a seat beside the kid. "So while we were hiding in the caves we had to ration the food. A lot of us older kids often gave up eating a meal or portions of our food so that the younger ones didn't have to feel any hunger pains. They were really bad at first, but we found that if we chewed on some of the leaves we could trick our bodies into not being hungry.

Well the only problem was that Tommy didn't realize that we were keeping to certain flora in particular. Being unfamiliar with Tarsus was not always a good thing. So, I guess there was this one plant that if ingested it could stop someone's heart. Scary stuff to learn about. What was worse was watching Tommy take a bite of this plant and then just drop.

Man I thought he was shot or something. Then I get to him and he's just…he's just dead. I didn't even know how or why all I knew was we were too close to the cave and something just killed one of my kids. I woulda gone into a full blown panic and uprooted us from the cave if it hadn't been for Tonya. She was a resident of the planet and her dad was a botanist. Odds of that where just complete luck. So, anyway she pushes me out of the way and all I see is her forcing some type of sludgy liquid down the kid's throat and bam! He's upright and just spewing.

I swear to god if he hadn't been throwing up for hours I'd have clung to that kid throughout the night. Scared the crap outta me." Jim grumbled but smiled fondly all the same, "Turns out Tonya saw the signs that he had ingested it. I guess it stains your lips orange and some areas around your eyes. I didn't see it really but she said I had been more concerned at the overall appearance of things when I shoulda been looking at the main factor."

Bones and Jim sit in silence as the story sinks in. McCoy doesn't know whether to be stunned by the humor at such a tragic moment or amused that with Jim things would find a way of turning out even against all odds. "You and your damn Kirk luck." He huffs out and pulls the kid close for a brief hug before sending him off the bed, "Go get some food and head up to bed Jimmy." He smiles at the boy, "And try to not harass the crew."

"It's not harassing I'm testing them." Jim huffs out over a laugh "Gotta make sure they lived up to my standards." He smirks before sending a mock salute to the Doctor and pivoting, "See you later Bonesy!" he beams and races off in search of Spock.

* * *

><p>The door whooshes closed once again and Spock feels Jim curl up against him. This time he seems content to completely forgo the space between tonight, and pulls himself as close as possible.<p>

"Jim I fear that you may be misconstruing my continuing to allow you to stay with me." Spock says, having for the first time tensed up at the touch of the boy. The constant flirting from the teenage version of his captain left him questioning his intentions and over analyzing his actions.

"I talked about Tarsus today." Jim breathed out and dipped closer if possible. He didn't seem concerned by Spock's thoughts still too overwhelmed by his own.

Spock's arms found their way around the teen before he even understood the action as one of comfort. His mother had once offered him comfort in such a matter and it seemed to have engrained itself within his natural reflexes…at least pertaining to Jim. "This is obviously a conversation you had not planned on having."

"I never needed to have it. I mean…Pike had said not to mention it; that the board wanted to keep it silent. Even W-Winona didn't mention it while she was around." He stuttered slightly over his mother's name but didn't seem to want to dwell on it. The flash of pain that passed over Jim and against Spock's senses was probably the biggest tell. "I keep in touch with them all. Well I did I dunno if I still do now but I did when I was my age. I knew when they got into a home from foster care, or who was dealing well with their relatives or not. I knew when someone made it into a new class level, even knew when Tommy graduated from high school last year. When Riley first wanted to begin towards Starfleet because they had saved us…." Jim seemed to tense at this, spitting out the word saved, "I kept in touch with them cuz I didn't want to forget, but no one wanted to remember. Everyone wanted to write it off like it never existed."

"It is foolish to believe that if it is not mentioned then it did not happen."

"Well they did a pretty good job covering the thing up and washing their hands of it." Jim huffed out a heated breath and clung shakily to Spock, "I was brave on Tarsus. Even through all the pain I made a family over there. I was important, and they wanted me to lock it away. To pretend that it never existed. That I was scared and broken but to heal I had to forget. Rather than cope with being able to survive." He breathed out angrily. "I hated them for that. Starfleet. More than it taking my dad, more than it stealing my mom, I hated it for making me feel like what I did wasn't important. That those kids' surviving wasn't important."

"If it is important to you Jim than I believe the human term is that nothing else matters." Spock replied and stroked his hand along the teens back, "I do not mean to dismiss that what they asked had been wrong and to do that to such a traumatic experience was all the worse. However, you remained in contact with the others so that they knew they were still important. That because of the events they had become important to you. In return you were important to them, Jim. Find peace in that." Spock stated warmly. "I believe that you feel comfortable in expressing your time on Tarsus because you do not regret hiding it, but because you are accepting that you are not guilty for anything that transpired during your stay there."

"I never said I was guilty." Jim muttered tensing up in Spock's arms.

"You express guilt at not being able to remain with the kids after the events. You were returned to your mother while others could not, even if you did not wish to return. Mostly, you feel that you owed it to the children to protect them and watch over them. I would presume this is from a larger guilt…over not being able to protect the one child."

"Stop." Jim gushed out and Spock realized that his shirt had slowly grown damp where Jim's head rested and the boy had at some point started shaking with suppressed sobs.

"I apologize." Spock whispered immediately, "I did not intend to upset you further."

"I thought apologies were illogical…?" Jim mumbles into his shirt as a last resort to try and appear strong, before he succumbed to violent sobs. It isn't till late into the night that Jim finally wears himself out falling into a fitful sleep. All the while Spock quietly holds the boy close.

* * *

><p>"I thought you were the best pilot in the federation." Jim huffs throwing his arms up in accusation and twirling away from Sulu before spinning back around to glare at the man.<p>

"I never claimed that?" Sulu responds more shocked then appalled.

"Oh please don't be modest now. Older me is all sorts of enamored by your piloting skills. If you managed to win me over I have to assume you can only be the best." Jim huffs at Sulu's pleased smile by the compliment. "Hey stop that. I'm being serious here. You should have some way to get us outta a situation even if communication is faulty between the bridge and engineering. What if Scotty was hurt or someone hijacked our communication and you couldn't get him to prepare the crystal for warp. You should have a back-up plan. Some last minute-only in emergencies-button or control to give you override and let you change power to warp. That way you don't need to wait you can just go. go! GO! You know?"

"I suppose but wouldn't that be risky?" Sulu questions just picturing Scotty's response to this.

"Which would be why you wouldn't wanna do it unless the situation called for it. What would then be cool is if you had set in destinations so to warp towards them. Like Earth base, or one of the federation stations." Jim smirked as he saw the wheels begin to turn and watched as Sulu continued to walk down the hall forgetting about Jim's presence and how he was no longer following. If Sulu happened to make a turn to head towards engineering well that would just be because he happened to want to pay a visit to his friend at some point today and what better time than now.

* * *

><p>Jim spent the rest of the week surprise attacking the security members on the crew. He no longer differentiated between the head or the newest member. After the last couple of attacks Giotto seemed to like the approach so much that he began to teach the members ways to block certain attacks and to train themself to expect an attack and be prepared for it. Mostly he wanted them to be able to discern enemy and friend.<p>

Jim's attacks always seemed to vary but mostly ended with an attempt to poison or weaken the enemy (though all in fun).

He tried multiple times after the first three attacks but Giotto no longer was able to surprise no matter how he varied his technique.

"AYAH!" Jim dropped from the rafters only to be caught up in Giotto's burly arms and thrown casually over his shoulder. To rub Jim's failed attempt in even more Giotto just held him there while he finished his conversation.

"Gah!" Jim huffed pounding at the immovable force that was his security guard. Giotto just took it in stride and ended up walking around the whole night with Jim acting as his personal scarf.

It wasn't until dinner that Giotto stopped outside mess with Jim and hoisted the teen up as if he was no more than the toddler several months ago. "You give up? Didn't even try very hard to escape."

"What?" Jim grumbled.

"What you think two can't play this game? You never know when you'll have to face a stronger opponent you should find ways to get outta situations even if they seem impossible." He smirked and ruffled Jim's hair as he set him back on his feet.

"I'd knee you in the sternum and elbow you in the back of the head. You'd fall down after one of the two hits. Dislocating your arm to get free, if need be, wouldn't be difficult from the position on the floor." He replied with a smirk as Giotto stared stunned down at him, "Your strength out-powered mine so I wouldn't have been able to break free without damaging you intensely. I figured that I'd go for the free ride instead of harming you."

Giotto laughed and patted Jim on the shoulder, "No shit. Well there's the start of our legendary Captain for you." He smiled and herded Jim into the mess letting the teen separate to join the alpha crew.

* * *

><p>Jim spent a lot of the next month in the engine room with Scotty. At some point he mentions the desire to mess with parts and how he always loved fixing things. The hum of the ship also seems to call to him and calm him intensely, and it seems to be something the two can share with one another.<p>

Scotty talks about the weird projects he has been asked to aide in. Jim tries not to smile as he questions about Sulu's new quick warp detonation or about Chekov's plan to broaden sensors so to pick up transmissions from hidden ships even if said transmission is jumbled. He mentions Uhura's new equation to intercept a disrupted message and how she has been spending time with him down in the engine room to help improve the coding.

It's Scotty who Jim plans an Enterprise Kobayashi Maru with. Scotty who encourages and alters his original plans and Scotty who helps him hack into the mainframe to set it to action.

Though, sadly its Jim who gets scolded when everyone finds out that this attack is a trick and all their reactions truly hadn't done anything more then play a part. It's him who gets berated about what ifs and him who runs off when he can't face the disappointment the crew members send his way.

It is Scotty that brings up the kid wanting to test drive all the new skills they had, and Scotty who reminds them that Jim is just a kid who had spent his whole life hiding in his father's shadow and wanted to prove himself still a part of the crew. A crew which had made sure to inform the teenager constantly of the admiration for said captain, but failed to acknowledge or thank the child for planting ideas to better their ship.

**AN: Ah poor Jim, anyway so that whole last section I felt was a little too rushed. It sums stuff up nicely, but I felt like the build-up was too much to leave it only as a summed up version. So my next chapter is completely Jim's Game that he and Scotty set up. Add to that some anger at being played from the crew and delve further into Jim's hurt at only trying to help. It's going to be fun. ^^ hopefully haha.**


	10. Chapter 10

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

_**AN: So here is the trick or Jim's and Scotty's game on the crew. How it was meant to be written.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Six<span>

"The Game"

"Bridge, to captain? Come in Spock."

The low buzz stirs Spock away from his chess pieces and the game as he lifts his gaze to meet with Jim's first, before looking at his communicator.

"Spock here, what seems to be the problem Lt?" Spock responds evenly rising to stand as he speaks.

"Sorry to interrupt you on your day off Spock but I was putting that knew program to use and I've seemed to pick up some weird signals. I'd like to go over them with you if I could. Immediately, sir." Uhura replies and by the tone in her voice the two can tell the urgency of the matter.

Jim's concern turns into a bright grin as he leaps up, "Sweet! Time to see the crew in some real action!" Jim beams and goes to take the lead in heading out of the room.

"Jim you will remain here. If the concern that was evident in Lt. Uhura's vocal patterns turns out to be a truly required reaction to what she has found. Then it will be safest for you off the bridge. These quarters are also very secure in case of any form of hostility. I will inform security to arrive if I deem it needed, but otherwise you will remain here."

"What! That seems completely unfair!" Jim protests loudly but one look from Spock immediately shuts him up. Though it is not just a simple gaze, Spock's eyes almost seem fearful. It's with a stunned stupor that Jim watches Spock turn and briskly head towards the door, before he seems capable of even fully reacting.

"Spock, wait!" Jim calls out moving now with a determination and urgency as he tries to beat the man out the door. However, the door slides shut before the words even fully get out of his mouth. When he reaches the door he bangs on it harshly but it doesn't budge.

"Computer, override! Open the door! Spock! Wait it's not real!" Jim shouts, but the words fall on deaf ears as he shouts them in a room meant to be sound proof and capable of locking down for safety reasons. Jim rushes to the adjoining bathroom and through to his own room only to find the doors in the same manner. "Dammit! Computer let me out!" Jim shouts to the ceiling banging once again on the door.

The look in Spock eyes had burned itself into his memory. He could see the emotion clearly even if Spock would never admit to having something so human as emotions. Spock had been afraid. Truly afraid at the idea of Jim going up on the bridge during a possible attack, and now they were all going to be put through this stupid test of his believing the ship was really in trouble.

"God." Jim breathed out weakly pounding on the door, "It was supposed to help!" He cursed.

* * *

><p>On the bridge Spock had arrived to what could only be described as chaos. The power seemed to be disrupted and all members seemed to be struggling with their stations.<p>

"A ship sir!" Chekov stated at Spock's arrival, "Uhura's program vhas able to identify zhat some'zhing was out zhere and I have just now located it. However, we are unable to lock onto its signal with our sensors. We have been fired upon and zhey seemed to have taken outs our communication."

"Pull up the ship on screen."

"I cannot sir. The ship seems to have ze very cloaking devise zhat Jim had speculated. Ve believe that perhaps zis is the very same ship…sir." Chekov muttered and his face seemed to have progressively gone whiter as he spoke.

"What do we have to go off of at the current moment?" Spock replied moving now to look out into the emptiness before them. He calmly placed his arms in a proper pose behind his back and seemed to be calculating the situation logically rather than shaking with the terror pulsing within.

"The program managed to pick up a disrupted signal, Captain." Uhura said and turned to send a worried glance, "If the calculations were correct sir then the decrypted message states a planned attack upon the ship." She pauses again to catch a shaky breath, "They were planning to beam members onto our ship unnoticed while continuing matching our position. It gave evidence to them having been with us for some time now, Spock…our communications are jammed and we are unable to correctly account for who all is on board. Or if we have picked up any extra personnel."

The bridge went immediately tense at this, and Spock pulled up his communicator in a feeble attempt to not believe this was true. "Bridge to security. This is you're captain. Respond." Spock replied and when he received no response (not even static) he quickly placed it back on his waist. "Mr. Chekov you said that you have located the ship."

"Aye sir." Chekov nodded and sent a weary smile over towards Spock, "I noticed it not long after Uhura received ze intercepted message. I vas looking for vhat was wrong. Like vhat Jim said and I saw ze movement. I've been putting calculations into the system and should be able to pin point itz location sir. But this iz just speculations sir. I have never handled some'zhing like zis."

"The statistical likelihood that you will hit something is worth the odds of us doing nothing instead. Fire immediately." Spock gave Chekov the go and turned to Sulu, "Prepare to warp. If we cannot fight blind then it will be better to avoid the fight at all. Uhura see if you are able to intercept any other messages."

"Yes, Captain." Uhura and Sulu reply almost in sync and Spock watches along with the crew as the ship fire is sent into the empty space before them.

"Ya-my-oh!" Chekov cheers as the fire seems to hit some form of deflective shield.

"Mr. Chekov, continue fire. Uhura listen for any signals."

"Sir their shields are going up." Chekov replies and suddenly a ship begins to form before the entire bridge crew. A large war bird glaring almost angrily back at them. "Zhey are locking onto our ship!"

"Shields to full." Spock replies evenly.

"Sir we still are not able to communicate with engineering." Uhura sends to him over his shoulder her voice panicky.

"Locked on, zhey are preparing to fire." Chekov calls out.

"Wait! I-I can try to use the same coding for the warp to see if I can get control over engineering to set shields up."

Spock seems reluctant at first but nods, "The alternatives seem worse. If you can, then do so immediately."

Sulu taps hurriedly over his monitor and the crew seems to collectively hold their breaths. "Continue fire Mr. Chekov." Spock orders as the ship is shaken by an attack. The Blaring red lights flicker as the sirens continue in warning.

"Shields up sir!" Sulu breaths out in amazement, "It worked." He states his voice shuttering in disbelief. To prove his point further the next attack goes without affect.

"We have regained communication!" Uhura shouts out spinning immediately to face Spock. "It just came back, Captain."

"Patch me to engineering." Spock replied crisply, "Be prepared to follow this by contacting security, Lieutenant."

"Aye, Captain." Uhura nods turning, "Patching you through now, sir."

"Mr. Scott"

"Aye, that's me. Glad you lot are back. Mighty strange things happening 'round here if you ask me. Seems Sulu's new trick worked out all the better. Though I'm not too fond of tampering with the lady's setting, I'm glad it worked out all right. We got controls working fine down here so never you worry."

"Very well. Try and prevent the events from occurring again, if possible. Spock out." He replied evenly cutting communication, "Security this is Captain Spock speaking."

"Security here, sir."

"There may be extra personnel on board this vessel. I require you to search and detain any unwarranted guests. Also send security to my quarters immediately and make sure that Jim is kept safe."

"Yes, Captain."

Communication was cut and Spock turned back to focus on the ship before them. Though, now that everything seemed to be settling down he seemed to finally be able to look at the ship before them.

"Lieutenant any readings?" Spock questioned his voice calculating.

"Still none sir." Uhura replied though seemed to be working intently on trying to pick up something.

"Mr. Chekov, focus in on the ships helm."

"Itz helm sir?" Chekov questioned but turned right back to his monitor at the raised brow. "Aye, Keptin."

The view screen altered as Chekov adjusted the setting and zoomed in on the helm of the attacking war bird. "What is that?"

"Dammit what's going on around here!" McCoy voice greets the crew as he forces his way onto the bridge. "I've been trying to get ahold of you for the past twenty-five minutes." He trails off as he looks in front of him at the ship, "Damn, whoa…where's the kid?" his eyes flash around the bridge.

"Jim is fine at the present Doctor." Spock replies and the crew can't help but all visibly flinch at the coolness in which the words are spoken.

"And why does that make me feel like that's going to change the next time the two of your cross paths?" McCoy questions accusingly but also holding apprehension to it.

"Bridge to engineering." Spock blatantly refused answering the question, taking a seat to hit his communicator.

"Scotty here again, Captain." Scott chimes happily, which seems off with all that has happened to his ship.

"There has been an alteration programmed throughout the ship. Remove it immediately." Spock commanded coolly.

"Aye, sir." Scotty replied the mirth disappearing immediately, "The kid just wanted to have some fun is all. You know, livin' things up a wee bit."

"That'll be all for now Mr. Scott." Spock cut communication and waited as the systems seemed as if to shut down before rebooting.

"All systems…show no damage sir." Uhura replied amazed.

"Ze ship! It iz gone!" Chekov calls out and turns to look at Spock, "Vhat iz going on sir? I do not understand?"

"Yah, I'd like to know that same thing." McCoy grumbles crossing his arms to look at Spock.

"I think…we just…we were being tested." Sulu states his own disbelief wavering with unease, "Did he really program an entire scenario down to the ship getting attacked?" Sulu breathed out, though amazement was getting overpowered by skepticism.

"Wait are we talking about Jim here?" McCoy asked catching on.

"This was some type of sick joke?" Uhura joined in and they all quieted as a swoosh brought their eyes to the lift.

Jim stood there moving off the lift alongside Giotto. He was disheveled and looked as though he had fought his way here. His eyes scanned over the crew, and even from the other side of the bridge you could see his face sink with realization.

"I am…sooooo…sorry." Jim breathed out shakily his eyes locking with Spock's in a pleading glance.

"You-You cruel little—gah!" Uhura shouted first, "Oh god! I cannot believe you were treating us like some test subjects!" She breathed out in a mix of disgust and fury, though her body shook with tremors of what had to be mixture of fright and adrenalin. "Did we at least pass your little game Jim?"

Jim lowered his eyes to the ground as her words lashed out at him.

"Good god Jim. What were you thinking?"

"I-It was supposed to be-" Jim jerked looking over to Bones with the same pleading gaze.

"Nyet!" Chekov cut him off. "It does not matter what you were zhinking. I cannot believe you vould do zhat to us Jim. I thought we vere actually being attacked. I had even been happy zhat I found ze ship. It waz very cruel joke."

"I-I didn't mean it to be." Jim breathed out looking bleary-eyed to Chekov, "I swear I just…it was just…"

"Jim I believe it would be wise if you no longer tried to aid the crew any further." Spock replied sharply and Jim actually stepped back bumping into Giotto as his eyes met back with Spock's, "It was unwise and illogical to treat the ship as some form of entertainment. We can only hope that no one had been injured because of your actions."

"Come on he's just a kid." Bones breathed out looking towards Jim as the teen tried to square his shoulders against the onslaught.

"As he previously pointed out he is roughly the same age as Ensign Chekov so I cannot agree with your assessment Doctor. His age does not lessen the effect of his foolishness."

"It was supposed to help!" Jim shouts pushing past Giotto as he throws himself into the lift and disappears behind the doors.

A silence falls over the bridge after the lift swooshes closed. It, however, does not remain as the tension turns to what just transpired.

"Are you outta your Vulcan mind? Jim is emotionally unstable!" Bones turns immediately to shout at, not only, Spock but at the crew.

"So, because he is unstable it's alright? That we should just allow him to treat us like this? God, I thought it had been the same ship." Uhura stutters out wrapping her arms around her in a form of distress and sinking into her chair. Her fingers shake as she lifts them to cover her lips.

She clenches them into a fist to stop the tremors and looks at McCoy. "Not only that, I couldn't get through to anyone else on the ship. What if it had been real, if they came back for him? If he escaped and they hadn't planned on him getting off at that planet. It's like a shadow, it's constantly been brooding over all my thoughts and this just brought it to the front! I was so scared." She trembles speaking over a sob.

"Et was very similar." Chekov mutters and he too looks about ready to burst to tears. "I did nyet mean to snap. I am only overwhelmed. I did not think zhat it wasn't real. To find zhat out left me feeling unbalanced. But it was still wrong of Jim to do zhat. Why would he do zhat to us?"

"He wanted to let you all test out your new tricks." Scotty huffed, catching onto the last comments as he made his way onto the bridge, "He's just a young lad. One who, need I remind you all, spent his life under his father's shadow.

He wanted to show us that he could still belong as a part of the crew." He looked to them all at this, "Which y'all seem to constantly compare him to a version of him that isn't who he is yet. He spends his day listening to how great he will be. Yet, I doubt any one of you acknowledged the kid for planting those ideas in your head. He spent time planning out ways to help each one of us and I doubt you even gave the boy a wee thanks for his effort."

"I-I…" Uhura stammers, "I had been too excited to create it before he changed to our captain…I didn't even think to." She breathes out the guilt heavy in her voice.

"I rushed off before he even really got a chance to finish…" Sulu muttered his own voice growing sullen, "Damn."

"Well…don't just stand around there. Y'all are the support he wants the most." Scotty muttered compassionately seeing that everyone seemed to be affected by the turn of events. "I'm sure apologies are just waiting to be tossed around amongst the lot of us."

The crew all looked to Spock for the go ahead and practically ran off the bridge.

Spock remained watching as they filed out and only noticed after several minutes passed that McCoy hadn't left with the group.

"Jim wouldn't have meant it to harm anyone, Spock, let alone you."

"I was not harmed by the turn of events."

"God, I meant he didn't mean to frighten you, Spock!" Bones huffed in annoyance and looked sympathetically at the man, "And don't give me your spiel because I don't believe it any more than Jimmy does. I know that you blame yourself in some part for his capture but I also know that he doesn't. Hell, if any part of him did he wouldn't have even thought of pulling this stunt knowing that it could affect you. This version of Jim just wants to impress us and help us move on." McCoy gives a tentative wave towards the lift, "You'll be the first one he wants to apologize to. Don't know why he clings to you so much but who am I to fight with that boy's stubbornness?" He laughed.

"I do not wish to lose him again." Spock replied minutely. "What would have happened if we were attacked during that ploy?"

"I know." McCoy nodded, "We just have to trust that he's back with us for good this time and hang on to him as tight as possible so he can't slip away again. But enemies aren't the only thing that can get rid of him. Jim's always been one to remain strong but even he has a weakness. He hates to lose. I mean his motto is he doesn't believe in no-win scenarios. Disappointing those closest to him when he tried to help…he's going to think we don't want him. I know how his brain works to some degree. He's spent his life trying to get half the attention he received here the first week. Losing it will break him."

"Then I believe it will be best if we go and right this misunderstanding."

They find Jim hiding in the holo deck trembling. He's clutching at his chest and seems to be fighting back crying out in pain. Bones pushes around them all to make it to the kid, and Jim finds himself waking up later back in sick bay.

"You gave us quite the scare there. Thought you'd be waking up jumping further in age, but I guess that's not happening quite yet." Bones mutters sending a concerned look at the boy as he rolls onto his side and curls into himself.

The two wait in silence after this. Each hoping the other would speak first until finally McCoy caves.

"Jim the crew, we didn't mean to snap at you." He whispers, kneeling down next to where Jim was facing, "We had all thought we were being attacked by the same people who took you. Can't you see why that would frighten us Jim? They had you for a year. A whole year." He let out a shuddery breath and collapsed into the chair, "None of us wanted to believe you were dead Jim, but after so many months we didn't really expect to see you coming back aboard the ship." He whispered out, his voice holding emotions he had believed forgotten now that they had Jim back, "We can't lose you again. We won't survive through it again.

Hell, don't know how we survived through it this time. If Spock hadn't been there with his firm belief in your having any chance in surviving then we probably would've crumbled apart." He reached out to shakily stroke the hair from Jim's face, "When we found out this was all just a part of your testing us…well Jim you know we didn't mean to snap but we were all so scared and dammit we can't lose you. So, just don't mess with our hearts like that again alright kiddo?"

Jim nodded mutely, but didn't seem to want to uncurl from his position.

"You okay Jimbo?" Bones asked his concern rising as the kid only clenches his eyes shut tighter curling in on himself more. McCoy rushes to retrieve the scanner and scans Jim twice before literally pulling the blankets away and gently examines the boy for something the scanner could be missing.

"Bones…it hurts…I don't wanna…" He whimpers and arches crying out in pain.

"Jim! God! But there's nothing wrong?" Bones calls out and moves to push Jim to lie back down, "Chapel a sedative!" He shouts over Jim's own screams.

After he administers the hypo Jim falls into a drug-induced sleep forcing an immediate silence upon the room. "What in the good god's name was that?" Bones curses, sending a frightened glance to Chapel, as he tries once more to figure out what caused the sudden pain.

"I believe it was more to do with him mentally then physically." Spock states coming towards the pair. He had arrived earlier planning on checking on Jim's health. Only to have moved to stay out of the way through the events, and now that things seemed to have settled he stepped forward to give his own assessment on what had just transpired.

"You think he…what?" Bones stuttered over this, "Good god man I'm a Doctor not a mind reader what in the seven hells are you talking about? Jim imagined the pain in his mind so he experienced it?"

"I was intending to state that perhaps we were not the only ones affected to the similarities in the test. That subconsciously Jim's mind lined together the two events and it forced him to recall parts of himself. Such as pain he had experienced. If the mind believes it to be happening then the body will react."

"How do you expect me to fix something that's not physically mend-able?" Bones breathed out…this day seemed to be taking too much of a toll on the poor Doctor.

"At this point in time I believe it is best that we all rest. When Jim wakes it is likely that he will not recall experiencing the events."

"And how can you be so sure of that?" Bones curses.

"During the last 2.3 months Jim has had reappearing flashes of his real self and I have noticed that either right after or some time after he seems to completely block out these memories, if you will. It's a defense mechanism." Spock said and looked at Bones, "You recall what ensign Abram said. They changed him back because they did not believe him capable of handling such a situation.

He is reliving these events so that on some level his body can cope and prepare to handle what had happened to him. It's still too soon obviously, but because his memories are bleeding through I can hypothesize that it won't be long now till our captain is normal once more."

"And what is normal going to look like…can you hypothesize that?" Bones asks his voice barely a whisper as he fears the answer.

"I would like to say that we will be returned with our captain as we had last seen him. How we all remember him fondly. The untouchable hero. However, I believe you already can speculate what state our captain is going to be returned to us in. The elders could not heal him…they could only alter his time so that he could better prepare. Not only logic will lead you to the same conclusion."

"Dammit Jim." Bones cursed sinking back down into the chair.

"Go rest Doctor. I will stay with him till he wakes."

"Y…yah. Okay." Bones replies wearily and stumbles to get up, "But…I'm gonna just stay in my office. I-I don't think I can stay too far from him yet. Come get me if he wakes?"

"Of course Leonard." Spock tilts his head in acknowledgment and settles in beside Jim's bed once more.

* * *

><p>It's a week later that Jim wakes. He is groggy and bleary-eyed but he seems coherent enough. It is late into the night so sickbay is quiet and vacant for the most parts.<p>

Spock is alongside his bed, a pad settled in his lap, looking over at him now that Jim is awake. Jim barely manages a weak smile before Spock goes to stand with every intention on comm'ing for McCoy.

"Don't…just wait. Let'em rest for now." Jim breathes out and smiles when Spock settles back down in his chair.

"Morning."

"If you are referring to the term in the manner of it being a human form of greeting after just waking, then I suppose that is correct. However, if we are keeping to the Terrans form of time than it is still 7.3 hours away from any time decent enough to be labeled morning." Spock replies but Jim can see the relief shining back through Spock's brown eyes. Relief that Jim is awake and no longer seems to be experiencing pain.

"Evening, then."

"Yes, it seems to be a better one now that you have regained consciousness." Spock replies and leans forward setting his pad off on the nearest surface. "It seems I have spent much time over the last several months with you in this sickbay."

"Bad habit?" Jim tries to tease but winces clutching at his side.

"You are still in pain?" Spock notes his voice rising only slightly in the end revealing the concern at this.

"Not the same." Jim reassures and reaches out to stop Spock as he once again goes to comm Bones. "Please just, sit back down." He huffs and glares as best as he can until Spock reluctantly does so, "I'm going to change here again soon…I can feel it. Like how you just know someone is watching you even though you're not looking. Feels like that." Jim mumbles wearily his eyes slipping close as he breathes in deeply.

"It's kinda scary knowing that right now this all isn't real. I mean it is but I'm not really meant to be this age. It still feels like back when I was seventeen, but I know that I'm not. So, it is unnecessary for me to be afraid. I just…I feel like I'm going to fall asleep and just disappear. That all of this, all my time like this will be washed away."

"Even if you do not recall these times it will not be like they didn't exist. We all hold your time with us in good regards. So, do not fear, Jim."

"Will…will you miss me, Spock?" Jim's eyes flicker open to look at Spock. The grey eyes having gained some of its blue back over the last three months.

"I always do, Jim." Spock replied honestly and allowed his hand to rest against Jim's arm, "I have for some time now, and am glad to have met so many versions of yourself. I do not regret our time together."

Jim smiles sadly and lets his eyes fall close as the shivering racks through his body. The light touch to his arm reveals the fever that has already set in and Spock recognizes that these are signs of the change beginning its process.

"I bet he's really great to have you all love him so much." Jim cracks a weary smile and a tear rolls down his cheek at this. "You know Spock, I thought that I did it. That Tarsus IV, that saving those kids, was supposed to be my big event…life's reason for me." He breathed out and Spock recalled suddenly the talk he had with Jim's eight year-old version.

"This is pertaining to your belief that one must suffer because he is destined for greatness."

"Mmm." Jim agrees with a confirming hum. "I thought it was perfect. We had suffered so much but we survived. I helped them survive." He breathes out shallowly and Spock feels tempted more now than before to call McCoy down. "But why won't mom listen to me?"

Any of Spock's desire to get medical assistance stops immediately, along with any other train of thought, at the desperation and loss in Jim's question.

"Why does she just walk away and leave me with him?" He chokes on a sob and wearily lifts his free arm to scrub at the tears on his cheeks, "When I said that I thought everything bad was supposed to make me greater…I thought…just that the bad stuff would stop.

But I don't think that…that I did what I was supposed to, you know. I think I messed up my task. I couldn't save them all and now I don't get to be free from this. If I had been able to save him…save them all…I think Pike would have tried harder to keep me. I think mom would've stuck around longer then the two months after my return. Maybe if I had tried harder it could've been me instead of him…that maybe I was never supposed to survive past Tarsus at all. So, life is just trying to fix its mistake…"

"Jim…you surviving is not a mistake." Spock breathes out. The words from the boy leaving an uncomfortable tightness in his chest, "If not for you none of them would have survived. If you did not live past Tarsus none of us would even be here. If anything you lived still because you are still destined for greatness.

"Jim." Spock looks to the boy and sees his eyes clenched shut. However, in the next instance he is jerking as if being wracked by waves of pain and his mouth falls open in a silent cry. "Jim?" Spock rips his communicator from his side, "Doctor, Jim is changing, your presence is required immediately."

"Hold on Jim," Spock replies setting the communicator aside to clasp his other hand over the clenched fists of the teenager.

**AN: Better? I hope so. At least the ending is more along the lines of what I wanted. Poor Jim : (**

**Ah but it is exciting, we're drawing more near to his real age. Plus there's still some other things hidden beneath just Jim being back. They'll all be breached more soon. So, don't worry. Hope you enjoyed it. On to the next chapter.**


	11. Chapter 11

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: Man oh man, these chapters just keep getting longer and longer. Haha. Okay so newly aged Jim for you._**

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><p><span>Chapter Seven<span>

"Look it's him."

"Now let's not jump to any conclusions." Bones voice grumbled over the hopeful whispers, but the smile could be heard underneath the gruffness, "And if y'all wake Jimmy up I will make sure you feel my wrath. Flu shots are coming up so don't test me."

"He iz not injured, zhat is good sign, yes?"

"It is a fact that is as gratifying as it is alarming."

"How iz this bad?"

"I think Spock is trying to say that it all seems a'lil anticlimactic. Seeing as we found Jim turned into a child, and all. Add to that we had been warned that Jim wouldn't be able to handle what happened to him. They changed him so that he could cope with whatever happened to him. Why would they go through all that effort just to have him returned good as new?" Bones clarified and all the members in sickbay turned to the sleeping captain.

To all eyes, Jim looked back to normal. He was the right size once more and seemed to be back to the captain they knew and loved.

However, it was a concern because he appeared to be in perfect condition. There were a few bruises but they had practically faded away, and thus had to be a week or older.

"God, Bones…go talk elsewhere….m'head is killin' me…" Jim grumbled silencing the crew as he shifted rolling on the small bed to throw the pillow over his head.

It was the first time he moved in days and the relief of the crew seemed to drain all the tension from the room.

"Well, how 'bout you roll on over and I'll see if I can fix your headache." Bones replied softly moving to the bed to push at Jim.

Jim allowed himself to be rolled over, the pillow flopping to the ground with the action. He blinked slowly only to wince at the light.

"Seriously…Bones I think I drank too much or something." Jim grumbled, "This is the definitely the last time we talk our shit out over drinks…" He huffed and tried to push up, his eyes opening again to try and take in his surroundings. The actions were sluggish and he seemed slightly disoriented.

"Take it easy Jim, don't push yourself. Beside the headache, is there anything else bothering you?" Bones asked as Jim blinked more. He pushed meekly at the younger man's shoulder but Jim seems determined to sit up.

Finally upright he tries to get a hold of his bearings.

Jim visibly flinches, as if noticing something and blinks further, going so far as to rub at his eyes. Though the action seemed to be taking quite the effort, it seemed to not accomplish whatever Jim wanted it to.

His eyes scanned the room, looking past the crew first to take everything in around him. His eyes then turn to take in the worried glances of the crew before brushing past them to send an outraged glance at McCoy, a hint of fear hiding deep underneath the surface.

"B-Bones….is this the Enterprise?" Jim breathes out and receives a bewildered smile from his friend.

"Yah kid, your back." Bones states a sigh of relief as he claps a hand on Jim's shoulder squeezing it reassuringly.

However, his smile drops as Jim tenses up almost instantly, and the relieved validation is not received by his friend in the manner he had hoped for.

"What did you drug me and drag me back here? God, Bones! I thought I said I wasn't going to accept!" Jim hissed out not caring who was being witness to his outburst.

Something seemed to click and Bones seemed to finally take notice of the fear and panic beneath Jim's rage. "Shit, okay…you are not back yet." Bones muttered and turned to the crew, "Out! Everyone get out of my sickbay."

All the confused and overwhelmed faces of the crowd turn to those of protests, "Wait, but what does he mean? Accept what? Captain you're back and we all were so worried." Nyota is the first to voice the protest and Chekov happily nods along.

"We vere wery vorried keptin!"

"Not now damn it, this isn't Captain Jim." Bones hisses pushing them towards the door. "I'll explain later, but you all being here is not what he needs right now."

The crew seems reluctant but they leave sending final farewells and good wishes to their captain before the doors slide shut.

Bones turns to see Spock standing idly beside Jim's bedside, and Jim glaring off at the wall; his eyes brimming with hurt and confusion. Seeing as Jim will need more than just a quick discussion, Bones turns to Spock first. "Spock, you too. This doesn't concern you."

"As I have been present for all of the Captain's changes I do not see how this is the case." Spock refutes and turns to look at Jim who only tenses up and turns his gaze further away, "Though, if my presence will only cause distress than I will return to my quarters for some meditation. You may comm for me if my presence is required." Spock states his posture visibly straightening as if returning to his old self.

"Thanks Spock I will." McCoy says and it seems almost out of character as he watches Spock bow slightly before turning to leave.

As soon as Spock is gone, Jim turns his accusing eyes on Bones.

"Alright, you need to calm down and let me explain to you. Because you are not aware of what's going on-" Bones began trying to speak pacifyingly but was cut off as Jim pulls him into the argument anyway.

"God, Bones….captain?" Jim's voice cracks on the word and the hurt is now visibly obvious in those brilliant blue eyes. "I told you I didn't know if I was going to accept or not. C-Captain? I mean really? They all think I'm some god damn hero. What a hero!" He hisses turning his eyes to his lap where his hands bunch forcefully against the sheets. "I used mutiny and forced everyone's hand…so much more was destroyed because of me than saved, and yet it's like I saved the world!"

"You did save the world." Bones huffs recalling this conversation from the first time they had it. It hadn't been pleasant than, and he expected much the same now. "Jim you can't let her words drag you down like this, you know that is not how it is-"

"How can I not? She _called _me Bones. God, she-she actually took the time to call me. It has been years…I've been in Starfleet for three whole years and just now she realizes this is where I am. What the hell am I even doing? That's what she says. What am I doing?"

Jim pauses to laugh brokenly his voice choking on a sob, "Like it's my fault all over again, that saving Earth is degrading to her. I don't belong in Starfleet, Bones. I knew that…I was just chasing shadows. Like everyone says, I just wanted to prove I wasn't just George Kirk's son. Some broken little boy playing…." Jim's gaze grew cold and distant as the word kept tumbling past his lips, "Can't save my crew…can't save the kids…Sam…my dad…"

"Hey! Hey, Jim that is enough! Snap outta it, kid!"

Jim blinks at Bones' outburst and finally lifts his gaze as if recalling who he had been ranting too. "Why we back on the Enterprise, Bones?" he breaths out, his voice a sad sigh full of dissolution and exhaustion.

"You're the Captain, Jim, and as much as you might oppose to that, you are wrong. This is where you're supposed to be…Where so many people want you to be. Did you not see all those who were standing here for you, waiting for you to wake up? You got people who care 'bout you now kiddo, hell even Spock has been concerned for you. He joined to be your first officer, Jim. On his own request. That's saying something."

Bones said taking a seat and grabbing Jim by the shoulders to get his full attention, "Take your blinders off Jimmy because you no longer have to prove your worth. We are all behind you, because we chose to be—You, James Tiberius Kirk, not your dad's shadow. So you better damn well snap outta this mindset so that I can hug you damn it 'cuz you scare the crap outta me sometimes kid, and I'm just so glad your back and not hurt."

Jim was roughly pulled into a hug and seemed to allow Bones this moment to break down. They stayed like that for hours until finally Bones pulled away and looked up at the younger of the two. "I know you don't remember yet, but I'm so glad this time you aren't hurt."

Jim seemed to be mulling over what to say. He didn't seem to be finished with their earlier conversation, but he was too exhausted to fight more over it and now too wrapped up in what Bone's was saying. He had allowed the hours to pass to try and collect himself and decided to push his earlier concerns to the side for now.

It was obvious that some things were missing from his memory. That in that timeframe he had officially agreed to be captain and during that time had somehow won over not only the entire crew, but had gone so far as to pull Spock in as well.

Than some time recently Jim had been hurt enough to frighten Bones, who had been patching him up for years. Though not even that seemed to be truly bothering him. It was what was slid in among everything else Bones had said. He said he was glad that Jim hadn't been hurt _this_ time. Like he had been waking up often without remembering and each time was a different degree of hurt.

Spock had also mentioned that he had been around for all of Jim's _changes_.

"Bones." Jim muttered as the two met gazes once more. Jim could see the hope in his friend's eyes and couldn't bear to make matters worse. "I'm sorry I worried you." He breathed out sending his best smile and raising his hand to grasp ahold of McCoy's forearm, squeezing it reassuringly. "Whatever, is going on…I'm sure we'll figure it out."

"Yah, Kid. I'm sure we will." He smiled and ruffled his hair, an action he had recently picked up from being around the younger forms of Jim Kirk and one he apparently hadn't broken yet. "So, you're not going to throw more tantrums about being back on the Enterprise?"

"Not for now, no." Jim muttered wording each word slowly as if testing the sound of it on his tongue. "You want to explain to me why you said everyone was so concerned for me and yet they had all been waiting excitedly after I had woken up? Why you said that you were glad I wasn't waking up _this time_ without being hurt? I mean I know I'm one to find trouble, but this sounded different Bones…what's going on?"

"Perhaps for now you should rest, Jim. I'll grab Spock and we can explain better what's going on." Bones said clapping Jim on the shoulder and going to stand.

Jim reached out and grabbed him, forcing Bones to stop mid sitting up. "Why, Spock?" He asked confused, "I mean I can bypass my own disbelief at him even giving two shits about me, but what does he have to do with this. Why can't you just explain?"

"Jim. This is bigger than you know it, and right now I think we need someone who can explain everything without emotions getting in the way. Add to that Spock has been with you through most of this mess…he's just….he should be here."

Jim's brow furrowed at this but he just shook his head and released his hold on his friend. "Whatever happened to green-blooded hobgoblin?" Jim asked with barely a whisper to the words.

"Things change when you're gone for over a year, Jim. It's because of Spock that you're even with us at all. Add to that your….never mind. Just, we'll explain everything later. Rest for now and let me go comm Spock to come on back."

"Bones."

"Yah, Jim?"

"Just not right away, okay." Jim mumbled and settled back onto the bed, "My mind needs to catch up, I think."

"Alright kid, I'll just let him know that when you wake he should be here."

"Thanks."

"No problem, get some rest." Bones spoke softly and gave Jim's leg a reassuring pat before moving out of the room. Leaving Jim to his thoughts.

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><p><strong>AN: Okay sorry I didn't update recently been working on the ending, and I had a mini break through. Came up with a big scene change that will tie everything together better I think. So, I have to rework some of these last chapters to fix it. Plus I have a couple battle scenes I'm struggling with (spoilers sorry). Add to that my break is over so back to college. Life will probably get hectic so I'm trying to type as much of it out as I can now because it'll be hard pressed to find time later.<strong>

**I'm excited though because I'll still get to keep my original plans for the aftermath of it all. Stick with me because I'm sure it'll turn out pretty great : )**

**Oh also…things were getting a little angsty and depressing writing this so I wrote a quick oneshot with some Spirk slash. If anyone is interested I am more than willing to post that up to read. Let me know. Also reviews are great and urge me to write more and update sooner. So, review please 3?**

**I'll maybe even throw in a pre-slash scene between Kirk and Spock at some point in these next few pages….chapter seven is a long one and there are plenty of openings for some leeway with our boys. Till next time. Hope you enjoyed.**


	12. Chapter 12

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: chapter seven continued. Jim gets a dose of reality and some Spock comfort (if you squint. Its more like him taunting Spock but meh...) , because really I couldn't just leave you guys with just that last chapter. _**

_**Enjoy. : )**  
><em>

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><p>"So…I'm technically three years too young?" Jim questions and plops back down onto the bio-bed. He runs a hand through his hair in a stunned silence.<p>

"If you are the age you were after the Nero accident…then yah, kid. You're technically missing three years. Two of which you had spent as Captain of this ship." Bones stated from where he leaned propped against the wall.

Spock remained standing just off to the right of Jim's bed. His posture as clean cut as always and yet almost strained to the point where it appeared to be forced.

"And the last year I spent on board a Romulan ship to then wind up getting my time altered so that I was reliving my past?" Jim muttered and stared up at McCoy, "Is this for real? I mean seriously you've really worked it out. You even got Spock in on it and everything." He laughed rubbing at his face. "Let me guess next you'll be telling me that now I have to take up captaining the ship once more because it's what older me would do, right?" Jim laughed but the sound was void of humor, "What are you taking me for…I mean really. This seems slightly elaborate Bones."

"You are the Captain, however, at this time it would not be wise to allow you to return to such a position. Seeing as you have not returned to your proper age it would be unwise to write everything off and allow you to control and lead once more. It is a regrettable action, of course, but a necessary one." Spock spoke, and Jim threw McCoy an amused huff and a look filled with disbelief.

"No shit."

"I find your continuous humor on this matter a growing annoyance. As you seem incapable of taking this seriously I no longer see why my presence is required." Spock turned with these words not to face Jim but to meet the Doctor's gaze, "I had been under the impression that he wanted answers."

"Yah I know, Spock. When I left that was the impression I had been given. Jim has mood swings like a teenage girl some times." McCoy scuffed running a hand along his neck, "I guess I'll try and talk to him more about it. Didn't mean to drag you out here for nothing."

"Still sitting right here you know." Jim complained but continued to get ignored as McCoy pushed off the wall.

"I can just comm you if the kid stops trying to think of this as some joke. Though, honestly can't blame him…if I haven't been living this for the last couple months I would've written the person telling me this crap a prescription for some crazy pills and sent them off on the next shuttle out of here."

"Okay, really I will ignore you completely if you continue talking as if I am not sitting right here." Jim snapped pushing up to throw a pillow at the pair.

Spock side stepped easily and watched as the object connected soundlessly against the door and slid to the ground.

"As we had been conversing with you only minutes prior, and you have not moved more than a few centimeters from your spot; it is clear that you are in fact still in this room. Neither myself nor Dr. McCoy could ignore you even if we tried, Jim." Spock cut in simply turning to face the younger captain, "However, seeing as you had not been interested to what we were speaking about then it was obvious you no longer wished to belong in the conversation, or perhaps I had been mistaken?"

McCoy shot Spock a bemused look and turned to Jim to watch the younger captain's jaw practically drop at the reprimand.

Jim seemed to take a moment to collect himself before glaring over at McCoy, "Seriously?" he chuckled and threw Spock a grin that actually seemed to reflect his amusement. "So, two whole years with me and now you are worse than Bones. God, I corrupt people." Jim chuckled falling back on the bed, "Okay, okay. You have logically scolded me Mr. Spock. I'll stop treating what you two are saying like you're a couple of crazies. Can't blame me, though. It's pretty out there."

"Perhaps, it is 'out there' enough that you can reason we wouldn't go making such a thing up, huh Jim?" Bones asked shifting in his position against the wall to now turn and face Jim once again.

"Yah I guess." Jim sighed and pulled his knees up, folding his arms across them and letting his head settle against them. "So, now what?" he questioned his voice returning to a more serious note, "Did they tell you anything else, or are we only just stuck riding it out?" he asked his voice holding skepticism about the whole just waiting around for worse to happen. "Can I fight it?"

Bones laughs out at this, his voice filled with a warm and deep laughter that fills the room. It lasts for a good couple minutes before it seems to change to a more hollow sound, "James T. Kirk for you. God you want to just fight your way out of everything don't you Jimmy?" He laughs out, though, the sound is no longer of amusement only sadness and disbelief. "You think we didn't want to fight it? I would rather have any version of you than whatever is at the end of this aging charade." He cursed and slid down to sit against the wall. His position mirroring Jim's almost to a 'tee' had it not been for the fact that he slumped his head into his hands, rather than rest it against them.

"When you woke up this time and…god, I thought maybe your insane luck had done it again. That you were back just as good as normal." Bones sighed in resignation and lifted his head to look up at Jim, "They said you were supposed to age like this to cope…or whatever mumbo jumbo spiel they came up with. In the end they hadn't been able to help you and so it falls in our court to fix what went wrong."

"I hope you know that I find this _version_ of me quite dashing, and how dare you. James T. Kirk is anything but normal." Jim teased sending Bones a hopeful smile, "Come on now. This is good. I'm back on board the ship. They couldn't fix me and who better to pick me up then the Enterprise herself; with my trusty Doctor McCoy to patch me up. I'd say that sounds like some of my dumb luck." Jim smiled and turned to catch Spock's gaze.

His brown eyes watched silently as the two interacted with one another. They lifted slightly now that Jim seemed to take note of his continuous presence with the pair. It was an odd site, how these two worked together, but what Jim had spoken seemed to lift McCoy's spirit if anything else.

"Jim is correct. It was oddly convenient that we happened by that specific sector as the call had been played out. Perhaps the term 'dumb luck' could be acceptable though I believe it more a well-timed coincidence. Either way, Jim is perhaps in the best place to undergo such events. Add to that the fact that we are almost back to Earth, and have still not experienced any truly problematic events. I would say that we have been quite fortunate."

"Luck." Jim smirked and sent Spock a warm smile and a wink before turning back to McCoy, "I'm not going anywhere Bones. So, just live with the fact that you are forever stuck with me as a friend, smile a little bit more, and know that whatever is to come I will almost assuredly fight it. Because I am James Kirk and that is what I do. There isn't a situation I can't find a way around." He smirked at this and laughed as Bones groaned out a reply.

"You and your no-win scenario shit again." McCoy huffed out, but the smirk that set on his lips told that his doubts were eased for now at least.

"So, I think this is the point where we all kiss and make up or something." Jim smirked and ducked as Bones threw the pillow back at him. "Later then." Jim laughed watching as Bones pushed up off the floor.

"If your well enough to crack jokes about me kissing either of you two then your well enough to get out of my sickbay." He scuffed moving to lightly smack Jim over the head, "I'll need to bleach my brain with the image you just planted Jimmy. Dammit kid."

"It could be fun." Jim teased and turned to catch Spock's flush of green. His smile broadened and he sat up straighter, "So I'm good to go then?"

"Yah, I won't try and keep you stuck here. Really have nothing keeping you. No cuts or bruises, you're health is a good as it's going to get for the time being. It has already been a pain to try and keep any form of you in this bed. At least I already know this version of you won't listen to a word I say. Just if you feel anything, Jim, and I mean anything. You get your ass back here, understood?"

"Oh totally Bones." Jim smiled pulling himself up, "I'll come straight here, promise."

"Yah and that sounds believable." Bones scuffs and ruffles Jim's hair, "Just do what I say this time alright Jim, and please don't emotionally compromise our Captain this time around."

"No promises on that one Bonesy," Jim smirked, sending Spock and almost feral grin, "I mean were friends now right? Where would the fun be in that?"

"Jim." Bones began to warn.

"I believe that you are under the impression that something you do now, may actually manage to rile me up. However, I have spent two years with you James. I doubt any tricks you pull will be more creative than what you have already accomplished in that time span."

"Now you're just challenging him, Spock." Bones huffed and pointed at Jim, "No. You hear me. Just no. Try and behave like a mature adult, you just saved a planet and destroyed a ship in your time frame. So, I know that you can. Just because you're adult now doesn't mean that if you act like a kid I won't come 'round and treat you like one. I've been 'round a whole variety of kids in the last month thanks to you so don't you doubt me you hear."

"Aye doctor." Jim smirked and plopped out of bed. He moved almost cautiously around McCoy before sending Spock one last grin and ducking out of the room.

"I am experiencing something perhaps common to your term of fear on behalf of the ship and the crew." Spock replied as the room fell quiet.

"Yah and we thought teenage Jim was a handful." Bones laughed and clapped Spock on the shoulder, "Go get'em Captain. He's my responsibility when he's hurt, but I believe you mentioned something about being beside Jim through all these changes."

"An inadequate interpretation of what I said-"

"Mhm. He's still yours now." Bones grinned and moved exiting the private room that has continuously been housing their captain, and has been properly labeled Jim's personal sickbay.

"A rather apt labeling…" Spock breathed out to the vacant room before following the path of the other two, and exiting the room.

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><p><strong>AN: Figured that last chapter was short and lacked a lil' on the SpockJim so here's this as well. : )**

**Review, por favor? :D**


	13. Chapter 13

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: chapter seven continued. More normal Jim and hopefully some start to explanations…or perhaps more confusion. Really I'm trying to keep surprises hidden while at the same time heavily leaving clues along the way. _**

**_All depends on what you're looking at. Though, everything will be answered before the end so just enjoy the ride._**

**_Also some major Jim flirting with Spock yay. :D_**

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><p>"Out of the chair." Spock's voice was barely even threatening as he moved to stand beside Jim who was sprawled across the captain's chair.<p>

"Now am I, or am I not the Captain." Jim said not bothering to move and throwing Spock a dashing smile, "Because you keep giving me these mixed signals." He winked at that and received a raised eyebrow as Spock seemed to catch the double meaning underlying Jim's words, "I can wrap my head around the whole time altered stuff. I mean we did just deal with Nero who had come from the future…or a future…dammit not just. That was two years ago now? Or three? Scratch that it doesn't matter."

Jim huffed then grinned as Chekov threw him an amused smile. "What I don't get is why you all are making a big fuss about me being on the bridge? If I am the Captain, or was—or whatever. Then it should be normal to you all."

"Perhaps it is because we forgot how big your mouth used to be?" Nyota smiled over at Jim from her station.

Jim held a hand over his heart, "I am hurt, really." He said but couldn't stop the smile.

"You are the rightful captain of the Enterprise. However, not at the age you are currently, nor in this still fragile state of mind. Doctor McCoy and myself are still unsure as to why you are at this age, if you do not recall the conversation. The other times you have aged it has been to represent a turning point in your life-"

"I wouldn't really say turning point. More like tragedy. Remind me to find and thank those old coots for allowing my life to become public display, will ya." Jim sneered slightly ducking his gaze. This was still something he had not found appealing when informed of what had been currently happening to his body. To learn that his deepest secrets had been openly revealed to his crew in a manner that left him reliving those memories before them…well it didn't sit right.

"You are the Captain we trust and follow blindly because of the past you had lived. Be it tragic or not. It has made you the great man you are today. So, do not feel that we hold this knowledge against you, Jim. If anything it is perhaps, by seeing the struggles you have faced, that I better understand why it is you are who you are."

"Flattery ain't going to get you anywhere." Jim teased throwing an appreciative smile over at Spock though trying to cover it up with a little flirting of his own. What one learns after years of pretending to be a playboy.

"Captain, a transmission from the admirals." Nyota called her voice immediately altering from the teasing mirth from earlier to the strained and seriousness of a lieutenant.

Jim smiled, a warm feeling of pride took over him, as he watched the members of his alpha crew all work diligently. However, that smile was short lived as he was brushed up from the chair as Spock needed to speak now as the Captain.

Jim rose reluctantly and moved out of the view as per ordered. If he went petulantly, well that was only because he didn't like being told what to do.

"Ah, Spock." Admiral Pike as well as two other Federation admirals appeared on the screen upon Spock's go ahead.

Spock nodded his head only slightly in recognition, "Admirals."

"You are still on route to Earth correct?"

"We have not altered our course, so it is safe to assume that we are still heading to Earth." Spock agreed and Jim could almost laugh at how he seemed to find the question heedless and irrelevant since the answer should have been obvious. "Now, perhaps you may be inclined to inform us as to the true nature of your call."

"Cut straight to the point, huh, Spock." Pike smiled amused though the other two didn't seem to be taking it as well. "How is everything going on the ship, Spock?"

"Everything is in order and there is nothing to report sir." Spock stated calmly his tone neutral and very Vulcan as he responded.

From his spot Jim could see Pike mulling over this response, and almost wished he could see Spock's eyes from this angle to be able to read whatever Pike was getting from his spot.

"And what of Kirk?" Admiral Richard Barnett, who sat at Pike's right, spoke up. He had been the man at Jim's trail long ago and was immediately scowled at as Jim's interest was pulled further into the conversation.

"This conversation is not on an encrypted line." Uhura voiced in concern flicking her eyes up first at the admirals before turning to face Spock with an urgency and fear lighting up her eyes.

Spock looked up from his gaze with Uhura to meet Pike's controlled stare. The favorable admiral seemed to be tense and unwilling to voice the disdain growing in his eyes. So, fighting any comments, Spock turned to the other two admirals.

Barnett seemed to be growing impatient that his answer was being withheld, and Admiral James Komack, who was sitting on Pike's left, was grinning openly. The man was not even remotely concerned by the fact that they were breeching on a matter that needed to be approached with extreme caution.

"It may be wise to understand how much information you hold before I can answer that question."

"Oh come off it Spock if someone was listening into this conversation they already have their suspicions answered enough to pose a threat. Which I suppose was the intended result." Jim spoke up stepping into view much to the dismay of his crew. The startled gasps from the admirals left a grin forming on Jim's lips.

"You're back." Pike breathed out and his shock turned into a settled warmth. "Good god kid you gave us quite the scare." He smirked and leaned back into his chair.

"Kirk you have been privy to this conversation this whole time, and yet remained out of site. Explain yourself." Komack asked barely withholding the growl.

"Well, seeing as I have not been cleared to return to my captain-y duties as of yet. I truly am just a passenger of this mighty fine vessel." Jim said moving further into view. "So, I wasn't required to show myself nor do I have to explain myself to you. However, I do not like when people force the hand of my crew. So, I figured I'd give you the answer you were looking for admirals. What do you think? What of Kirk you asked? Well, I say I'm just fine and dandy, wouldn't you Spock?" Jim asked throwing a glance over his shoulder at the other.

"Jim." Both Spock and Pike voiced the male's name with a tone of warning.

Jim's gaze turned from Spock to settle on Pike. The admiral seemed to be taking a good look at the young captain and his calculating gaze hardened with understanding and he shook his head.

"We have side-tracked from our conversation. If Kirk is no longer in need of returning to base than it would be urgent that the enterprise crew make plans for a meet with us at the home station. There have been concerns of attacks recently that need to be addressed and you are the closest federation ship." Pike spoke calmly his eyes remaining on Jim though he was speaking to the rest of the crew.

Jim seemed to catch something in Pike's words and nodded his head pulling away from his casual position and moving to stand over near Spock and the Captain's chair. He hovered, standing beside the Captain as a First Officer would.

"We cannot be the closest to that station." Jim spoke up and gained a glare from the other two admirals.

"We had not truly believed your ship was the best either. However, with the previous war our ships have been sent out to protect our borders. Because of your need to return, the Enterprise is the nearest ship capable of battle. We have some other ships but they are not meant for fighting…more geared towards exploring and so only prepared for defenses." Barnett replied and seemed to be settling nicely now that the conversation was flowing.

He never seemed to like nor dislike Kirk. If anything he had been more concerned that the Enterprise would have to return to Earth and now that Jim was 'back to normal' there was no major concern.

"Do these recent attacks pertain to the earlier attacks over this past year?" Spock questioned gaining the attention once more, and readdressing that at the present he was still captain of this ship.

"We are not sure at this time. Communication has proved to be troubling since the attacks, so we are going off of speculation mostly. We would rather be safe, than sorry." Pike spoke his eyes flashing to Jim before returning on Spock. "The Enterprise will head to the station. We hope that the attacks are just delayed responses from the past year, but we are not keeping our fingers crossed on the matter." Pike said and the other two admirals seemed to consent.

"We will increase speed so as to return swiftly. If that will be all admirals." Spock replied with approval, waiting for them to conclude the transmission so the crew could be left to themselves once more. He could already feel his gaze drifting to Jim to reprimand his rash behaviors.

"Jim I wish to speak with you in private at a later hour." Pike replied catching the crews' attention as well as the admirals.

"Yah I figured you would." Jim said with a scuff, "I'll head up to my quarters here in the hour and accept your call."

"Good, because there is much to discuss." Pike nodded and paused to send the man a smile, "Glad you're looking more like yourself Jim. Now don't go giving the crew too much trouble until the good doctor clears you for Captaincy again." Pike turned his attention back to Spock and sent an understanding gaze, "Keep him safe and the rest of the ship as well." He smiled and gave a final nod before the transmission cut.

It was barely a blink before all eyes turned to Jim who was still staring up at the screen in thought.

Jim blinked away the daze and met with a horde of questioning glances, as well as Spock's cool brown gaze.

"Jim you were unwise to speak out as you have. You are not even back to your proper age and you foolishly allowed the admirals to believe you were." Spock spoke up first addressing the prior problem rather than the question brimming on the top of everyone's thoughts.

"You guys were being played and you know that Spock. Komack has never liked me and seeing my crew struggle in my defense is just as good as messing with me. So, yes I let them believe what they wanted. They never asked so I did not deny that I was back to my proper age. Pike caught on and that's really all that matters."

"Pike also hinted that the two of you have been communicating." Spock began but was cut off at Jim's laugh.

"Yah, but you already knew that Spock. You and Bones had given me the clearance last time or have you forgotten?" Jim asked sending the acting captain a prized grin.

Spock's lips thinned slightly, the only sign that he was not amused with Jim's taunting, "We had believed you had wished to settle old problems and gain reassurance, while you were at that age. I am now led to believe that was not the case."

"Well, I'd say we had accomplished that in a manner, but I have never been one to follow customs. I had some other stuff in mind that needed to be addressed." Jim said his eyes turning to gaze out at the stars and getting a far-away look to the blue depths.

"It's so weird, this quiet." Jim mumbled his hand lifting on its own accord to idly press against his chest. However, this action seemed to draw him out of this daze and he shifted to pushed away from the captain's chair, "Like the calm before the storm." He mused and sent a salute to the crew, "Sorry can't answer any more questions. I mean really I shouldn't even be allowed on the bridge. Spock you have become much too lenient with the regulations." Jim teased before sauntering towards the lift, "I have a message to go answer. If you need me I'll be in my quarters." He grinned and turned disappearing from the bridge.

The silence that hovered was short lived as Sulu broke it, "Does anyone else get this feeling that Jim is planning something?" He muttered and turned to look at Spock, "He says the admirals were playing us but I think he's the one who holds all the cards."

"A rather astute assumption and one I will most certainly clear up after shift. However, as we now have new orders it may be wise of all of those present to return to their tasks at hand. Warp 4 should be sufficient."

"Aye, sir." Sulu muttered sending Chekov a bemused sigh as they all went back to their stations.

They were still heading in the same direction as before but now the stakes had changed. Jim had foolishly allowed the admirals to believe that he was well again, and had played off of the hope that he was good as new. There was obviously something going on and now the crew wished more than ever that this was the right course of action.

How much could they do for Jim if he was busy stuck in space guarding the federation base? Hadn't the point been to return Jim to Earth to fix what was wrong? Now they would be just in reach of their final destination and yet still not close enough.

McCoy had been able to conquer all the challenges Jim had thrown at him over the past months, but what would happen if he couldn't. Weren't they warned about Jim not being able to handle what was coming? Wasn't that the reason he had been de-aged to begin with?

They all were still overwhelmed to see Jim smiling and laughing and taunting them like the Captain they had grown to know. Yes, he had matured over the missions and now seemed to have taken a step back to the starting line.

It was still their Captain, none-the-less, and they wanted to keep him like he was now. No one wanted to see him in pain again.

Only time would tell what changes were to come, and they really couldn't stop time from ticking away.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't know how I feel about this part of chapter seven. It's like it is important but really not at all. So, meh, it's probably because this is one of the last ones before some serious changes start happening. There are still two more parts to chapter seven and then chapter eight is...well I won't spoil that for you. : )<strong>

** It'll be posted within the week at my leisure. Still writing out the final chapters...lots of bouncing around to fix and alter things.** **Haven't written out the scene I've been looking forward to writing. It's basically the moment just before the ending, and the whole reason to writing this story. I've got notes on it like crazy and pieces of the scenes. **

**Just got to get caught up on the other things first and then I'm going to write it and be happy, or sad. I mean...this story is meant to be angsty...poor Jim. I don't know why my first story I write is one picking on the poor Captain. Especially because I love him so much. Ah...the mysteries of life. **

**Hope you enjoyed. See you all again during the next post. Maybe if I feel really generous I'll post the next two together instead of just one at a time. We'll see. **

**Reviews may influence my opinion****


	14. Chapter 14

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: So, here is another page for chapter seven. Thanks to passionfornight and MikiNishimura12, who were the only ones to reply to last chapter. I know it was very filler-ish so I understand. I'll post the last page to chapter seven soon...wanted to make some changes to it because I altered stuff in this page. Anyway…this one was interesting to write, hope you enjoy : )_**

**_Warnings: some Jim flirting, as well as some bashful Jim. Also some Spock snuggling.  
><em>**

* * *

><p>"Captain?" Spock looked up in surprise from where he sat mediating. He had heard the bathroom door swoosh, and knew that Jim was the only one who would enter from such means. Seeing as it was his room that lay adjoined to Spock's own.<p>

"Now see, that is where the confusion lies." Jim smirked moving into the room as if it was second nature, and seating himself on Spock's bed, "How am I supposed to not act like a captain when you keep addressing me as such?" He smiled sadly and noted Spock tense up at this admission, "_You're the captain now Spock,_ _remember I'm still not really back_."

Spock's gaze locked on Jim with these words. They were spoken in that distant tone once again and seemed to hold a deeper foreboding. The man rubbed idly at his chest, but seemed to quickly blink out of whatever haze he was in.

"You will always be the captain of this ship, Jim. I am only making sure everything is in working order for when you are returned to your proper place at the head of command." He replied and rose elegantly from his spot on the floor to take a seat nearby Jim upon his bed.

"What if I don't return?" Jim breathed out but then smirked to cover the fear, "You'll have to be captain if that happens. Not just acting captain. Could you imagine that?" He grinned and tried to pretend not to notice Spock's eyes flash with concern by the tone of conversation.

"I do not imagine such occurrences because they will not come to pass." Spock stated firmly and turned slightly to better face Jim, "You had been missing for over a year, and yet I still remained only acting captain. I have come to know that the Enterprise's rightful captain doesn't quit or stop when a situation seems impossible." He paused to let Jim take this in and quirked a brow as if daring Jim to say otherwise, "I expect no less from him, and thus remain to aide in his rash actions so that when he has saved the day once again, someone is there to make sure he is around to do so the next time."

"Sounds like this Captain of yours is a brash fool and you're his white knight, Mr. Spock." Jim laughed and rubbed tiredly at his temple, "Man this is all still so much to take in."

He breathed out, turning his gaze to the floor, "I keep getting glimpses of things, mostly of my time back on this ship as younger versions…with the crew…with you." Jim paused to smile almost fondly at this thought, however, it did not last long as his face twisted into a solemn smile.

"And then there are these moments. Where I do something, or someone does an action, that forces a memory back into place of a time when I'm older…" with this he lets out a bemused sigh and turns to meet Spock's gaze. Seeing the man staring back fondly, Jim has to cast his gaze away to keep from meeting with those brown eyes filled with such intensity and focus.

He didn't know how he knew this, but he realized that Spock would always truly listen to him, always respect each word spoken even if they were foolish. That he had come to Spock over Bones because Spock had slowly become the one he longed to speak with.

Jim didn't know when it came to this point, but he knew without a doubt that if Spock were to come to him, he would return the favor tenfold.

The fact that it didn't bother him…well that left him feeling an odd tension too near his heart to ponder at the present time.

With an apprehension to his voice, Jim continues, the look upon his face no longer comforted or concentrative as he seems to fear what comes next, "Then there are these brief glimpses of pain and suffering and being alone with no hope. Of loss without guilt, because I accomplished something, but I'm still all alone. If I close my eyes, it's like I'm there again and it's all around me and I can't face it again. I don't want to die alone." He gasps out clutching tightly at his chest tears brimming up unnoticed and then suddenly he is enveloped in warmth.

Jim's breath catches as warm arms tighten around him, "I apologize if my actions are not welcomed but the younger versions of yourself seemed to find comfort in this manner, and I wish to give comfort." Spock replied almost too quickly.

He would later note that hugging a child because the child hugged you first was understandable, but actually acting out first and to an adult no less was unlike himself. It was a different story all together, and yet Spock found it to be the most logical course of action. "You are not alone, Jim. The entire crew is here for you as am I. We came to get you and will not let them take you back. You are safe now. You are safe."

Jim let out a shaky breath as he sank deeper into Spock's hold.

The silence that settled was comfortable and Jim seemed to relax more as he remained in Spock's arms soaking up any comfort that was given. However, after some time passed the silence began to grow tense, along with the man in Spock's hold. This unease seemed to fester as Jim grew unsure about whether to voice his thoughts or act out against this rising restlessness.

It took some time before whatever those thoughts were that plagued Jim's silence broke out and he voiced them aloud.

"Th-this may sound weird…"

Jim's voice is slightly hoarse and he coughs to mask his embarrassment by this fact. As he speaks he pulls up and out of Spock's arms to first briefly meet Spock's eyes, and then settle his own on the bed. He licked his lips nervously and laughed at the foolishness that the great Captain James T. Kirk was being embarrassed about his own actions because of his first officer. Of course Spock would leave him feeling out of sorts.

"I really can't believe that I'm even going to ask this…especially since as far as I can recall the last time we met you were still not quite fond of me. And I mean that's probably putting it mildly, but I know, well at least from the memories with the kid version of me and all-"

"James." Spock broke over Jim's rambling and a quirked brow was all it took for Jim to sheepishly get the hint.

"May I stay?" Jim whispered his eyes not lifting to meet with Spock's and his face flushing a warm reddish hue with embarrassment, "Just…just for tonight. You can say no. I mean, I would totally understand if you did. I probably shoulda gone to Bones with this, but I mean it felt right to come to you…and gah, I'm making a fool of myself and I really should just go—I'll just go." Jim stated but made no real move to leave.

Spock waited with baited breath as he expected the other to get up or move further away. However, he was pleased to not the Jim had no real intention to do either, and thus remained sitting. The younger man's gaze lifted very slowly and hesitantly to meet with Spock's own; blue always seeking to find brown. And deep within that brown gaze there was a settled amusement; one that the younger man seemed capable to catch even though it did not reflect on or alter the surface of said Vulcan.

"Come on don't mock my pathetic-ness."

"I would never mock, Jim." Spock said but his tone seemed to be slightly off from its usual Vulcan mannerism.

"Oh I bet you wouldn't." Jim smirked and pushed at the Vulcan who let himself be shoved back down onto the bed. "I'll go mope somewhere else." Jim stated and stood shakily.

He barely moved away from the bed when Spock's hand caught his wrist. "Stay."

"I-alright." Jim stuttered gazing down at Spock in amazement that the man had actually just reached out for him. This was twice now that the Vulcan had actually mad contact with him without any qualms about touch sensitivity or that matter. It was such a strange, yet welcomed occurrence that Jim couldn't really get his mind to function at its proper capacity. He stared lamely down at Spock completely at the whim of the other.

So, without protest, he allowed himself to be guided back down to the bed and shifted only slightly so to lie almost solidly against the other on the small bed. And really who designed these things, they were much too small? Though, that was probably because they were not designed for two people, let alone two grown men.

Spock's voice seemed to pull him out of his daze or perhaps it was the fact that suddenly the room became much dimmer and he was now acutely aware of the others pulse against his arm, and breath ghosting against his skin.

Jim shifted once more, and finally settled to have Spock speak up.

"I had not meant to belittle the fact that you came to me for condolences." Spock admitted as the room fell silent. His voice was not much louder and Jim felt compelled to respond in such a tone.

"It's okay you didn't."

"I will not try and argue the matter." Spock replied instead and paused as if to consider something before speaking again, "You are welcome to return beside just tonight if you wish."

"Spock." Jim breathed out not knowing really how to take that.

"I have grown accustomed to your presence over these last several months and would not deter you from acting as you have." Spock clarified as best he could, "If this helps solidify my point that you are not alone than I welcome your presence. I would always rather have you happy, Jim."

Jim paused letting this settle in and thanking whatever gods that the lights in the room were dim enough to hide the blush that had to be staining his cheeks again. "Th-thanks I guess." Jim breathed out and shifted slightly, once more, on the small bed, "Thanks."

"Thanks are not required but are welcomed." Spock replied evenly and Jim sighs at the normalcy that comes just from Spock's tone of voice. "You should rest now Jim. I will be here if you wake."

"Mmm. Good plan." Jim mumbles and shifts again in agitation, trying in vain to not touch Spock even with such a small space.

"If it would ease your discomfort I shall go mediate and leave you the bed." Spock barely goes to sit up when Jim cuts him off completely with a loud shout.

"No!" Jim gasps sitting up slightly and immediately reaching out to grasp ahold of Spock. "I-" Jim seems stunned by his own reaction and shakes his head, "God, I feel like such a…this is not me." Jim groans but sinks back onto the bed, "Please just stay." The words fall as a mumbled breath into Spock's shoulder.

Jim casts his gaze up in a daring attempt to meet Spock's eyes, no feeling beyond foolish for his actions this night, but hoping that Spock would understand. Understand what had been underlying everything.

"Very well, I will remain." Spock agrees and watches as Jim settles now without concern for borders. Jim's head resting against his shoulder, and his hand still clutching at Spock's arm.

"_Don't leave me…._" Jim mumbles sleepily his eyes drifting shut as sleep takes over.

"Never."

* * *

><p>Spock listens as the door joining their two rooms swooshes closed and is pulled awake as his mind wakes up fully. He can recall the previous night's events and how Jim had somehow managed to once again share his bed. Yet, the other seemed to have risen before him and without notice.<p>

Spock's hand moved on its own accord, and really without much thought, to settle on to the place where Jim had slept. What he found was a lingering warmth still on the sheets, Jim must've just gotten up.

Though, it was somewhat reassuring that Jim had only just risen. It still left an odd weight settling in the pit of Spock's stomach that Jim was not there when he woke. Add to that he had always been a light sleeper and the fact that Jim had not only left the bed but had moved out of the room without Spock waking was odd. He would have to delve into that further, but at a later time, for now he would get up, and prepare for the day ahead.

It was the sound of water running that alerted Spock to Jim's own task of going about his morning routine. It gave a since of nostalgia that here Jim was falling back into customs that Spock recognized and had once grown accustomed to working around.

However, as Spock finished his own routine he found it odd that not once did Jim return. Perhaps it was just out of normalcy over these several months, but it was unsettling that he kept away. Spock's mind seemed to come up with a multitude of possible reasons for this, but what seemed most plausible was that Jim had felt shame over his actions last night.

Knowing their captain was not one to show weakness, and perhaps was regretting displaying that side so openly; Spock decided to go clear this matter up. Jim had nothing to be ashamed of. For all people, including captains had moments of weaknesses and that made their strengths all the more commendable.

So, with that mindset he makes his way through their adjoining bathrooms and into Jim's quarters. Though, as he enters he is immediately stopped by Jim's bewilderment at someone entering his own chambers. The shock and moment of panic does not go unnoticed as it flashes across the vibrant blue eyes.

"Spock!"

Spock seems to completely tune out Jim's words as he moves fully into the room. He does not stop, but rather continues until he is practically beside Jim. He barely recognizes Jim flinch at the closeness, rather he is too stuck on what is right in front of him and he reached up to grasp at Jim's chin.

The action in and of itself is so unlike him that Jim is too stunned to even truly react.

Brown eyes scan over him with a calculative manner. "You have been injured." Spock announces this and backs up releasing his hold on Jim. His brow dips as he tries to work this out. "These are new. They had not been present when we spoke last night. How is it that you have managed to become injured in the time frame from when we fell asleep to this moment now? I did not strike you…nor do I recall any other presence. Did you inflict these upon yourself?"

"No-god no." Jim gasped out looking wide-eyed up at Spock for even thinking such a thing. His hand lifts to idly rub at his jaw line, were Spock's hand had just been, and he mutters a response. "I-I really don't know what happened…I woke up and they were just there."

Spock gazed over the wounds and the confusion seemed to set in as he tries in vain to reason what had happened. "Perhaps…in our sleep."

"It wasn't you Spock." Jim breathed out immediately dismissing it.

There was a slight pause as Jim seemed to be unwilling to admit something. He bit his lip in consideration and winces as he recalls that the fresh cut there would still sting. "They match the dream I had…" He whispered and looked up to catch Spock's gaze.

"You dreamed getting attacked?"

"I told you I've been having glimpses…last night was just more in detail." Jim muttered rubbing uncomfortably at his neck.

Spock's eyes catch the movement and once again he reaches out to grasp Jim. This time capturing him by the forearm to bring it close, for inspection.

Jim's breath catches with a wince and immediately Spock's hold loosens to almost a nonexistent touch. "You could just ask Spock." Jim whispered as he watches the pale green tinted fingers trail along the marred skin of his wrist.

"You have been injured." Spock states once again and ignores Jim's snort of 'no shit Sherlock,' deciding that he would not address that with a comment. Rather he releases his hold on Jim with shaking fingers and steps back setting his arms precariously behind his back. He seems to only now realize truly what he had just done. "Forgive my actions."

"Apologizes are illogical." Jim mocks, throwing Spock a most dashing smile, but winces again at the tug on the cut on his lip.

"I should not have taken such liberties none-the-less." Spock replies, though Jim can see the worry flicker in the brown gaze at his wince.

"Spock I slept with you last night! I mean really a touch to my arm is nothing in comparison." Jim huffs but than almost immediately flushes as his own words catch up with him. "God…okay wait. I…you know what I meant." Jim breaks away and looks down at his arm.

Really he doesn't look too bad all-in-all, it could've been much worse. There was the cut on his lip and some minor bruising along his cheek bone. His eye will probably be swollen later but for now it is just some black splotches. His wrists were perhaps the most unsettling and even they didn't look too bad. The skin was rubbed raw as if he was fighting some bonds and he had to stop himself from rubbing at the sore skin.

Nothing horrendous, but perhaps enough that Spock's concern was reasonable especially seeing as they had been none existent just hours before.

"It's fine Spock." Jim stated and gave a small smirk to try and lighten the mood that had fallen between them, also to shake off his own embarrassing words. "Kind of different I must admit, but not unwelcomed. I'm assuming you just grew accustomed to touches during your time spent with the younger versions of me?" Jim's smile broadened with this and he winced again, "Dammit that's going to get old fast." He huffed touching a hand gently to his lip, and the cut. "But I've been beat worse before…this is nothing." Jim sent Spock a sad but knowing glance. "As everyone here knows by now." He chuckled meekly.

"I do not find humor in this situation, James." Spock stated and as Jim stepped forward slightly he immediately took a step back.

"Okay really, I'm fine." He grumbles in annoyance at Spock's avoidance.

"A word that has too many variations of its meaning, and thus not an appropriate term to determine the truthfulness of such a statement." Spock stated and looked at Jim, "Perhaps a visit to Doctor McCoy would be advised as well as beneficial. I fear the repercussions that may occur if your dreams continue down this path."

"Okay I'll go check in with Bones, but will you stop looking at me like I'm made of glass." Jim snapped stepping forward quickly and grasping ahold of Spock before he could step away from him. "You said you wouldn't leave. So, stop….stop pushing me away."

Spock seemed stunned by this and didn't move as he peered down at Jim, "I am not going anywhere." He stated and without much thought to the action lifted his hand to brush at the cut on Jim's lip, "I admit to holding some apprehension at harming you further."

Jim leaned into the touch slightly and smiled sadly when Spock pulled away. "I really am alright, Spock." Jim breathed out but didn't fight it further. "You have alpha shift here soon. So, I'll just head down to sickbay."

"That seems…wise." Spock agreed his brow dipping almost confused as his eyes shifted to glance down at his own hand, unsure about his actions and a nagging thought. His brown eyes lift to meet Jim's and he seems to only be more confused by his own thoughts.

"You alright, Spock?" Jim asks noticing that Spock's gaze seemed to linger and he had yet to make any move to leave. It almost seemed as if the other man hadn't truly even registered what Jim had spoken.

"Yes." Spock spoke up after a moment longer than what would be normal, and straightened up to his usual posture, "Yes, I am quite adequate. I had meant to question this previously, but had felt compelled not to bring it up during our discussion last night. However, it will need to be addressed eventually and now seems a suitable time." He pauses and catches Jim's nod to continue, "I had wished to discuss what the conversation between yourself and Admiral Pike pertained. If you would not be averse to discussing this perhaps we may meet up some time after shift?"

"Yah that seems acceptable. Though, I dunno how exciting you'll find it. Us having been catching up and all."

"I will perhaps be the judge of how exciting or non-exciting the conversation is." Spock replied and met Jim gaze for gaze. "We can meet on the observational deck in exactly 4.2 hours. If that sounds acceptable?"

"It's a date then." Jim agreed smirking at how Spock's brow rose with the term. "See you in 4.2 hours Mr. Spock." He hummed throwing one last wink to the other man before heading out the door.

* * *

><p>However, Jim seemed unable to keep that promise as on his way to the observation deck he was stopped.<p>

He had just been passing by a couple of ensigns when something triggered in his mind pulling up a rather painful memory.

Images of shadowed faces and chains flashed before his eyes, causing him to stumble against the wall.

The strong smell of iron, and a coppery taste in his mouth, forced him to cough out and slide down to the floor.

The shouts of concern, from the passing ensigns, rang back to him as piercing screams. Tortured cries as flames burned along his skin.


	15. Chapter 15

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_AN: Chapter seven concluding…finally, the end of chapter seven. Told you it was a long chapter. _**

**_Warnings…um blood. Mentions of abuse. Bones cursing. Jim anguish...strong language.  
><em>**

_**P.S. there is a monster at the end of this book…wait, crap wrong story haha. I mean there is a surprise at the end of this chapter. Don't skip ahead! Really, it'll be all the better if you let it build up and then bam.**_

_**: ) enjoy.**_

* * *

><p>"Jim."<p>

"Jim."

"Dammit, kid, wake up." Bones' voice pulled Jim back out of whatever haze he had fallen in and he blinked wearily trying once again to regain his bearings.

"I-I was in the hall…" Jim muttered looking around sickbay confused. He turned to meet McCoy's worried gaze and gave a weak smile, "Nice seeing you again so soon, Bones." Jim hummed but his voice felt raw as if he had the start of a cold or had been shouting at the top of his lungs for too long.

"I do not agree that this situation remotely fits along the lines of 'nice,' Jim." Spock stated stepping into Jim's line of site and receiving a small but weak smile from Jim.

"We've gotta stop meeting like this." He cooed softly, only to cough out.

"Dammit." Bones cursed moving forward to swipe at Jim's mouth.

This seemed to catch Jim's attention as the cloth that Bones used came away with blood. "That doesn't seem good." He mumbled and brushed at his lip just in case.

"What do you recall having happened Jim? You said you remembered being in the hallway? Then what happened? Do you remember anything else…?" Bones asked apprehensively.

"Remember…" Jim breathed out and winced as his vision swam. He coughed violently and listed to the side clutching painfully at his chest as the alarms around his bed blared to life.

"Good, god." Bones cursed going to grab some form of hypo or something to assist whatever was happening. However, he stopped as Jim coughed out a wait.

"Just…wait." Jim huffed and pushed himself into an upright position on the bed, the alarms seemed to settle and quiet as he did.

This time, however, when he wiped at his mouth he came away with blood and scuffed wiping it off on the bed. Bones couldn't find it in him to protest as Jim looked almost grimly up at the two set of eyes watching him.

"They're not going to do anything Bones." Jim stated and winced having to adjust his position slightly before breathing out a heavy sigh, "I'm remembering." He stated and sent a knowing glance towards Spock. "I'm remembering what happened to me, and…and it's playing out as I recall certain events." He breathed out and turned his gaze now to his wrists.

The once lightly marred skin was now torn and bloodied. They appeared to show wounds from weeks of fighting against bonds. This left the skin heated and infected, and yet they had seemed fine only minutes ago and were completely normal hours prior. The blood that ran down from the wounds (most of which was dried up now) was rolling up his arms as if towards him, flowing as if against gravity.

Along with this wound his prior bruises were yellowish-green marks as if days or weeks old. In their place a multitude of new bruises littered his face. His eye was swollen and a large cut ran along the side of his face. Starting at his brow and dipping towards his chin.

His back burned and shifting even slightly caused the skin to pull and tear.

Bones seemed reluctant to not go find something to help with this discomfort. A dermal regenerator sat on the table nearby, thrown out of the way as it continuously proved incapable of mending Jim's wounds.

"I can't get the wounds healed, Jim." Bones stated the sound of desolation obvious in his voice as he watched his friend struggle with just sitting upright.

"You wouldn't." Jim agreed and met Bones' gaze and gave a sympathetic smile, "You can't heal something that already happened. These-these wounds are old, Bones…first months…tops." Jim muttered and winced as he attempted to lean back.

"You are speaking of your time spent off ship." Spock spoke up softly his voice holding a semblance of his usual stoic tone but heavily laced with the brimming concern.

Jim's eyes softened at this and he felt almost sorry that Spock seemed to continuously be wrapped up in his problems. With a reluctant sigh Jim decided that Spock already knew that answer and was only voicing his thoughts aloud. So, rather than answer he asked a question of his own.

"We are nearing Earth, right?" Jim breathed out letting his eyes slip shut in an effort to stop staring back at those warm brown depths.

"We will be arriving there within a day or so." Spock replied taken off guard by the shift in subject.

"A day or so?" Jim smirked over the pain in his voice. "Is that the exact Spock time or is that just for my benefit?" he tried to tease, opening his eyes unable to keep himself from looking back up at Spock, "Don't let this shake you up Spock." Jim breathed out with a weary grin, "I'd say I have about a day or so until things get to their full potential."

"You mean when we reach Earth?" Bones asked moving to press a hypo to Jim's neck. With Jim's hiss he muttered a soft, "Sorry, kid." Before settling down at the end of the bed, "That should help numb the pain, or at least it is supposed to, who knows now if it actually will." He grumbled but the concern was evident.

"It's the thought that counts." Jim smiled and seemed to actually not struggle as much with the pain now. "Funny how our voyage home seems to be the crescendo that has been shaping this whole aging thing. I doubt just sitting tight at the Element would've prolonged it much, but I'm certain the trip here has played its roll on how things timed out."

"So, because we are nearing the end of this journey?" Bones breathed out.

"Something is coming." Jim muttered as a reply, "Something that's going to change a lot of things. Mostly something that I need to remember, because if I don't and we reach that station before I do…I fear all hell may break loose." Jim breathed meekly and once again his eyes gravitated towards Spock.

"It is safe to assume at this point in time that recalling these facts will continue to harm you?" Spock questioned remaining mostly silent as he took in what Jim was saying.

"Yah…I'd say it's safe to assume that." Jim winced and clutched weakly at his side.

"Dammit Jim, are you saying through this whole recalling…remembering…whatever you want to name it. That I won't be able to even help you? That I can't do anything at all?" Bones grip onto the bed post tightens with such force that his knuckles turn white, "I won't accept that! Dammit I can't just let you bleed out without doing something! You have burns covering your side and back Jim. Burns! And you're telling me those bastards did that in the first month, what more is coming, kid? How can I not try and help you?" he curses.

"I told you they are old wounds-" Jim began but gets cut off as McCoy throws a dismissive glare at him.

"Than what about all the other wounds? What about when you were that eight year old boy with a broken ulna bone? Or when you were the thirteen year old, and had been overwhelming malnourished and beaten? How can I fix those wounds but not these? Those were much older than these ones would be."

"It's not the same Bones." Jim breathed out and leaned forward to clutch at McCoy's hand. Their eyes met and Bones settled slightly his anger melting to only reveal the fear and worry. "The old wounds...the ones with the kid versions…they had all been healed. What you did, on this ship, was just speed up that process again, but it had been one I already experienced. Yes, perhaps slightly different, but the same end result."

Jim paused to give Bones a sympathetic glance, "These are still old. Right now they're new 'cuz I'm remembering things as they happened, but by the end of the year. I still had them. Yes, most of them were healed over…poorly or not. But they never got treated, Bones. I didn't get saved remember?" He breathed out and winced, not in pain but rather at the pain he sees shoot across not only McCoy's face but also Spock's. "You can't alter the past…I've lived through it already. I can…I can manage, it'll be alright."

"No it won't." Bones hisses and collapses into Jim's lap, "No it damn well won't." he curses and tenses up as Jim settles a hand soothingly on his back, "How can you expect me to just sit tight and watch you relive that? Not after all that's already happened. I've already seen too much pain, dammit. I don't want to see you suffer anymore!"

"I know." Jim whispers and runs his fingers soothingly through the older man's hair as he tries to control himself. Though, the shuddering intakes of breath and tremble to his shoulders state otherwise.

Jim looks up to catch Spock's gaze and flinches at how pale the man seemed to have gotten during the conversation.

"God Spock, sit down before you pass out." Jim breathes out in a gasp causing Bones to jerk upright almost immediately. Apparently it is an ingrained trait that being a doctor comes before personal matters.

"I am alright, capt—Jim." Spoke states and yet shifts to take the seat anyway.

"I can tell." Jim smiles meekly and his hand slides from McCoy's back as the other man sits up straight. Tear tracks openly evident and shocking against the man's face. For an impenetrable force such as Doctor Leonard McCoy, it is weird to see him brought to tears just at the thought of his friend's suffering.

"So now what, we just sit and wait as you remember?" Bones scuffs. "How can we just do that? God Jim how can you just accept this?"

"You think I just want to accept it? Bones I'm so scared right now!" Jim states glaring up at the man to mask the tears welling up in his eyes, "I'm so frightened of the pain. I can feel it. Its boiling up inside me like a vice grip to the point where I can't breathe. I don't even want to.

Yet at the same time its chilling me from inside. This fear, this pain. I've already had glimpses of it earlier and some wounds have turned up that weren't supposed to have been there, but it's getting worse. These aren't like the wounds of my childhood.

It's like taking all those wounds that had been patched up, all the wounds that have yet to come, all those wounds I've already faced, and slowly tearing them open once more, digging deeper-ripping wider…longer. I've faced all this before but I feel like they are nothing compared to what is coming, Bones. That makes me wish to still time even more so."

You think I wouldn't want to just stop now and turn back time again? To pull away from a fire that I can't seem to escape? That I can't be saved from?" Jim hisses and let's his eyes slide shut, a single tear streaking over his bloodied and bruised cheek. "I've faced this all before Bones. I…I'm sure I can face it again and yet all I can think about is that when they said 'he won't be able to handle it' I don't think they meant me…"

Jim eyes lift catching immediately with Spock's across from him before meeting with Bones' gaze. "I don't want to remember. I don't want this to happen. I wish that you never found me on that planet, that none of you had to see any of what you have over these last few months. But god, I can't just not remember this. I have to. I know deep past that fire and ice that there is something more important. Something that is worth remembering, that needs to be remembered."

"Dammit, fine…just, we'll get through this." Bones sighs running a trembling hand through his hair, "This is just another one of those moments where after all is said and done we look back at it and you wear that same shit-eating grin and shrug because of your damn Kirk luck. You hear me. This is…this is not going to break that chain. We'll just hang tight and then when you're all caught up, I'll fix whatever is left of you. I'm not losing you again kid. Even if that means I have to piece every last part of you back together."

Jim watches as Bones scrubs at his face cursing under his breath all the while.

"Of course, Bones." Jim smiles tiredly, "I expect nothing less." He tries for a more reassuring grin and leans into Bones touch as he ruffles his hair.

After such an action he finally pushes to stand, "Just…stay here with Spock. I'm going to go prep for whatever sort of hell we'll be facing and then I'll be back. Just…just don't move okay. And dammit no one hears about me….these are not tears." Bones warns mock-glaring at Jim before casting a weary gaze towards Spock.

The two seem to pass some underlying message to one another before Bones exits the room.

A silence falls between the two, leaving the only sound as the steady beep of Jim's heart monitor and the wheezed breaths he takes in.

* * *

><p>However, as Bones absence seems to settle Jim's own shoulders begin to shake and he ducks his head in a vain attempt to conceal or wrap in these emotions.<p>

"S-Spock…just, can you step out…just please out." Jim breathes out the words hitching as he points to the door.

"Jim." Spock's voice is barely loud enough for Jim to catch, but enough for the other to crack.

"It's my body, dammit!" Jim shouts angry tears leaving tracks down his cheeks as he stops trying to reign himself in, "Its mine. I should be able to have control over that and yet…it's been ripped away from me. I'm completely at the whim of this fate or whatever messed up hell this is. Its mine, and I cannot fight this."

A loud thump draws Spock's eyes over to see the pillow meet once again with the door in Jim's attempt to fight off some of this building anger. Jim finds himself unable to face an opponent, and unable to scream out his anguish without bringing others down. He remains trapped with no outlet and had longed for Spock to leave so not to catch any forms of this outburst.

Spock ignores any comment on leaving and instead remains giving Jim a chance to vent his frustrations, and hold on to support.

"You can and will fight this Jim."

"How!" Jim snaps glaring up and over at Spock. Though, the rage in his eyes quickly crumbles away, upon realizing that he couldn't take his anger out on Spock, he would _not_ take it out on Spock. "How can I fight this? I-I feel like I'm a teenager again and stuck at home with…" Jim trails off to sink his head into his hands, "I couldn't fight back then for such a long time because of that lack of control. There was no help for me there so I had to take matters into my own hand and cut out the problem. This is different…this is so very different and so much worse. How can I fight a nonexistent force?"

"Jim."

"How can I fight this fucked up hold fate seems to have me in?" Jim huffs out in defeat. He scrubs angrily at his eyes and casts his gaze off to the side and upon the floor; all in an attempt to not meet with Spock's own.

"I do not believe in fate Jim." Spock spoke out and Jim looked up to see Spock gazing not at Jim but down at his own lap. "However, if I did I would find it cruel for what it has done." He lifted his gaze to meet Jim's own. "When you had informed me of your belief that one must suffer to be great, I had thought your ideals showed a slight wisdom for such an obtuse outlook on life. However, I find that my opinion on the matter was wrong and that this concept suffers because it is misguided.

I believe that you are great not because of your suffering, but because you have lived." Spock pauses to sit up and take McCoy's abandoned place at the end of Jim's bed. His hand settles against Jim's leg, "You are great because even after so much you are able to smile. You are able to pick yourself up when others could not. But most of all you are able to put others always above yourself. Even after so many have wronged you. You still care so deeply. It is as admirable as it is unbelievable."

Jim leaned forward to catch Spock's hand pulling it into his own grasp, "Spock."

"Please allow me to finish."

"Alright…of course."

It took Spock a moment to rework his thoughts but as he did he allowed his hand to remain twined with Jim's own, "Do not let this win."

His eyes catch Jim's vibrant blues, as he tries to enforce the importance of these words.

"Do not believe that you are meant to perish so that others may live. You asked me not to leave you alone, and now I wish to return the request. Do not go. There are those who need you here. Your crew, Leonard…myself." Spock kept his gaze met with Jim's and shifted forward to lightly stroke the battered skin upon the others face, "I cannot erase your pain Jim, and I am compelled to resent that you must suffer through it again. I would carry this burden for you if I could. I can, however, promise you that you are not alone. That you will be saved, and we will fight whatever it is that is coming, but this will not happen. I will not let them take you from us again."

"Spock."

"You feel that you have nothing to fight." Spock continued without pause even as Jim's hold on his hand tightened, "Fight this loss of faith in yourself. The James Tiberius Kirk I had met first informed me that he did not believe in no win situations, and I had written him off once as foolish. You time and again prove me wrong and you will not stop now."

"Spock."

"You asked if I am alright, earlier tonight." Spock stated and looked questioningly into Jim's eyes as if accessing his very soul. "I am not, nor will I be if you perish. Taluhk nash-veh k'dular."

Jim looked at Spock trying to read into what the words spoken could have meant. He seemed to get the gist of it though and tried to pull away from Spock's hold, "No."

Spock tensed up at this, a brief moment of resigned acceptance forming in his eyes before his hold faltered and he tersely pulled away. His hands settled back into his own lap as he nodded in acceptance, and spoke up in a well placated tone. "I…understand, Captain…though the words remain true none-the-less."

"God…just wait." Jim cursed and dropped his head into his hands, "Not no-no…just no. As in you can't. You can't tell me that now. Not when everything is going to hell and a handbag." Jim curses and lifts his eyes to meet with Spock's. "I've been gone for a year Spock. The only version you know of me is that one or the de-aged ones. How do you even know that—that this isn't just some kind of misunderstanding, or some other feeling?"

"I have delved into that question often since your capture, and even more so as you have continuously aged back to our captain. It did not start because of your child-like entities, however, spending time with them…sharing your touch even if only in a hand held or a childish hug. I have only felt at ease with your presence. I have always felt calmed and yet stirred up because of you. It is an incorrigible and intolerable matter that I have tried to push aside. Losing you the first time brought it to surface and losing you again will…will only make this tightening in my chest all the worse." Spock paused to look at Jim, "I have found that I have previously and will continuously love thee."

"Dammit your timing." Jim curses leaning forward to snatch Spock's hand up in his own brushing their fingers together in a rushed form of a Vulcan kiss, all while crashing his lips to Spock's own.

Spock shifts to pull Jim closer, parting his lips at Jim's exploring tongue, only to startle as his hand slides along Jim's back; pulling a whimper of pain from the other man's lips.

"I apologize."

"Don't." Jim laughs and lifts a hand to his lips almost surprised that he acted out just moments prior. "Spock I-"

The words are cut off immediately as the communication chimes and Nyota's image appears on screen.

"Bridge to Sickbay, Spock there is a problem. We are receiving some odd transmissions coming from the Federation base. We need you on bridge, Captain." Nyota says her voice cutting and urgent.

Jim winces pulling away from Spock at the message, "Now this sounds awfully familiar…" he breathes out, "Go." He smiles his hand slipping in Spock's own to leave a lingering brush against his fingers before pulling to settle against his pained side. 'Respond' he mouths and watches as Spock seems to click back to reality.

"Spock here, I will be there momentarily lieutenant, thank you."

"I-yes of course. See you then Captain." Nyota replies and the transmission cuts.

"Very un-Spock-like of you…" Jim breathes out with a small smile. "You better go see what's going on with my ship." He teases and watches as Spock tries to collect himself.

"Jim."

"Go, I'll be here." Jim replies noting when Spock seems to forgo the reluctance and finally gives in to logic and the need to return to bridge.

"Yes." Spock agrees and stands, "Please try and refrain from-"

"Go." Jim huffs, "Please. I know. I'll be here. Promise."

"I will return." Spock nodded and turned swiftly only to pause. He seemed as if to hesitate for something else, but thought better of it before disappearing out of the doors.

"I love you too." Jim breathes out empty words now spoken to an empty room.

* * *

><p>The secluded room, in sickbay, now fell prey to the sounds of the persistent beating of the machines and Jim's wheezed gasps.<p>

His fingers trembled as they dug into the skin at his side. Pain washed over him and now that he was alone he gave out a soft cry.

He had more that he needed to do. Things were coming up too fast, and dammit why did Spock have to go there? Why would he have to make leaving so much harder to accept?

"I don't want to go." Jim breathed out in a gasp as blood soaked his shirt and began to stain the bed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Taluhk nash-veh k'dular (I cherish thee is the definition or rather a declaration of love between bondmates)or so says the Vulcan Language Dictionary. I didn't even know there was one of those. It's definitely nifty.<strong>

**So, some light pre-slash but! its a start...though, things aren't looking good for poor Jimmy : (**

**Points for any who catch the Doctor Who quote at the end ^^ Love that show. That scene is by far the saddest moment in those shows...though for this story I had written it out before catching myself writing it...now all I have in my head is the Doctor pleading "I don't want to go" before he changes. Sadness. **

**On another note...I have the next two chapters written out, but am making changes so, I dunno when I'll post them. I feel like I'm updating too quickly anyway. Maybe, I'll make you wait a week or something. Build the excitement? We'll see. **


	16. The Attack

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**AN: Things are getting intense, and we're leaving Jim, atm, to hang out with those trying to protect the ship. Don't worry we'll check back in with Jim soon. Promise : D**_

_**AN2: Okay so…really I should stop posting at ridiculous hours. My comment at the end of last chapter was not to punish you guys. I love all the reviews I'm getting but mostly just knowing that people are reading at all has left me amazed. I'm still trying to get the hang of this thing, and what I've noticed is people tend to not post daily…or multiple times a week. I've found either they post weekly or monthly and sometimes yearly…I don't know if this is like…how it's supposed to be done so to build up the suspense? Or just because people's lives are crazy busy (which mind you I understand completely…my life is already starting to become hectic. I'm attending two colleges now, working part time, working on side projects with groups, and am graduating soon-preparing work for my portfolio…so besides writing this I'm swamped.) **_

_**Anyway off topic. I am not punishing you. Just curious. So, as an apology I shall post. Yay! Had a bout of creativeness and thus I have actually finished this chapter and the next one. Expect that one tomorrow or by Sunday…maybe an Easter present? We'll see. Haha.**_

_**Anyway there were some questions in the review so, after this I left answers and comments to reviewers. passionfornight and Regretting Crimson, as well as any reader, as a whole, who are interested : ) **_

**Now without further prolonging here is our next chapter  
><strong>

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Eight:<span>

"The Attack"

On the bridge Spock arrived to a very tense crew. Uhura sat at her station quickly tap, tap, tapping away at her screen as if something was definitely not as it should be. Her fingers moved fluidly but with urgency.

"Keptin!" Chekov turned immediately at Spock's entrance and the weariness drove home that indeed something was wrong. "Uhura's program vhas picking up some strange signals, sir. Ve vhere getting serious distress calls from ze federation base, but zhey have stopped."

"Lieutenant?" Spock questioned turning to look towards Uhura as he made his way and to took his seat at the captain's chair. His mind was still several steps behind him, trying to pull away from Jim and leaving him in that room. Now he was on the bridge. He needed to remain focused. He would not be compromised at a time where Jim was still greatly in danger. "Report."

"We were…as Chekov said, receiving distress signals from the Star Fleet base. B-but the transmissions have cut out completely, Captain. I used the new program to try and unscramble the disrupted transmissions in the surrounding area. I believe it is a Romulan ship. They're either attacking the station…or they have already attacked." She turned in her chair to send a worried glance over to Spock. "That is to say that these calculations are correct and the new program is working." She breathed out unsteadily.

"We think that-" Sulu chimed in turning and shrinking back slightly at Spock's full attention. "Ah…we think that we're warping into a war zone or perhaps a-well, um, a destruction, Captain."

"How long until we are meant to drop out of warp Mr. Sulu?"

"At warp four, sir, I would say we still have about twenty-eight hours."

Spock peers out into the space before them. The stars peeling around them like streaks of light. At this moment in time they could remain at the warp they are going and prepare completely for any attack. However, with transmission cut there was a greater chance that an attack was already happening if not having already happened. The Admirals had informed them that they were the nearest ship, and had likely no more than defense systems keeping them from harm. They would be unable to pose a decent attack and would be left to the mercy of those attacking.

"Switch to maximum warp." Spock replied and watched as immediately Chekov and Hikaru moved as one to alter the settings and follow the orders. Jim's declaration that this crew was compiled of the very best was a very perceptive claim and one the crew did not seem to let down.

"Place shields up." Spock replied after a moment's consideration, "Let us be prepared for both situations to strengthen our odds against any attack. Ensign Chekov a ship wide announcement. Let everyone on board know that we are at battle stations. Yellow alert."

"Aye, sir." Chekov nodded and moved to make the proper report.

"Lieutenant, patch me to engineering."

"Patching you through now." Uhura nods and turns to give him the go ahead.

"Mr. Scott."

"Aye, that would be me. Why are we hopping into max warp out of the blue? Something goin' on up there that you lot aren't sharin' wit the rest of us crew members?" Scotty's accent rung heavily over the comm, "Not that it's bad, or nothing, just don't want to push the lady too hard. She's been through a lot this past journey and don't want her breaking down or nothin'."

"We are expecting an attack upon arrival to Earth. It would be advised that unlike Jim's test we are prepared in case communication gets cut. I want shields working at full and the ship armed and ready."

"Aye lad we'll be prepared. All controls are currently at tip top shape and lookin' mighty fine if I do say so myself."

"Thank you Mr. Scott. We will report back if your expertise is required again."

"Be safe up there. Something tells me that this is mighty close to Jim's game, and I'm not one for coincidences." Scotty said as a means of farewell and before anyone on the bridge could respond the transmission was cut.

"Lieutenant-" Spock paused to think a minute then turned to Nyota again.

"Patching you through to security as we speak, Spock." Nyota threw him a reassuring but knowing smile.

Spock nodded in appreciation but only shifted slightly in his chair before he spoke aloud, "Bridge to Security."

"Hey Captain. We see the alert." Giotto voiced over the communications. "Don't worry I'm sending some people over to your quarters and to sickbay. We'll keep him covered just in case."

"Be prepared for a breech on the ship."

"You guys are being cautious of similarities too? We're feeling slightly anxious down here because of the little captain's games. I'm starting to get the impression that they were more than just games, now." Giotto admitted his voice a little gruff as he was obviously spreading his team out and preparing for any possibilities.

"At this moment in time we are only speculating. However, I require that all members on this ship be prepared for any circumstance, and that we not allow this to play out as Jim imagined it."

"Good luck with that. If I know Jim than it was all some twisted way to prepare us for what's coming. Can't just be a normal person reliving his past because of some elders altering his time line. Has to be some damn show off."

Spock remained silent as the rest of the bridge crew threw amused glances at the absurdity of such a statement.

"I highly doubt there are many cases to compare, but I will keep note of your input on the matter. Please stay alert until further notified. If the events are similar, than expect transmission to falter. Engineer Scott, as well as those of us on the bridge, will try and keep this from occurring but the statistical likelihood will always be tilted in Jim's favor."

"Aye, sir. Kirk luck…we got it." Giotto snickered, "We'll keep the ship safe on our side you just get those bastards and let them know that now that we have the captain back, we aren't letting him go."

"Your ideals are mirrored and appreciated. Spock, out."

"We are coming out of warp, Captain." Sulu spoke up catching Spock's attention and drawing everyone else on the bridge back into the seriousness of the matter at hand.

"Switch to red alert and arm photons."

"Aye Cap'n." Sulu nodded setting about the task, and then returning to the monitor, "Arrival in 3…2…1…" he breathed out each number as if resigned to the fates at hand, but wishing to postpone as much as possible.

The entire crew braced themselves.

* * *

><p>The bridge crew would like it to be known that all of them were prepared for anything. What with being a part of the Enterprise crew for three years, they learned to be. Not only that, but after the Nero incident there really wasn't much that would surprise them or stun the bridge into a silence that mirrored that day.<p>

However much they would like to admit to this, all of the crew members were not expecting what they did see.

As the ship pulled out of warp they were not met with a war zone. They were not met with an enemy attack or a destroyed space station. There were no fires and nothing was missing. No ships were swarming the station.

There was absolutely nothing. Not the nothing as in a vast empty darkness, but nothing as in the space station was just as it was meant to be. There were no enemies in site, and nothing in the distance.

"Are we receiving any further communication or distress signals?"

Nyota thrummed across her screen and pressed the ear bud further against her ear in hopes of catching a glimpse of any frequencies, "Nothing, Captain."

"You are sure that it was this space station sending out the distress call?" Spock questioned as he stood to gaze firmly out into the space ahead. His posture was calm and posed and completely stiff as he held himself. However, his eyes were wild and searching. There was something completely wrong about this scenario, and if Jim were here he would be saying something about his gut instinct right about now.

"Y-yes, Spock it was from this station." Nyota stuttered her fingers trying to regain any semblance of control. There had to be something. Some call or some underlying message. "The frequency must be muddled or redirected, Captain, I am getting no sounds at all from any sources."

"Try hailing them Lieutenant Uhura." Spock commanded only sending her a brief look before returning his gaze to the scene ahead.

"Nyet!" Chekov gasped and his own fingers moved hurriedly over his screen mimicking Uhura's earlier action. The sound of Nyota's call to the station faded into the background noise as Spock turned his attention to the young navigator.

"What is it Mister Chekov?"

"Keptin, there iz…three, no four Klingon War Birds being picked up on our sensors. Zhey just—appeared out of ze air, sir. I think zhat zhey vhere using the cloaking device, like ze Romulans."

"Prepare to fire. Lieutenant Uhura listen for any word or transmissions from, either, these new ships or from Star Fleet. Inform me immediately." Spock replied and moved to take a seat once more.

"Still nothing. They are not reporting to any transmissions out or we are still not receiving any transmissions in."

"Vhy vould Star fleet leave ze Earth unprotected? Vhy send all ships avay if zhey knew ve were still nyet close enough? Pike and ze other admirals, zhey vere vaiting for us, yes?" Chekov voiced his concerns aloud but did not turn from his station.

"They're locking onto our ship, Captain." Sulu spoke turning slightly in his chair to face Spock but leaning over to squeeze Chekov's hand reassuringly and very briefly, before returning to his station.

"Uhura can we reach these ships?"

"No, again nothing…I'm getting a hint of jumbled transmission, but it's not coming from any of the Klingon ships." Nyota stated, warmth growing in her voice over the anxiety, now they were getting somewhere at last. "The program will take a moment."

"We do not have a moment." Spock stated and looked to the two navigators seated in front of him, "If you have the shot, you will take it." His voice was even and received a collection of gasps as the crew members turned to catch his eyes. Sulu's the first to meet.

"Sir?"

"They have entered Federation space. They are not only armed but they have targeted and locked onto a Stare Fleet vessel. Fire on the ships."

"Y-yes, sir." Sulu pivoted and they all watched as the shots were fired.

"Zhey are fast sir!" Chekov stated his face falling in concentration as he tried to calculate for this factor, "Hold on I vill alter ze calculations so zat we factor in their movements and speed." He typed with grace and then lifted his gaze to meet Sulu who immediately caught the message and fired again.

"Yah-my-oh!" Chekov cheered beaming as two of the war bird lit up before the ship. "Oh! Nyet! Ze remaining ships have just cloaked zhemselves again!"

"Check the long range sensors, see if we are still able to detect their positions." Spock replied fluently.

"Aye…aye, sir. Ze sensors are picking up both ships sir." Chekov spoke these words carefully and cautiously as the results seemed to throw him for a loop.

"They are still locked onto our ship, Captain." Sulu stated from where he sat and looked only briefly over his shoulder towards Spock, "Should I fire again, Sir?"

"Zhey have nyet attacked." Chekov pondered aloud his confusion evident as this still seemed to strike him as odd, more and more as they continued this dance with the Klingon ships. "Klingons vish to go out wiz a battle in honor, and yet zhey are nyet attacking."

"Romulans!" Nyota called out her voice breaking over Chekov's concern and pulling all eyes to her. "These are still Romulan transmissions; same as before. They're bouncing back and forth…between the Space Station and another ship. Spock, there are federation members still on board that station, but it's been taken over."

"Zhey…Zhey…" Chekov stutters and immediately his skin seems to go pale, however he is not looking at Uhura like the rest of the crew. His eyes are trained on his own screen. "Sir…ve…ve have been breached. Zhere are personnel on board zis ship. I dunno how ve missed this. Zhey are…Zhey are already on board Keptin."

"Wait, what!" Sulu sends Chekov a panicked and disbelieving look, "That cannot be possible our shields are up."

"During fire!" Uhura states aloud and curses this as she immediately turns to Spock, "The disrupted transmissions. They were telling the Klingons to keep fire on their ships. We were being baited, sir."

With her words an uneasiness seemed to settle over the bridge, and before anyone could do anything the ship was shaken as it took on enemy fire.

"The Klingon's are returning fire."

Spock paused as once again the ship was only slightly shaken by another attack. "Return Fire." Spock seemed almost reluctant to say this and turned to face Sulu, "One photon each. Limit the time that our shields are open." And shifted to hit the comm on the captain's chair, "Spock to Security, we have uninvited personnel on board with us. Remove the threat immediately."

The lights flickered and the power seemed to struggle returning before the ship settled once more.

"Sir, our communications are gone!"

"Shields are down!"

"Damn, war birds are locking on!"

* * *

><p>Screams and phaser fire.<p>

The halls were splattered with green and red blood and yet, besides the occasional dead Romulan they seemed almost void of bodies.

Hurried footsteps pattered down the hall and a group of red shirts made quick way towards those cries.

"You two go that way. Clear out all who need assistance and immediately head to sickbay." Giotto's voice was barely a whisper before he pivoted to look at the other two officers behind him. He pointed to the two of them then down the other corridor, "Watch your backs at all times. Any who have been infected are immediate priority. Go! Go! Go!" He hissed and took the remaining four officers with him down the main corridor.

It was surprising how fast they had been hit. The alarms were blaring in the halls and the ship was oddly quiet, though, there was a foreboding feel to it all. Then just like that there were screams and sounds of bodies falling.

Yet, each time they got to the scene, it was already too late.

Again and again this kept turning up until the Romulans made the mistake of attacking the security officers.

They leapt, as if from the shadows themselves, and attacked. Though, they barely managed a single hit before the stronger opponents were struck, grabbed, and thrown off balance and into the ground or wall. The Romulans would barely have time to right themselves, before another officer would have fired upon them.

Romulan after Romulan were taken down, but they had already been hit. Ensigns and science officers caught in the hall, or trapped in a room that had been breached, were the first to fall. They barely had time to defend themselves before they were fired upon or stuck with a liquid poison.

Jim's call of, "I got you in the spleen, in three different arteries, and managed to inject you with a poison…" now all seemed to make more sense than it had at the time.

Whatever, the substance was it was quick. Those infected dropped almost immediately into seizures and only had minutes before they're systems began to collapse. The security officers were combing the halls looking for all attack victims as quickly as possible because they were most definitely top priority.

The ones who had been attacked at the beginning had not survived and that could not continue to happen. After several trips to sickbay, to carry wounded and infected, the security officers were armed with hypos to help slow blood flow and prevent the poison from infecting as swiftly.

It seemed that as often as they shot down a Romulan or took out a group of them, there always seemed to be more. They weren't done yet, but it didn't settle right being drawn further and further around the ship and away from sickbay.

The captain was down there, but for now it didn't seem too problematic to leave him there.

As Giotto had informed Spock, he placed an officer in sickbay to watch over the captain, but the more wounded they found the more men they required to sweep the ship.

Perhaps because of this continuous to and fro sickbay, he had not figured that there was much worry on the defense. Yes, the floor had become a chaotic crowd of casualties, but it was also not the first place to attack nor a normal place to attack.

If anything they would strike the Captain's quarters and Giotto had made sure there would be a group of security officers ready within to take down those Romulans leading this charade on board the Enterprise.

* * *

><p>"Security, respond." Spock waited only briefly before cutting the call. He rose starkly and pivoted to face two of the ensigns positioned closest to the door. "Set phasers to stun and aim them at the door. If any unwarranted personnel show up take them down." He waited as the two stumbled but complied, before he turned to fully face the screen once more.<p>

"War birds are taken out sir, but our shields are down. We still don't have communication with engineering. Do you want me to override control and see about getting the shields back up?" Sulu breathed out.

"We are unsure if more ships remain beside a predicted Romulan craft. As those on board with us have arrived unannounced, I believe it apt to make sure they do not leave in the same matter. If you can, then do so immediately."

"Hopefully, it works outside of Jim's game." Sulu murmured, the doubt heavy, but so far it seemed like all the other tricks Jim had brought to the crew were working, so why not this as well.

"Shields are up and functional, Captain!" Sulu breathes out in amused amazement and relief.

"Mister Chekov, locate the Romulan ship, however, do not instigate fire unless we are completely positive that it is in fact located." Spock shifted forward to look out at the space station. One of the Earth's most prized areas for study as well as for docking all the ships. How had it managed to so easily befall a ship that had been completely undetectable? How had Star Fleet allowed such a thing to happen? "We will maintain our shields until we know for sure that we can take out this ship. As long as the shields remain up, then the Romulans on board will be unable to beam off. Let us keep it that way."

"Aye, sir" Chekov nodded and though he was typing furiously trying once again to get the sensors to pick up anything; his eyes were constantly lingering on the screen looking out into space. His eyes were scanning for what all could presume was the absence of space, the anomaly to show where the ship was hiding.

"Nyota we need communication back up, Sulu you will take the conn."

"What-"

"Spock!"

"But, Keptin!"

"There are Romulans on board this ship. I will not allow them to take Jim again. Seeing as we are unable to contact security to make sure that matters are being handled, then I must assume the worse and thus it is urgent that I not remain on this bridge at this time."

"Spock we are in a middle of a war! You cannot just leave. Jim-Jim is the captain I am sure he will find some way to keep the enemy at bay. I mean he was fine, right? Jim was fine."

"You are going off of information from your last time spent with him. However, Jim is not fine. He was admitted to McCoy's care roughly an hour before your comm concerning the distress call. I can safely presume that going off of his past conditions that he has not gotten better but progressively worse as the time has gone by." Spock stood firmly but a very small glimpse of a slouch appeared in his posture, "Jim was almost incapable of moving on the bio-bed. I cannot speculate him taking on a Romulan if not multiple Romulans."

"But it iz ze keptin ve are talking about. He is not one to easily speculate." Chekov refuted though the concern was brimming in his eyes. It appears word had not yet reached any of the bridge crew of Jim's regression in the halls.

"Locked on! Enemy fire sir!"

The warning was too late as the entire ship shook by a brutal hit. Power flickered again but now not because of an internal attack but rather from damage to their shields.

"Shields at thirty percent sir!" Sulu shouted and tried to fix this as quickly as possible. "We cannot take a hit like that again. We'll lose the shields."

"Locate the course of those shots. Those were not fired from a war bird." Spock immediately pivoted as the situation altered. He had to force down the growing concern for Jim as the lives of the many now outweighed the lives of the few. It would do no good protecting Jim from Romulans on board if the ship went up in the end. "Chekov, watch for any parties beaming off this ship. If we lose those shields you will inform me immediately if any personnel leave this ship."

"Aye-aye sir."

"What about Jim?" Nyota whispered concerned now that Spock had planted the seed.

"We must trust that they aren't expecting his presence in sickbay and that our security personnel have this ship protected." Spock stated his voice firm and confident though he was anything but. Nyota could see the strain in his posture as Spock tried to hold himself together and she prayed that he was right.

"I need communication back up on this ship, lieutenant."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So…minus the amazing skill at writing a battle scene (heavy on the sarcasm) I hope you enjoyed it. Cliffhanger? Maybe sorta. Haha. Anyway in case you all are wincing at my battle scene skills (yikes), I had planned to post the two chapters together so the next one will be up shortly. <strong>

**The next chapter is Jim's side during all this so more fun hurt!Jim…oh man, and my new twist is coming up too…soon yay! ^ ^.**

* * *

><p><strong>AN2: this is me responding to reviews so if they don't relate don't feel like you have to read : )<strong>

**Regretting Crimson****: (Pardon the wall of text but for your paragraph I will respond equally and hopefully cover all that you asked.)  
><strong>

_oh my gosh haha. That was such a paragraph. lol. Um, where to begin. I'm still trying to get the feel of actually posting on so that's where that comment came from. It's definitely not to punish readers. I'm just still blown away that people are reading it, because this was just something I figured would be fun to write, and has been plaguing my thoughts. So, that people are reviewing at all is just whoa. I'm sorry if that came off wrong and don't worry there will be no holding the story off for a year. I promise, because I read on this site too and I know that it's upsetting when you find a good story and it stopped right before the end. _

_Like I said I do have the chapters written out, but I'm making some changes and twists so it may take longer to post these next two in particular. Then I have the ending to write up and I plan on an epilogue as well…so, those are still in the works._

_Okay now onto your comments. Jim. Yes, I know he seems off. I've been realizing it too. I think its two things; one being I'm still struggling with getting in character and two being that I'm trying to display him in a way that I guess I view him during these situations. I have a question for you. What in particular feels off about him?_

_For me I think it's his actions…like he's being way too expressive and some of his comments. But I'm basing my characters a lot off of the movie and other stories I've read…plus I think with Jim in particular my own characterization is bleeding through. So, any opinions on the matter are appreciated, and I welcome all critiques so that I can make the characters better. : ) _

_I actually have a reason why Spock hasn't melded with Jim and in a desire not to ruin the upcoming twists and surprises I'm going to try and say this carefully. Mostly, Spock…can't, so, like even though it would usually feel normal for him too, and I mean he has mentioned that Jim's presence has been warm and inviting, but the thought doesn't rise because he can't. And I'll try to explain it better in later chapters to clear that all up I promise. Sorry, no plot hole, but thank you for catching it ^ ^ makes me more excited to get to…spoilers….crap okay just. Excited. Haha._

_The aging schedule. My point on this was he was reliving these traumatic points in his life and I think that Spock and Jim actually lightly touch on that in the filler chapter…I think chapter 13 on here but it's all still part of chapter seven. Anyway it is Jim reliving these memorable points but because they are horrible and he experienced different types of pains…all to "prepare" him for what is coming in a way, but again I will hopefully clear that all up as well before the end of this story. _

_Jim is just about his proper age. With this last version of Jim he has begun to "remember" which is drawing him closer and closer to that point where he does recall everything and that will be him again. Full on proper aged Jim. Who will probably be slightly oc…but I'll try and keep it close and definitely bring it back if it strays. Took…um roughly 7 months for all these changes and I believe that too was answered just last chapter. They're heading to Earth, and though he would've changed anyway that has urged on the progression so that as they reach this destination Jim is back, and there is a point to that as well…but again spoilers so can't say more on that. _

_Thank you for your kind words and this review because it makes me smile seeing everyone's take on this and I hope I managed to answer your questions. If not in some way than with promises in later chapters, and hopefully I can reign Jim in before the end so that both my lead characters are more befitting their actual versions._

**passionfornight****: **

_Because you have by far been the first to review on every chapter I feel like I should say thanks, really appreciate it. And thus I'm going to answer your question. _

_But, I'm going to try and say this without ruining anything for the next couple chapters b/c it may be fun to play with other readers mind sets. I'll let you know that I am not planning on "being mean". There may be a point where it comes across…but don't worry. I won't do that to you guys and I would've marked it at the beginning. So have no fear I won't be too harsh on Jim…well not in that manner. : )_

**To everyone else:**

_updates may begin to get slower now just because of school as well as because of some new changes I've been adding. This is by no means a way to punish you guys and I've been working on the chapters late at night…sometimes early into the mornings…so that I will have them all as quickly as I possibly can with keeping it still readable. Any mistakes grammatically are because of this…and b/c of my own skill level with writing. As I mentioned (or believed I mentioned? It is on my profile at least) I write for fun, and apologize that even though I speak the language, I still hold faults haha._

**Hope you all enjoyed next chapter will be soon. ^ ^**


	17. Jim's Last Stand

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**AN: Yikes…last chapter. So, this one is us jumping back a couple minutes. We'll hop back to roughly around when Giotto and the Security officers are combing the halls. The Romulans are on board and Sickbay is filling up. **_

_Sorry bout last chapter and again here, I'll try and keep my ramblings only to the story haha. X /_

_**Also note that** -"this is Jim remembering things."-** So, if you see something written in that form it's a memory.**_

_**AN2:** Regretting Crimson-thanks again for your awesome review. I'm so happy you liked my battle scene! I have literally been fussing over that these past two weeks. Anyway I just went back to reread my own story...so to keep myself in line with where this had been intended to go so that I don't stray. I found that I was wrong with something I said to you. It has been roughly 9 bordering on ten months. Spock at the beginning says that the trip should take between 10 and 11 months...so basically just under a year. They really wanted to keep Jim with them throughout this whole time altering process. They did start to speed up after the admirals' call so they'll probably be reaching earth by the 11month mark...So, Jim's changes have last that long. Also thanks for your response about Jim I shall keep it in consideration when applying it to normal Jim ^ ^ whenever it is he shows up again...if? If is good. _

_passionfornight- Gah! Your review made me smile. haha. Thanks for doing all that you mentioned in your review, because that really has been the reason I have kept posting this story._

_abrainiac- This was your first review and I shall comment immediately to you b/c it definitely made my day. Thank you. Really I'm glad you like it and that's great I love reading a story and reaching the point where I thought the updates ended only to find one more just added. Happy that worked and appreciate the kind review. I apologize for errors...typing at four in the morning does that sometimes...plus writing was never my forte. I appreciate the critique and looked back over the earlier chapters...yikes I will have to go back and clean up. I'm glad you guys are all putting up with my mistakes and sticking with me. Thank you again for such an amusing and amazing review. Appreciate it...also b/c of it I will give you guys this chapter a day earlier than I had planned : ) And I am currently finishing up next chapter to maybe give as a Easter present instead...All depends on whether I like how it turns out.  
><em>

_**Now onto Jim's side of things, during the attack. Enjoy : )**_

_**Op! warnings: Blood, hurt!Jim, cursing!Bones, panicking patients, Rumlans' hating on Jim…badassGiotto…abuse…mentions of abuse…strangling…spoilers…um just lots of angsty stuff that if you don't like you probably haven't gotten to this point, b/c it's all been full of angst and hurt. Go read! Enjoy!**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Nine:<span>

"Jim's Last stand"

"Just hold still." Bones grumbled letting Jim lean against him as he tried to wrap the medical gauze around his waist. By this point Jim's shirt had been completely removed as Bones returned to find it soaked with blood. "Bleeding out. We'll need more blood as well…two no better make it four transfusion capsules." Leonard spoke allowed and turned to the nurse ensign in the room with him.

Chapel had been placed in charge of handling sickbay as McCoy took care of Jim. However, that left him with a nurse who seemed too overwhelmed by the site of her captain injured.

"Blood, Ensign Peterson. And better prepare two more just in case." He warned and quirked a brow as she remained unmoved, "Now." He hissed and watched her race from the room.

"Easy now…Bones she's just trying to help." Jim spoke softly; his body shook as it leaned against McCoy. His breathing was labored now and wet sounding as he took in gasped breathes.

"You have a puncture to your left lung and its filling with blood Jim." Bones breathed out looking at the nearest scanner now that Jim's torso was wrapped in an attempt to stop the blood flow to some degree.

"D-don't worry…they…they'll fix that one." Jim breathed out and clenched his eyes shut digging his hand into Bones' shoulder as a scream tore past his lips.

His back arched and he released his hold on Bones as he lurched to the side. His insides seemed to flip, sending all contents out of his system and onto the floor. Jim coughed and spat as the pulsing stopped. "S-sorry." He breathed out and Bones only rubbed his back as soothingly as he could before helping Jim lie back down. He wiped at the kid's face and lifted a glass for him to rinse his mouth out with.

"Don't you dare apologize for any of this Jim, you hear me? This is nothing. All I want is for you to survive. Just fight it."

"Of course Bones…just for you." Jim mumbled weakly and winced as Bones seemed to take note of the new wound.

Grabbing his scanner he ran it over the left side where there had been a punctured lung. However the scans came back with new readings this time. "They healed it?"

"Very…archaic medical…practices…" Jim gasped out but smirked, "Don't want me dying so soon."

"Don't want you dying period." Bones grumbles pathetically but the fear was becoming increasingly hard to mask.

"You should be out there." Jim whispers softly his eyes shut as his breathing seemed to have evened slightly.

Wounds continuously show up, fade, grow infected, worsen, and yet Jim seems to still have time to argue as his condition grows worse. He had been fighting a fever on and off, and blood loss has been the biggest concern of McCoy's. Yet, here the man was arguing that Bones should leave him be for now.

"I don't think so Jim." Bones replies gruffly and settles a wet cloth against the young captain's brow. "I'm fighting this with you."

"You can't fight something that's already happened…" Jim breathes out his voice a wheezed whisper as he allows Bones a moment of crushing reality. Old conversations brought back to light. "Save those you can. The ship needs you for now…you can't do anything until we've caught up…until I'm back to where this started." He winces and digs into his side aimlessly.

"Stop it you'll only make matters worse." Bones hisses pulling Jim's hands into his own, "Nurse Chapel and the others can handle it Jim, I'm not leaving you to fight this alone."

"Good ole' Bones…." Jim breathes out painfully.

"Yah, I know."

* * *

><p>Nurse Rebecca Peterson returns, sometime shortly after, with the blood capsule moving to put them off to the side. However, she looks harried now that she has returned. And when asked she quickly informs them that her brother, who works in security, has been recently attacked and is now fighting the poison in his system.<p>

Her voice trembles as she speaks her concerns, and McCoy ushers her out of the room. "Go be with your brother. Help him and others if you can." He adds and lets the door slid shut, leaving him with Jim once more.

"You too Bones." Jim states, sending the other a mock glare as he remains seated. "Go save lives…they need you out there."

"No Jim, they'll handle it."

"That's fine and dandy Bones, but I'm not dying any time soon nor is this going to all wrap up. So-" Jim forces himself upright, throwing his legs off to the side, "So go help our crew." He curses and pushes away Bones' attempt to stop him.

"I will hypo your ass. Get back in bed right now James! Don't think that just because you're wounded I'll let you get away with this shit!" Bones shouts, but as he goes to grab Jim the younger of the two cries out in pain and he immediately lets go.

Jim smirks as he slips out the door and right into a new type of chaos. "Shit." Jim breathes out; using the wall, just outside his door, to prop himself up.

Nurses and medical staff alike are running around the room as if in some form of catastrophic dance. Each one bouncing from bed to bed as alarms blare to life and more people start pooling in.

"I told you to stay in bed Jim. Last thing you need right now is stress on top of all else." Bones breathes out, but Jim sees the look in McCoy's eyes as they scan around the room. He's already calculating ways to help each crew member and bouncing up solutions to problems perhaps faster than anyone else down here could.

"Not until you help them." Jim grounds out clutching at the wall to keep standing, even though his legs feel like they haven't been walked on in months and his body feels like collapsing any second.

"I said I'm staying with you and I meant it."

"Well I'll stay right here so you can keep an eye on me at the same time." Jim smirked weakly and swayed slightly on his feet.

"You need to sit down. God Jim, right now is not a time to be selfless."

"Seems…like a perfect time to be." Jim refutes and sends McCoy a matching glare to show that he can be just as stubborn if not more so. "I'm not backing down on this one."

"Fine, dammit but you are sitting down and I'm hooking you up to a monitor and an IV drip! I don't care if it doesn't do anything I want it there when you need it."

"Deal." Jim smirks and allows Bones to go about setting this up. He sinks into the chair after McCoy goes back into Doctor-mode and leaves Jim's side at last to tackle the fight for their crew.

How many members of his crew where fighting that toxic poison? How many where facing phaser burns and wounds? What was the status of the ship? Did the engine room take a hit or perhaps the science department? The wash of colors and the amount of bodies made it hard to tell and Jim was already struggling with focusing that he couldn't seem to catch if there were more red shirts or blue. And what of the alpha crew, had they been hit yet? Where any of his closest friends…his family down here?

His eyes follow Bones around, latching onto something familiar to keep the haze from settling. Blood loss…he assumes, has left him slightly disoriented and perhaps that isn't the best sign, but for now he just needs something to focus on.

He watches as Bones tackles some of the more severe victims as if they were simple tasks, and perhaps they were in comparison. Yet, it is almost like an art seeing his friend, his brother, save lives so fluidly.

* * *

><p>His focus seems to return to him completely when a cry tore his gaze to the entrance of sickbay. The hiss of a phaser was masked only by the screams of medical officers and wounded alike. Jim can't stop his eyes from watching the body freeze before dropping lifelessly onto the ground.<p>

He growls at the site, noting the young man to be a security ensign, now dead almost instantly.

Three Romulans step fully into Sickbay as if this would be the easiest room to attack. They hold no cover and yet they stand amongst a group of injured humans all unarmed or incapable of arming themselves.

Jim's eyes make a quick scan of the room. He notes the attackers and catches site of something that will do just nicely. Damn Kirk luck indeed. Jim sees the phaser sitting off on the bedside not far out of reach. A security officer lost in the fever induced poison and fighting not the enemy but internally to survive.

More screams rise up as another hiss of phaser fire fills the room, but this time it is the Romulan at the front who falls with a thud to the floor.

"Get…off of my ship." Jim hisses as two sets of Romulan eyes immediately draw towards him.

He can only imagine the site he is. Stomach bandaged up and wounds staining the cloth red. His limbs trembling as he forces himself to stand straight and domineering. He holds the phaser in his hand and ignores the drip of blood that splashes against the ground as his wrists cry out with any movement. Yet, he stares down the two remaining Romulans as if this meant nothing and they held no chance against him.

"Jim, no." McCoy's eyes are almost burning with terror as Jim faces the attackers head on.

"Y-you!" The one nearest Jim snarls out in surprise, before pushing to make his way towards Jim. He shoves ensigns and leading officers out of the way, going so far as to strike down all who try to block his path.

Jim barely flinches as the two approach him; he just stands his ground as their attention is on him rather than the injured many. "Have you no honor battling the defenseless." Jim hissed but his footing stumbles as the first Romulan comes into plain site.

"You shouldn't be here." The Romulan glares in disbelief.

Jim's phaser drops as his hand shakes. "Not now…"Jim grounds out grasping at his temple as a memory tears him from reality.

_-"You'll be dead soon." _

"_Pathetic, you humans are all so weak. So, easy to break."-_

Jim cries out as he feels the bone snap. His vision blurs with white hot pain and he lists to the right stumbling on the broken limb and crying out further as he collapses to the floor.

-_-"We will destroy your federation_ with or without your assistance."

"_You can end this suffering. It can stop now if you tell us what we wish to know." _

"_James...James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the USS Enterprise…" _

"_Such a foolish species. 30 lashes…then lock him up. Let's see if you talk after a week deprived of your site…you hearing…your scent. We will break you Captain James Kirk, even if it requires killing you in the process. No one is coming for you."-_

"Why won't you just die?" The Romulan is suddenly there holding Jim up by a strong grip on his throat, the bruises there screaming in protest, but Jim only blearily grabs a hold of the arm lifting him. He gives an amused smirk almost mocking the man for continuously failing. He shows no fear and barely has time to gasp weakly at the lack of oxygen before a hiss of phaser fire drops Jim to the ground.

"Because he is James fucking Kirk and you don't mess with our Captain!" Giotto shouts as he and two other security members gun down the remaining Romulan leaving both in a heap not meters away from Jim.

Jim gasps briefly for air, but his eyes are almost vacant as he is swept away by his own mind, once more. He cries out as pain rains down upon him. Strike after strike appears on his back, as he recalls the event and the agony that came with it. Numbers fill his head and he realizes with confusion that he is the one counting down.

Somewhere between twenty and thirteen he finds himself back in the silence of his private room. It is still in sickbay but secluded from the others.

"…9…8…7…6…3…2…1" Jim lets out a sigh and laughs brokenly, "Have…haveta do better than that…" He states but the words are practically delirious as he is settled down again.

"Jim." Bones breathes out in shock but his words fall on deaf ears as Jim opens his eyes and screams.

The pain seems to completely stop as he suddenly goes quiet and still.

His eyes are almost black, now, as they gaze blankly up at the ceiling. His chest rises and falls in a rhythm that frightens Bones for how slow it has gotten. He reaches for Jim's pulse and pulls back as what he fears is confirmed. His pulse is weakening and dropping to dangerous levels, and Jim isn't reacting any longer to touch, to light, to sound. He is just completely vacant.

"Jim. Come on now Jimmy snap out of it." Bones pleads shaking the man.

It's almost as if this action sends Jim reeling. He gasps drawing in a lungful of air and chokes out a sob as his body trembles.

"No!" Jim shouts.

"Jimmy it's alright, you're alright, can you hear me." Bones leans over the Captain pulling his face over to inspect his eyes. Some of the blue is back but it is barely a spark in the darkness. "Jim."

"J—James…Tiberius…Kirk, USS Enterprise…"

"That's right Jim. Don't let them break you." Bones breathes out his voice trembling as he watches Jim fight a battle he can't even begin to imagine. "Fight this."

* * *

><p>"Spock!" Jim cried out reaching blindly for something but unsure what.<p>

"He's on the bridge Jim."

"Don't leave…" He pleads.

"Jim." Bones shifts, reaching to settle his hand very gently on Jim's shoulder.

"I-I…" Jim gasps out and swallows thickly as he tries to settle the fear brimming within, "Bones…" Jim whispered and let's his eyes slide shut, "He said he loved me…" He breathed out.

"I know Jim; I've known you two for years now…I know." McCoy replies evenly and brushes a hand in a parental manner through Jim's hair trying to sooth the other back into sleep. Back where the pain is dulled if only for a little while.

"I…don't want to go." Jim groans out, his voice full of pain and anguish. "I remember." He breathes and latches a hold of Bone's arm.

"I know you do kid."

"All of it." The words are like the wind barely falling past his lips, and a knife to McCoy's heart, "What you need to know…what I needed to say…how I could return even against all odds."

"Jim."

Bones looks almost fearful down at the kid. If he remembers than is this it? Was that the worse or was it going to start showing up? Did he actually want to hear the reasons now? After so many hours of seeing Jim in this turmoil from just remembering, he truly wished the kid would just stop. That he would just forget. Yet, this was it; Jim's reason why he couldn't forget, why he had to remember.

His hold on McCoy's arm tightens as he rushes to get what must be said out before it was too late, "The ship, take out the ship and the others will fall. Chekov knows."

"A ship? What does that mean? You're speaking in riddles here kid." Bones hisses the panic seeming to settle into his voice as he clutches at Jim's hand on his arm, "Is the ship what you needed to remember? You faced all of this over a damn ship?"

"I knew I couldn't die out there, Bones…" Jim cuts off and McCoy's eyes snap up to meet faded blue.

"Jimmy."

"He wouldn't stop looking for me if I did. Had to see him one last time…we are…one of a whole." Jim breathed with a sad smile, letting his eyes slide shut, "Don't want to go…please I don't want to remember." Jim spoke weakly and gasped shallowly as pain dug into his chest. "They…they need to take down the ship." Jim chuckled, blood pooling at his lips, "Survive."

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><p><strong><em>AN: Please don't hurt me. XD The war hasn't ended yet, and now Jim is remembering what needed to be remembered, and what reasons drove him to return…though. Really the ship is not the key thing. Sorry to disappoint, but seeing as our lovely bridge crew already knows about the ship. I find that a bit lack luster.<em>**

_Oh btw…sorry if that was a misunderstanding. The English language is weird. I meant "yikes last chapter" as in the last chapter was intense not this is the last chapter. I wouldn't leave you all with so many unanswered questions, don't worry there's still more to come. _

Also omg! So, much quicker post then I thought. I had like a mini break through and just bam. These two and the next chapters emerged! Woot! Haha...ah, now I have to right the new stuff and then return to my original stuff and then epilogue. Fun : D

****Which in none squealing ranting terminology equals more chapters for you readers ^ ^ ****

**One more note:** next chapter is/will be my new twist to the story...which my hope is it will blow your mind. B/c it did mine when I thought it up. : ) so excited.

**Reviews? Comments? Critiques? Expressions of omg! can't wait for more why haven't you posted the next chapter already? **

**Really...I read all of them and take them to heart. Makes my days brighter and inspires bursts of create-ism. I don't know how many times I've squealed over your guys' reviews. haha. Till next time.  
><strong>


	18. Fighting Back Part One

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**Warnings: **__My hope is that you all leave this chapter surprised. Plot twist! Yay! Also for lack of spoiling the goodies in store I will just remind you all that this is a hurt fic…so, there will be hurt, violence, pain…anything else my mind can create._

_**AN: **__So, these chapters are pretty intense and may be overwhelming? I dunno. If you're getting lost please tell me and I'll try to clear things up. Otherwise just keep reading. It's meant to be a little chaotic right now, but things will begin to be answered. Especially starting in this chapter. Please read comment under this!_

_**AN2: So…I know I promised…but this is me ranting again. But its semi important!**_

_**I apologize this time besides comments to reviews there is a purpose. Okay, so, I am sorry I didn't post yesterday. I had homework which took like way too long to get done, then it was actually sunny outside so I took my dog to the park. Then I cracked open this chapter to just read through one more time before I posted…and it just wasn't ready yet. So, I took the time to make it how I really wanted it to sound. **_

_**Okay so there is that. What is important here is that I'm going to be stuck at school all week and where I had originally planned to post this sometime to hold you all over…probably on Wednesday…I'm posting it now. I will be swamped until at the latest Friday, and these next chapters are all too rough to post without some serious help, which takes time that I need elsewhere. So, I apologize. I hope the greatness of this chapter can tie you guys over until the next post. Don't worry they should all just progressively be getting better from here. So, stay with me please *Hearts* I will return. I promise! : )**_

_**Expect post by Friday or Saturday morning.**_

_**AN3: Regretting Crimson: answers to questions in review will show up at bottom of this page I hope they help clear things up. **_

_**abrainiac: there is a reply for you as well.**_

**passionfornight****: Your still super thanks for your comments, sorry about the cliff hanger. : D **

_**Everyone else—you're amazing! Thanks for reviews or for just reading. I hope you like this next chapter : D**_

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><p><span>Chapter Ten:<span>

"Fighting Back"

Those on the bridge crew were in an organized panic, if one could call it that. Enemies were firing at them and still they could not seem to find this Romulan ship to return fire. They were sitting ducks waiting to be fired upon.

Worst of all, they had been boarded and were unable to communicate with the rest of the ship to understand the casualties of such an internal attack.

"Communications are back on the ship!"

Uhura's voice broke out like a beacon of light. They needed some type of turning point, and this would settle at least a part of the concerns of those on the bridge.

However, before any requests could be made for security and engineering a communication rang out and cut across all those who listened. The biggest fear of those on the bridge was to receive bad news…to hear that something had happened to their captain all while they were busy trying to prevent such a thing.

To say that the voice wasn't welcomed would be a lie, but the voice brought with it trepidation from all on the bridge.

"McCoy to Bridge."

How much could they read into the doctor's tone of voice? He didn't sound disappointed nor did he sound panicked. That must be a good sign, right? He sounded weary, but that could mean too many variables and many of those were too concerning to consider.

All they could do was wait and hope that things were alright.

"Bridge here, Doctor, how is Jim?"

It seemed the anticipation of the crew did not stop with Spock this time around as the Vulcan replied without a moment's hesitation. At this moment in time it no longer mattered how the others would perceive him. Right now, Jim could be harmed or worse and Spock wished to be told as quickly as possible so that his worries could be settled. Be that as it may. Depending on the answer given his worry over Jim may change into a determination for Jim or perhaps more concern.

However, receiving any answer would give him a freedom that came with knowledge. He could still be concerned but at least he would know what it was he was concerned over, rather than this constant unease that had settled. He needed to know so that he could continue to captain admirably.

This unease had started the moment he had learned of the attack, and it had left him split in two. There was this constant nagging desire to go check on Jim and make sure that he was, not only, unharmed but well protected so as to remain that way.

Then there was this knowledge that Spock had to stay on the bridge. His presence was needed, and leaving could mean a worse fate for Jim as well as for everyone else on this ship.

It was because of these two warring emotions that his attention seemed to falter, and he wished now more than ever to confirm his concerns for Jim. This way he would no longer have to suffer this internal tug-of-war. The side that was telling him to stay on the bridge should be his main focus and getting answers would return it to the front-lines once more; a place where it should have already been, especially during a time of battle.

"Good god man, I have been trying to get a hold of you for twenty minutes now. What's going on up there? Never mind, scratch that, I don't care! He remembered…Jim remembered." McCoy's voice seems distant and off, but there were sounds rising up from the background that hinted that, though McCoy was talking to them he was still quite busy back in sickbay.

"Dammit, go get Chapel! Not at your convenience! I meant now!" McCoy curses and a sound of confirmation and a whoosh of a door, leaves the crew with little doubt that the nurse left to follow such orders.

McCoy's voice faded into the background noise as he got caught up in whatever was going on down there, the Doctor seeming pulled away from his original purpose.

Spock seemed to not find amusement in this lack of attention and though at any other time he might have calmly waited by, he knew that they did not have time to freely give.

"Doctor?"

Spock's voice came out over the bridge and back in sickbay as more than a question. It was a demand. He needed an answer to his question, and what did that mean; Jim remembered? For so long they knew that he needed to remember. Had they not originally received the child version of the captain almost a whole year ago with the warnings that one day he needed to remember everything again?

But Jim had been recalling things constantly and even more so recently. Spock knew this, and McCoy knew that Spock was aware of Jim's memory returning. This was not an answer to his question, but an avoidance to answer the question.

Something must've been wrong, or McCoy would have gladly replied with an affirmative or some attempt of gruff disdain to mask the overwhelming relief that usually came with Jim being okay.

"Hell, okay J-Jim says take down the ship. Something about Chekov will know. Take it down and the others will fall." McCoy's response is rushed and spoken as if with a lack of focus. He curses out at something unknown to those on the bridge.

However, another voice enters on the side of communication back with the Doctor and they all can hear the panicked gasp ring out so much louder than it truly was.

"Oh god."

These are but two simple words. However, they are spoken with such a fierce expression of fear that it snakes its way deep past Spock's Vulcan armor. From there it coils and wraps itself with a fierce terrifying grip around his heart, as communication ceases completely between the bridge and sickbay.

"Doctor McCoy?" Spock presses down on the comm and waits. After barely a breath's time he presses to send a return call. "Bridge to Sickbay. Leonard, respond."

The Vulcan was lost to those others on the bridge. Now that the opportunity, to appease the half that feared for Jim, arose he could not qualm it until he was given some form of relief where now only fear had risen.

He no longer remained concerned that those around him were all looking fearful back at him. Right now, more than ever, they needed hope…this crew needed Jim to be alright so that they could be as well.

"McCoy here. Kinda busy Spock, make it quick."

"…" Spock seems almost caught up with the hopelessness in McCoy's voice that it takes him a moment to fully collect his thoughts, "Was that all he said? Is the Captain alright?"

He surprises himself with how smooth his words come out. That he can even voice the words at all after the sound in McCoy's voice.

"Nothing else that he can't tell you himself, when I'm done with him. Survive. He wants you all to survive." Bones choked out and seemed hesitant, "Have to go now. Keep the ship steady Spock." And with that the transmission went again, and this time Spock let it.

McCoy would keep him alive. That was enough of an answer that Spock required. At this moment in time Jim was not alright, but he would be. The crew would make sure of that, and as McCoy would handle the wounds, Spock and the others needed to handle everything else.

They would survive so that Jim could as well.

Spock released his grasp on the comm and lifted his gaze to now return back to the matter at hand. What he found was that the entire bridge had fallen quiet during the conversation with sickbay. All eyes continuously flickered from their views on the screens before them and back to Spock.

That communication had shaken them. Where Spock had found reassurance in McCoy's words, the rest of the crew did not. They found themselves in a greater sense of despair and worry. The Doctor was too busy to fully speak with them and Jim seemed to be the cause of this.

Something was wrong with their captain and it was affecting those who needed to not let their attention falter.

They couldn't allow themselves to be compromised. The crew needed to remain acting at their full potential, and now they were all caught up and fearing for Jim's safety. It was obvious who McCoy was preoccupied with and Christine's surprised shout still seemed to have shaken many of them.

Yes, something was wrong with Jim, but for now they would have to believe that the captain was in good hands.

"Leonard is quite capable of conquering the impossible when it comes to Jim." Spock replied over the silence that had fallen, and was met with some amazed glances for his words, "We will make sure that when our Captain is returned to full health that he still has a ship to captain over. Now, Mr. Chekov, do you know to what he was referring?"

The boy swallows thickly, as the attention is cast upon him, and though he opens his mouth to respond he finds himself with a loss of words.

His eyes cast over to Sulu with a panicked gaze, and even though the pilot seemed just as confused by the words as everyone else; he sends Pavel a reassuring smile.

'You can do this' he mouths to the young navigator encouraging him to figure out the answers to such an unusual problem. What did Jim mean by take down the ship and the others will fall? How many others were out there, and why would one ship cause the fall of the others? Also how had Jim known about the Romulan ship in the first place? Was it the same Romulan ship or perhaps he spoke of another?

There were so many open-ended questions that came with such a vague statement from McCoy. Why had Jim believed Chekov capable to understand what he meant by this?

So, it was with a deep hesitancy that Chekov tried to process his own past and delve into what he knew. To try and find something that he must've glanced over—something that happened during these last months with Jim. Mostly, he tried to recall the time while Jim was a teenager and had taught him about catching an invisible ship. For if this was relating to the Romulan ship then it must tie in with the invisible cloaking that Jim had tried to prepare him for.

This seemed to be the right track because suddenly it all seemed to click into place.

"Aye sir!" Chekov shouted and beamed up at Sulu as the remembrance left him escalated, "I do know vhat the keptin meant. Vhy he vould say zhat I'd know." Chekov turned in his seat, pivoting away from the pilot to fully face Spock, "Vhen Jim had planned to help me find ze inwisible objects he had hidden fruit around ze ship. At ze time, I had found it humorous, but it helped wery much during zhat trail he played on us."

Chekov paused and his grin spreads and strengthens as he seems unable to reign in his excitement at this find, "Vhat I found was zhat ze keptin could not create somezhing to make the fruit inwisible so he made a machine zhat would affect the way we perceived somezhing. So, say if I had looked at ze fruit he was tryin to hide, zhen this machine vould make it so zhat my mind would not be able to focus on it being zhere."

"So we're looking for a wave length that's altering our perception of the ship? How does that relate to the others will fall?"

Chekov's smile falters at this and he gazes over at Nyota after she voices the question aloud.

"The ship! It's the machine in this scenario. It is what's creating the disruption for not only it but for the other ships." Sulu amazement rung out over the bridge and his own smile broke out across his face, "Of course Kirk would find a way to prepare us for this. So does that mean there are other ships?"

"Ze attack on ze outter federation borders!" Chekov gasped turning to Sulu, "Zhey vere mention attacks, yes? Zhese must be all a part of same attack. Ze keptin wants us to take out zhis ship so zhat zhey can fight."

"Mr. Chekov is it possible to program the sensors to pick up these wave lengths?" Spock questioned, having bypassed adding into the conversation as the rest of the crew began to pick up on Jim's tricks to help them once again.

"Aye sir, I can use a similar patter zhat engineer Scott and lieutenant Uhura used for catching ze disrupted transmissions. Hold on just a moment." Chekov was back at his screen and typing furiously to alter settings and adjust the sensors with this new information. "Yah-my-oh!"

He beamed only to gasp, because with the success of these alterations they were shown exactly what they were fighting.

Several war birds and an empire ship were slowly revealed to those on the bridge. Chekov's own gasp was followed by several others as they took in the site before them.

The crew members aren't given much time to overcome this shock, as another hit shakes the Enterprise with a powerful blow. Again the lights flicker as the power struggles to remain. Even, though they can now see who it is they are facing, the bridge is left with a concern. They can only hope that they have enough power left to fight.

Spock seems quick to try and tackle this and immediately comms for the one person who could tackle this problem for them.

"Bridge to engineering."

"Scotty, here! I'd like to say welcome back, but sir, we canno' handle much more of those hits. Our fine lady is steaming up down here. We're trying to patch things up, but you're not giving us much to work with. As soon as one problem is fixed three more show up in its place!"

"I need power focused on shields and weapons, Mr. Scott. I do not plan to allow any further damage to come to the enterprise."

"Aye, sir. I'll hold you to that. Sending main power to shields and weaponry. Scotty out!"

* * *

><p>"Dammit! Dammit!" Bones curses. "There's nothing else…we've stopped the blood and patched up his insides, but he's still not coming back. We must've missed something. There has to be another wound!"<p>

McCoy and Chapel both face Jim as his monitors seem to shout at them in a vain attempt to announce that something is still wrong that they haven't finished yet.

"But Doctor scans show that you've patched up everything. At this point he should be getting better."

"Yet he isn't. I'm missing something. His organs are shutting down. We need to open him back up. There has to be a bleed or a clot."

"His body has already been through so much, could all this surgery be a main factor in this…perhaps the stress is too much, perhaps he just can't-"

"Main factor." McCoy parrots her own words cutting her off.

"Yes it could be the main factor causing his system to shut down. It might just be too much for his body to handle, McCoy…Leonard it might just be too much this time."

"Have to look past the main factor." Bones mumbles and laughs brokenly, "Dammit Jim you warned me of this. Your story with the poisonous leaf. I've been too concerned by the overall appearance that I bypassed the small signs. It's…it's him. His mind is causing him to recall the pain and continuously experience it. It's a mental problem not a physical one. Just like last time. Even though we couldn't detect any injury Jim kept feeling the pain."

"So now what doctor?"

"We…we keep him alive. He has to ride it out." Bones breathed out with a sigh and moved about, "We'll hook him up to life support. We've already done all that we can for the time being. And you knew that wouldn't be enough, didn't you Jim? Damn kid with your secrets." Bones cursed his voice trembling slightly as they quickly moved to get Jim settled into the machine, at long last the alarms went off and the room filled with the almost mechanical beat of the heart monitor.

"Good. Good."

Bones sighed out and after so many hours trying to keep Jim alive he finally was able to let out a breath of relief. Though, he had almost wished he hadn't as this seemed to only taunt whatever higher power or fates…or luck…that seemed to wrap itself around Jim.

For his relief was short lived, as the steady beep of the machine flickered once before dying off completely. This was followed almost instantly by the rest of the power cutting off, leaving sickbay in darkness, and Bones in a room lit only by emergency lights.

An eerie glow settled over them as the two medical officers were left dazed at the immediate change. McCoy was the first to react.

"Dammit no! Not now!"

His shout was met with him rushing over to Jim's bedside once more. He was able to throw a quick but panicking look towards Chapel, before his hands formed a forgotten style of life support, and he began to manually press at Jim's heart; beginning to count out the compressions.

He didn't know if Christine had even fully registered any of this because she remained standing in a stunned silence.

"Chapel, you do whatever you have to, but I need to talk to the bridge now. We need power back!" Bones shouts this towards her, his words falling in time to the compressions, "Stay with us Jim." Bones pleads breathing air into the unresponsive man's lungs before pulling back to start the compressions again, "By now Chapel, I meant now!"

Chapel is completely still as she looks first at Jim and then towards McCoy. When the alarms had gone silent a sense of relief and 'oh god we did it' had settled over her, but now. God, McCoy was keeping their captain alive by literally pumping his heart for him and supplying oxygen.

McCoy's shout seemed to shake away the daze and she jolted upright to immediately meet with his gaze.

"I-I…yes sir, But the captain?"

"We have to keep airflow. But this method won't hold out long I need life support back and that's not going to happen without power." He snaps but lets out a shaky breath before replying in a calmer tone. "There is an emergency communicator in my desk…left…no right…hang on." Bones pauses to once again breathe air into Jim's lungs pulling back later to begin compressions again, "Left bottom draw. Behind the photo album. Grab it. Now. Chapel, now."

Chapel sends a very quick nod before sprinting out of the room. Leaving McCoy in the darkness lit only by emergency lights.

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><p><em><strong>AN: The End. <strong>_

_**I'm kidding. That'd be so cruel haha…anyway, this got longer than I had thought. So, my twist actually bleeds over into the second half of this. Had to break it b/c of my whole 3,000-ish page limit. I was too lazy to alter the top author note, and I'm posting them together so quick on to the next page!**_

_**AN2: Answer to reviews. **_

Regretting Crimson:

So, McCoy's comment about Jim and Spock and how he knew. I'm sorry if that was confusing. In my head these two had been…growing closer over the two years, but were blind to their attraction to one another until they were pulled apart. Thus Spock had mentioned that he had known but didn't truly see until Jim was gone and returned, and Jim has been fighting it still until Spock's admission…I may actually mess with that more as the later chapters come up. I'm debating between Jim being just as blind as Spock had or perhaps him being purposefully ignorant so as to keep their friendship…anyway, Bones' comment was because he is so attuned to anything that is Jim related, and would notice Jim's attraction before Jim himself would. Or at least that's how it's working out in my mind.

There is a point to the Romulans' madness, sorta. Hopefully my reasons aren't too much of a letdown or maybe they'll be just right? We'll see. They should show up…in chapter 11 and probably more so later…as I haven't fully written out these upcoming chapters I can't say for sure but I do have the answers started in this next chapter. Hope that helped : )

abrainiac:

I'm sorry last chapter was confusing these are all meant to be a little chaotic and hopefully this chapter had helped to clear things up…or it may have made things worse haha, but I will be answering a lot of the untold stuff soon. For the desire to not spoil anything I can't say much more. If you are still confused after this chapter let me know. I'm summing things up here in these next few chapters so either the answers are here or they're coming.


	19. Fighting Back Part Two

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**AN:** Same warnings apply.

Please enjoy. : )

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><p><span>Chapter Ten:<span>

(Part Two)

"Shields at eighty percent."

"Enemy ship is locking onto us again."

Now that the crew could see who it was they were fighting, they were left with a new confidence. Yet, at the same time, now that they could see what had been hidden, it left them just as shaken…just in a different manner.

Now, this ship had nothing on Nero's ship, and in comparison to the Enterprise it was not that much greater. However, the Enterprise had already taken multiple hits, and this ship has had none. Plus it must be a Romulan design style…but this ship was just as freaky in appearance as Nero's ship had been.

"Hold for attack and then fire upon the Romulan ship."

The crew all braced themselves and once again the ship shook as it was struck by the powerful blow.

* * *

><p>Back in Sickbay, Bones was stuck continuing compressions.<p>

At some point he had to stop his mind from realizing that Jim was not responding, because it wasn't doing him any good thinking those thoughts. It didn't do him any good to linger on the knowledge that Jim's body was already shutting down. That the only thing keeping Jim there was the kid's mind, and if he didn't get enough oxygen to sustain brain functions than even that would be lost.

No, McCoy couldn't afford to think like that. Jim needed him to fight for him and thinking thoughts along those lines made the battle seem like it was already lost. Yet, it was hard not to, as even in the room practically void of lights he could see Jim's lips slowly begin to turn blue the longer he had to wait.

Chapel was only gone for a couple minutes, tops, but the seconds ticked by like hours as McCoy continued to try and manually keep Jim's heart beating.

"I-I found it."

"Good, good, now I can't let up so just comm the bridge and I'll do all the talking, okay." McCoy spoke as calmly as he could though his voice was trembling over every word.

"Sickbay to Bridge."

The request was rushed and the two medical officers waited in the silence as they received no reply.

"Answer Dammit! Answer!"

"We are busy at the moment Leo." Uhura speaks out and McCoy can hear the sounds of commands and turmoil on the bridge.

"You need to make time. We got no power!" Bones hissed as his fingers began to slip as blood smeared across Jim's chest, "Dammit! Chapel, just set it down. I'm gonna need something to soak up the blood. Shouldn't be messin' with freshly fixed wounds, of course it'd start bleeding. Hang on Nyota, Don't ya dare cut this call!"

Both McCoy and Chapel had to pause in the transmission to tackle their own tasks. McCoy's being breathing air into their captain's lungs, and Chapel's to grab a regenerator and some cloths to clean up the bleed.

McCoy began compressions again, before Chapel returned to their side. As she came back, he couldn't stop the huff of annoyance as she tried to push in to wipe up the blood, "Just wait…wait until the next set. I'm not gonna slip up right now." He cursed pressing firmly into the chest, "Spock! Do you hear me? I need power back five minutes ago. What the devil is going on up there?"

As the crew was privy to almost all of the conversation that had just transpired down in sickbay it wasn't too surprising that Spock's reply was just as quick as last time.

"Power will be returned immediately Leonard." Spock replied soundly though to any who were truly listening the panic could be heard underlying the calm. "Lieutenant get Scott on the line."

There was only a brief pause as Nyota turned to accomplish the task.

"Scotty, here. Nice hearing from you again so soon Mr. Spock. What can I do for ya?" His heavily accented voice breaks onto, not only, the bridge but rings down into sickbay.

"Power in Sickbay! I don't care if we are taking enemy fire, you get power from someplace else because right now I need it to keep our captain alive!"

"A-aye sir!" Scotty voice came out in a stunned gasp, "Mr. Spock?"

"Redirect the power from the shields to sickbay, keep power on our weapons."

"Of course. Power being transferred to sickbay!" Scott replied immediately as he rushed about, "You should see it coming back on any second now."

There was a break in communication as power restarted, and McCoy sighed out, "Bout damn time." He grumbles, but the relief is so obvious in his voice. That is however, until the sound of the machine flat lines.

The sound is enough to shake the two in the room, as well as those back on the bridge.

* * *

><p>"Doctor McCoy?" Chapel's voice is panicky and commotion seems to fill the bridge as all parties listen to what is transpiring not in front of them but back down in sickbay. "His heart has stopped. His organs are failing! There…there's bleeding again. He's losing too much blood. His body is going into shock-"<p>

"Christine Chapel! This moment, right now, is not the time to freak out!" McCoy growls, the rest of the crew forgotten as he goes about trying to get Jim back. "You need to pull it together, because this is our captain. And dammit Jim needs us to be working at a hundred and ten percent. So, set your fears to the side and freak out later because right now Jim needs us!"

The communication cuts off for those on the bridge leaving them only with McCoy's last words, and a heavy tension upon all on deck.

It's almost unnerving how heavy the tension is until Scotty speaks up.

"Right 110 percent, Scotty out!"

His voice drags them all out of this stunned silence and they seem to all form a single understanding, Jim needs them all to be at their bests. They will keep their captain safe.

* * *

><p>"Fire on the Romulan ship." Spock commands and watches as the attack strikes without any barricades.<p>

It is as welcoming as it is unbelievable.

"The ship's shields seem to be faltering?" Sulu's voice brings up his amazement as he prepares to launch another round of attack.

"It would appear that the energy required to mask the ship's appearance, has left the ship losing the power required to protect the itself. They have foolishly relied on the fact that we could not see them. Aim for the weapons and engines Mr. Sulu. Take out the war birds after." Spock turns to Nyota who is currently struck at the scene falling before their eyes.

This was it. They did it. They were fighting those who took Jim from them and now after so much they were winning. Jim had made sure that they would be ready to win, and he wasn't even going to be here to see them complete this.

For their captain she wished to witness it fully so that later she could replay the events to him as closely as they happened.

"Lieutenant, have we received word from any ships?"

"Nothing yet sir." She replied turning to her station briefly to double check and pushing her earpiece more fully against her ear.

"War birds taken care of sir."

"Enemy wessel is vithout weapons, and engines are failing keptin!" Chekov cheers from his spot and the entire bridge seems to light up with the quick succession of events. "Ze sound waves seem to have stopped as vell. Ve did it." he sighs out in disbelief and liberation that they didn't let Jim down.

* * *

><p>Jim blinks awake and groans as the pain racks through his body once more.<p>

"Hey, kid you gave us quite the scare back there." McCoy breathes out but a smile is forming on his face.  
>"Everything is healing up nicely. You should be fine here in a couple days."<p>

The words fall and yet there seems to be a hum progressively growing around him; as if he were listening to the words from under water. The words themselves hardly register to him as he stares blankly up at the ceiling from his spot on the bed.

"Kid." Vacant sounds.

"Jim." Was that his name?

"Jim!"

Jim blinks again his vision clearing as he turns to look at Bones. "Hey…" He breathes out weakly and attempts a smile that only falters.

"Jim have you heard anything I said? I said you're going to be fine. You had lost a lot of blood and there may be some scarring just because how old some of those wounds were, but we did it kid. You survived."

"Survived…" Jim seems to try and taste those words on his own and shudders at some untold thought.

"Jim?"

Now McCoy's smile falters and drops as he realizes that Jim, who had been fighting this "great pain," seemed unmoved by the concept that he did it. He knew that Jim would find some wins hard to bask in. Jim had always been the one that even though the ship had been saved, he would feel deeply all the losses that came with the win. Jim would mask this under bravado, sarcasm, and smiles, but Jim was always affected by the wins.

Yet, even then Jim would still leave pleased knowing that he did it. That he had saved his crew and numbers of others; that in its self would make carrying on worth it.

Now, though, Jim wasn't fighting to save others. There were no losses at the end of this, only a win. A win that Doctor Leonard McCoy had been basking in for some time now, because hell it was supposed to be this great freaking tragedy and all this build up had scared the crap out of him. He had figured they would be fighting death himself on an uphill battle that would not end well on any side.

Then Jim had gone into cardiac arrest. His body was shutting down and everything seemed to be going to shit. Yet, when he went to work his own magic…well it worked. He was able to actually heal Jim's wounds and that gave him a chance to fight for his friend, and dammit he fought for the kid!

There were stop and go's and yes it was a terrifying battle, but it always is when it comes to Jim.

Yet, here he was wishing to at least receive a smile or some form of relief from his friend; for beating those odds, for stopping that fate, and he received nothing but a blank gaze.

"Something's wrong…." Jim breathed out and settled his gaze back to the ceiling.

"Now, you stop right there." McCoy moved into Jim's site and cut off his view of the ceiling, "I just saved your ass and you're telling me something's wrong."

"Just like…the kid's." Jim mumbled and his brow furrowed in concentration, struggling to keep a thought. "They healed me." He breathed out in a gasp and his eyes seemed to light up with something.

"All those times…I had thought that it was leading to this, but he…he must've seen it."

"He? He, who?" Bones snapped and threw up his hands, "Enough with the riddles Jim, you're freaking me out again. What's going on? Who must've seen it?"

"Spock." Jim breathed out, and his eyes immediately sought out the other man though stopped when he realized they were still alone. "I think Spock had realized it…" Jim laughs brokenly and lets his eyes fall shut in remorse, "He just didn't want it to be true so he kept forcing it away, and dammit I let him, I allowed myself to just forget, when he saw it this whole time, and wouldn't allow himself to admit he did."

* * *

><p>"The enemy ship is losing power and shields are completely down." Sulu beams pivoting to turn towards Spock and then towards Chekov who basks in the win with the other silently.<p>

"Captain we're being hailed." Nyota voices and draws everyone's eyes on the bridge, now after so much time they were finally getting some form of communication from outside their ship.

"Pull it up on screen lieutenant."

The crew all waits with batted breaths as the screen flickers to life with the image of another bridge. It is dark and many shadows are cast throughout. However, sitting almost too calmly before them is a Romulan who, without question, is the very one who had captured them all a year ago.

"Your ship has been compromised. You have not only entered into federation territory, but have acted out in war against a star fleet vessel. Your ship and your crew will not receive any penance from us." Spock replies clipped and coolly as he meets the eyes of the Romulan without a glimmer of apprehension, but rather with a rising anger for all this man had forced Jim to suffer through. "Mr. Sulu, prepare to fire everything."

"Hello, Spock." The man welcomed.

He spoke with ease and completely bypassed Spock's declaration, to smile almost sinisterly back at the crew. From the view on the screen, the bridge crew could see that the other ship was having problems. The screen flickered multiple times and yet the captain remained sitting as if he had already won this war.

"You have attacked a federation space station as well as a federation vessel, and have continued fire even after we provided means to end this. By the penalty of the federation code 689 I hereby declare your ship a means of war and a risk to remain standing. We will not be providing assistance to yourself or your crew. You have lost that right." Spock repeated standing now to enforce his own dominance over the matter, and portray his seriousness, "Mr. Sulu-"

"I would not be so hasty to destroy this ship Spock."

"You will cease addressing me by name. How you had come by it is another matter but one that will not be a problem here shortly. Mister Sulu prepare to fire on my mark."

"Aye, sir."

* * *

><p>"Realize what Jim? What are you talking about?" Bones had enough he was through with all these questions he just wanted answers. Why was Jim still speaking as if they hadn't just beaten this thing?<p>

Soon Spock would win this fight and Jim would be returned to captaincy and all would be back to the way it was. So, dammit why was the kid raining on his parade? Why couldn't things just stop turning to shit?

Then Jim opens his mouth and says those two cursed words McCoy thought he would never have to hear again.

"That I remember."

* * *

><p>"But don't you want to see why it is I know your name?" The Romulan captain grinned, the look sinister as his attention turned away from the bridge crew and he lifted his hand as if to signal for something.<p>

Before the eyes of the entire crew, another figure made his way up from the shadows. Its steps slow as if unconcerned by hastes. It takes him awhile but slowly the figure comes up behind the captain. The shadows keep him from site but as he reaches past the Romulan Captain, to stand at his side, the lighting catches blue and gold, and suddenly a gasp escapes all those on the Enterprise Bridge.

"Jim!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bum bum bum. Hehe. What? I mean no one saw that coming right? And wait isn't he still back in sickbay? Really that is a whole lump of confusing I'm just dying to explain. Ah, but now we all must wait because I have yet to complete said next chapter. <strong>

**This was a good six thousand words though…Between the two parts. So, I'm leaving you all with a long chapter woot! : D**

**Good, yah? Maybe? No? I should just stop picking on Jim and let the poor enterprise crew have a break? Let me know ^ ^ please. **

**Also, I know it's confusing. Don't worry there is still much to be continued. This was that new twist that my mind went crazy over. Hehe. So, I didn't see it coming I hope you guys didn't either. **

**To be explained. : )**


	20. Losing What Was

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_Warnings: mentions of sub/dom if you take it that way. Um…what else. Yucky Romulan touching Spock's Jim. Also Jim OC…or rather Jim completely out of it…broken!Jim? _**

**_Meh, whatever it is…read at your own risk ^ ^_**

**_AN: Oh man, oh man. Okay so, things are beginning to take a new turn and things will begin to get answered more thoroughly throughout these next couple of chapters. I hope you guys don't hate me for that cliffhanger last time, and enjoy this twist as much as I did. Some really odd comments from you all haha. So, not sure if it's good or bad? We'll see. Here's to clearing up some of that madness I threw at you. _**

**_I am sorry I had to leave you all hanging in wait. But! Bus rides are a blessing disguised as…well it's a public bus…you can probably guess. Anyway they gave me an hour to and from school in which to devote to this story. After typing and cleaning up what I wrote I give you chapter eleven part numeral uno._**

**_Also, in the desire to get it to you guys quick the amount of time put was not to the normal standards...hell, I probably shouldn't even be posting it at four in the morning, but I am. So, mistakes are my own...less detail probably as well. Still has all the key points and scenes I wanted so it should sound fine. I hope. haha.  
><em>**

**_Enjoy : )_**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Eleven:<span>

(Part One)

"Losing What Was"

Jim was there.

Standing beside the Romulan Captain as if it was where he was meant to be, and it left the crew struck into a dead silence. The mixture of confusion and horror at the site before them was as unsettling as it was undesired.

What was going on? There was no way that could be Jim. Their captain was down in sickbay. They had only just recently overheard Doctor McCoy fighting for his life, and yet there was no mistaking who was standing before them. It was Jim, at least in appearance, this was their captain.

However, the disbelief rose because of his actions. Their captain would be fighting if he had been captured again. He wouldn't be so calm. That also brought up the one major difference this man had to their captain. He lacked all the warmth that Jim seemed to emit. Even through all these terrible moments in Jim's life, their captain could light a room just with his presence.

This Jim was almost hollow looking. The most notable sign of this were his eyes. They were still the very blue that Jim's were but they were vacant and stared off into nothing. This was not their Jim, but it shook those on the crew, even as they tried to reason out what they were seeing.

The Romulan before them shifted, as they had all remained in silence, and he rose to stand and face Jim completely.

"No!" Nyota cried out. It did not matter if this was more than likely not their Jim; she did not want to see this Romulan harm him.

Chekov shook his head refusing completely to believe what his eyes were showing him. Their captain could not be there because he was down in sickbay with Dr. McCoy. Jim would not just submit to this captain…he would not come when beckoned like some dog. This was not their captain.

"Isn't he perfect? My gift from our last visit. It took a while but he has become the most obedient thing." The Romulan captain cooed his bloody fingers stroking along the marred skin of Jim's pale face.

"Whatever trick you believe this to be, is misguided, and we will not succumb to it. We have had our James back for several months now. That is not our Captain."

Spock's voice was strong as he spoke over the dazed confusion of the rest of the bridge crew. However, he seemed hypocritical with himself for stating that he did not believe this to be real, because he doubted his own words.

All it took for him to doubt any possible reason for this to not be their Jim, was the look in his eyes.

The one present upon Jim's face, was the very look that Jim had been getting every now and again when he seemed lost some place else. It was a look that came forward whenever Jim seemed to start remembering something, and it left a terrible sinking feeling in Spock's chest.

"Go and check, Spock, for I fear that I may prove you wrong." The Romulan laughed ignoring the sparks and fires going up around him, "Couldn't let my best played card just go free. Why do you think that we let him be with you on your ship? Why would we allow that if not for it to be you who we faced when it all came down to it? When the rest of Star Fleet is scattered along the Federation borders you are the only ship strong enough to protect the home? We have planned this."

The man's smirk was cruel and sinister as he took a seat dragging Jim to drop to his knees beside him. "We've planned all of this. Now go, check on your captain, but I fear you aren't going to like what you see." The Romulan laughed as he stroked at a pendant around Jim's neck.

"Very soon now the ships I have posted on your Federation outskirts will be arriving to this destination. The Federation has grown weak and I have enjoyed pushing them to their limits by using their own precious golden boy. There is no greater pleasure than watching you all fall. I will await your call."

The transmission cut and all turned to see Spock standing looking out at the ship.

"Sulu. The conn." Spock barely managed to throw the words over his shoulders before he was making his way off the bridge, "If they seem like they are about to strike, fire on that ship."

"A-Aye, Captain."

* * *

><p>After such a display on the bridge, Spock made his way quickly down to sickbay, because he couldn't be proven wrong. Jim had to still be with them.<p>

He barely made it in to sickbay and towards the room meant for Jim, before a voice broke over all his concerns.

"That I remember." Jim's words echoed out through the doors, and left Spock stopping mid step overwhelmed with an uncontrollable relief. Jim was still here. Jim was fine.

"Dammit what is that supposed to mean?" McCoy shouts out the curse wishing to shake the captain if not for the fact that he had just woken after hours of intense surgery. The doctor wouldn't admit to this but Jim was scarring the crap outta him with the vacant gaze, but mostly with those cursed words. "What did you remember? What is going on?"

"I-" Both Jim and McCoy turn as the door swooshes open and they're faced with an almost panicked looking version of Spock.

It is by far the most harried version of the Vulcan that either man had seen ever and it stopped them dead in their tracks.

Jim lay propped up by some pillows his eyes a dull fading blue as they looked glumly up at Spock.

"I had come to confirm your presence was still here." Spock breathed out moving almost instantly to touch Jim's face and yet as he reached out to the other man his hand slid right past.

Both McCoy and Spock gasped out at this, and turned fearful and disbelieving eyes up to meet Jim's apologetic gaze.

As their eyes lock, Jim pauses only to laugh brokenly. Of course Spock would arrive just in time. They would not let it end so easily. They would taunt him one last time.

He doesn't look at McCoy and yet the answer was to the doctor's earlier question. Jim's eyes were on Spock…they were always on Spock.

"I never got off that ship."

The words fall with a tint of remorse and despair, though not for himself but for those he is informing. He can only feel content with himself, because he accomplished what had to be done, accomplished what he'd risk everything for. The crew would be safe.

Jim exhales with a gasp of pain and clutches weakly at his chest, just below his collar bone. The pain passes through his lips without much consideration as his hand latches onto something. Though, Jim is not the only one to see it.

By this point McCoy's eyes turn to the small charm lying draped over Jim's neck. It had definitely not been there before, so where the devil had that come from? But that wasn't even remotely important because Jim was…was, what disappearing? Jim was full out vanishing before their eyes, when just moments before he had been as solid as any other human.

"No." Bones shook his head. "No, dammit no! I saved you. Jim I saved you, so you don't—No."

"It's okay…Hey, It'll be okay." Jim breathed out as Bones' gasps turned panicky and rushed, and yet his eyes were on Spock's. They had yet to leave that fixed gaze matched with those auburn eyes. "There will be others on the ship Spock. You have to save those people."

"Save the people." They are but three words, but they fall from his lips with a resounding hum.

It is with these words that Spock recalls things once bypassed. Things that had been set aside for later but never approached as more pressing things seemed always at hand. Yet, now with them spoken aloud, his mind immediately turns to the three year old playing "captain" with the bridge crew, and the first time Jim's eyes had taken that vacant far off look.

"All those words spoken throughout you're time here. You have consistently tried to tell us this from the very beginning."

McCoy took a shuddering breath as Spock spoke these words aloud, and turned to look up. Now he seemed to finally catch the two staring at one another, their gaze not breaking. How long had these two constantly danced around one another? It had taken them so long to become friends, and only late into that second year did it seem like the two would wake up to finally see what had always been so obvious to those around them.

The two had never been given the chance, as Jim had been torn away, but now it was as clear as day to them. Now, that fate seemed to conspire against them, they were finally able to openly express their love for one another…to accept whatever this odd connection was that had always been meant just for them.

He felt like he was intruding on a monumental moment between the pair and yet, he could not pull away.

Spock was so close to Jim that he was almost touching the other, but they all had seen how that would end. It didn't seem to matter, though, as he left his hand just barely caressing the transparent skin. His fingers remained just out of reach and yet so close to the fading figure.

As Bones seemed caught up on the moment conspiring before his eyes, the two were still on the topic at hand. Jim had not only been preparing them to face this enemy ship and tackle all odds, he had also been trying to warn them. It made sense now why Jim knew he must remember, but feared it all the same. Recalling would take him away, but he had never truly been back, and because of that he needed to remember so that they would know.

Constantly Jim had been dropping hints, but was forced to forget again so that he could remain. They were only glimpses of something worse showing through and they all seemed to write it off.

All of them, except for Spock.

Jim had just mentioned that he only now could recall that Spock had seen past everything. Spock would be the one to catch on, and yet his Vulcan logic took root and he had stored them away to delve further into later. Though, with all the commotion that came with Jim's return, later never came up.

Now, Spock could recall every moment that had been stored away. He could recall them all because those were the times where Jim's eyes had gone vacant and distant. Just like the man on board the Romulan ship.

* * *

><p>Spock spoke them allowed, perhaps in a means of clarification, but mostly because he could no longer seem to properly function. What thoughts passed through his mind, seemed to fall out past his lips.<p>

"When you had been three, Leonard tried to pull you from sleeping in my chambers, you had voiced '_Don't let them take me away' _with a distance in your eyes. At the time I had believed you were speaking your concerns against those as a whole who could take you from what you desired, but you had not.

Then you spoke you're desires to _not to be alone_. Both times were you trying unknowingly to inform us that something had been wrong."

Then there was the time on the bridge you had declared that we must save the people…those are who you speak of now?"

Jim nodded only minutely as Spock grew lost in his thoughts.

Spoke seemed to be capable now to pull up every moment that had transpired over the past months. Moments he had written off as a side effect to recalling. He had never considered that it could relate to this.

He broke away from his thoughts to focus on Jim's gaze once more, a memory returning with a sharpness that left him overwhelmed. He could understand writing off those other times, because having Jim back was enough to side-track him, but this was almost too obvious to have missed.

"Just recently…you had re-voiced your fear of being alone and I had promised that you would be safe. That we would not let them take you from us again, but you had tried to warn me then as well. You called me the captain and stated firmly that you were not really back. I had presumed you meant in age, but you had not."

Spock's fingers shook as they remained reaching out, just barely touching the side of Jim's face. He knew if he applied pressure his fingers would pass through again. Jim was no more than an image a mirage to a starving man. "You were never truly back."

"It…it was still me." Jim breathed and looked up, "Fight them Spock. You can. I know you can. If all else fails take down that ship, because they won't hesitate to take this one down. In fact they are planning on it…planning so much more. I-I had only wished to help…" He gasped and clutched tighter against the charm around his neck, "Now, you can't…I'll be gone here soon. The only thing keeping me tied to this place is the charm on my neck…and I can feel him. He won't let me stay much longer. He's been trying to keep me in line this whole time."

"You weren't ever clutching at your chest because of pain, but because of the pain of leaving." Bones slid back to the floor. "But…the elders? It...It's been you here. When we shoulda still been out searching."

Jim's eyes shifted with these words, finally able to break Spock's gaze as he looked over at McCoy and gave a weak smile, "I didn't want to die knowing you all would continue looking for me. This crew needs to know that they can pick themselves up and continue. You all are the best of the best. Don't let me hold you back. The elders…were just a ruse…they needed me back on board. Needed you to be here."

Jim's eyes flashed to meet Spock's, "I couldn't give you what you asked for Spock. I knew it, but I greedily allowed you to admit your—your love to me." Jim's voice cracked and he reached up laying his hand on top of Spock's; the feeling of air brushing against his skin. "It was always my thought to see you one last time. I'm sorry I didn't…didn't realize until recently, though I suppose I always knew." He smiled as reassuringly as one could in such a situation, "I lo-"

The words caught as the remaining image of Jim flickered and arched back, crying out in pain.

"NO!" McCoy shouted jumping up only to watch as Jim's figure began to fade away. "Don't go!"

"James!"

"Save them." Jim breathed out, his image slipping away with a blink of an eye.

Just like that Jim was gone.

* * *

><p>Spock watched again as a loved one vanished before his eyes. He took a shuddering breath and pivoted without more than a consideration. He could still save Jim. This time, they would not leave him to the will of the others.<p>

Whatever, plan was being implemented, Jim had fought against it to warn them and prepare them. Now he would make sure that they didn't let him down.

"Wh-where?" McCoy stuttered having practically sank in on himself at Jim's disappearance and now turned to Spock, aghast, "You are going to walk away just like that? He-he's just gone!" McCoy shouted reaching out to look at the place Jim had just been. There was still his blood on those sheets dammit. This couldn't be happening.

"Jim is currently upon the ship we have been attacking. I had not believed it to be true, but now I know without a doubt." Spock spoke surely though the look of determination and fear brimmed deep in his eyes, "I will not remain here to wallow at his loss when he is still within reach. Prepare yourself Doctor. I am going to get our captain back."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Bam! What! Early posting for all my lovely reviewers and though there is the loss of Jim there is hope! Because who better to promise Jim's return than Spock himself? Ah…the small spirk moments in this chapter : ) maybe not much, and really I probably have no right to call it that, but I added it in because dangit those two just haven't gotten a break!<strong>

**Evil…hehe.**

**If you can't tell I'm obsessed with J.J. Abrams as well as those more surreal type of shows, Doctor Who, Fringe, Merlin, Alcatraz, and also movies that are similar. So, yah this is probably a really weird twist…don't let it deter you if it's not quite your cup of tea. Let me know. If people are finding this way too unbelievable I can always return to my original idea. There just wasn't a wtf moment in that version haha.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed. I'm still reworking things because of the change in the plot. So, sorry if some things seem a little off. My head is warring between the original idea and the new intent. Trying to keep on track, should even out soon though. Chapter twelve is back to where I had planned to wrap things up. **

**Oh, which reminds me, chapter eleven is three parts (possibly four)…so, expect more soon. : )**

**Reviewers are amazing. Note I posted early because you all rock. If I was not so involved with my love for these two characters I would pledge it to you all. Thanks. Next post will be up within a day or two…or less? : D Can't help it when you guys leave me such requests, I get all pumped to write and these chapters just emerge. **


	21. Fools Rush In

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**AN: **_

_**So, I really don't have much to say this posting. It's been a long week and I'm tired and worn out. Haha. Thus I wrote this all out.**_

_**It may come across slightly lethargic and sorry that's my own mood seeping through the lines. It's still a good chapter and important build up so please enjoy. : )**_

_**Oh also…part three. I am mid writing at this point and just…whoa. All I can say. I can't wait to post that. It's probably going to get long though so expect chapter eleven to be four parts…if not five. I mean this chapter is going all the way up till getting (spoilers…sorry) but I have a crap ton of stuff in store for you all, and an answer to one of **__**Regretting Crimson**__**'s earlier questions.**_

_**Yah…I'll leave you all with just that said. Build up excitement and confusion until later posts. ^ ^**_

_**Without further ado. Let's go spend time with Spock and see how he's going to go about rescuing Jim from the enemy ship.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Eleven:<span>

(Part Two)

"Fools Rush In, Vulcans Can Too" 

"What are you planning on doing? You can't just rush this…god-I just…how is any of this possible!"

McCoy's words were clipped and littered with worry and an overwhelming sense of what the fuck. Nothing made sense anymore. People don't just disappear, well sometimes they do, but there is always logic behind it or a reason. Jim had just vanished, like a puff of smoke. It was so unbelievable that Leonard found himself unable to do much more than ramble in what he knew to be shock, and follow Spock.

Whereas, McCoy was floundering in a sea of denial and improbability, Spock was completely okay with what was going on. Well, perhaps it was better to say that he appeared to be functioning at his full capabilities. Even though, he would be the most understandable one to be compromised by what had just happened. Logic and vanishing acts do not coincide, yet when it involves Jim logic seems capable of being bent and molded to better fit the situation.

Yet, Jim had disappeared.

Vanished.

Poof.

Gone.

That wasn't passing over the fact that supposedly there was "another" Jim coexisting at the same time on a Romulan ship, which they were currently blowing to bits. Yah…this definitely had a Jim situation feel to it. So, now they had to get this other Jim back, because he was apparently the right Jim—the real Jim. Though, Jim had said that he had still been him while on board the ship, and really who wrote this because this story had become too surreal for McCoy's book?

So, get Jim back, save the people (allegedly on board as well), destroy the enemy ship, figure out what this "bigger picture" was, and see about saving the entire federation (because apparently Jim was a pawn in the Romulans' mighty chess game to conquer the federation). And if that wasn't enough of a list they didn't know what type of Jim they would be getting off that ship.

They had been so concerned over the torture or pain that Jim had faced, but they had believed that they had Jim back for almost a year now. They had been wrong. Jim was still hostage on a ship and they were foolishly letting themselves bask in his return. No one questioned it. Yes, perhaps it seemed much too convenient that they had been the nearest ship at just the right time. It was also odd that an elder clan had altered him to better cope with his pain, but not so unbelievable in comparison to some of the previous situations they had found themselves in.

Also, was this new situation any less believable than the one prior? It seemed like each situation barely settled in before they were forced awake to realize that what they had thought was reality was only a dream. What if they accomplished this and found that again it was all just some rouse? A dream, within a dream. Could they handle that?

"Dammit, Spock just…what are—how the hell are we going to get him back?" McCoy fumbled over his speech and really couldn't understand how he was able to walk and talk at the same time with all these thoughts overwhelming him.

"Doctor, cease trying to look at this in a pessimistic manner." Spock spoke clearly but clipped as he stopped only briefly to send a sharp look at the doctor. It was a look that held a mixture of annoyance, fear, but most importantly it shone with an overwhelming determination. "I had promised that Jim would not be taken again. As I was incapable of upholding my word, I will not allow them to keep him. He belongs here on the Enterprise."

'_With you.'_

McCoy's thoughts didn't get spoken aloud but he could see the struggle Spock was trying to mask as the man once again felt responsible for Jim's absence.

"You couldn't have done anything, Spock. He was never truly back to begin with. So, you couldn't stop them from taking him again, when they never really let him go."

"An astute clarification, doctor, but it is one that does not ease my viewing on this matter."

Spock moved onto the lift to head towards the bridge and looked at McCoy waiting to see if he would continue following him or not.

Bones seemed unable to do anything else, and entered the lift with a much more somber attitude, before the door sealed them inside.

"What's the plan?"

"We will wait to further discuss a plan of action with those most knowledgeable with getting the captain out of such extreme predicaments." Spock folded his arms behind his back in an overly forced appearance of normalcy.

"They ain't gonna like hearin' that Jimmy boy isn't still with us." Bones muttered and rubbed at his face in exhaustion and hopelessness. "Hell, I'm still pissed that I spent the last hour or so workin' to keep him alive…I thought he was finally alright. That all was fine and dandy once more, as far as Jimmy's concerned. It'll break the crew's heart that he's gone."

"Perhaps, yet, I predict that the crew is more likely to be driven towards getting Jim back before they allow something like this to tear them down." Spock replied evenly.

"Speak for yourself." McCoy regretted the words as they fell out past his lips, and his eyes immediately pulled up to see what affect they had on Spock.

Spock remained tersely silent for a moment's breath before replying just as evenly as before.

"I had included myself into those odds."

"Dammit, Spock just because Jim ain't here don't mean I can't see through this Vulcan armor shit your pulling!" McCoy huffed out but by this point the lift had stopped and Spock only sent him a very quick glance before stepping out among those on the bridge.

* * *

><p>"What's goin' on here? I still have a whole lump of things back in engineering and you all just pull me away because it's urgent? What can be more urgent than the ship keepin' a'float. Mind you I do enjoy you lot keepin' me in the loop an'all but ye aren't considering the fact that only moments ago we were takin' enemy fire. Hell, if I'm seeing this right, that there ship, is the enemy that had fired on us. You mind telling me why were just sitting tight staring at it…with our shields off?"<p>

"I wouldn't mind answers myself."

Scotty and Giotto had both been brought to the bridge, arriving only moments after Spock and McCoy had. Bones couldn't recall when Spock had taken the time to comm for the pair, but it must've been during their trek back to the bridge.

"I had deemed it more efficient to explain the matter once, and to those involved most in the problem at hand." Spock was standing ram-rod straight just alongside the captain's chair and looking back at those of the alpha crew and the leading members who served under Jim.

He barely had a chance to continue before Chekov sniffled and broke out over him, "It vas ze Keptin! I canna believe it but zhat iz it, ya? Zhat is why you and ze Doctor are both here and not in sickbay. Vhy Jim iz not here as vell. Why ze other Keptin had been so sure. I do not wish to believe zhat this iz true."

Nyota who sat at her station just shook her head. It had long since fallen to be cradled in her hands, for she had known as soon as Spock returned the answer to the unasked question.

"Wait. Hold up what?" Giotto seemed almost compelled to raise his voice up an octave as he asked this question. For it was obvious that he had no idea what those on board the bridge were talking about. Something must have occurred during the last time they spoke, because it seemed like there had been a serious change among the atmosphere of the crew and he really didn't like the sound of it.

"Aye, it sounds to me like you're telling us that Jim is no longer on board this ship. Which I canna' find believable seeing as I had redirected power for the pair of you down in sickbay just for the captain himself."

"There's no way any Romulans got him in sickbay! After that last hit we've kept down there guarded nice and tight. Add to that there aren't any more lingering on board among us. We got them all. So, the captain couldn't have been beamed off?" Giotto seemed almost angered by this turn of events.

Hell he had been afraid more so that Jim wouldn't make it because of how wounded he had been. The last time he had seen their Captain he was on the floor, as whip marks blared angrily against his back.

Something that Giotto would never truly be able to erase from his mind and yet he had been amazed at Jim's strength. The man had obviously been beaten to the point of his skin tearing at the marks and yet he only counted out the strikes, taunting the hand of his punisher.

Yet, he had left him with McCoy and word was that Jim had survived the surgery. Hell, word was that Jim had even woken up and here they all were informing him that their Captain was gone again. That was not going to fly well, not when Jim had prepped them all just so they could be able to keep the ship safe from the surprise attack. Not when he had saved Jim from the Romulans' hand around his throat, and not when they were so close to having their normal captain back!

"Jim had never truly been back on board the Enterprise."

Spock's voice was even and not lifted to a higher level to over speak anyone, but even still he managed to cease every rumbling protest in its wake.

That was until his words seemed to sink in with those on the bridge.

"What!"

"Wait…huh?"

"What iz mean?"

"Dammit we ain't got time for this!"

"So…that was our Jim then?"

"That can't be!"

"You will all cease this now." Spock stepped forward and drew all of the eyes back to him, even causing Nyota to jerk her head up to gaze at the one who seemed most level-headed at the moment. Yet, she could hear the urgency in his voice, the pain at having already wasted time. They needed to act now. They couldn't keep arguing over what was. It was times like these that Jim would act first and ask questions later. For their captain they needed to step up and take this role. They needed to go get him back.

"What's the plan?"

"Zhey are going to be expecting us to try and get ze captain back." Chekov muttered slumping in his chair.

"They're probably counting on it." Sulu agreed.

At some point during this conversation, his hand had reached out and Chekov's own was now clutched tightly around it. The two didn't need to meet gazes as they were too busy looking towards Spock for some answers, and yet they were still providing support for one another. They needed to be strong, and the two of them were strongest together.

"It is a high probability that this is a trap." Spock agreed and baffled many of those who were waiting for some type of reassurance. "However, I find that in this situation the ending goal outweighs the risks. It is also likely that those surviving on board the ship have been severely reduced in number. Leaving them all to try and aide in fixing the ship that is slowly malfunctioning and the rest to guard those trapped on board. Jim included."

"Jim's with the captain." Nyota stated and her eyes shifted panicky between Spock and McCoy.

"Aye the lad wouldn't like this to be easy on us." Scotty huffed and pinched just below his brow and atop his nose. "Alright so I'll be assuming we'll be beaming a nice size crew over to this here ship. Raise some type of commotion to draw those remaining out and while they're attacking have some others ready to beam the captured off the ship? Am I right?"

"I'd like to be a part of the rescue party." Sulu volunteered immediately looking to Spock with a fierce loyalty and devotion in his eyes. Jim had and would always remain the man who blindly jumped from that drill for a stranger.

Maybe now, Sulu could understand more deeply that Jim had grown into such a life. That for Jim, some point growing up, he had realized that things didn't just happen unless you went out and accomplished them yourself. Jim had taken so much upon his shoulders always, not because he had to but because it was what made him who he was. Jumping off a drill for a stranger was the same as jumping off a drill for someone he knew. They couldn't help themselves, but their odds were better if he helped.

Sulu wanted to help, because right now Jim was falling and needed the crew to help catch him and beam him back.

"Usually that would be a gratifying and welcomed suggestion. However, in this case we must approach things carefully."

The words left Sulu's eyes drooping almost immediately. He had been so prepared to help fight for Jim and now Spock was not going to allow him to join the away team. He would perhaps argue this if not for the fact that arguing with a Vulcan usually left one feeling small and insignificant. Well, unless your name was James T. Kirk, and you didn't mind taking on someone who was three times stronger and almost double that in comparing intelligence.

Spock would have a reason to not allow him to join. He knew this and even if he felt compelled to argue because of his own desire to aide their captain and his friend, he knew that Spock would be right. Not only that but the look in Spock's eyes spoke of a deeper volume of thoughts and plans that Sulu was sure he had a point to almost all of this.

"It is likely that the captain on board the other ship will be hailing again soon." Spock continued having only paused after catching Sulu's reaction to his prior sentence. "As you all were on board for his initial call it will be wise to keep all of those that were present still remaining during his next call."

"Do you not think that he will be expecting you on board with us? He was practically ignoring the rest of us in favor of speaking solely to you, Spock. You are the one he wants to watch. You are the one he was taunting. I don't know how but he knows that to you Jim is the most import—that our captain is a good weapon to strike down the heart of the Enterprise."

Nyota cut herself off seeing a flicker in Spock's eyes as she began to voice her thoughts and opinions aloud. She altered it only subtly but the point was clear enough.

"I believe that he also suspects that I would be the one most likely to beam on board. Either way suspicions will be raised." Spock countered and stood, if possibly, straighter, "If the Romulan captain hails, and requests my audience than you will inform him that I remain in sickbay with Jim. I believe that this might buy us some more time and there is a 56% chance that the Romulan captain will be compelled to prove this wrong. Especially seeing as whatever had been keeping Jim on board was removed. The thought that something had gone wrong and James has remained, will more than likely compromise him. With factoring in pure dumb luck as Jim would call it, we may time this correctly so that we can save Jim without having him harmed further."

"That seems like a heck of a lot of if's if you ask me." McCoy spoke up. At some point he had faded into the background as they had all began to plan out and argue over the rescue of Jim He was content with just holding off until it was time to hop on over with the rescue party. So, that he could go get Jim back and fix whatever was really wrong.

Now that he had already patched the kid up more times than he could count, it seemed like he really shouldn't expect less than another round.

However, even though he was expecting Jim to not come back to them in one piece; that didn't mean he welcomed risking more harm to Jim. The kid had obviously already been through hell and back. No need to kick his feet out while he was stumbling to stand up straight again.

"Sounds like a chance to me. Sounds like us getting somethin' done rather than continuing to sit tight and talk this out while we could be out there getting the lad back and safe and sound. I say we take up Mr. Spock's idea, throw in some unforeseen complications, and expect a miraculous ending. Where Jimmy turns this all around and blows, not only, our minds but those on board the Romulan crew."

Scotty's voice is heavily accented as he seems pumped with the idea of getting Jim back and fighting first hand those who took him, "This is the lad who had single-handedly trained each one of us to fight off this very attack in a means of a game. I say we have some additional surprises just waiting to be revealed to us."

"I dunno, Jim seemed pretty blown away when he remembered that he wasn't really here with us." McCoy mumbled and brought with it an immediate shift in the slightly blossoming mood.

"It does not matter at the present if Jim has some additional motive or plan. We are unaware and unable to know for certain if he does. This leaves a rescue the most successful option. Those on the bridge will remain. If the variables change, out of our favor, than you are to fire on the enemy ship. Put the lives of the many over that of the few. Prepare for anything and expect problems to arise-"

"As should be expected when it comes to Jim." McCoy grumbles but straightens when Spock moves towards the exit.

"I am promoting Mr. Scott to Acting Captain and Sulu as his First should we find that this is a trap, and are unable to return. Sulu you will take the conn. Mr. Scott we will require the best when it comes time to beam those on board the enemy ship back over."

"Aye, Captain. Be my pleasure to aide as I can." Scotty nodded and moved around the others to make his way as quickly as he could to the transporter room.

Giotto only gave a brief nod of understanding. Spock had called him up for this discussion because they would need him and some of the best among the rescue part. He walked away right behind Scotty.

"We'll keep the ship safe and try and distract him long enough for you to get Jim back, Captain." Sulu replied an understanding gleam lighting up in his eyes.

"Spock."

"I believe I already know what you are bound to say Nyota, I find in this situation promising to keep safe is a one that is impossible to make. So, I shall simply state that I can try."

Nyota smiled a watery smile but laughed, "I was going to say you bring Jim on back safe, because you both better assume that I expect all of you returning to this ship."

"We'll try Nee." McCoy sent her a brief reassuring smile before both himself and Spock exited the room.

* * *

><p>"Alright so this is me guessing here. Seeing as last time we attacked a Romulan ship, I planted you in a spot brimming with Romulans. I hope that this time we can place you lot in a spot where you'll be able to remain unnoticed for as long as possible."<p>

Scotty was seated behind the console gearing the transport and altering the codes so to figure out the best place to send those in front of him.

They had no idea what to expect on board the enemy ship and really for all they knew it could be worse than the Nero incident. Hopefully things would not end that way. So, for now Scotty was gearing up for beaming this team over and preparing to beam them on back.

"Alright lads, we're all set for go."

Scotty turned his eyes up to meet with those ready to beam aboard. McCoy was to the right of Spock, and with them stood Giotto and four of his best men. They understood the importance of having enough people to fend off whatever was to come, but they needed their party to be small.

At the current time the plan was to locate the surviving federation members trapped on board and beam them off with the security party. Depending on their condition McCoy would either remain or leave among that group. Also they were unsure just how many members there were.

Beside that Spock was the one planning on facing the Romulan Captain.

Last time they had been on board with that captain, Jim had taken up charge and faced the Romulan on his own to leave the crew safe. Now Spock would face the same man and make sure he never harmed Jim or the rest of the crew again.

"Energize."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>

**So, as promised I gave you all part two of chapter eleven, in roughly a day later. Bam! Haha. I'm kind of excited how this is coming together. I'm loving all your reviews. Some of you are so animated haha. **

**Anyway, on to Spock and the rescue party saving those on board the ship. And probably a surprise that isn't going to blow your minds, but one you wouldn't have seen coming…something perhaps, **_**bigger than us**_**. : )**

**Ah…this is fun. Okay well I'll hopefully have next chapter sometime before Monday. ^ ^ **

**Random AN: **

Um, holy crap…stumbled upon this. If any of you like Christina Perri or instrumental songs please check it out. It is beautiful and seriously more emotional than the lyrical version by Christina herself…at least in my opinion. Man...if I was in a sad mood this probably woulda made me cry hearing it. Gosh, if the upcoming chapters get really depressing I'm sorry it's probably do to emotionally compromising and beautiful songs like this. GAH! Really check it out.

**http: / www. youtube .com/ watch?v=nICbEbCaK40&feature=fvst**

(remove spaces)


	22. Getting Jim Back

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

**AN:** Whoa! I was added to two communities. **Hurt!Jim Addicts... UNITE!** And **Hotch Potch. **I didn't even know you could be added to those. So I guess my mind has been blown away. Haha. I thought those things were like members only or something. Then I go and look at this c2 thing that suddenly showed 2 instead of 0 and whoa. Did I say whoa.

**So, anyway this is me apologizing. I know I promised this before Monday. Mostly I wanted to put more time into it. Something wasn't sounding right and I struggled with writing out the rescue side of this. It was definitely easier to picture in my head than it was to put into words. Besides wanting to put more time into it I've fell into a…slump I guess; just feeling sorta down lately. Hopefully can shake that off, maybe use it to my advantage throughout this and the remaining chapters?**

**I dunno. We'll see.  
><strong>

**Thanks everyone for the reviews. Sorry I've thrown such a strange twist at you all, and for everyone who has stuck with me I hope your still enjoying this. Hopefully this part of chapter eleven is a little more exciting.**

Shout out to **sapere7** and **TheSociopathOutcast** because I have mentioned constantly on a few of the individuals who review often and I found that you both have also been constant and yet I have yet to properly thank you. So thanks for your awesome reviews. As well as to** all those who review my story**; you are all amazing and I truly love all the support and encouraging comments. : )

**ForestSprite: **My first reply to you as well. That's great. :D Though, I'm glad it was still able to slightly surprise you. That way you hadn't seen it coming all along. It is cool that you had thought of it all the way back at the beginning. Thank you for sharing that I'm glad you're enjoying my story. ^ ^

**Regretting Crimson: **I'll wrap up the confusion about Jim being in two places at once either at the end of this chapter or in chapter twelve. Sorry it was confusing for you.

**passionfornight: **thanks for the reviews as always. *Hearts*

**Alright last note. **I know I got you all worked up for part three...and don't get me wrong I think this part is still going to be exciting, but this wasn't what I had been hinting at last chapter. This sorta got away with me. In the attempt to fix the rescue scene the initial beaming on board changed a little bit and bumped my exciting stuff on to the next part. As I said. Chapter eleven is continuously growing larger than I had intended. Hopefully a good thing though : )

Plus this part changed from my original intention and I feel like its better than what I had before.

**Hope you like it! Enjoy.**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Eleven:<span>

(Part Three)

"Getting Jim Back" 

They had a problem.

Upon arrival to the enemy ship, the rescue party found themselves safely transported to what appeared to be a storage room. It was thanks to Mr. Scott's careful coordination skills that the storage room was completely vacant of any life signs beside their own.

And yet, they had been on board the ship for several minutes already and had yet to leave the parameters of the room.

It was after their initial arrival that Spock had noted the fault in their plan and the hindrance of such a safely organized transport. Yes, they may have been beamed into a place without any others in sight, but just past the doors Spock knew there were Romulans lying in wait. He could hear the fall of steps upon the metal flooring of the ship as several Romulan crew members roamed the halls.

The earlier discussion about the possibility of the other captain expecting a rescue mission seemed to be proving itself correct.

So, now the rescue crew was posed with the task of figuring out some way out of the place acting as a greater barrier between them and Jim. What would seem like the easiest plan of action would be to take them on. They had a party of seven and could stand a moderate chance against taking out the Romulans who were just outside the door. In fact the odds were leaning in favor of them taking out all members without suffering any losses towards the rescue party at all.

However, what raised hesitation in this act were the repercussions that would more than likely occur because of it. If they went out guns blazing, then alarms would be set off or word would make way to the Captain, and Jim's chances of surviving decreased drastically. This left Jim's odds down to barely a tenth of a decimal. Which to Spock was not acceptable, and so the crew remained silently within the four walls of the storage room.

All eyes had at some point turned to Spock in wait for a solution to the predicament they found themselves in. Seeing as it was Spock who had halted them from exiting the room, it made sense that the Vulcan had some plan in progress. Spock was also the only member among them who had been privy to a rescue mission onboard a Romulan ship before. Perhaps it was illogical to compare the two ships because Nero's ship had been from the future, but that should just mean that this would be easier, right?

This ship was not as advanced as Nero's, and Spock had navigated through that ship and returned back on the Enterprise intact. This ship would be closer to the technological standards of their own ship and should in that means be much easier to tackle. To add to that Spock was Vulcan and supposedly shared a common ancestry with the Romulans.

Yet, it was with this knowledge of similar traits, that Spock knew that if he could hear those just past the walls than they could hear them inside. So the crew was stuck in silence as Spock tried to plan out a means to overcome this situation.

All-in-all they were most definitely in a poor situation, and Spock found only one option to best escape the confines of this room. The idea behind this was that the plan would allow for the continued search and rescue mission, as well as keeping the odds of Jim's survival up.

Turning to McCoy, Spock sent the doctor a determined look before he met Giotto's eye. It was at this moment that he truly understood Jim's desire to train amongst his security crew. Having a deeper connection with the crew would have made expressing his thoughts through actions much simpler. Without having done so previously, Spock was left with what he could manage to portray and hope for a good outcome.

In a universal gesture, which he had learned during his time on earth and over the time spent with those of the enterprise crew, Spock held up his hand in wait. He took a step back towards the door, and watched as they all foolishly ignored his prior gesture in protest against his wish for them to remain.

Spock, however, just quirked a brow daring them to try that again and Giotto gave a curt nod, as some sort of understanding settled. McCoy was the only one who seemed to truly rival against Spock's decision, perhaps better understanding than the others just what he was planning on doing.

McCoy shook his head and glared at Spock as if saying, 'we can figure out some other way.' Yet, Spock knew that time was carrying on without them, and sitting tight was not helping them.

So, Spock sent him a lingering gaze trying to will the good doctor to understand that he would still accomplish his promise to bring Jim back. Right now, he would allow the rest of the rescue crew to fulfill Jim's request to save the others allegedly on board as well.

Spock gave a slight incline of a head nod, pivoting on his heel, before arming his phaser and stepping out. The door slide shut with a foreboding hiss, and left those remaining to wait and listen to whatever plan Spock was about to implement.

Shouts and phaser fire filled the halls. Several thumps of bodies hitting the ground made the rescue team tense constantly for fear of one being their commander, and yet they were quickly relieved of their worries.

"I am Spock, Captain of the ship currently at war with your own ship." Spock's voice was deep and striking, and left no doubt in those listening in that Spock was standing his own against the remaining Romulans.

As they had suspected alarms blared to life because of Spock's attack and now the Romulans had a reason behind it.

"You shall escort me to your captain immediately or I will remove you from my path and find my way there myself."

There was a delay before a communication seemed to be passed from the Romulans still remaining and then the voice of the captain of this ship sounded out over the hum of the devices. "I had expected the possibility of you boarding my ship, but not so quickly. Bring him up. I believe that Spock would appreciate a proper reunion with his Captain. That is all."

As a silence fell; those remaining members could only sit tight and let their minds wonder as to what truly transpired just past the walls. They lingered in a continuous silence as footsteps fell and faded into the distance, and even a bit longer afterwards before they shifted in preparation for their own departure.

Now that Spock had given himself to face the captain long before the original planned time, the rescue crew needed to act fast.

It was, however, a good thing that they had lingered just moments later than originally planned. Over the silence, a single set of footsteps returned, and the door swooshed open to reveal a Romulan crew member. To those of the Enterprise it was obvious that this man had returned to check the room for any others who could have transported over as well. Yet, they barely gave the Romulan a chance to fully contemplate their appearance on board this ship. Giotto acted without hesitation, stunning the Romulan and letting him fall to a heap just within the confines of the storage room. Both the sound of the phaser fire and the body dropping were masked by the alarms blaring.

"Let's move."

* * *

><p>Back on board the Enterprise things were not going much better.<p>

"We-we've lost their frequencies!"

Sulu turned sharply, with many of the others on the bridge, to face Nyota. Her cry of alarm was as unsettling as the words that had followed it.

"What!"

"The…the rescue party. I had been monitoring their frequency ever sense Spock and McCoy had left the bridge. All had remained normal even after their initial beaming off of the ship, but now they are just gone." She spoke frantically and for the entire sentence remained hovered over her station trying to alter settings or change factors to get the communication back.

She barely got a chance to further voice her concerns before being interrupted by a communication.

"Scott to bridge."

It hadn't been long after the transportation of the crew members that Scotty seemed to realize a fault in their initial plan. This ship seemed fine and dandy when it came time to beaming those over and onto the other ship. However, they hadn't delved into beaming them back off as much as they should have. Hell, they should have thought about the possibility of just trying to beam Kirk off of that ship. With Chekov and Spock's capabilities they could have calculated Kirk's approximate location and tried to beam him back. Though Spock would probably logic away odds that were too great a risk, they would have still brought the subject up.

Yet, they hadn't thought any further on beaming anyone back besides addressing that Scotty would be there to do so when called.

What seemed to be arising was that they lost all communication as soon as the others disappeared into the white haze of the transporter. Hell, for all they knew the rescue crew could have beamed elsewhere. Right now they were flying blind, and damn did it not remind Scotty of the original capture of Jim and the away party.

"Scott to bridge, come in."

"Hello Scott, we lost frequency of those beamed on board…I am assuming that is the reason you are calling." Nyota spoke quickly and to the point. Something the Scotsman found endearing and enticing about the linguistics lieutenant; she wasn't one to dance around a subject of importance.

"Aye lass, wish I was calling with better results but I find that is exactly the problem. I fear we may be facing something similar to what had happen'd yer last visit with this here ship. If you don't mind sparin' a member of your crew, I could use Chekov down here. Want to be good and ready to beam them all back, but it's going to take time to clear through whatever remaining means still remains that seems to be causing our sensors to not pick up our rescue party." Scotty's voice was fairly calm as he spoke and yet the furious tapping away and pull of what had to wires gave proof that this wasn't completely true, "The wee lad practically created the alterations last time and can probably work some magic faster than I can."

"I am on my vay, mizter Scott." Chekov announced not waiting for a go ahead before he was already racing off the bridge.

"I would also like to assist in whatever way I can." Nyota spoke to Scotty as she watched the Russian take off like a bolt. "Though, I shall remain on the bridge and mess with the settings of my station. Please remain on standby and keep me in the know."

"Aye, Miss Nyota that sounds like a mighty fine plan. Scotty on standby."

With that said the communication hummed idly in her ear and her attention was drawn to her console once again.

Going to save Jim wouldn't do anyone any good if they couldn't beam them back onto the Enterprise afterwards. She would get to work right away.

* * *

><p>Spock had managed to take down five of the Romulans that had been present in the halls, but wasn't surprised when three more arrived at the first sounding of the alarm. They had been expecting some form of return attack from the Enterprise, and Spock would not disappoint. Logically Nyota had been correct. The Romulan captain had seemed intent to solely aim his attention towards Spock. Going off of the idea that the Romulan wished to see Spock's reaction to everything happening, it seemed evident that he would not want Spock taken out so easily.<p>

Thus Spock allowed himself to be caught, knowing full well that the captain would request that they brought Spock forward to face him personally. Spock had urged this further by making it a demand that he be allowed to face the captain. For if the Romulan truly wished to see Spock's reaction than presenting him with rage would only spur this on.

He allowed those remaining alive to lead him off to the captain and knew that now he had left the fate of the survivors completely to the competency of the security members and doctor McCoy. All of which he found he had no qualms about their capabilities in handling such a task.

Plus this allowed him to face down the Romulan captain without concern over the others posing a threat or irritating the captain into acting out against Jim or one of them.

"Spock."

The sound of his name drew Spock's attention forward and he was met with the cruel onyx eyes of the Romulan captain. However, his gaze did not remain as it quickly fell to look towards Jim, his Jim, their rightful captain. What he saw was not unexpected but much more disheartening from when he had believed Jim still on board their ship.

Jim, his Jim, who had been smiling and laughing days earlier, and had been still ordering commands even as he disappeared back to this ship—to this place. Jim who was resilient and would fight all forces that dared to challenge him.

His once radiant Jim was now broken, gazing vacantly out as if he saw nothing at all. He remained kneeling just to the side of the Romulan captain who stroked fondly at the man's golden curls.

"I would like to say that it is a surprise to see you, Spock. However, I had estimated that you would attempt some form of rescue of your captain after finding out the truth. I had not expected such an immediate reaction. Perhaps, I may have miscalculated just how deeply you are connected to your precious James Kirk, hmmm?"

At his words the Romulan captain reached out to tilt Jim's face up. His fingers placed just beneath his jaw line, "To allow yourself to be compromised for a single man. Though, you were not alone, your entire federation had become dependent upon the strength of one man. After such a crisis just years before…losing him must have truly rendered them all weak. A consequence we had predicted and thus hoped to exploit to our advantage."

"You will cease touching him at once." Spock voice was clipped and cool as he watched the Romulan stir Jim around as if he were no more than a toy bending beneath the will of its owner. The thought alone sent a coursing anger through the Vulcan like none he had experienced before. Yet, as he stepped forward he was met with the sound of phasers pointed towards him.

A quick glance around showed that all who had brought him to the captain had remained on guard. Spock was outnumbered and settled on his feet sending a cool glance at the Romulan captain for the time being. His arms shifted to rest behind his back in a costume Vulcan stance.

"Temper, temper." The Romulan voiced, casting his gaze to Jim only briefly before lifting his eyes to meet with Spock's own once more, "Was it not kind of us to allow you your time spent with your James? Perhaps the initial intention was different, but we had given you this." He stated and cupped Jim's jaw to drag his eyes to face towards Spock. "Was it not nice of us?"

He paused and Spock considered if perhaps the Romulan wished a response to the questions posed even though they had been spoken rhetorically. However, the Romulan's eyes returned to Jim as he tilted Jim's chin so that he could gaze down at the vacant eyes, "You had given yourself to it…with the risk of your mind. You gave yourself to see your precious crew one last time. Even with knowing you'd lead them straight to us. How foolish one is when they fear death."

"You are incorrect. Our Captain does not fear death. Jim has never feared such a thing, a characteristic of his that I had always figured he held but one which has been proven true over this past year." Spock broke the Romulan's gaze away from Jim, and noted only briefly that the onyx eyes were fierce at Spock's words, "Our captain looks at all of the possibilities given and determines what path is the best way to accomplish the intended goal. Above all else our Captain would give anything to save the federation and his crew."

The Romulan captain released his hold of Jim to sit back in his chair; his attention now completely on Spock. "Is that right?"

"Your ship has been compromised. You have kidnapped a Starfleet captain and held him hostage for 1.89 years now. You will surrender our captain back to myself and my crew, and in return we will provide assistance in bringing you and your ship back to the neutral zone. Thus returning you to the Romulus borders."

These words were stated in a matter of the utmost professionalism and yet Spock's eyes were fierce as they slid past his own lips. A war against his own desire to see this man fall for what he had done, but also to make sure that Jim was returned safely and without more damage than already done.

"An ideal approach to handling a situation such as this, though it is most amusing that you still believe you have any power here."

"You, as well as I both, know that this ship will not last longer than 4.2 hours. Your power supplies are decreasing at a constant rate and will not hold up for long. As well, you do not have enough men left on board this ship to pose a threat against my crew. If I must I can have a party on board your ship in a matter of seconds." Spock's stance remained calm and collected and yet his words rang out with the threat he was posing, "You will return Jim to me, or I will be sure that we get him back by other methods."

"Please do. It would be fascinating to watch you try."

Spock watched as the Romulan reacted almost violently to his words. Though it was with a cynical smile that the other captain reached out to grasp harshly at Jim's hair and yanked Jim up to stand as he himself rose to face Spock.

"Because you see Spock, I have no qualms destroying a broken doll." He further elaborated on this by jerking Jim up straighter if possible. "It appears that the process to get him to this point was far more enjoyable than the end result. Now my only use for him is what I can evoke from those closest to him, before he is completely lost.

Did you not question why we chose your ship, Spock? Why we allowed Jim to return to your ship in particular? Why it was that we would have your captain request Starfleet to send help to all borders, leaving the only protection a star base that was easily taken over and a ship that's one weakness is a single man? We knew that he would try and fight us…to some degree. It would have been much too easy if he did not. Though, the more he recalled the more he would be dragged back to us. A…precaution in case he revealed too much too quickly."

Spock's lips drew into a fine line as he tried to reign himself in. He seemed to grow tense the more this Romulan captain continued to force Jim to follow his whims, but as the man concluded his sentence he carelessly released his hold on Jim and Spock watched as Jim dropped once more to the floor.

"You will not get away with all that you have done." Spock replied his eyes focused on Jim, but turning to sharply face the Romulan captain.

Spock had once believed that perhaps this was still all a part of a bigger ploy. Scotty had briefly touched on it prior to leaving the Enterprise, and though Spock had agreed with McCoy's initial dismissal of the claim it still had remained a possibility. Now he had little doubt that Jim was even aware of anything going on around him.

If only Jim was aware. If the captain could rise up and attack, they could put an end to this sick twist. Spock had always fought at his best beside Jim and now would be a perfect time for them to rise up together. Yet, this time would be different. They had been so close to having their captain back, to him having his Jim back. After so many months of watching every version of Jim's tortured past; he wished now more than ever that Jim would show that same courage of rising up against all odds and pushing forward.

He had seen Jim face so much more than he had ever been even remotely aware of, and yet each time Jim had been able to smile at them—at him. Each time, Jim had been able to turn against all odds. Yet, here, before him, Jim was truly broken. Jim had warned them that at the end of all of this they would not like what version came last. That after all was done nothing could prepare him completely for what was to come, and that Jim himself believed that they would not be able to handle it. More so than himself, Jim feared that Spock and the crew would suffer at the sight of it.

He had been right.

* * *

><p>AN: Ah, so Spock is facing off the Romulan Captain on his own, McCoy and Giotto are with the rest of the rescue team searching for the survivors, and the Enterprise is struggling. Hope that is more exciting than last chapter : D<p>

Sorry about the Hurt!Jim I forgot to put warnings at the top...Poor Jim just doesn't get a break : (

Hehe. Anyway, part four should be up soon, and either it'll be a nice long conclusion to chapter eleven or it will extend into part five. Wow. I'm surprised by how it keeps growing, because I had originally intended for it to be only three parts if even. So, this is exciting ^ ^

Hope you all like how things are going so far. More stuff to come.


	23. Cat and Mouse

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**AN: So, because I can, I am giving you all this one as well. It's a little bit shorter, but that will leave part five the longer if not longest part of Chapter Eleven. I wanted to post this because I had built up all that excitement for part three and it got bumped into this part...and even more so onto the next part. Anyway, I decided I'd give this to you all sooner rather than wait as I finish up Chapter Eleven and give you it all as one long page. **_

_**Warnings: Cursing from Bones as well as others, Sulu being kind of amazing, Spock may be a little OC but I tried to rein him in. Bones also may come out a little snappish...beware of his bite. Jim...is totally out of it still, and um...surprises. : )**_

_**regretting crimson:** I hope you know all I can picture is Spock in his metaphorical armor riding in to save Jim...haha thanks for the review. Glad I can keep you guys on your toes. Also, funny you questioned the Romulan Captain lacking a name. I definitely added that into this page before I even got your review. I've been trying to work it in but haven't figured out a right time to. Hope it sounds okay. :D_

_**Thanks to everyone else for your reviews. You are all simply and truly amazing.**_

_** Now without further prolonging, onto part four of our lovely Chapter Eleven.  
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_**Please enjoy.**_

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><p><span>Chapter Eleven:<span>

(Part four)

"Cat and Mouse"

"Dammit, Dammit." McCoy cursed as they made their way down another hall.

This was all taking too long. Perhaps, if they had Spock they would be able to use some of his mind voodoo to work some magic and locate the position of the surviving federation members. Instead the Vulcan had gone off to play hero on his own. Yes, by doing so he spared the crew from getting noticed and had perhaps stopped Jim from being hurt more, but this was all speculation.

How the hell would they know if anything was going right or wrong?

Communication with the Enterprise seemed to be cut all together, Spock was off facing the Romulan captain, and they were busy going door to door in search of supposed survivors. Hell, this was not how he had pictured this all panning out.

"Perhaps we should split up? Cover more ground."

"Oh good idea, that way when we find the survivors we can comm each other to let everyone know. Or better yet if one group gets shot down we can make sure the others know." McCoy snapped holding up the useless communication device to further portray the sarcasm in his words. The security officer, who was perhaps one of Giotto's strongest members, flinched at McCoy's bite.

"Easy now Doc, how bout we chill down and just keep at it. We've covered a decent amount of ground. We're bound to find them eventually." Giotto stated as soothingly as a burly security officer could manage.

McCoy just sent him a good ol'country glare.

"Hey, we've crossed more Romulans the further down we've gone. I'd say we're getting close."

"Yah but are we getting close to the survivors or are we getting close to something else?" McCoy questioned aloud sending a weary glance down the deeply shadowed hall. With the power continuously draining, the lights were only flickering on and off every so often. This often left the crew traveling with little to no light source. Add to that oxygen levels seemed to be decreasing, and they suddenly found themselves in a tense situation against time and against a battle of wills.

"Feel like a mouse getting led around to its demise." McCoy grumbled but followed the security party none-the-less.

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><p>"Spock, now that you seem to have a better understanding of the situation. I doubt that you would risk your precious Jim's life by beaming others on to my ship?" The Romulan captain sneered daringly.<p>

"I admit that I find myself confused by your rage. What has come of your honor that the Romulan's pride themselves of?" Spock questioned daring a step forward only to pause just as quickly after taking such a step, "You would rather use a hostage to survive than die in glory?"

"Romulus has changed much after your federation destroyed one of our own! After our eyes were open to your cruel capabilities!"

"Nero had declared himself apart from the Romulus Empire. Your assertion is unwarranted and your hatred unjust." Spock replied evenly his eyes on the Romulan Captain but aware almost completely of Jim's presence, "Yet, even he refused aide when his ship was collapsing into the singularity. Aide, which came from the man who you have taken much of your rage out on."

The Romulan captain shifted but his eyes grew darker as he leveled them completely with Spock's own.

"Your words will not stop what has yet to come. You believe that this battle has already been won, but you are wrong. It is not the Enterprise that has won this war, nor is it your Federation. We have already won. While you have been busy here with us, your Federation has already fallen." He smiled a cruel smile at this and returned to his seat with a forced ease, "You may have revealed our ships by destroying our mask…a problem we had not expected, but should have been anticipated when dealing with Kirk. Yet, how soon do you believe you were?

When we are the furthest from those borders, and the last ship to strike out, can you really imagine that the others are not already taken out. Have you not already heard of the attacks from your admirals? You have accomplished nothing, Spock."

The Romulan captain's face fell into a snarl as he shifted to truly face the Vulcan from his seat, "We refuse your aide, because this is not over. Your ship will surrender before ours will, Spock. You may wait to be destroyed by my brothers when they arrive or you may flee back to your ship and run like the cowards the federation is made of."

The room fell silent at the Captain's words, and Spock remained idle as he tried to take in all that he had been told.

He knew that the admirals spoke of attacks on the federation outskirts. That was one of the reasons the Enterprise had quickened their pace back to Earth and its space station. However, could it be possible that they were too late? Jim had remembered that they needed to take out the ship's disruptor so that they could reveal the other ships fighting…but it was all meant to aide against the Romulans. Jim, who had no control over himself or when he recalled events, perhaps was unable to inform them soon enough to have aided.

Did they help at all?

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><p>Yet another room and still no survivors; McCoy was growing tired of this guessing game.<p>

They had come across a larger group of Romulans after turning down this last hall and had foolishly believed that this must be where the hostages were being kept. If the hall was so heavily guarded it made perfect sense, and yet they had found nothing.

"Dammit."

McCoy turned his eyes up at the curse. The words he had just about voiced, rung out but not past his own lips.

Giotto slammed his fist against the wall, nearest the most recent door they had tried. He repeated the cursed word again after the action and growled at the continual incompetence. Jim had requested that they save the survivors. Perhaps, Giotto hadn't been there for that request, but it had been the last request before their captain had been taken once again. Now, Spock had left them in charge of completing the task on their own. Spock had entrusted them to be able to complete the task on their own, and they were letting both the commanding officers down. He was letting both his commanding officers down.

"Dammit!" Giotto cursed out again for good measure and slammed his fist against the metal once more.

"Now just hold on a gosh darn minute." McCoy spoke softly but cut off as the resounding thud against the metal returned with a gasped cry.

The cry was a sound that hadn't come from any member of their group. Seeing as it was a feminine cry and also one much further down from where they stood; there was no way it had come from them.

All eyes turned towards where the source of the sound came from, and the six members of the rescue party seemed to all breathe out a sigh of relief as one joint unit.

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><p>Spock was pulled out of his thoughts as another Romulan stepped not only around him, but around Jim in order to get towards his captain.<p>

Spock risked another step forward.

"Ah! Now the war will truly come to its completion. Two ships about to come out of warp." The captain practically cooed the foreboding message and turned his eyes to meet with Spock as the other Romulan made his way once again into the shadows. "Can your ship handle another fight, Spock? Can they face two more ships?"

"You should not doubt the capabilities of the Enterprise and her crew." Spock replied tersely and met the Captain eye for eye. "If more ships are to come, you will find that they will soon resemble those Klingon war birds you had armed your own ship with previously."

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><p>"We have two ships warping towards our location!"<p>

Sulu stood alert at his station. His eyes cast to the crew member who had given the alert. An ensign seated currently at Chekov's station while the young navigator was pulled away. It felt all sorts of wrong seeing someone else in Chekov's seat, but he allowed that to slip away as the warning seemed to finally click.

"Prepare for possible enemy ships!" Sulu stated aloud, "Yellow alert. Ensign Carter, figure out who these ships belong to and if we are about to be outnumbered once again. Nyota, how are the alterations coming? We need communication back with the rescue party. If these are enemy ships, we need Captain Spock back on board this ship. Also, be sure to inform Scotty that we are expecting an attack. As Acting Captain he will need to be present on the bridge."

All eyes turned in awe as Sulu not only stepped up but took command of the situation; albeit there was some informality in his command. None-the-less, it was impressive to see the helmsmen, current first officer, taking such action.

"Aye, Sulu." Nyota said sending him a pleased smile and turning back to her station, "I'll also check to see if I can pick up any communications from the approaching ships."

The Enterprise might be Captain-less and missing both Spock and Jim, but they were more than definitely stepping up to keep the ship safe for when the two returned.

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><p>"Spock."<p>

"You will cease referring to me by name." Spock stated calmly and coolly and yet he was anything but. Two new factors had been added to the situation and he had still not accomplished much in retrieving Jim. To some degree he knew that he was buying time for the rescue party. He was providing a much needed distraction for the captain and apparently many of the remaining Romulan guards.

At first the plan had been for the crew to provide such a distraction when, and it was not an if but a when, the Romulan Captain would seek out another confrontation with the Enterprise crew. However, the alteration in the plan left Spock as the distraction. This left him slightly at a standstill.

He knew that at some point he would have to act fast. It just was a matter of timing things correctly. Cautious steps to continuously put himself closer in reach of Jim. Distracting the Captain with anger and driving his rage to make him careless.

If not for the phasers aimed at him, Spock would have acted already, but at the present he was stuck. Any foolish move could cost his life or Jim's, or both of their lives. Then this entire mission would have been for not.

"You spoke earlier of a Romulan's honor and yet you request that I cease addressing you by name." The Romulan captain seemed troubled by this request, "Is it not the name that makes the individual, Spock? You are nothing but a name, and thus by addressing you by yours I have given you an honor. I address you by name as I have addressed James by his own. You are both admirable enemies in this war, as a Romulan I can respect that as much as I detest the pair of you."

"And yet we have spoken often now and I have yet to hear your name once." Spock replied and watched the Captain throw his head back to laugh at such an absurdity.

Spock took another step.

"My name is D'Torak Ch'Rihan tr'Radaik, but you may call me D'Torak as a final token before I destroy both you and your ship."

D'Torak spoke with a dark gleam in his eyes as he gazed back at Spock.

"As I have not addressed you by title, nor name, prior to this moment, I will respectfully decline."

"You will know my name even if you refuse, Spock. As I will know yours." D'Torak spoke calmly for once as he seemed to take in Spock's position and let his eyes drift over towards Jim.

It seemed that only now the Romulan captain seemed to recall Jim's presence among them; having forgotten the male after casting him aside. Truly D'Torak seemed to find Jim nothing more than a broken toy with no more use now except what he could bring upon Spock.

Something seemed to click in D'Torak's eyes as he continued speaking, "As I will be the last face Jim recalls before his death, you will find my name the last curse on your breath."

D'Torak rose fluidly and leaned over to the crumbled form that was Jim. As if Jim was no more than a child or a dog, he pulled him up from the floor. "Do you wish to know why it was James was able to return to your ship and yet managed to remain on board mine? What he truly gave, all for a belief in a pointless cause?"

Spock tensed as D'Torak held Jim up off the ground as if assessing the man one last time.

"He truly is nothing more than a shell of what once was..."

Jim was no more to the Romulan Captain than a lifeless doll to be carded around. He spoke the words aloud and seemed to only briefly consider something. Jim was no more then a small factor in the Romulan's concerns, and without a thought he forced the other man towards Spock, and away.

It was when D'Torak threw Jim once more towards the ground, that Spock lunged forward. No longer did he concern over the possibility of phaser fire or anything else as he caught Jim from falling once more.

"Spock to Enterprise. Beam us back!"

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><p>"It had to have come from over here." Giotto listened as his team all tried various doors. They had all heard the cry and knew that it couldn't have been a figment of their imagination. Not if they all had heard the very same cry at the very same time. Yet, they went towards the sound and seemed unable to locate where it came from.<p>

"Just…just stop your speaking for a minute and let me listen!" McCoy shouted and watched as instantly the crew fell silent, "Thank you." He huffed.

McCoy took almost nonexistent steps as he trailed back and forth down the part of the hall they had heard the voice from. Something was obviously missing for those of the rescue party, and he wasn't going to let it all go to waste just because they were in a hurry and impatient.

His eyes slid shut trying to listen past the hiss and snap of wires, and the hum of the ship trying to keep running.

He tried to listen over the roaring thrum of his own heartbeat, and past the breaths of the security team. After all of that, he heard it.

It was faint but there it was; a sniffle. Call it an instinct, perhaps brought on by taking care of Jim for so long, or maybe from being a father, but he heard the nonexistent sound and immediately went to the source.

A wall.

Now that posed a decent predicament. "Here." He muttered and trailed his fingers along the wall, there had to be a catch or something; some way to open this to whoever was on the other side, "Don't ask me how but they're here."

All five officers moved as if on cue and began to aid the Doctor in the hunt for some way to open the wall up to those inside.

A clink and a gust of air escaping sounded as the furthest security officer seemed to stumble upon the catch. All members jolted back, as without a second to spare the wall seemed to collapse and split apart.

Darkness lit up from the light of the hall and suddenly the rescue party was able to fully see why someone would cry out at the pound against metal. Why someone would remain silent when voices carried along the halls even with the possibility of those voices coming to rescue them. Why someone would sniffle instead of sob.

The federation members Jim wanted them to find. That Jim needed them to save.

The federation members that were so important that Jim's last gasp to Spock and McCoy had been to save them.

They were kids.

All twenty or so hostages were federation kids.

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><p><strong>Bum, bum, bum. Surprise! I wonder who all saw that coming? haha.<strong>

**ForestSprite: **haha, sorry I totally did it again here (leaving you guys with these crazy endings). Makes it more exciting? I hope. Really I don't try to...all the time :D This time was actually accidental...ly planned? It was supposed to be somewhere towards the middle but I cut it short. So, now it is the cliff hanger. whoopsy :)**  
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**AN:**

**Anyway, so sorry if this was all fast past. I pictured it in my head rolling off really quickly. It is supposed to give this feeling of they only have so much time. Rushed. That was the feeling I wanted to portray. This whole experience is meant to be rushed and yet at the same time not going on quick enough. However, some new questions coming to light, which in particular will actually end up being answers to some bigger questions. All of which will be wrapped up next chapter...and then finalized in chapter 12. With an epilogue planned to finish this whole thing up.**

**SAD! It's so close. Gah! But for now. Expect one more part of chapter eleven and then chapter 12 will probably be longer as well. Epilogue will be one post...so, roughly five more posts? Maybe. It could vary, but it'll be close to that estimate.  
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**Oh well. I'm excited to see it all come to an end. Stick with me I still have some more things in store and the final wrap up. Then maybe Spock and, more importantly, Kirk will finally catch a break. : D**

**Hopefully... : X  
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	24. The End of the War

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**Warnings: **Simply that this is a hurtfic and you have been warned. Some characters may be OC please forgive (Otherwise I wish no spoilers today so read cautiously and please don't flame)_

_**AN: Okay so just wow…with a side of whoa. Your guys' reviews this time were overly sweet. Some new reviewers and some old, and gosh I cannot continually express how great it is that you all are not only reading what I have written but are commenting on it. I appreciate the support, the critiques, and the love. Really and truly. So, I apologize but again I'm going to take a moment and try and respond to you all personally.**_

_**Yes, I know I shouldn't and it's long and just get to the story already…I know, please feel free to skip. I'm posting Chapter Eleven Part Five in all its glory, going against my 3,000-ish word limit for you all, so I'm adding these to it as well. Also giving you the transition between this and part twelve...which I am labeling 11.6 because it's not enough to be it's own chapter but doesn't quite fit into this one.  
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_**It's mostly due to how great you all are, but also because as I said I've been feeling down and your reviews were just…really kind this last post. So, please forgive me but I can't help myself : X**_

**Regretting Crimson****: **_to put this as simply as possible, thank you. Your comments are always amazing but your review this time made my day. The part of _picking_ your jaw off the floor, can I say I love you and we just keep it a secret from Spock and Kirk because though they may get angry at me getting sidetracked I truly do. You are wonderful. Thank you for not only catching the things you do but noting them. It is intriguing to see what you all see in my story. I hope that this chapter sooths some of your concerns and I promise you there shall be spirk before the end of this story. How great I haven't decided, but I plan to make up for all the hurt I've placed upon these two. And five may seem small (mostly because it's an estimate that has potential to grow...is growing) but also because I have this all wrapping up soon. Hope you continue to enjoy my story, Always enjoy your reviews : )_

**passionfornight:** Can't stop thanking you for always being one of the first to review. You are by far one of the biggest reasons I keep updating as quickly as I have. So, thank you, thank you. Sorry that the time is so wonky. I'll have to figure out a better way around that in future stories, but because this one expanded over such a length of time and yet focuses also on those individual moments I tried the best I could to keep it understandable. Learning process I guess. Hope it hasn't detracted too much from everything else. Let me know if it gets confusing b/c I don't mind clearing things up.

**Debauchi:** Yay, I'm glad you found and have enjoyed my story. Thank you for all your wonderful reviews : )

**AlaMac0801:** Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your review, was probably one of the sweetest comments I've received. Thank you. And just for good measure thank you again.

I'm glad you gave my story a chance, and that I didn't disappoint. Also that you didn't run as soon as you realized this was my first post…which I find myself doing from time to time. I give them a chance now that I've been in that position. I'm glad that you caught so many things. As always I'm intrigued by how others view what I wrote. I'm sorry about other stories and understand your pain. This has already been planned out. Down to the ending (not quite the epilogue but that's for added bonus) so, I will not quit on you nor any other readers. I hope you continue to enjoy the rest of my story, and gosh just once more, thank you. For your support and kind words; because they are appreciated.

**J5TRXIII:** Yay please share! Thank you for the review because it made me smile and not only that but as soon as I saw your comment I immediately shared it with my sister (who has been my ear to rant and rave about how amazing all your guys' reviews are).

**To all my other reviewers**; **ForestSprite**, **TheSociopathOutcast**, **sapere7**, **abrainiac**, and **everyone** who has reviewed, and stuck with me, you're amazing. A word not grand enough to express my condolences, but none-the-less you all are. Thanks.

**And so without further prolonging. Here is part five of Chapter Eleven.**

**Enjoy.**

Chapter Eleven:

(Part five)

"The End of the War" 

"Spock to Enterprise. Beam us back!"

Spock waited in vain for something, anything at all, to happen and yet he knew the feeling by now of being transported. So, without a doubt he knew that he was not back on board the Enterprise. That they were still on board the enemy ship and this alone seemed to compel him to pull Jim firmly against his chest—away from harm.

He tried to calculate how quick he would have to be to lift the captain up and escape without getting stunned or killed in the process. The odds did not look good, and thus Spock remained kneeling on the floor with Kirk pulled close.

"Very interesting display Spock. Very dramatic." D'Torak seemed as if almost to the point of applauding the Vulcan, and yet he just remained gazing down at the pair. "You truly must understand that I wouldn't have even allowed you near him if things were as simple as beaming away. I'm not finished yet."

His footsteps fell with clicks on the metal surface of the floor, and resounded loudly in Spock's ears.

He could hear the footfalls even over the hissing wires and snaps of electrical problems. He could hear it over the phasers just lying in wait for the command to kill the two intruders. He could hear it because they were approaching him, and they were approaching his Jim.

Spock's hands tensed further on his hold of Jim and he kept himself almost protectively hovering over his captain. D'Torak would not be allowed to harm Jim anymore if Spock had anything to do about it. Hell, they should've already been long off this ship and away from harm if Spock had anything to do about it. Yet, they were still here and the chances of Jim leaving his side again were too high.

Too many times now Spock had stepped away from Jim or trusted too easily that things would straighten themselves out. He had watched Jim taken away by his own allowance the first time, and then forcefully the second time. There would be no third time. Spock would not let Jim leave without him even if he had to push all Vulcan logic and mannerisms aside to keep it that way.

"Spock."

Spock's eyes refused to obey his desire to remain watching Jim; as they lifted to glare threateningly up at the man too near his captain. A man who posed too dear a threat.

"Come now, Spock, your ending is almost upon us and I wish to ease your concerns. A Vulcan perishing without some means to answer all this illogical happenings; would that not be cruel? Don't you want answers as to why we chose your ship? How we were able to allow Jim to return? Do you truly not have any questions for me?" D'Torak smiled sinisterly as he knelt down to crouch just out of reach from the pair. "Don't you want to know what will come of your James? What that charm accomplished? It worked better than an entire year of torture. One promise to your captain and he was begging."

"You will cease speaking of Jim in such a manner." Spock replied curtly as he watched the Romulan not only approach but crouch within range. Spock had his phaser removed before being allowed within the same vicinity as D'Torak, but he had other weapons. If it came down to it, he was fine just killing the other with his bare hands. For what this Romulan had done to Jim, Spock placed reason aside because he knew that he would relish in taking this life.

Right now, the risks were still too high. An attack of any kind would only result in his and Jim's demise.

"You had chosen our ship because you had believed us an easy target. With Jim as your captive you knew that you had a play that we could not have predicted." Spock replied just as coolly and yet his mind was brimming.

Before him was his James, and yet his captain seemed almost hollow. The warmth and comfort that had come from any form of closeness to Jim—to Jim's touch—was missing as he lay almost motionless in Spock's arms.

Had it not been for the rise and fall of Jim's chest, Spock would fear him dead.

"Good. Yes very accurate of you Spock."

"I do not understand how it was possible, but Jim was returned to us through the charm you had placed upon the real Jim's neck. A charm that allowed him to be in two places at once. What I cannot understand is why you returned him to us as you had. Why force him to suffer through his past, when you could have returned our captain to us as he should have been? Would he not have led us to Earth all the same? That had been your ending goal all along."

"We could not return Jim to you as his true self. Your captain struggled to keep himself from remembering the older he grew because the closer the situation was to the truth the easier his mind managed to recall certain facts. His succession from the child form was a means to distract you all from what was always right before your eyes. Though it was his own mind that supplied the events he relived."

D'Torak seemed most amused by this declaration, "You see of course all readings would show that this was in fact your captain, because for all intent and purposes it was your James. Rather spectacular if not for the added side effects, and the unknown variables.

However, we did try to keep close so as to keep an eye on your captain, your James."

The Romulan seemed to consider this answer even more so than the others. His eyes kept watching the two before him, as if they were no more than a subject to be studied.

"Upon your first capture the plan had initially been to kill you all. Would it not be more enjoyable to be rid of you immediately? Than you and your crew's alleged skill to triumph against all odds would no longer be a threat in our plans. That was of course until your captain stumbled upon the others on board along with him and the rest of your crew.

"Your Captain saw an immediate flaw in our plans and bartered your lives for his own. He seemed compelled that we couldn't get him to reveal what we wished to know. It was intriguing, his determination and I admit to desiring nothing more than to watch him crumble and fall apart. To witness the Federation's poster boy fall apart at the seams.

"So, we released you. Though, initially it had been with the idea to destroy you immediately afterwards. We found that it was a good thing that you all had survived.

"Having you alive drove Jim to fight us, and in the end allowed him to play right into our hands. We gave him the option to aid in our goal. A gift after a year spent with us. It would tear his mind in two leaving him easy to bend to a command, but giving him a chance to try and save you all along with your federation. A foolish belief of a man with nothing else left to lose, but it was a belief that worked in our favor. He thought that all we required from him was bringing the Enterprise to us, and some access codes. He figured he could still fight us and win; that we had given him a chance to win. There was never a chance, and he was foolish to assume so quickly.

"What remained of the captain with us here was no more than a host, one that was more than willing to comply with commands. Codes to your federation, information on leading members, all that we could have asked for and more were revealed to us willingly. All because your captain believed he could prevent something bigger. An entire year of torture and we had received no more than a name. One day after his return on your ship and we received everything.

"Your federation will fall and in its place a new era will rise. All because of James T. Kirk. No one will call him a hero now. All that is left is a tattered mess of a once vibrant whole."

"What have you done?"

Spock's voice was quiet over the maniac laugh of the other, but the words were not a vacant question to Jim. No, he would always understand that every action Jim took held a purpose. His question was towards the Romulan Captain.

"What have you done!" Spock's voice fell with a growl that immediately silenced D'Torak, though the man's lips curled into an amused smile.

"Yes, this is very much worth having kept him alive, even now. Suffer for me Spock. As Jim had for his crimes against the Romulans, so shall you. Your captain has fallen into his mind. After removing the charm, the link was destroyed leaving James to the destruction left in the wake of such a gift. He won't remain long…even if you survive this somehow…no matter what, you will never truly win."

He paused only briefly to let his eyes linger over Jim before focusing away from the pair and out into space. Out towards the Enterprise, where it lay highlighted by the earth it so fearlessly tried to protect.

"The Federation's prized ship; I have enjoyed our time spent together. Watching you all try so valiantly. It shall be an admiral victory for myself and the Romulan Empire. Forever known as the ones who tore apart the Federation at the heart of it all."

Spock had immediately been determined to strike out against the Romulan Captain, and even more so as he concluded. However, his thoughts seemed to halt entirely upon a certain word. It was with this that his eyes and attention returned almost instantaneously back down towards Jim.

His mind.

Something that had always fascinated Spock was Jim's mind. When they had originally met Spock had taken the time to look into James T. Kirk's academic records. He knew that the cadet (at the time) would have had to of been smart to a certain degree if he was able to, not only, work his way into Spock's program of the Kobayashi Maru but reprogram the unbeatable test.

However, even with this understanding and with the obviously impressive academic scores Spock had found Kirk to be anything but what he expected. He was brash and cocky and impudent. All characteristics Spock found later to be a cover to the man beneath.

Jim was like a budding rose. Beautiful and compelling on the outside but masked with layers upon layers of exactly what everyone wanted to see. Each revealing more truths of his real self the further you got past the outer petals. Yet, the deepest and most venerable side of Jim lay hidden underneath; hollow and self-conscious of letting anyone in.

Yet it was everything as a whole, which made Jim intriguing to Spock. The layers and the internal problems all made up the Jim that Spock had fallen for. He just needed to bloom so that all could see him for everything that he was, but Jim was wound up too tightly to make such a thing easy.

Jim's mind was intriguing, compelling, and a stunning warmth that pulled at Spock's mind constantly over the years they had spent together. He had only ever had brushes with Jim's mind and that alone was enough. That alone left Spock soaking up an overwhelming brightness and warmth.

Yet, Spock was always quick to forget just how fragile Jim could be. To Spock and to many others Jim had always given off an undefeatable and impenetrable persona. It was easy to forget that Jim was only human, and just like a rose, could be easily crushed by a stronger force.

Romulans, much like Vulcans, are three times as strong as humans. Yet, even this concept had not deterred Spock's confidence in Jim's strength. Jim who taunted a Vulcan into, not only, expressing his emotions but to express them in such a violent display so as to prove how compromised a Vulcan could become. Jim, who knew which battles to fight, but almost always fought with a purpose or for another besides himself.

Jim was strong enough to survive a battle of strengths, but D'torak had discovered this after a year of beating him down and achieving nothing. So, D'torak altered his tactics and struck at Jim emotionally and mentally. He dug in deep only to shatter all that was _Jim_.

His brightness and warmth, was gone. D'Torak had brutally torn away all the petals leaving only a hollow reminisce of his Jim.

Spock's fingers moved on their own accord up to Jim's psi points not sure why it was he had not tried this until now. Some part of him reasoned that because Jim had never truly been back something had compelled Spock to not try, for it was not the correct mind.

However, before he could even settle them in place. Before he could even try to aid Jim in conquering whatever lay within his mind; Spock's own mind was attacked. Violently and to such an extreme that Spock jolted his hand away as if burned.

"I wouldn't do that Spock. Such a mind could tear away your own structures and leave you just as broken."

* * *

><p>"Kids."<p>

"They're kids."

"They're Federation kids."

McCoy's voice was like a broken record. Repeating the same fragment with only brief alterations and yet consistently the same thing.

As they had opened the wall it was to the surprise of every single one of the rescue crew members that those within were all kids. Before them stood toddlers, children, preteens, and a select few teenagers. All of which were captured, Federation Children. All of which were broken and scared; some more so than others.

Yet, even with the overwhelming reality crushing down upon them, McCoy could only truly think of one thing.

They were prepared.

Just a year ago, when asked, McCoy knew that the Enterprise was not capable or equipped to handle children. Yet, over the last year Jim had made sure that every single member on board that ship had experienced him in one of these ages. He made sure that every single crew member could aide during this time.

"Dammit, Jim." Bones breathed out in disbelief and took a step forward.

Frightened, beaten, broken children; were what stood before them, and they had already faced all of it. Jim didn't think they could handle it…well he made sure that they would be able to when the time came. This would be nothing in comparison to Jim's own traumas. Those had been more severe as well as closer to home.

Again Jim seemed to have known what they had needed and planned everything out, knowing that they would accomplish what he silently asked; what he had been unable to accomplish alone. They would save them. Save all the people…all the kids.

"Hey, we are here to rescue you. We're the good guys, how would you like it if we got you out of here and saw to getting you on your way back home?"

Hungry, hopeful, scared children all wanting to be saved. Out of the entire group nine seemed to have stood out as the protectors. They all varied in age and of them one stood out as the leader.

"Jim said you would come."

* * *

><p>On board the Enterprise pandemonium was breaking out, and yet they were all acting admirably. With the incoming, and unknown, ships posing a new threat, the remaining crew was fighting against time to try and keep everything in working order.<p>

"Ships will be arriving in ten seconds, sir."

Sulu gave a curt nod and turned to Nyota. Right now, the two of them were the only ones remaining on the bridge who made up Jim's alpha crew. They had ensigns and cadets but Sulu was always quick to jump to Nyota first. Right now they were the two holding the fort while the others all were away.

"Nyota, respond. What's going on with Scotty? Do we have any communication with the arriving ships?"

"Scotty says that they'll have communication up in…less time than I can tell you this? Really, Mr. Scott was that necessary?"

Scotty's laughter filled the bridge as Nyota switched so that the others could overhear the conversation.

"Aye lass, what did you expect me to say with you breathin' down our necks? Had to lighten the mood somehow, ya' know. Aye, not the right time to be crackin' jokes, my apologies. So, we'll go on back to the business side of things. We should be able to contact the crew. Everything seems to be in working order now, and we prepared for further complications just in case. You should see these alterations showing up at your station any second now, lassie."

Scotty's voice was a warm reassurance after a long time of panic, and Nyota gave a brief smile at his words.

"Beside that do you mind filling us in on what all is going on up on the bridge? Did we figure out who these new ships belonged to?"

"Not yet Scotty, but I fear we're about to. Send Chekov back up here if you're finished with him, but you'd best stay put for the returning party. We can comm you if it turns bad. Let's focus on getting our team back on ship?" Sulu spoke up this time and listened as Chekov's voice came and went in the background.

Though, Scotty was Acting Captain and would be helpful running the bridge, Spock had been right. They needed the best to get their team back, and Scotty was the best.

"On his way up now. Lads a force to be reckoned with if I do say so myself, wouldn't mind him being a'part of the engine crew. Mighty sad he's so taken with the navigating position…can't imagine what's so compelling 'bout sitting behind a station." Scotty's warm chuckle left the crew feeling more at ease even during such a situation. Perhaps giving that sense of calm that often came with Kirk being on the bridge, but for the moment it aided to lessen the tension. "I'll be at you beck and call Miss Nyota. Give me a holler and I'll come runnin' otherwise I'll keep you all in the know down here. Scotty, out."

The communication cut, but barely a breath afterwards they were brought back to the reality.

"Sir, ships coming out of warp!"

"Sulu! Those ships!"

* * *

><p>"Hey darlin' what do you mean Jim said that we'd come. You've spoken with him recently?"<p>

McCoy had at some point knelt to the level of the children and watched as one of the older kids stepped forward. He was a young boy, with midnight black hair and blazing green eyes. Of all of the children he seemed to be the only one that all the others seemed to gravitate towards. Even though nine children had stepped forward in defense, this one seemed to be the leading structure keeping things together.

"No." The child was pushing sixteen perhaps younger. He was malnourished like many of those who seemed to have been here longest, but he had a fire in his eyes that resembled a certain pair of blue eyes McCoy was all too familiar with.

"But you have met him?"

"Yes, but it was long ago. Back when there were only a few of us…sometimes, they would let him stop by and he'd bring us food and promises. He told us that he'd stay. He said that others were coming, he'd make sure the ones dressed in blues and reds would come for us."

McCoy sent a stunned glance over to Giotto. Hell, the idea that these kids were potentially here for as long as Jim terrified the man, even more so than that was the idea that Jim had always known. Had predicted even back then; that alongside the security officers either McCoy or Spock would've aided in the rescue of the kids.

McCoy gave a disbelieving shake to his head before smiling at the boy. "How about we get you all off this ship?" He questioned and listened as a murmur of amazement rung out over many of the children, but the green-eyed boy looked at McCoy questioningly.

Being taken for so long and having to protect so many left you with little faith in the capabilities of others. It made trusting tough. Yes, Jim had promised them and had pre-warned them, but Jim wasn't present. How could they know for sure?

"Jim is captain on board our ship. We all came to save him, and he asked us specifically to come find you all first. He won't leave here without knowing you all are safe. However, this ship is malfunctioning and will not be safe to remain for much longer. I know that it seems tough to trust us, but something about Jim made you trust him. Know that we are those that he trusted most with this task."

Giotto moved forward to crouch next to McCoy, "We aren't going to let any more harm come to you or the others."

"Jim sent you?"

"Yah, Jim figured a way to get the message across without having ever left this ship. Never once broke his promise to you kids." McCoy smiled and held out his hand, "I know that Jim must've asked you to watch out for them all. It's a heavy burden, but he knew you could handle it, even over some of the others who might've been an easier choice. Jim's got a knack for that. So, I know that the others won't leave unless you do. Finish the mission, let's get these kids safe."

_Finish the mission_, they were words Jim had spoken of with Riley, and words that immediately came to mind when McCoy took the time to evaluate this situation. Jim had related these words with saving his kids. As a means so that now they could relate and trust the Enterprise crew.

A silence fell as everyone, both kids and adults alike, waited to see what the outcome would be. That was until a trembling hand settled over McCoy's own. McCoy gave a relieved sigh and his smile broke out into one of encouragement.

"Okay."

"McCoy to Enterprise. We got the survivors. We're going to have to do this in rounds. Roughly twenty or more to beam back, prepare to beam the first group back on my mark." McCoy looked up to Giotto, "I'd say Jim would be mighty proud." He smirked and was met with the relieved nod of not only Giotto but of the entire rescue group.

"Aye, Doctor we've got you. Locking onto your positions. "

"Let's get back onto our ship, and finish this."

* * *

><p>"Spock."<p>

D'Torak had said it not moments prior, but a name had never seemed more than just a name. Of course there was an understanding that a name was a means in which to address an individual and to communicate properly among others. For Spock, it was always your character that made the individual, and the name was no more than a title.

However, in this moment a name meant everything, because it could have been any name that escaped his lips. Yet, when Spock flinched back in pain at trying to break through to Jim; it was Spock's name that Jim spoke. It was Spock's name that fell past Jim's lips as if water to parched lips, and it froze Spock from any further movement.

"Jim?"

Spock, who had been so wrapped around the other only moments before, slid apart from Jim only enough so that he may gaze down at the man allegedly gone beyond repair. What he saw was vacant eyes staring into nothing. What he saw was a hollow reminisce of something great. What he heard had given him hope, but it also gave him liberation that beyond this broken shell Jim was still fighting. Just as he promised he would and just as he had always been known to do.

Jim was fighting and now Spock must fight for Jim.

It was with this determination that Spock lifted his auburn eyes to search out onyx. He would not let this Romulan win against him not while Jim still stood a chance. At this point McCoy and the crew would be with the survivors, and hopefully figuring some way to return communications with the Enterprise. If that proved impossible then hopefully they had managed to locate another means to get off of this ship.

Spock found that this should have been more disheartening than it was, but he could not put his mind past here and now.

He could not put his mind past the surprise that stretched across the Romulan's face, one so similar to Vulcan's and yet without the restraint of locking away the emotions so readily could not get past the horror digging in the deepest pit of those onyx eyes.

He could only understand one emotion and that was the rage and utter anger pulling at the corner of the Rumlan Captain's lips. Yet, it was the combination of all of these that left Spock realizing that after Jim had spoken his name aloud, that Spock had tuned out what was happening around him.

It was now that his senses seemed to be return with an overwhelming force, and he could make out what he needn't turn around to see.

The sound of the Romulan phasers had stopped.

The metal weapons had at some point clattered to the floor, only to be quickly forgotten. A new hiss of different weapons announced the reasoning behind all of this. Yet, even more so was the added heart beats that thrummed within the dark space of the Romulan Bridge. The breaths that fell like soothing gusts of wind barely altering the flow of air in the surrounding area, and yet altering the levels of the remaining oxygen within these confines.

"This is Admiral Archer of the Federation."

"Admiral Komack of the Federations."

"And, Admiral Barnett of the Federations."

"You and your ship are means of war upon Starfleet, Earth, and the entirety of the United Federations. You have captured and held federation children as hostages upon your ships, you have captured and held hostage a Starfleet commanding officer upon your ship, and you have declared war upon the Federation. Your ship, alone, remains of a failed attempt on war against the Federation. Stand down now and concede defeat or perish under penalty of law."

Onyx eyes glared at the admirals blocking all exits, and the security officers standing on point just behind them. All armed, and all prepared to fight upon command.

Where had his ships gone to?

His ship alone remained. His ship that had only an hour or more left of power and less of breathable air. This was all that remained of a great war.

"How?"

The word was a breathed hiss between clenched teeth, and yet that alone was not good enough.

D'Torak cast his eyes to the two men on the ground beside his feet, but more importantly to the one who he had believed gone. To the one he had succeeded in breaking. He had won. He was the one who tore down the federation, ripped apart the Enterprise, and shattered a man who shone like the symbol of Starfleet and the Federation. So, D'Torak did not see when things could have changed so drastically. How things could've altered so suddenly? To say he was furious was putting it mildly.

"HOW!"

Admiral Archer took a select few steps further into the room but failed at pulling up the Romulan's gaze from the pair.

"You made the mistake of going against the federation."

"No."

Spock pushed up only slightly, as he still refused to leave Jim's side, and yet voiced his protest all the same, "What you have only accomplished is failure. You had been misguided to taunt a man who could never truly be beaten. You had been foolish to ever believe that he could be something that is owned and even still you had proved how inept you truly are by allowing him back on his ship. Giving him both a voice as well as a chance to fight. You underestimated the entity that is James T. Kirk and couldn't comprehend that he will never be limited by an impossible situation."

Spock watched as the onyx eyes lifted to meet with his own, but was not finished yet.

"You were fighting something that was always greater, someone destined to always be superior. Who has suffered greatly throughout his life all in preparation for this moment. Someone capable of handling all that life threw at him and who would willingly take on more to lessen the burden of others. You chose how this would end as soon as you allowed him to remain on board your ship. You may think you broke him but I have found that there is no other like James Kirk, and you will never forget his name. For even with a broken mind, and against all odds, he managed to destroy you, your plans, and prevent a war."

"No I have won!"

"Perish for what you had done."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: next page. : )<br>**


	25. Victim to War

**_Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. _**

**_Same warnings Apply.  
><em>**

**_Please read Part Five before Part Six.  
><em>**

**_Last part to chapter eleven. Sorry its short, its really only a lead in to Chapter Twelve and finally summing certain things up._**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Eleven:<span>

(Part Six)

"Victim to War"

There wasn't much left.

The two ships that had warped back had been two Federation flagships one of which carried the admirals. Admirals who were supposed to have been on board the space station for the arrival of the Enterprise, but who had truly never planned to be present on the station or near the station at that time.

Upon the initial call from Jim, Pike had begun to realize that much more was going on than what was being seen.

For a long time after the war, the Federation had suspected that the others had given up too easily. That it had ended almost too suddenly. Yet, with so much loss they were prepared to accept the win and bask in the aftermath as they tried once again to dust themselves off and regroup.

Without Jim, or without the golden boy of the Federation, this seemed a most complicated task for many. However, Jim had resurfaced months after the winning of the war. It was a glimmer of a hope that things were right once more. One call from Jim, from J.T., answered these concerns and brought with it a new reality; forcing their eyes open.

Kids…Jim had spoken the words as calmly and as precisely as one could without bending any rules. "I need to save the kids."

Pike knew Jim for some time now.

He knew Jim as a child, only briefly and because of his relationship with Jim's deceased father. He knew Jim as an adult, being the one who tempted Jim to join Starfleet, but more specifically he knew Jim as J.T. What he knew of Jim then was that he had never revered to the other survivors as anything but "my" kids or with a tone of belonging. Something that lacked as Jim made the demand.

He knew from the very beginning that Pike would understand.

When Jim comm'd the next time it was as a teenager and there was fear in his eyes. Fear that came with knowledge, and pain that came with recollection. "They want to fight the Enterprise. They know we're heading to Earth…I know this won't make sense because I am only a kid, but you have to trust the enterprise to protect Earth. Others may get hurt if you don't."

The admirals fought on how they would handle such a situation, because honestly nothing had ever happened like this before. Could they blindly trust Jim when he had been under the influence of Romulan torture for over a year now? Could they allow the Federation to risk so much on a chance? They knew now that Jim's warning had been right.

All it took was for them to look around and what they found was truth to Jim's words. Children all over Federation Space had been taken. Important figures were turning up dead or missing only to return with an outcry for a lost child.

Jim was aware that things were going wrong and he was trying quickly and helplessly to catch the Federation up to where they needed to be. Yet, it was all still too unpredictable to just leave the star base unprotected.

"They have the access codes, they have information on everyone and everything you think is needed to keep this station safe. You think it up and I know they have it. I gave it to them, because they need to think we are failing. They need to see us on the brink, and I need them to face off against the Enterprise. My ship will take them down, and all those ghosts we are fighting at the corners of space. They'll show up and you'll see they've been ships all along.

Klingon war birds, Romulan fighter ships, so many deep space members that opposed the Federation have all joined up with the promise of this new era. They all have hostages on them every single ship…you cannot fight blindly and you cannot just fire at will. The borders need a strong front and leaders to take action. Break the ships or alter the war, but save them or the Romulans forever continue their delusional plan to create a new, better, human race."

They would wipe out not only the federation power but the entire human race except for the children they had captured. Children of which were to be molded and shaped into a new powerful human race. The humans had obviously proven strong and resilient and thus respected in many eyes, but they needed alterations-they had grown too strong-and now those outer planets were working together to create this change.

Jim had stepped out before the admirals as himself but Pike had seen the youth in Jim's eyes. He hadn't fully returned yet, and with that brought premonition. When he spoke with Jim, the young captain had informed him of this and had left Pike stone-stiff.

"You gave them everything? What of regulation? How long have they known? Who all knows?"

"I gave them nothing for an entire year. Followed Star Fleet procedure and found myself no closer to seeing daylight, but worst yet I was stuck unable to do anything but watch children starving again. I promised to never bear witness to such a site, and could do nothing to prevent it. I saw Romulans strike a child who cried not in fright but in despair. Yet, still I gave them nothing."

"Yet, you claim now they have everything, but here you are."

"But here I am."

Pike looked up at this and flinched as he saw Jim curled over in pain and clenching almost painfully at his chest.

"Jim."

"Spock will be returning…He'll wish to know what we discussed. I need time…time for it to wash away before he returns. Believe me Pike. Believe me. "

Jim had pushed himself too far too quickly so that the Admirals could understand the desperation in his actions. He gave everything to his crew and trusted completely in Pike to fill in the gaps. To cover all the loose ends. Jim knew that they needed to act and quickly. So, with hesitation the Admirals and many of the men manning the Earth station left on the remaining ships to aide in the battles at their borders.

They, however, had not followed the orders to a tee and many of those they left remaining on the space station were captured and severely injured. Two of the highest officers were struck down immediately and killed without a moment's hesitation.

A burden Jim would be sure place upon his shoulders. If Jim ever woke up.

* * *

><p>There were three things that had happened simultaneously after the end of the war.<p>

One of the first things to have happen was that the twenty children, all of which had been brought back on board the Enterprise with the rescue party, were taken to sickbay. Here they found all the capable crew members, willing to help out. Food, water, bandages and all means of care were given to the children.

As they were getting taken care of a single question remained on almost every child's lip. Where was Jim?

Beside the children, the Enterprise crew was commanded to turn the ship around and dock her upon the space station. It had only just been taken back from the Romulans after the arrival of the two Starfleet vessels. As the Admirals, and their crew, went to fight upon the Romulan ship; the other ship and their crew had boarded the space station in a similar rescue mission.

So much had been trusted to Jim's word and many had to not linger on what could have been to realize that Earth not only remained but so did so many lives.

As all was settling, the Enterprise slowly crawled its way back to the station only just out of reach, and docked upon command. Here those of the crew were debriefed on what exactly happened and how Jim truly had been playing so many things behind the scenes.

Jim who had single handedly prepped his crew for an attack, a hands-on battle, and a rescue mission. Jim who had known all along that his crew could decode messages he could not breathe aloud and who could turn the tables when called upon. Jim who spoke riddles to stretch time and spoke truths to catch up. It was all in a means to control an uncontrollable situation, and all done with the cost of slowly losing his mind.

Which leads us to the last, and perhaps most important, event that happened during all else after the war ended.

Jim was returned to the Enterprise; to his home. Like the last time he had returned from the Romulan ship he had to be carried back on board his ship, unable this time to walk on his own. He was immediately taken to sickbay for tests. Here McCoy sealed himself away alongside Chapel, all in an effort to fix Jim. Spock remained idly by, unable to part with Jim as the fear of him disappearing once more hovered dangerously above all other thoughts.

…

…

…

…

While all other celebrated the end of the war, McCoy sunk with the news that Jim was perfectly fine. Jim truly had been healed after the year of torture, leaving him with scars only from the most severe wounds.

Chapel left the room holding in tears, for there was no medical cure for this, and she couldn't stand by and watch again.

…

…

Jim was fine. His heart pumped on its own, he breathed in on his own, and he lived on his own.

Yet, Jim's mind was lost.

He would not respond to light. He would not respond to touch. And he would not respond to sound. Jim was alive but for all intent and purposes he was no more than a broken clock; ticking without purpose until it just couldn't tick any longer.

…

…

Spock remained idly by, looking at a shell of someone who had suffered so much to prevent a complete collapse of everything they had known and held dear. Jim had saved not hundreds or thousands of lives but so much more. Federation planets across the system were saved from the collapse the war would've brought. Above all else Jim saved twenty children from the Romulan ship and hundreds more from the other ships around the borders.

He knew that the Romulans and the other warring ships wouldn't stop even if he had taken the children and saved his crew two years ago. He stayed to protect his crew. He stayed to protect the kids. He stayed to save the Federation.

James T. Kirk was lost as a victim to war, and no one knew how to survive with this loss.

…

…

…

…

…

Although, Spock didn't plan on letting things end the same way once again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>So, yes I left the Romulan Captain's or rather D'Torak's death open-ended. Why? So that your own minds can cruelly smite him in a manner most fit to your desires. Cruel? Perhaps…but each punishment or death scene I wrote was not good enough…or it was too violent. So, I hope that your mind supplied an entirely deserving punishment upon the one who shattered our Jim. Please don't hate for leaving it like I had :X

Fear not…Spock has duct tape and super glue.

Hope you enjoyed. Also that we are semi happy that Jim is truly and rightfully home, at least to some degree. No more plot twists of Jim getting taken off ship again. I only had so many cards up my sleeves for this story.

Sorry if it was really strange or out there.

I still have a few more things in store.

On to next chapter!


	26. All that Remains

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**Warnings:**__ Hurt! Jim and Hurt!Spock. slight m/m…slash…spirk…guy/guy. Other warnings that'll give too much away, so, read carefully. : )_

_**AN: **__Ah, so last chapter was fun, but sad. Hopefully everything is basically all cleared up now. Leaving us with…well, leaving us wanting Jim back! _

_Chapter twelve is dedicated specifically to just that, but it is long. So instead of breaking it into three pages I'm splitting it into two larger posts, and posting them together. Which is sad…only because now instead of five more posts I may only have these two and then perhaps one more before the epilogue? : (_

_But it is all for you. Rather than draw this out I shortened it to try and get Jim back ASAP. Hopefully it still comes across as good as I intended it to be. _

_So, please don't revolt or riot. Spock is fixing Jim, I promise._

_Everything, basically the entire story was based around my desire to write this chapter. I hadn't wanted to rush the finale so I'm trying to work my way around that without making you all wait any longer. I developed that twist which prolonged this (something I probably enjoyed writing too much haha), but this is what I've been truly waiting to write out._

_**Hopefully you all find it to be really good :D** _

_**Enjoy.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Twelve:<span>

"All that Remains

Is

Shattered Glass"

(Part One)

* * *

><p>"We cannot allow him to remain on board the Enterprise."<p>

The words were like a slap to the face and yet everyone had seen it coming. Even knowing that it was bound to happen, it was still just as shocking.

Pike had been the one to break the news. A smart play on the admirals' behalf seeing as almost the entire alpha crew on the Enterprise preferred this man over all the others. They all shared a closeness to the man who survived Nero's attack with them.

Yet, it almost left a taste of betrayal for those who listened as Pike delivered the news. Jim was their captain, their rightful captain.

"We're going to have to transfer him to Earth. He'll be provided for and we'll give you all shore leave for a couple of months, but there isn't much left we can do."

Pike looked up at them with these words and the pain they all felt was easy to note within the admiral's eyes. Jim had always held a soft spot when it came to Pike. They bantered like comrades, but everyone could see that Jim looked upon Pike as one would a father and Pike looked upon Jim like a son. Jim's health was breaking Pike down just as much as the rest of the crew.

A wise choice to send him, but still would not prevent the protest.

"Jim saved us all."

"We know this." Pike replied just as calmly as he had somehow managed to say everything else. It was all hollow but professional. A mantra he had perhaps played over in his head when given the orders to break the news.

"He saved the whole federation from total collapse and you all are just going to dump him in a facility where he can rot until he just gives up?"

Bones seemed to be the only one capable to speak out of the group and to say he was pissed was putting it lightly. He had tried for several days now to bring Jim back. Everything he did seemed to continuously not work and it left him feeling helpless.

But now they wanted them to just drop him off and pick themselves up. It was unbelievable that they thought a couple of months would be enough time to just handle this.

"If you do this…if Star Fleet just gives up on Jim. Know that I am not going anywhere that he isn't." McCoy growled and kicked out of his chair to pace wildly. "We just got him back. He's alive still. He's still alive and he is back!"

"Please sit down Leonard. You know better than all of us that even though Jim's vitals point to him being alive that it isn't so. Jim's gone." Pike stated his voice weaker with these words, but slowly he straightened up as the next words came out and he needed his composure once more, "Star fleet needs their ships returning to their missions. They do understand the loss, and many of us fought for the rights for such a long shore leave for you all.

"Understand this is us being generous. We can't afford to give you more time than this." Pike looked at McCoy as he spoke these words but everyone knew that he was addressing them all. "Jim wouldn't want you all to just stop like this. He saved us all knowing the cost. He saved us all because he wants us to keep going."

"_This crew needs to know that they can pick themselves up and continue. You all are the best of the best. Don't let me hold you back."_

Jim's words echoed through McCoy's mind and he fell back down into his chair, "What do you expect us to do? Just return like everything is fine. The only reason any of us survived the first year of Jim's absence was because Spock had given us all hope that we'd find Jim. There ain't no hope this time." McCoy hissed and rubbed at his face in frustration and despair. "Spock has spent every waking moment in the room with Jim. Barely sleeps for fear Jim might wake up or-" The sentence breaks as a shudder runs through the doctor at his own thoughts. He somehow manages to pull it together enough to breath out the gist of what he wished to say, "-or that he might wake up to find Jim gone, again…for good."

A gasped sob broke over the tension and Nyota wiped furiously at the tears under her eyes, "This…this isn't fair. Jim's supposed to return after we win. He was smiling and acting like his old self on the bridge-after your call-before the war-god!" she cried and her head ducked into Scotty's shoulder as the other had at some point became her support during this conversation.

The crew had been informed first of Jim's status.

Yet, initially they had all been prepared (or hopeful) for McCoy to pull his magic once again and for Jim to come sauntering back onto the bridge to congratulate their win. For Jim to smile at them all proudly once more and know that he had no doubts that his crew could accomplish all that they had done.

They had also been expecting Jim to be bruised and for it to take time for their captain to be returned to normal. All of them had seen Jim on the other ship, and they knew that whatever he suffered it would take more than just a quick fix to bring him back.

What they hadn't expected was to hear that Jim would never return to them. While Jim was playing with strings behind the scenes all in order to save them, he had also been slowly tearing himself apart. They didn't expect Jim to have given so much.

To a degree it pissed them off; that he would try to handle this burden on his own. That he would do all of it knowing that it would end with these results. It hurt to think of Jim believing that he had no other option but this. Yet, they hadn't been able to find him for an entire year. Of course Jim knew that if he hadn't stepped in they would be too late.

They could not be angry at him because in the end he had given them memories with him. He had shared himself fully with them and had prepared them all to fight and to win. He had captained them with a final great stand, and wished for them all to see just how great they all were-how greatly he believed in them.

"I'll have to go speak to Spock about this…so, I can't stay long. We'll be transporting Jim down by the end of the week." Pike spoke and broke past the quiet that had settled heavily over the room. "I know this is tough, but take these next couple months to let him go. Hopefully, Jim will find some way to pull out of this, but right now…the only thing keeping him alive is a machine. His body doesn't seem to be fighting anymore and we…we have to face the fact that he's not coming back."

"Nyet." Chekov rubbed at his eyes all while glaring down at the table. For the entire conversation he couldn't afford to meet anyone's gaze for fear of bursting into tears once more. "Nyet…Ze keptin has to come back. He has to."

The words were whispered and broken. Sulu remained just beside him, but whenever he went to comfort the younger navigator he would just pull out of his hold or away. As if making the hurt go away would write off his desire for Jim to come back. As if receiving comfort would only push him closer to accepting that Jim wasn't returning to them.

"W-we should be the ones to tell Spock." Nyota whispered into Scotty's shirt; pulling back just enough to send Pike a meaningful look. "He…he didn't even show for a mandatory meeting."

"I'll tell him." McCoy offered his voice as soft as Nyota's. His energy and will to fight, seeming to have burned out. "I need to check on Jim again anyway…I'll tell him."

"Thank you."

"It's…it's not for you or for any of the admirals. I don't really care that you all think you're giving us justice by all this. You're just putting a time limit to Jim's life. Just writing him off." McCoy huffed and pushed up weakly, "I'm doing this for Spock, because he's already suffering enough as it is without having to be forced to let go sooner. Never seen a Vulcan so vacant before; even with their lack of bloody emotions! He's starting to look like Jim did on that cursed ship. Dammit."

"Leonard."

McCoy turned to face Pike and he sighed, "Just ain't right is all."

"Just ain't right."

"I know. Please…let Spock know I am truly sorry."

"Yeah...sorry really isn't a word he wants to hear right now, but I'll tell him." McCoy sent the crew one last glance before turning and exiting the room.

* * *

><p>McCoy had tried to avoid this room as much as possible, because all it brought was pain. Pain at his own failure to save Jim, and pain at watching not only his friend dying but the effect it was playing on Spock.<p>

When Jim was moved onto the space station they had thought perhaps the more advanced equipment could handle what they weren't capable of. Nothing they tried seemed to work.

Eventually Jim's body started to stop maintaining itself, and like Pike said they had to hook him up to machine again. Hook him up just to keep him with them for as long as possible.

That room was nothing but lost hope. There was no longer hope that Jim would be able to pull himself out of this. There was no hope that those blue eyes would blink open and gleam with mischief once more. There was no hope that Jim was coming back.

All that the room had was a bittersweet aftertaste.

Yet, whereas Bones struggled to keep returning to the room (to continuously put himself through the heartache), Spock had constantly remained.

The first couple of days Spock had remained quiet and posed just out of the way. McCoy could see that the Vulcan was in some form of shock, but after no changes occurred with Jim; Spock changed.

He stuck always within reach of Jim, and constantly brushed at either Jim's hand or against his cheek. Checking that he was still a solid form, or still held warmth to his skin. He ate when McCoy forced him to but always automatically and never on his own accord. He practically lived and breathed his time spent with what remained of Jim.

* * *

><p>When they had moved Jim from the Enterprise it had broken Spock out of whatever shock he had fallen into. However, when McCoy had once again found himself incapable to break through to Jim, Spock had requested to try and help.<p>

It was frightening what had happened.

McCoy had seen Spock meld with Jim before, if only once. He could not recall much of it but he knew that the process had always only taken concentration and rarely caused side effects-to either party (besides emotional transference). Yet, Spock had barely settled his hands against Jim's face when the Vulcan's features flinched and tensed with pain.

Spock had withstood until the moment where McCoy tore him away. The Vulcan had cried out in pain. Seeing the emotion appear on his face was surprising enough, but the sound had literally terrified the doctor to the point where he couldn't just stand by.

What was worse, it took Spock two whole days to recuperate. Whatever had happened to Spock, it shut him down like a computer that needed to reboot.

This only further drove home the point that Jim really couldn't be saved.

That was, however, until McCoy had returned to find Spock hovering once more alongside Jim. His one hand placed within Jim's own, clinging loosely to the appendage and stroking it unknowingly. However, as McCoy made his way further into the room he noted that Spock's other hand was once again up and placed along Jim's psi points, and his head lay against Jim's temple.

"My mind to your mind... my thoughts to your thoughts..."

"Dammit Spock no!"

McCoy went to tear the Vulcan from Jim but auburn eyes blinked open and gazed over at the doctor. No words were spoken but none needed to be said. Spock knew. Somehow he knew that they were planning on taking Jim away, that they would not allow the two to remain as long as Jim was slowly whittling away.

In that brief glance Spock said so much more than words could have professed. Spock needed to be with Jim. If he could once again not save Jim, then better to be with him than to remain without.

Spock's eyes fell closed once more and he breathed out the remaining words in a shaky whisper.

"Our minds. One and together."

"Green-blooded hobgoblin." Bones muttered though there was no bite to the words as he slid along the wall. He would wait. Wait for a miracle, or for the pained cry again, or for the end. He would give them this…if anything else…he would give them this.

* * *

><p>Spock had tried multiple times now to break into Jim's mind.<p>

At first on the Romulan ship he hadn't even gone past a brief touch before his own walls were attacked. Then the next time was with McCoy, and Spock had tried to push past the initial bite to fight his way in. What had occurred left him weak and disoriented. His once strong walls had been bombarded with the chaos that had become Jim's mind.

Yet, Spock tried again and again while the others kept away. He allowed himself time to cope and test the limits that came with delving into Jim's broken mind. Jim had suffered a year of torture without more than a smile to laugh it off. Then Jim took on the pain of his mind being torn to shred with a soothing smile. He would fight pain on their behalf so Spock would not let it stop him from getting to Jim.

What Spock found was that if he truly pushed hard enough the pain could be placed aside, and that Jim's mind opened up like an abyss which was quick to drag Spock down within.

What Spock found was that he could enter Jim's mind, but he did not know what to expect when he got there. If he allowed himself to sink into the chasm and was unable to aide in returning Jim's mind to its proper self; he would find himself just as trapped as Jim was.

* * *

><p>Jim's mind was not what Spock had expected. It was also not as Spock envisioned it to have been, had he truly delved into Jim's conscious before the attack.<p>

So, instead of a warm and inviting place, Spock found himself within a desert—neither warm nor cold…just vast. The sand, a thin and silver grain, sunk and expanded with every step he took. He was not sure which way to head, but found his feet carrying him forward.

Within the sand there appeared to be parts of broken mirrors sunk deep into dunes; some small while others were large blocks of the reflective surface. However, as he continued to walk he noted that every mirror passed was broken to some degree.

That was until Spock noticed where his feet had led him.

One mirror, placed among so many shattered panes, remained standing tall and unbroken. It stood at odds amongst all the other remnants.

As he grew nearer to the object, what he saw first was his own reflection. He may have found it strange that it took until he had reached so close to show him even that, but his thoughts did not linger on this as with horror he watched the reflection change.

Scenes flashed across the surface. Playing out like a video before his eyes.

…

…

…

…

"…_I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly…"_

_Jim turned as __Admiral Barnett gazed into the audience. Jim and Spock met eyes for the first time. _

…

…

_Spock's hands dug into the skin upon the others throat and though he gasped for air he did not fight. He allowed Spock this. Allowed the other to express the pain he had tried to lock away. Allowed the other a moment of weakness and anger._

_Spock pulled away at his name, but not because he was being addressed because with it brought this understanding to surface. Instead of rage he felt overwhelmed and did not understand the guilt within the arrogant man's eyes._

…

…

"_Permission to come aboard, Captain."_

_Spock entered the bridge unsure why he had taken so long to come to this decision. He had known that he would find his way here…at least to some degree, he knew this. Yet, he denied it until the very last moment. Something very strange for one who had always been immaculate and precise in every aspect of his day to day life—including time._

"_Permission granted."_

_Jim's face was alight with an inviting smile. He had seemed carefree as Spock arrived but the Vulcan did not miss how the surprise had settled with a true warmth at the sight of Spock. _

_Spock tried to remain composed and kept to his Vulcan mannerism as a scapegoat. _

"_As you have yet to select a first officer, respectfully, I would like to submit my candidacy. Should you desire, I can provide character references."_

"_It would be my honor, Commander."_

…

…

_Moments of missions over the two years they had commanded together._

_Of them arguing on the bridge over the captain beaming down with landing parties._

_Of Spock rescuing Jim or vice versa. _

_Of Jim's first attempt of approaching the Vulcan outside of a work related situation. _

_Of their first chess game._

_Of the subtle changes which began to occur more progressively after Spock's termination of his relationship with Uhura._

_Of the barely there touches Jim always managed to have a reason for._

…

…

"_Spock I leave you in charge. You get them out of here. I-It's been a pleasure." Jim addressed him personally and though he was speaking to them as a whole he never once shifted his eyes from their lock on Spock. He gave a flicker of his normal confident smirk trying to mask the pain of the loss to come, "Try not to miss me too much."_

…

…

_Jim held his arms out in wait and wiggled his fingers as he was left standing still. "But you could do it to amuse the illog…illogic-cal child?" _

…

…

_Jim allowed Spock to pick him up while he flinched away from McCoy and Chapel. His hand reaching out in fear that Spock too would leave him or betray his trust. Yet, Spock only pulled over a chair and kept always close to the boy._

…

…

_Spock remained by every phase Jim had suffered over again. The preteen who had suffered at the hands of a governor, the teenager who suffered at the hands of someone meant to protect and nourish, the adult who was almost back but knew that fate would tear them apart once more. _

_Yet each time Jim had always searched out Spock. Always found his comfort in the arms and words of the Vulcan._

…

…

_Jim waking from the aftermath of this battle, and the time spent coping from the attack. Jim breaking out of the hold he had been in within his mind and returning just for Spock. Always for Spock._

…

…

_Stolen kisses on the lift._

…

…

_Jim's fingers brushing against his own in passing and their eyes meeting across the bridge._

…

…

_Jim in his place at the Captain's chair, a smirk upon his face as he accomplishes another mission. As the transmission cuts and the rest of the crew celebrates; Jim's attention immediately turns towards his left where Spock stands just at his side. _

_His grin softens into a smile reserved only for Spock, and he reaches out to grasp Spock's hand pulling the other to his level so to take a chaste kiss. A reward for not getting harmed in this mission._

_The two break away when a cheer pulls out across the bridge leaving their proud captain blushing and laughing._

"_Thought we'd get lucky and no one would see…" Jim lies, his smile not faltering as he gently stroked Spock's fingers with his own before rising to settle his crew down. _

…

…

"_Spock…please do not just stare at me. It's been a long day…just come to bed."_

_Jim._

_Laying sprawled across a bed his body covered only by a thin sheet and those vibrant blue eyes watching Spock as if he were the answer to every question. His hand was held out, beckoning the other forward._

"_Come here…__ ashayam...__" Jim breathed out his smile lazy with sleep but warm with the love his words spoke of. Words in Spock's own tongue…words that he had picked up and learned just for the other; to give Spock a greater feeling of belonging and home._

…

…

"Come here…love…"

…

…

…

…

A sniffle pulled Spock out of whatever daze had befallen him, and he realized that at some point he had not only stepped closer towards the mirror but had reached out to it. Reached out for the scenes he had been shown.

The sniffle sounded again and now, more aware, Spock realized the mirror was once again only showing his reflection.

He tried to ignore the clenching in his chest that came with walking away from what he had seen. He struggled with walking away from the possibility of such moments…ones he had experienced but others which had never happened…others which had yet to happen.

Somehow he managed to bring himself to walk away and around the large rectangular surface to find the source that had drawn him from the mirror's grasp.

What he found was Jim.

Though, instead of the Jim he knew and had come in search of he found a Jim he had known.

Blue eyes as rich as the sky and as piercing as electricity gazed up at Spock, as they had McCoy that first time on board the Element.

Small brilliant blue eyes flashed up to meet Spock's own and recognition flittered past them.

Before Spock was the three year old version of Jim, sitting upon the desert sand facing the mirror. He had his legs tucked close to his chest and his arms wrapped snugly around them as if trying to make himself as small as possible to keep away from harm. His eyes were reddened with tears and had it not been for Spock he would have remained tightly curled up.

The boy who was the most boisterous and vibrant version of Jim's past was now caked in the silver covered dirt and littered with bloody scrapes.

Even in this state the boy's eyes brightened at the sight of Spock and his lips curled into an ecstatic smile.

Spock moved quickly but cautiously over to the child and bent down before him. Though he knew now not to reach out for Jim unless the child acted first, "Hello again, Jim."

Spock speaks out unsure how to approach this and unsure what this could possibly mean. Why had Jim appeared in his mind in such a young age? Had he deteriorated back to this form? Had he started out whole but slowly began to crumble away until finally nothing of Jim would remain?

What had truly transpired within Jim's mind, and could Spock prevent it from continuing?

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>So, I hope that Spirk moment helped appease the fact that this page is not Jim getting out…even though it was probably confusing.

But yay! Spock has finally broken past and into Jim's mind and has stumbled across something.

**Don't worry I'm not leaving you all with just this. Go on over to part two.**


	27. Is Shattered Glass

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**Warnings:**__ hurt!fic _

_**AN: Here you all go. Long post is long, but I have written it for my lovely reviewers and readers alike. I hope you all still enjoyed part one, I know that we all just want Jim back. So without further ado I give you Chapter Twelve part two.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Twelve:<span>

"All that Remains

Is

Shattered Glass"

(Part Two)

* * *

><p>The younger version of Jim looks up at Spock and rubs at the tear stains beneath his eyes. The look alone is enough of an acknowledgement for the Vulcan as the boy seems to lose his excited smile when realization hits. He sniffles once more and leans his chin back upon his knees.<p>

"Hello Mr. Spock." He replies keeping his eyes level with Spock's but seeming as if to be peering right past him.

"May I ask a personal query, Jim? Why is it you are sitting here alone? Have you lost your way back?"

"Hmm…" Jimmy hums as a response to Spock's question; this time lowering his eyes to the ground. Like a child at the beach he digs small pudgy fingers into the powdery sand and Spock realizes now that the sand itself seems to be what has caused the various cuts upon the child's skin.

"Let's go back Jim." Spock asks cautiously moving to kneel completely down at Jim's level. "Let's go back."

"I can't leave him." The child sniffles but clings to Spock as soon as the man moves within reach.

"Jim, there aren't others here with us. Who is it that you believe you will leave?" Spock asks this calmly and holds the kid closer as he stiffens in Spock's arms.

"He…we didn't know what was going on …" Jimmy whispered his fingers digging tightly to Spock's tunic. "He couldn't stop them, but-but he saved me…" The words were muddled and followed up with a whimper, "I couldn't—can't get him out. He's stuck!"

It was Spock's turn to stiffen at these words, "What do you mean?"

Jimmy pulled from Spock's hold. He stood up on shaky legs and moved around and behind Spock to look away from the Vulcan once more.

Spock turns to face what he had once believed as the back of the mirror from earlier. He finds that he was wrong. This mirror, unlike before, did not even bother to show a reflection of the two of them. Instead the mirror played out a scene as if a video footage and one he wished never to have beheld.

Jim, older Jim—his Jim, was before them. His arms strung up and pulled high above his head to a point where his feet barely met with the ground. The bonds barely looked like strands of fabric, but as Jim's body tore and pulled they did not break. What was worse was that each time Jim fought he seemed to struggle with the desire to continue fighting.

* * *

><p>His body was wearing out the more he continued to struggle for any sign of freedom.<p>

Spock found himself rooted in place as he watched Jim as he struggled against the bindings. It was like a silent movie, Jim's mouth moved as if calling out and yet no sound seemed capable of emitting through the glass. He thrashed about and shouted but it all remained deadly silent.

As Spock watched on, still too stunned to contemplate moving, he found that Jim was not struggling out of pain but rather in an attempt to reach out for them. He was trying to reach the other side of the glass.

It was with his attention drawn so fixatedly upon the mirror that Spock realized that his earlier observation had been incorrect. Like the other mirrors surrounding them this mirror was not whole. It was obviously more so than the others, but at the top right corner there was the beginning of a jagged crack. It seemed the more that Jim struggled the more the crack began to splinter and grow.

Yet, it seemed the crack was stopped, if only for a moment, by a golden strand lodged into its wake.

Without thinking, Spock moved forward knowing that if this was his Jim than he could not just stand idly by and watch any longer. If Jim had been capable of finding himself trapped within the mirror, then it was possible that Spock could in turn enter it as well. Had he not almost been compelled to enter this mirror not moments before? Albeit it had been the other side and for a different purpose but it was initially a similar concept.

So, without hesitation he lunged towards the mirror with the desire to pull Jim out.

"NO!"

Spock heard the cry from the young boy, and before he could make any more steps he realized that the child had clung helplessly to Spock's pant leg trying to stop him. The scream was full of such anguish and fear that Spock stalled almost immediately afraid that he had managed to harm the child in some manner.

"NO! NO! You can't-can't touch the glass!" Jim cried the words loudly against Spock's legs; the words echoing throughout the empty desert as if to further acknowledge the dire consequences that would come if Spock ignored the child. "It is what happened to them all. You can't get out. Please no, no. Not you! It can't get you too!"

Spock bent low to scoop the sobbing boy back up into his arms and tried to sooth away his tears. "Calm yourself James. I will heed your warnings. Look at me and you can see that I have not touched the glass."

Jimmy sniffled and rubbed at his nose in a means to regain some control. He gave a weak nod and buried his head into Spock's shoulder clinging onto the comfort he was receiving.

It took time but eventually he calmed down enough to meet Spock's gaze once more.

"James, if you can, I wish you to explain to me what has happened here. Why is it there are two versions of yourself? Are the others here as well?"

Jimmy nodded weakly and dug his fingers into Spock's shirt as he sent a guilty look over towards the Jim within the mirror.

"We-we didn't understand at first why we had-had all been here. It was an odd and bea-beau-tiful place, when I first arrived." Jim smiled at the thought even as he struggled over his words, but the smile was quick to fall.

"He had been here first. The man in the mirror…he had been here long before I came and had remained while all the others began to show up. But he hadn't been in the mirror at the beginning. He was just like you, he watched out for us as we arrived. He didn't question anything just shared the bea-beau-tiful place with us all, comforted us all. Said things were going to be alright.

But then the mirrors started to show up, and he changed. They were everywhere. Slowly at first, but suddenly they were all we could see. It…it was really very pretty. All the ref-reflections. J.T. said it reminded him of a maze…a glass maze. He said it would drive us mad. The man said not to stray too close, but the others didn't listen as the mirrors changed."

Jimmy looked even guiltier with these words and twiddled his fingers in Spock's shirt as he sniffled once again, "At first they were mem…mem…they were moments that already happened. The smaller mirrors showed them to us. It was cool, like watching a movie, but it was my life on the screen…on the screens. But where we were standing; where I had found the man, there were five mirrors. They were bigger than the others…they were even prettier, but they didn't show us moments like the others."

Jim hiccupped on a sob and once again wiped at his eyes. This time a smear of dirt trailed against his cheek when he pulled his hand away.

"The man tried to keep us with him, but he kept saying something was wrong. That he couldn't remember yet. He tried to keep us away but he started to get this far off look in his eyes as if he wasn't here with us…

"The boy who called himself J.T. was first to ignore the man's words. Said his kids were there. He was so happy and excited. Said a Mr. Pike had done it. That they'd be together. He got so close."

Jim looked around where they stood and Spock's eyes followed. He could see it now. Five mirrors circled their position. All broken and shattered in various degrees, but not one standing as tall as Jim's. Not one resembling the whole structure.

"When he mentioned what he saw. The others began to notice things in the mirrors too…The older one. Not the man's age; more closely to J.T.'s age, he tried to stop us. Said that this was wrong. He had me by the hand and the one closest to my age. Told us to not let go, but he tried to shake the man out of his daze, and the boy got away. He tried to follow but something musta showed on his mirror cuz he stopped and walked over to it. He was so amazed at what he saw. So glad at what he saw.

"When they entered the mirr-mirrors they seemed so happy, but the man cried out. He seemed to snap outta whatever kept him away, but I was the only one left standing by him. He tried to get to them but suddenly the smaller mirrors began to blow up. It wasn't pretty anymore. They broke and…there were screams…and the-the bigger mirrors started to crumble. All those others who went in them didn't come back out.

The man kept me close but the glass cut at our skin. It took a really long time but eventually it stopped. Eventually the man let me stand up again. He checked my wounds but said I'd have to be strong while he found a way out. Said we had to wait for help.

He called your name. Spock. I remembered he said you could reach us, but we had to wait. So we did, and the pretty world covered over with…with this powder. It wasn't all so smooth, like it is now, so the man kept me up in his arms while we waited.

Then there was this pain, and the man had to let me down because of it. It…musta really hurt because he cried out."

Jimmy struggled to control the sobs now, "I tried-tried to listen to him. But-but I looked away while he wasn't okay. It was Dad. Dad was there and alive and Mom was standing there with him and Sam was there too. They were all so happy. They were all there and calling for me. Sam was saying it was time to come home. Like he always did. Said mom's back for good. Dad was there to stay…Dad came back for me." He whispered the last words as if they were a secret as if they were special hope he had always held dear.

His eyes lifted to meet with Spock's and they were so apologetic that Spock knew already what was about to come next. "I knew what I saw the others go through…but it seemed worth it. To have that all, even with the risk of being trapped and fading away." He sniffled and wiped again at his nose, "It seemed worth it to fade into a moment that I had wanted for so long. Mom and Dad both loved me, and Sam was there again. Like you said he'd be. He was back at home waiting for me.

"I was already being pulled in when he yanked me out…I barely felt the pain sink in before he got me out. But when he grabbed me, the mirror got him. I wasn't strong enough to hold on and he didn't want me to end up with him. I-I-I had to let go. I-had to. He said." Jimmy blinked through his tears up at Spock, "Mr. Spock we gotta save him. He was the only one strong enough to keep us whole…only one strong enough the mirror didn't break."

"It was meant for me…please we have to save him."

"Of course Jim, we will find some way to get him out." Spock spoke the words allowed, but as he turned to face the mirror again he realized that his earlier desire to enter would be foolish. All who entered wound up stuck. That would not aid in retrieving Jim.

"Can he see us? Perhaps with his help we can find some way to get him out."

Jimmy shook his head, "Earlier I could speak to him, but at some point—he started talking about something else in the mirror. Now I cannot reach him…I don't think he can see us or hear us anymore…"

Spock watched as Jim struggled to get closer and he wondered now what it was Jim was looking at. If he believed there to be something else in the mirror what was it he was seeing?

* * *

><p>Spock sat Jimmy down and made his way around the mirror; always keeping a safe distance as he examined it. What he found was when he drew too near, the mirror seemed to hum as if beckoning him forward. He also found that it wasn't only the mirror that seemed to appreciate his presence.<p>

The golden string.

It was odd to see such a thing lodged into the mirror, and apparently protecting it from crumbling like the others had.

Spock's eyes followed the string away from the mirror to see where it went off to and found it fading away as if into nothing. It gleamed brighter when he neared it. Grew stronger as he kept close, and hummed louder than the mirror as he reached out for it.

With a start Spock felt a tug at his pant leg and turned to gaze down at Jimmy. He bent low and hoisted the child back into his arms, allowing the boy to curl in close, believing him to wish for comfort once again. However, within his arms, Jimmy reached out and took hold of Spock's right hand and tugged to be allowed to examine it.

"James."

Spock was unsure what the child was doing but found he could not oppose and thus allowed the child his hand. What he saw left him startled.

Gold string wrapped taut along his wrist and intricately along his hand.

"He's been waiting for you." Jimmy breathed out the words his eyes already gazing up at Spock as the Vulcan looked away from his hand and towards the child in his arm. "The mirror couldn't trick him…because he knew you would find him. One of a whole…no false promises could have been enough. But he got pulled in anyway, to save me."

Spock wished to deny the child's self-deprecation but found his eyes returning to the string within his hold. It pulsed warmly now that he could see it, and hummed just as the other string had.

"We are one."

Spock muttered and looked to the string holding the crack at bay. Somehow Jim was being kept alive by his link to Spock. If it was all metaphorical, where Jim's mind composed this scenario and showed these results as Jim hanging on only for his desire to remain fighting for Spock. Or if it was actually some bond between the pair of them keeping Jim safe while he waited for Spock; it still was stunning to behold.

Spock had known James for some time now and could understand the desire Jim seemed to have developed for him. However, past repercussions had left Spock little faith in how others viewed him. So, when he had claimed his love for Jim and Jim did not respond verbally but only physically, he had believed the other had not shared in the same degree as the Vulcan did.

Before he had been taken a second time Spock knew that Jim had tried to confess there, but had not accomplished such a feat. What it left was doubt, he still loved James all the same but he feared that Jim would not recall the events that had transpired and would not desire to express his emotions again.

When Jim had been broken beyond repair Spock had felt the loss again but something kept him close. He knew that what he felt for his Jim went beyond what he had felt for Nyota to such an extreme degree that they hardly even compared. Now he was beginning to realize that he hadn't even known just how greatly he had been bond by the once believed arrogant and impudent man. Spock's connection to James T. Kirk was so much greater than a word as simple as "love."

* * *

><p>Spock reached out with his right hand to clasp a hold of the string extending from the mirror Jim had found himself trapped in. The result was immediate.<p>

The string shone bright and grew hot to the touch, it also seemed to strengthen more so and Spock watched amazed as the cracks within the glass mirror began to shrink and fade.

Though this had brought a feeling of good news to those outside the mirror, Jim within seemed to be slowly growing tired of fighting. Whatever, he was seeing left him gasping and beat down. His head dipped as if in defeat and shook in denial.

"Fight Mister Jim!" Jimmy cried out to the man within the mirror.

The exclamation was loud and shockingly unexpected next to the Vulcan's sensitive ears. It seemed to surprise him further as Jim within the mirror seemed to tense at the sound.

"James Tiberius Kirk! No bonds can hold back the captain of the USS Enterprise. So as your first officer and as a friend, I command you to fight. But most importantly I ask you-no plead with you my T'hy'la. Be stronger than it. Come back here ashayam…"

Spock felt foolish for the declaration yet the words slipped past his lips as if filtering his thoughts was no longer a process he was capable of. He had wished to speak the words to encourage his Jim such as the younger James had, but he had not realized just how deeply his words would resound.

It seemed to work.

Jim had stilled at the beginning of Spock's words. It became immediately apparent that at least their words were reaching Jim to some extent. Yet, this left Jim seemingly more confused and lost as he looked around.

His eyes looked forward towards the mirror as if searching for them—for the owners of the voice. Whatever he saw reflected back at him, seemed to leave him defeated once again.

He slumped forward, the binds on his arm the only thing keep him up right, and a sob pulled the strength from his already worn body.

The sob wrung out like a shock of cold water. They could hear him.

"Please Jim."

Jim's eyes slid shut at his words, tears tracking down his stained cheeks, "I-I can't…I've tried…" He breathed out. The words barely there, but heard.

"Try again!" Jimmy called digging into Spock's arms with all the hope that rose now that Jim had replied…now that they heard his reply.

"James Kirk does not believe in no-win scenarios. You will try again." Spock stated as if this was the only course that was logical. "Do not give up now."

Jim pushed himself up slowly the effort obviously taking its toll on his abused flesh. Jimmy sucked in a deep breath. "Do it Jim." He chanted as Spock and him watched Jim curl his hands along the ropes for a better grip. Torn hands trembled and slid with the blood from the cut wrists, but he managed to grab a hold.

"I can do this." he breathed out and pulled his body tugging fiercely.

* * *

><p>The bonds snapped.<p>

It was as shocking as it was amazing. Both sides seemed incapable of voicing any words as with a fierce tug Jim had managed to tear away from his restraints. However, at the release he struggled to stand and slumped weakly towards the floor.

"Jim!"

Spock's voice pulled Jim's eyes up but he winced once again at whatever he was seeing and cast his eyes back to the floor.

"I hear you Spock…but…but your words don't fit with what I'm seeing." He breathed out weakly and slumped further to the ground, "Please…just leave me be…please I don't want to see this."

"James whatever it is that is paining you it is false. Hear my voice, do not look up if what you see is forcing pain upon you. Just understand that I am here, and I wish to bring you back now. I have arrived as you knew that I would."

"…please…just stop. I don't want to fight this anymore."

"You will cease this train of thought immediately. We are much too close to this being over for you to give in now." Spock called out and moved to set Jimmy back down, he shifted before the mirror to gaze at Jim and watched as the gold thread gleamed hollowly within the mirror. Unlike the strength it shone within Spock's hold it was growing weaker on Jim's side. "Look before you Jim. Down at your hand what is it you see?"

"Blood…I see torn hands covered in blood…and broken bindings." Jim hummed weakly but responded all the same.

"Look past the obvious James. Look."

"A gold thread…but it's always been there…it'll go away though." Jim breathed and his eyes lifted even against Spock's words. "It'll break and leave me with nothing…I have always been left…always on my own."

"No!" Spock's growl seemed to shock both versions of Jim as two collective gasps rung out at the words, "You are mine, my T'hy'la, and I will never allow you to be alone. Now understand that you have nothing more to fight. We have already won Jim. We have won and so many others are waiting for your return. You have not been alone for so long now, nor will I ever allow you to be again."

Spock's hand clung to the golden strand and he watched its pulse pass through to Jim's side, causing the other to gaze down at it in shock.

"I can't get out…my mind had tried to build up a defense Spock. I knew that the cost of being in two places at once could shatter my mind, but I tried to keep it together. I hadn't been strong enough. Everything…all that I am was trapped and shattered. I'm…I'm trapped."

"A mind is a complicated and intensely powerful machine Jim. Return and you will see that all is not lost. Perhaps shattered, but I see that everything remains still…if you were truly gone than nothing but a void would remain." Spock's words were spoken with determination and confidence, "Now you are not trapped, or like the others, you would have not remained after the initial entering within the mirror. You are still tied to outside of this mirror. Now return to me."

Jim looked down at the gold in his hand. The barely there thread pulsed and grew becoming stronger as he listened to Spock's words.

"Alright." Jim breathed out and pushed weakly up. His hands wrapped more securely around the golden rope, and he let out a shaky gasp. His eyes lifted to see what was before him and he clenched them shut, "Okay…don't look. I can do that. Just leap…sounds like me." He tried and failed at a confident grin and slowly allowed his hands to guide him forward.

Jimmy gasped in anticipation and excitement and Spock dug his heels in. Whatever force wished to keep Jim and him apart would not succeed this time.

He felt the bond pull taut and felt compelled even more so now than ever to allow himself to step forward and join Jim within the confines of the mirror. Yet, he remained still and the rigid rope tugged only once before falling loose. Spock found himself falling back and into the sand.

* * *

><p>In his arms was Jim. His Jim. His T'hy'la.<p>

"S-Spock." Jim breathed out his arms weakly pulling him closer to the Vulcan and Spock assisted as his arms immediately surrounded the other and brought him as close as possible.

"You are safe."

"You actually came." Jim breathed out his words filled with suspicion and doubt that this could be real. Whatever Jim had been witnessing had left him unsure. "Don't go."

"I have already informed you that I plan to never leave you alone again. However, we cannot remain within your mind James." Spock pushed up from his position on the ground and realized that they're surroundings had changed.

They were in a barren country-side, no longer in the silver desert of broken mirrors. Yet now Jimmy was no longer with them. They were alone seated beneath the shade of a tree looking out at a drop off much too steep for how near they were to it.

Spock could not see why Jim would pick such a place for them to return to but he did not question it. He just pushed them to sit up and gazed down at Jim.

It had been too long now that he saw so much life on these features and he took a moment to just gaze down at the other. His fingers stroked along the skin but he felt nothing.

"I wish to be with you again." Spock spoke honestly and aloud to the man who was gazing up at him with confusion and longing.

"You are with me."

"Yes but only in mind. I can feel your presence but it is not the same. I wish to be with you in both mind and body James. Let us return...others are waiting for us to return. It's been much too long now."

Jim seemed to contemplate the words and suddenly thunder cracked ahead and almost instantly rain began to pour down upon the scene and them. "Why can't we just stay here?" Jim called out over the rain and pushed up moving from Spock's arms, too close to the edge of the drop off.

"James!" Spock pushed up and watched as Jim turned from the edge to face him.

"What if I don't want to go back Spock? Look at me! All that remains of James T. Kirk I am nothing! I'm…I'm tired and weak…I've been fighting so long. Let's just stay here. Were we can just be us! No more pain or hurt…just us."

Spock moved close and stilled as if for fear that Jim would step back and away. The other didn't even seem to consider such a thought and Spock was quick to pull him back into his arms.

"And what of your friends, all of those on the Enterprise who consider you family? Pike and Leonard have been pushed past the breaking point in an effort to save you. No one is the same without you. They all wish you back."

"They all wish for the old me." Jim whispered.

"No. They wish for you." Spock stated firmly, "When we found you and you were a child; there was not a single crew member who cared. Yes, we had hoped to find you as we knew you, but James all they wanted was to have you back. All I have wanted was for you to be safe once more."

His hand lifted to stroke Jim's cheek, "You will always be wished for, but James if you truly desire it. I will remain here with you. If you truly do not wish to return than I will stay. I will not leave you once again."

"Spock."

Jim pulled himself closer to the other and the rain began to let up around them, "I-I…what about my mind? All my memories all my life was torn to shreds because of that charm."

"Jim, look around you." Spock stated loosening his hold on the male so that he could take in his surroundings.

The barren land began to sprout with life. As in the wake of the rain, came rebirth and growth. His mind was slowly repairing itself and before their eyes they saw the dead landscape morph into a luscious hillside looking still off into the distance, but rather than an empty void at the bottom of a drop off it broke off into water.

The body of water was so still that it reflected back to Jim his favorite site. The night sky took over and the water glimmered with the stars. The entire surroundings lit now by the moon, and up there in space one could see the space station hovering just in Earth's range. This was James' home off the Enterprise a calm place to be but always still close to his oldest love—space.

"It is lovely James."

Spock breathed out the words as if speaking above a whisper would ruin the scene. "The mind is truly complex and amazing. You could never truly be broken by another Jim…I would not allow that. You are much stronger than that, you are far too great."

"You helped…" Jim hummed looking around, "this wasn't all me."

"Perhaps, but as I had said…the pieces were all still here. You may have been shattered as many have continuously tossed such a word around, but you were still here." Spock's eyes brimmed with a light and warmth that brought a smile to Jim's features. "Puzzles are easiest to place back together when you understand where each piece belongs. You, James, would know better than any. I just aided in…pushing you in the right direction I suppose."

"So basically you used my knowledge of what my mind should be like to put me back together?" Jim breathed out with disbelief, "Mr. Spock that sounds awfully like cheating if you ask me."

"Yes, well a trick I learned from a dear friend." Spock replied calmly and auburn eyes watched Jim with calculative means as Jim took in the surroundings, "Truly I had only placed the first piece…your mind supplied the rest."

Jim turned in Spock's arms to meet the other's watchful gaze. "The others…everyone has seen so much more than I had ever thought I'd share. Things I had never wished anyone else to witness."

"No…Doctor McCoy and myself took great caution in allowing them to be witness to the different sides of you. Often they had only experienced the good moments if you would. Even still…no one thinks less of you. If anything the majority of the crew and the rest of the United Federations are still reigning in their disbelief about how you had managed to accomplish so much without ever truly being present. Remarkable…I believe is how they have addressed the situation. For you, James, are a truly remarkable and fascinating individual."

"Thank you."

Jim breathed out and let his head fall against Spock's shoulder.

"Thanks are not necessary in this instance Jim. As I said we all just want you back. Some of us perhaps more so than others."

"Perhaps." Jim smiled and lifted his head to look at Spock, "Things will be different if we go back."

"I have found over the years that not all change is bad." Spock confessed and kept Jim's gaze, "In fact as a scientist the study of change intrigues me. I would say in most cases I welcome it…in this case I would say that I may even desire there to be a change after we return."

"I would like that." Jim agreed and his eyes flickered as they tried to read what Spock's own eyes were saying. Jim moved to lean up towards the Vulcan, his lips just barely brushing against the others before Spock pulled away. "Spock?"

"It is only an illusion our minds have created…it is not real. If you allow us to return I will provide you with evidence to support why it is I would rather the actual moment than a false one."

Jim's lips curled up into a smirk at this and he gave one last shuddering sigh, "Guess I have to go back now…my logical Vulcan needs to prove his hypothesis correct."

Spock figured Jim did not expect a reply for such a comment and instead only pulled back enough to take Jim's hand in his own; a moment that reminded him foolishly of the child who always needed to be led everywhere. "I will lead you back now. If that is acceptable?"

"Lead the way, Spock.

Take us home."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: YAY, and yet sad day.<strong>

**So there we are. Jim is being taken home. :D**

**Expect only one or two more posts.**

**Thank you all for your reviews and hope you enjoyed chapter twelve ^ ^.**


	28. Home

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**Warnings:**__ Spoilers! Just be prepared for the usual. Also some __light m/m…slash…spirk…guy/guy :X_

_**AN1: **_

_So, my sister was telling me to hold off and just make you all wait…b/c I was sorta freaking out that only two people reviewed my last two chapters, and maybe I should wait because what it's been...a day tops…but I'm not. Haha. Seeing as I have this already written out, figured might as well post it.  
><em>

_Still writing up the epilogue so that'll probably be up later in the week. Want it to actually sound right. Slash and comfort and fluff...oh my! _

_haha anyway, there are all sorts of plans for it.^ ^  
><em>

_**AN2: **_

_**Is it bad luck to have your last chapter be chapter thirteen? I feel like that is foreboding. Though, my last post will be the epilogue so I suppose that's technically fourteen chapters…I also had the prologue…so fifteen. So, hopefully not bad luck? : /**_

_**Also sorry if Jim seemed slightly OC last chapter. Kinda just let him be however my mind saw fit. I'll try and rein that in here...no promises though. He is the one character that just won't stay put. And I guess last chapter may have been confusing for some of you. Sorry, that's probably due in part to it being so known in my head that everything confusing made sense to me by now. Add to that i tried to squish it into two posts rather then the planned four or five. I think it came out alright but I'd like to apologize none the less.  
><strong>_

_**Hopefully not too too confusing that you completely lost interest.**_

_**Sorry only slight slash in this post, I'm saving that for the epilogue. Spoilers haha…I dunno if I really have hidden that fact though. Anyway this is just that final wrap up. So expect short and sweet. Hope you all liked it so far, and continue to the end. Also that you stick around for future stories. **_

_**Thank you all.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Thirteen:<span>

"Home"

"Spock."

Jim's voice was hoarse as he tried to call out for the other.

It was with a surprising clarity that Jim realized his body felt absolutely horrendous. Really did someone run him over with a bulldozer while he was taking a vacation in his mind?

His eyes blinked open only to immediately shut at the brightness that invaded his senses.

"Spock…" Jim breathed out and listened for any sign of another being in the room.

Nothing.

Jim blinked his eyes open again, and bit back the wince as he tried to adjust to the lighting. It was blurry to some degree but he could manage with it. Even if he wasn't functioning at one hundred percent, he was still functioning. All thanks to a Vulcan who had promised not to leave him alone again. All for a Vulcan who was not responding to Jim's call.

"Spock?" Jim pushed up weakly and with trouble.

Tubes and wires.

He felt like a damn machine; being hooked up to so many cords and he realized why he felt like he was in so much pain. His body was struggling with the concept that it wasn't being allowed to run itself. It was a strange feeling having no control but he didn't care at this moment. He…he didn't return for this. He wasn't supposed to wake up to an empty room.

Being upright let him see why it was Spock wasn't responding to his name.

"Jim!"

The door had swooshed open sometime during Jim's struggle to sit up and suddenly there was Bones. Bones, who was in his view and blocking his gaze. The Doctor looked pale and shocked at the site of Jim being awake, and really Jim couldn't see how the man was capable of continuing to stand. McCoy looked about ready to pass out and his body shook with the effort to keep standing.

"God…it's really you." McCoy spoke his voice tight as he tried to control the influx of emotions these words brought with it.

Jim seemed unable to speak. His eyes were gazing at McCoy but more so through him.

"Let me…let me turn these damn things off." McCoy muttered moving out of the way to mess with controls.

As soon as he moved Jim gasped.

"Spock."

He knew he had seen it before but for some reason he had wished his mind was pulling tricks on him. There on the other bed lay the very Vulcan that had delved within Jim's mind to single-handedly pull him out of the remains.

"Spock!" Jim struggled trying to get out of the bed all while trying to dislodge all the cords stringing him up.

"Jim. Jim, Dammit! Kid stop moving! Stop!" Bones was beside him in an instant pulling Jim's hands away from ripping out anything and pushing the weaker man back down on the bed. Jim struggled and protested and the machines around him lit up with the effort.

"Jim calm down."

"!" Jim gasped and struggled as breathing seemed to be complicated suddenly. He knew one thing, Spock wasn't supposed to be like that. Spock was supposed to be awake and waiting for him. Spock was supposed to be beside him.

"Calm down, darling. Calm. He's fine…He's fine…just calm down." McCoy tried to speak as soothingly as he could but really his own emotions were having a field day.

Jim was back!

Jim who had been unresponsive and all together dead if not for a machine; was alive and fighting. His hands were stuck as McCoy kept him held down and slowly at the words Jim seemed to allow himself to relax. "Bones…" He breathed out the words a hoarse gasp.

"Give me a moment to fix you up kid and I'll explain everything." Bones sighed letting up off of Jim, but only briefly as trembling fingers reached up to brush hair from sticking to the others face, "Damn you're really back." He struggled for a moment and Jim noticed the moisture brimming in the older man's eyes before McCoy made a quick turn and moved off to the side once more.

There was a brief movement of hands, where Jim noted Bones wiping furiously at his eyes, before the pressure in his chest let up.

A surprised gasp tore from Jim's lips as suddenly whatever was running the show for his body just stopped, forcing him to take over again. His organs all seemed to flip shit for a matter of seconds before catching onto the fact that they had to act again.

Jim groaned and shirked away as McCoy pressed a hypo as gently as possible to his neck.

"Stop being such a baby." McCoy muttered trying for a semblance of normalcy but Jim could see the tear tracks on the other man's cheeks.

"Miss me?" he breathed out cheekily and received a light rap upon the head immediately followed by a sloppy kiss on his brow.

"Damn straight I missed you! You damn fool." McCoy growled keeping close to the younger for just a moment as if still in denial that this was real.

"You're…freaking me out Bones." Jim huffed pushing at the man.

His hand clasped a hold of McCoy's arm before the other could fully pull away. "Sorry…and thank you. I know you're the reason I'm still here. Sorry I had to put you through so…so much this past year-"

"Don't even bother apologizing. I woulda done it anyway. You fool, can't even see you're like a kid brother to me. Would protect you from anything. Even if that something happens to be yourself. Thank god for Vulcan mind voodoo. He really did it." McCoy breathed out still amazed, but his words brought everything full circle.

"Let me know." Jim breathed out his heart rate increasing on the monitor attached to his bed, "What happened. Why is…why's he…?"

"Just trying to go near your mind had knocked him out for two days Jim…yet the damn fool thought he'd take it a step further and tried again." McCoy helped to prop Jim back up and glared warningly at him when he tried to go further than just remaining seated, "Your mind was in pieces Jim…no one thought you were coming back. Hell, your body was being run by a machine until just now.

"So, when Spock came back…and you weren't waking up." McCoy trailed off his eyes turning to face the Vulcan lying on the other bed in the room.

"Wait…what? No. I was…I was just with him. We were supposed to come back at the same time." Jim's face scrunched in confusion and disbelief.

"Yah well, Spock was coming outta a trance Jimmy, you were coming out of a week of not living on your own and a year spent with…who knows what going on up there." McCoy bumped his fingers lightly against Jim's temple to emphasize his point.

"So…how long have I been out while he's been back."

"Not even a day." McCoy grumbled, "Teach me to disbelieve the Vulcan. Had to hypo his ass with a sedative to keep him from going back in to try and pull you out again."

Jim laughed at this his eyes sliding shut in relief. "So, he's fine, just asleep."

"Bout damn time if you ask me. The hobgoblin spent the whole week without sleep for fear that you would wake up without him."

"Which I did…" Jim smiled at this, taunting the other.

"Yah…well we can just leave that one for later." McCoy mumbled wearily, "He'll be out for some time still. How bout I go get you a change of clothes and some ice chips. See if we can get some fluids in you."

"Sounds good Bones." Jim breathed out wearily and listened as the other moved about checking a few things before he left; leaving with a parting whisper to the allegedly sleeping Jim.

"Glad to have you back Jimmy."

Jim's blue eyes cracked open as the door slid shut and he pushed himself up, to hell he was just staying put.

...

...

...

...

McCoy returned to an empty bed on Jim's side of the room and an extra person on the Vulcan's side.

"Stubborn fool."

McCoy grumbled but couldn't help the smirk as he left the room leaving the two to rest in peace and quiet.

...

...

...

...

Jim's eyes blinked open wearily the second time but with a greater ease than the first.

What he found was his eyes opening up to a pleasant shade of blue. Science blues to be precise.

"Spock."

"Hello Jim."

"Mmm." The human sighed out in content, and let himself rest against the other for a while longer. "Still here." He muttered pleased that this time he did not wake alone.

"I believe that by this point, repeating that I will not leave your side has become redundant…or perhaps that you continue to check because you find it pleasing to be reassured."

"There are other ways you could please me than just that Spock." Jim chuckled, his eyes blinking open to turn in search of Spock's own auburn eyes.

"Please avoid pillow talk until you're in your own bedroom Jimmy. Some things people just don't want to be present for."

McCoy's voice made Jim wince and dip his head back down into the safety of Spock's chest.

"Heya Bones. If you don't want to be present you shouldn't eaves drop, or maybe you could make it known sooner that you're here before I make a fool of myself."

"Where is the fun in that?" McCoy chided stepping closer to the pair, "You two have a bloody flood of people waiting for you outside these doors and I'm sick of fighting them off. Can't just save the day quietly can you Jim? Gotta make sure the whole damn federation knows about it. Yah well they can wait till I clear you before they can sink their teeth in their poster boy again."

"Missed you too." Jim hummed his eyes opening again to look back up at Spock.

The Vulcan had at some point shifted into a seated position; propped with pillows to his back and probably reading until Jim had woken up. How he managed this without stirring Jim didn't really matter for he had apparently still enjoyed the Vulcan pillow.

Jim pushed up weakly and watched as both McCoy and Spock shifted to help the action.

"Not…debilitated, I can sit up on my own." Jim mumbled but let them both worry none-the-less. He could understand that it was in their right to be fearful towards him. He had been gone for two years and when they had truly believed him back he was constantly in this sickbay. Only to disappear on them.

Wait.

This was not the Enterprise's sickbay.

Jim's eyes scanned the area and for the first time he realized that the window in his room was streaming light into the space.

"We're on Earth?"

"Affirmative."

Jim's eyes looked to Spock who seemed to still be struggling with how to control himself now that they were back out in the world; now that they were truly together. Add to that, with McCoy in the room, he seemed to cling to old mannerisms as a means to appear as normal as possible.

"Spock…Bones has seen you act out of your Vulcan customs already over the last year. I'm sure a yes would have been acceptable as well." He tried to smile but his eyes were stuck on the window. His own words seemed to speak as a means of protective armor against the emotions welling up inside.

He was on Earth.

He was alive. He was whole. He was on Earth and he was with Spock.

Even McCoy was here.

Jim let out a disbelieving laugh and slumped back against the Vulcan.

"I'm back. This is for real right? If it isn't…don't wake me up. I couldn't bear it again."

Both McCoy and Spock seemed to tense up at these words, and before Spock even got a chance to ponder a proper response McCoy was speaking again. His voice capable of falling back into old customs as if Jim had never been gone. As if last time they thought Jim was back he hadn't disappeared.

"As long as you don't pull anymore stunts like last time. Yah, kid your back."

Jim sighed amused by McCoy's taunts rather than perturbed by them.

"I'm back."

"Yes Jim, my James…you are back." Spock replied, and the pair on the bio-bed seemed to turn towards one another as if on cue.

The room as well as McCoy and any others just past the door were forgotten. All the mattered for this moment was the two of them. Jim in Spock's arms, and the feel of belonging that came with it.

"How 'bout that hypothesis Mr. Spock…?" Jim breathed out softly his eyes flickering hesitantly now that he was here and this moment was truly happening.

How long had they danced around this over the years commanding together? How long had it taken for Jim to truly return to Spock? So much had transpired to bring them to this moment.

So, Jim felt truly foolish that those were the first words he could think of to steal a kiss from the Vulcan.

No, steal wasn't the right word…Spock had called Jim "my James." He knew this was true…he truly belonged completely to the other and the same went for Spock. They were one of a whole. A kiss would not be stolen, for it was always his to have…his to freely desire.

And Spock planned to not let Jim want for anything.

His fingers reached up to trail across Jim's chin; the sensation leaving a pleasant trill in its wake as he tilted the other just so. "I suppose I can provide you with undisputable evidence."

Jim chuckled at just how corny this was playing out and yet he stopped pondering on any of these thoughts as his mind became focused on one thing and one thing alone.

Spock's lips against his own.

He was home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: So, there you have it. Some goodies to come in the epilogue but otherwise this was it. Yay for cheesy corny romantic endings! Sorry I find those to be adorable and couldn't help myself.<strong>

**Also I couldn't leave this to only Jim and Spock...I love his and Bones' relationship too much as well. So all the spirk is reserved for the next post *hearts*  
><strong>

**Hope you have all enjoyed my story. I have two stories in the planning process but I didn't want to get into writing them for fear of screwing with the characters in this one. So, expect some more stuff from me in the summer. Also curious if anyone would be interested in a sequel to this story? I have some ideas that could be fun…especially because I'm leaving this with a few open-ended questions…like what happened in the mirror? What'd Jim see? :D**

**Also some other important ones such as Jim being captain again...?  
><strong>

**Let me know in your reviews. If anyone is interested I'll start there while these guys are all still fresh in my head. Otherwise I'll jump into the next story.**

**Thanks again, you all are truly the greatest.**

**And because it is fitting and I have never had a chance to say this before where it is actually suitable, and it kinda does works at this moment!**

**So to all my readers and lovely reviewers alike. **

"**Live long and prosper."**

**:D **


	29. Epilogue

_**Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine nor do I claim to own it. This is purely a work of fiction. **_

_**Warnings: **__m/m…slash…spirk…guy/guy…smut? Really if you don't like then don't read. Please no flames. Sorry no duct tape or glue in this chapter. Idea of bondage and sub/dom alone makes me blush…having me write it would be horrible haha. Plus it would probably be traumatic for poor Jim. So, expect normal stuff…Also slight angst but trying to keep realistic. Jim had been gone two years...bouncing back would take a bit._

_**AN: EPILOGUE!**_

_**I'm like, a mess of happy giddy craziness and horrible depressing sadness. It's over. I mean serious sadness! Yet, so happy to see it completed. Wow! Thanks to everyone who reviewed. You made this whole first time post thing a really great experience. Thanks for putting up with me and for enjoying what I wrote. **_

_**Really I hit 100 reviews and I was like GAH! I mean I had been super shocked when I had started and just reached 18 reviews. Getting to this point is just…my mind is blown. So thank you. You are all truly remarkable and fascinating individuals ^ ^**_

_**And awesome. And amazing. And everything good rolled into something that is too great that words cannot express.**_

_**Sorry it took me so long to get this up. Really can someone put a warning up that says caution writing smut is actually tougher than it sounds? I didn't know to what extremes I could go and struggling between happy and yummy and angsty and just what? This was by far the hardest chapter to write all because I wanted it to sound good.**_

_**Anyway, hope to see you all again for future posts and hopefully you all enjoy said future posts :D**_

_**Now, at long last, the finale.**_

* * *

><p>-Epilogue-<p>

"If you continue to just stare at me I'm going to come to my own conclusions on why you are remaining quiet and away."

Jim didn't tear his gaze away from the site before him, but he didn't have to. The presence of the other seemed to hum deep within and even without looking Jim knew who it was. It was comforting to have his presence near again, but Jim's eyes kept away—kept looking at the scenery.

"You will catch a cold if you are not cautious Jim, your health is still not back to its full potential and Leonard had been adamant on the fact that you must care for yourself if you were to be released from the hospital."

Jim's eyes sparkled with mischief at these words, but still glimmered with a mix of other deeper emotions. He didn't bother replying to Spock's comment; rather he dipped his head into the hollow between his knees and pulled himself forward in the lounging chair.

"Come keep me warm, I'll head in here in a bit…just waiting for the stars to come out." Jim hummed out as a final response. He had at some point drawn his legs up close and a light blanket settled across his lap all in an effort to keep warm, but even that wasn't much against the cool winter nights. The smell of the ocean was heavy in the air and the wind threatened to chill the temperature more drastically as night approached. Yet, even still Jim remained seated out on the balcony gazing not at the body of water but at the sky above.

A shift behind him told him that Spock had agreed to his request, and suddenly he was pulled against the warm chest of the Vulcan.

"You are chilled."

Jim felt slightly like a petulant child being chastised but only hmm'd as he snuggled back into the embrace. "Just amuse the request of your illogical human for a little longer…Then we can head in."

The only answer he was given was an arm snaking around to pull him closer and fold him more fully against the other. A silence settled between the pair bringing about the sounds of life going on outside of their world. Vehicles whizzing by, birds singing final songs of the day, and the ocean's waves crashing against the shore somewhere in the distance.

It was all soothing and all a reminder of life continuing, all a reminder that they were back on Earth.

"You have experienced one of the 'bad' days today I presume?" Spock spoke the words barely over that of a whisper. Each individual word puffed warmly against Jim's skin and sent a shiver along his spine; because of the feeling but also because what the words evoked.

Jim remained silent for some time trying to best think over the question asked.

He knew that in such close contact with the Vulcan his emotions were already answer enough, but he also knew that the Vulcan would request Jim share his thoughts aloud. A coping procedure seeing as Jim had already passed the psych tests—something Bones had argued over and continuously brought back up seeing as there had never been a test Jim couldn't accomplish.

Add to that no psychiatrist really could understand what he had been through…there wasn't anything to truly relate to. So, Spock requested one simple thing from Jim, that he share his thoughts. That he not carry the burden alone.

"Just tried to sleep while you were out." Jim muttered, tensing only slightly at the confession.

"You had woken believing you were still on board that ship?"

"Spent two years in a single room, Spock. My mind can recall every aspect down to how many scratches there were on the walls and the sounds that emitted through…"

Jim slipped out of his position, with his legs curled tight to his chest, now moving as Spock guided Jim more fully against him. "You should have called for me Jim. I would have returned."

"It's fine, Spock. I can't call you ever time I wake up from a bad dream. I'll deal with it." Jim replied calmly settling his head in the crook of the others neck. "You had important matters to attend. Shore leave is coming to end here soon and the Enterprise and its crew need to be prepared to ship out."

As Jim listed these words he pivoted only enough to lay light kisses along what part of the Vulcan's neck wasn't covered up by the high-necked sweater. He felt the Vulcan's desire to refute and further discuss this topic begin to slip away as Jim's body turned completely to lie facing the other. His legs no longer lay parallel, but instead straddling Spock's legs, as they fell on either side of the Vulcan.

"I will not try to argue this with you." Spock paused as Jim's fingers snaked around and behind to play at the back tail of his sweater, "However, I had spoken with Admiral Pike and Archer today. I had been led to believe you had already conversed with the pair of them." He broke off again as child fingers slid along; tracing the outline of his pants before pushing up and slipping underneath the shirts. Jim's quickly warming fingers splayed within the tight space—all in an effort to feel the other's skin against his own, and drawing him closer.

Spock tried to continue over the caresses and the barrage of kisses now trailing up his neck and attacking his jaw line. "As you said the Enterprise, as well as her crew, are prepping to leave within the month…you have not…." Jim's lips slid up towards the Vulcan's ear nipping playfully at where it connected with the jaw before swiping his tongue up towards the sensitive tip, "Jim…Jim you have not reenlisted for Captaincy."

Spock's arms grasped a hold of the other and shifted him away from continuing his attack. The effort seemed to leave the Vulcan's lips parted to take in small gasps of air (the starting signs of the Vulcan appreciating Jim's antics), but the conversation at hand wasn't one to be so easily written off. "Jim you have not tried to reinstate yourself as the Captain of the Enterprise."

"Let's not talk about this now." Jim cooed his fingers sliding down the Vulcan's arms to catch his hands in his own. He lifted them from their hold and pulled them up to lay kisses upon the knuckles. "...please?"

"Jim evasive tactics may work on others, however I will not-"

Jim's lips curled over two of the Vulcan's sensitive fingers dragging the digits into the warm confines of his mouth. He couldn't contain the small smirk from slipping past his lips as he watched auburn eyes grow dilated by the antics…as the words Spock had tried to speak fell flat and forgotten.

Jim's tongue mapped around the intrusion and he pulled them almost completely out of his mouth to nip at the tips before sliding them back. He hummed around them and in appreciation as Spock's hips bucked up at the action.

A third finger pressed in amongst the others when he went to repeat the action from before, and Jim's eyes met with the passionate gaze of the Vulcan's as he took in the increased mouthful.

Jim's mind immediately turned to their present location. Though, outdoors could be an interesting experience it was much too cold and he wasn't ready for any neighbors catching a glimpse of what was now his, in all its glory.

_Let's go inside. _

Words he wished to voice, and as he tried to pull away from his own actions in order to say aloud, he found he was not given the chance.

Spock seemed to have already met a similar conclusion, and while keeping Jim to his ministration's his other arm hoisted the younger male close. He rose with little effort to the added weight and Jim's legs immediately hooked around the other's waist driving him closer, and pulling a very-very subtle gasp from the Vulcan's lips.

The warmth came immediately with stepping indoors and away from the cold winds. With it brought the heat of desire back to the surface and tenfold.

At some point Jim had lost the sensitive fingers, he had trapped, as they moved to aide in keeping Jim's hips up upon Spock's waist. They helped drive their needs against one another as walking in itself supplied an alluring friction and bounce.

"Need you." Jim breathed warmly against Spock's ear, having forgone any attempt to get the fingers back and immediately returned to catch the jaw line again.

His response was to be dropped down upon the bed.

He fell with a surprise gasp and landed with only a slight bounce upon the soft mattress. He barely even got the chance to move as suddenly Spock was there again—pressed up close and pining Jim to lie back and down.

It was Jim's turn to gasp as the Vulcan mirrored earlier antics and attacked the exposed skin of his neck.

"God I love your mouth."

Jim practically purred in appreciation and groaned as the knees, that kept Spock's body hovering up and off of his own, gave way and suddenly the pressure was back.

Hips rocked in an age old dance as both parties sought out the friction.

Everything was going perfect. Spock's lips were sending constant thrills along his spine. Their hips were providing just the right amount of release to the still budding desire and driving it further along.

However, Jim's hands were caught. One pinned against his side sometime during the ministration and the other up above his head, Spock's own hand trailing along the wrist in an effort to seek out the sensation of the other's hold.

All of a sudden one thing registered over everything else and the entire situation changed; trapped.

"Stop!"

Jim's cry was immediate and panicked, and in an instant lust and desire evaporated into the flames that came with the overwhelming fear.

"Stop. Oh god, you…you have to get off." Jim pushed immediately at the stronger man and Spock was quick to comply as Jim practically tumbled off and away.

He fell to the floor with a gasp and his whole figure shook in an effort to reign in the overloaded system.

"Jim."

Spock was there.

He did not dare to reach out and touch the other, but he moved to settle down upon the floor just within reach.

"You are safe Jim. You are back and you are safe."

Words like a mantra escaped Spock's lips and eventually he found himself with the human male buried close and back in his arms. The other shook for some time before eventually everything settled and they remained seated just absorbing the presence of one another.

It was some time still before one word was spoken to break over the silence.

"Sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for, T'hy'la." Spock's words were spoken soft and with a gentleness that would have been surprising had Jim not grown so accustomed to it over recent events. His fingers had lifted at some point to card through the golden curls.

The comforting and light massage stilled, but left trembling fingers resting in place. What had just transpired, left Spock shaken.

"I, however, wish to express my own apologies. I had not intended to frighten you, nor place you in a position where you were compelled to feel trapped. I am…sorry that I was the one who brought about your continual suffering."

"Spock. No."

Jim's protest was sharp and fierce as he sat up fully to meet the others gaze. However, these features all fell away as an overwhelming gentleness and love filled his blue eyes. He leaned up to chastely kiss the other; pulling away afterwards to nuzzle into the crook of his neck, "It wasn't you." He breathed out, "My mind realizes I'm here and back, but my body seems to have not caught on sometimes. I just…I couldn't move my arms and I freaked."

Jim carried this over with settling his arms up and around the Vulcan's neck, "I'm fine now. I'm fine because you're still here and don't you ever believe that you cause me suffering. Well unless of course it's rightly deserved and it follows with an enjoyable release afterwards." Jim cooed and nipped playfully at the throat before pushing up.

"Come, let's go back to bed."

His hand was extended and eyes inviting the other in.

"Come, here love."

Spock stilled and lifted to meet Jim's eyes. The two kept lock gazes for some time before Spock rose pulling Jim close. His fingers trailed along Jim's face and mapped out the length of his back and arms until he took up the other's hand in his own, "I have heard those words before, from your lips but not from you…it was a deceit the mirrors in your mind had played in order to coax me within."

Jim hummed in acknowledgement all while moving to pull them both back to the bed. When his knees hit he settled slowly down and pulled the Vulcan down by the arms to lay with him.

"Yet, you didn't get pulled in? I must've been off my game." He smiled but it wasn't as warm as most of his were. He gazed lovingly at the other and breathed two simple words.

"Thank you."

"May I request that you elaborate what for, Jim?"

Spock allowed Jim to roll him over and settle on top, not wishing to repeat the same actions as before. However, Jim seemed content to just lie there now; his head settling upon the Vulcan's chest and his arm splayed out so that his hand could idly stroke the other's palm and fingers.

"For going beyond what even I would've asked, all in an effort to save me." Jim paused in his ministration to meet blue with auburn eyes. "McCoy told me the risks, and you should know that I am pleased as much as I am angry by what you have done. Don't you ever risk your life like that." Jim paused to push up so that he could glare petulantly down at the other, "You could have died right along with me. If you didn't make it in time or some untold complication happened. God Spock I hadn't even wanted to return and you were just okay with sticking around. You can't die for me!"

Spock watched the adamant display and lifted his hand to stroke at the other's brow in a calming gesture, "If I may, I would like to ask a query before I give you a proper response to your statement?"

"Shoot."

Spock paused at the expression and Jim laughed, "Don't give me that I've used that idiom before you logical oaf. Go ahead and ask, I'll try and answer you as best I can."

Spock dipped his head in an affirmative nod and spoke the words aloud but as cautiously as he could manage, knowing he was delving into still unsettled ground.

"Why did you accept the charm from the Romulans even after knowing the risks that it held?"

Jim stilled and his soft smile immediately fell.

"I had to." Jim breathed out and cast his eyes away immediately knowing where this was heading, "It's not the same. There were so many more lives at stake. The life of one to save the many is a cost that was worth the risk."

"Not when the one is you." Spock pushed up to sit level with Jim. "I can understand your decision and the purpose of such actions. I have even agreed to support that decision well under the situation you had found yourself, but do not dissuade me from my task once it is hypocritical after your own events. You, Jim, had risked yourself to save the many. To die for all others, but you had accomplished such feat, and would die instead because of what that Romulan had done…I would not allow him to take you from us again. I had promised never to leave you.

Do not become angered when I try and keep my word. I would rather…I would risk all else to keep you from leaving again. To protect those dearest to you-you gave your life. I had only wished to do the same."

"Illogical Vulcan."

"Stubborn human."

Jim smiled again and leaned forward to press his lips against the others. It was a chaste kiss; just slow movement of their lips before Spock pulled Jim along with himself back down upon the bed.

"Let us rest now, you have not been getting an adequate amount of sleep and therefore prolonging would be futile."

"But what if I wasn't done with you yet?" Jim teased shifting to use the Vulcan's shoulder as a pillow and allowing his arm to lay across the others chest; keeping them close.

"Perhaps I have had a long day and would just like to lay here within your embrace." Spock stated and let his own arms wrap around Jim. His fingers stroked soothing patterns along the others back and traced across the line of his spine, "Sleep Jim. We have plenty of time with each other. I am sure such events could be postponed for the evening."

"Tomorrow then." Jim hummed his eyes already sliding close to the steady thrum of the Vulcan's heart. "Thanks for being here."

"Always, my T'hy'la."

"Used…that before…what's…it mean..?" Jim whispered his words starting to slur as exhaustion seemed to finally catch up.

"More than a brother."

Spock stated the words softly and continued the comforting petting.

"Greater than a friend."

His hands settled on lightly upon the other's back and the other in the grasp of Jim's own hand.

"Similar to a lover but with a much greater depth. You have spoken often of a definition most fitting of this word. One of a whole…you are in every aspect my T'hy'la. I am not complete without you my Jim."

"T'hy'la." Jim breathed the words enjoying not the definition (though it was moving all the same) but the way in which Spock voiced the word. The Vulcan cherished and held it dear and reserved it completely for Jim.

* * *

><p>"This is me telling you now, don't ya' dare go bombarding him. Jim has spent the last two months either holed up in that hospital room or holing himself away at his flat. He's still coping with all that happened and doesn't need his closest friends overwhelming him. So, just be careful when he gets here and for the love of all that is holy don't bring up the Romulan ship."<p>

McCoy glared at all the crew members as they sat in wait. All those of the alpha crew had planned to gather as a celebration, but it was also a start to bring Jim back amongst those of his crew—to become a part of his family once more.

Yes, it was exciting to finally have this meet and greet, they had wished it to be earlier. With everything weighing down on Jim; McCoy and Spoke had agreed it would be best to postpone it for a better date.

Thus all of them had gathered in a bar not far from Starfleet, but one that they had been able to rent out for the night; all on the Federation's considerable dime. It was nice because it would be a more passionate and personal get-together rather than try to fight with the crowds that gathered now at whispers of James T. Kirk.

"Who isn't supposed to bring up a Romulan ship?"

Speak of the Devil and he shall cometh.

Jim's voice rang out in the open room and immediately the atmosphere changed from anxious excited to a chilled silence. Here was Jim, their captain truly back and at his proper age. Here was Jim standing and talking, and just here.

"Keptin Kirk!" Chekov was amongst the group for one second and then just as soon as Jim had shown himself he found himself with an armful of the Russian navigator.

Jim only had a brief moment to be surprised before his laugh broke over the immediate tension in the room. It was like a calm that settled deep in everyone's bones and they all watched as Jim placed a comforting arm around the smaller man.

"Hello Pavel." Jim chuckled, "I missed you too."

"Very much so Keptin!" Chekov gushed and pulled closer before releasing his hold. "I am wery glad zhat you are back and with us once again."

"Yes, well I'm glad to be back as well. Thank you Chekov, a big part of that I owe to my brilliant crew." Jim's hand snuck out to ruffle the younger's hair, because honestly it was far too tempting, before his gaze lifted to the rest of those within range.

"Now…Chekov cannot be the only one brave enough to ignore Bones' threat of me being breakable. Don't you think I want a proper welcome back from every one of you? I'm not so fragile that a hug from my pieced together family wouldn't help."

Jim's smile held a slight willfulness to it as he looked at all those who had been introduced to so much of his deepest secrets, to those he had shown so many new sides to, and to those whose opinions and views mattered more than any other.

Nyota was the first to push around everyone and step up to Jim.

He smiled a relieved smile and even braved an alluring grin in honor of the communications lieutenant. "Evening Uhura."

Jim was met with a slap upside the head.

Then another.

Then one more, before finally he had an armful of a sobbing Nyota.

"You-you pull a stunt like that again and I will never forgive you! You hear me? Next time you want to play hero you do it from the safety of the captain's chair were we can keep an eye on you at all times." She cursed him for his antics and clung closer when he finally pulled out of his stunned daze enough to wrap her up in a comforting embrace.

"Can't promise you much, but I'll be more cautious." Jim hummed in a reply and wiped at the tears shed for him, "I'm back now, and that's all the matters." He gave her a sad smile and leaned in to give her another hug before allowing her to slide from his arms as now the rest of the crew stepped forward.

Sulu, Scotty, hell even Giotto hugged the Captain now that he was truly returned to them. Bones caught Jim's eye and gave a bemused sigh before pulling the other into a tight embrace.

"Glad to see you getting back on your feet." He huffed and kissed the top of his head before shoving him back in the direction of the awaiting crew.

Jim just laughed and allowed it.

"I vould not say zhat it waz really thanks to uz zhat you are back, Keptin." Chekov replied now that the crew had settled from the initial daze.

"No?"

"He's right…really all we did was follow your lead." Sulu agreed looking from the young navigator towards Jim, "Wouldn't have accomplished much of anything if you hadn't been their coaching us along the way."

"I doubt that." Jim smiled, it was tight and thin at the choice of topic. However, before McCoy or Spock could protest or advert to a different conversation; Jim continued. "I'd say that you all surely underestimate yourselves."

He chuckled at their montage of expression and allowed his fingers to play along the rim of the glass (that had somehow found its way into his hands) while he considered how to best word this. He didn't quite feel up to the drink but it let his gaze deter from the shining eyes of his crew members.

"I'd say that not many would have been able to do what any of you accomplished in this last year. Hell, if not longer than that." Jim's eyes lifted to those who had all fallen silent at his words and he gave an encouraging smirk, "If it hadn't been for you all I wouldn't be here now, coaching you along would only ever go so far. There wasn't much I would've been able to do on my own….there wasn't much I had been able to do alone."

"You had accomplished more than any other could in such a situation, Jim." Spock replied from just behind; always near now that they had returned.

Jim sent an appreciative and loving gaze up to the other man, but before any words could past his lips another spoke.

"Leave it to the Kirk factor to stop a war of all wars from happening all while simultaneously existing in two places at once. One where you are trying to aide your ship in the fight, and the other were you're remaining to keep the Romulans fooled and keep a promise to twenty federation kids. Can't just be a normal hostage? Gotta go and show everyone just how great you are."

"Still couldn't do it without my crew." Jim hummed but smiled at Giotto's comment all the same.

"Ve are good as team, yes?" Chekov beamed, "Zhat is vhy we defeated Nero many years ago and now zhis. We are good team and family. Zhat is vhy we do not leave you behind Keptin even when all say no. Ve searched whole galaxy and vould have kept going had you not found uz first."

"I know." Jim smiled at the brightness in the youth's…now young man's eyes. "The Enterprise and her crew should come with a warning. Don't mess with us."

The group laughed and all began to share in other ridiculous titles, but it was nice. All of them together again—all a whole once more.

"They are glad you are back Jim…you had never needed to fear they would not accept you back." Spock breathed the words silently against Jim's ear as the group seemed lost in their conversations.

"You keep breathing down my ear like that and they'll be gladly watching me drag you back to the flat." Jim teased but had turned to gaze at the other, the crew forgotten for the moment and now only voices in the distance. "Thank you, again. I didn't realize how much I missed this."

Their hands sneak together at some point and as the crew continues on, dragging Jim back into the discussion, the pair remains close throughout.

* * *

><p>"I fear what will happen if I leave your side."<p>

The words were barely there; so softly spoken that Jim knew Spock struggled voicing them aloud.

"I know…" Jim breathed and kissed soothingly at the exposed skin before him; which once again happened to be the Vulcan's neck. "I don't plan on leaving again, Spock." He followed this up with several more pecks to the sensitive throat before gazing up at the other.

"I can't promise you more than that because I'm still…still struggling with the possibilities myself. Know that I am here, and if tomorrow we wake apart I won't stop till I'm back here again. I'm yours Spock just as you are mine. Now that I have you I'm not going to let anything keep us apart. We'll be alright…it'll take time, but it'll get better. For now, let's just enjoy the time that we do have."

Jim's eyes were a dazzling shade of blue as they met with Spock's auburn eyes. They were full of so many emotions. Fear was prominent ever since his return, but it was always accompanied by hope and determination. Jim would not fall so easily now that he had fought so valiantly.

Spock's hand rose to cup at Jim's cheek and he leaned forward to simply rest his head against the others.

"You are a truly admiral individual Jim." Spock replied calmly and lovingly.

Jim hummed lifting his eyes to gaze up at Spock through thick lashes; a manner that he found the Vulcan illogically powerless against.

He smiled with a laugh as Spock's hand on his waist pushed them closer. It really was illogical how quickly that one worked. If he had only known three years ago that batting his shiny blue eyes was all it took he wouldn't have tried so hard to sneak touches (mostly mild ones) from the Vulcan.

The two remained like this for some time just enjoying the others presence until it stopped being enough.

Jim tilted his chin just so and managed to catch Spock's lips with his own. The kiss starting off slow as the moment required a more soothing process than urgency.

It developed and deepened at Spock's pace as Jim allowed the Vulcan to explore. When it came to Spock it didn't need to be rushed or experienced. They were together…and with no desire to part again. So, they had time to appreciate the other fully.

Now, though, it seemed like both were on a similar page about wanting to bring this forward. Now, though they needed to go past just simple touches and caresses. One of a whole; Jim wanted to feel Spock within him and move as one, but mostly he wanted what Spock had promised.

Both mind and body.

Spock had said those words after rescuing Jim from the trap his own mind had forced him in, and those two words were always at the corner of Jim's thoughts.

For it was what he truly wanted. He wanted to be fully encased by the other; to give just as fully as he received. To be one.

...

...

...

...

...

"Is…this alright?"

Spock's words were a breathy gasp as they puffed at overly heated skin. It didn't take much coaxing to get to this point, but it had been some time now and Jim…Jim knew that the other was well off.

"Just let me…give me a second." Jim's own breath was shaky as he remained settled above the other; all in a desire to not have a repeat of last time. Sweat trailed, cooling heated skin as Jim panted out at the effort it had taken to get to this point, really it had been too long now. Yet, Spock had taken such care beforehand that it didn't take much time to adjust.

He lifted slowly and shifted slightly adjusting to the feel of something buried within, "Okay." He smiled with a gasped grin. His arms settling just beside Spock's face as he rolled his hips enticingly, "We can move."

That seemed to be all the encouragement the other needed as his fingers dug into Jim's side lifting the other to settle him back down; meeting with his own thrusts and setting a slow but gradually increasing pace.

Jim caught on quick and took over so that the hands could trail along exposed skin rather than remain put. One hand sneaking forward tugging at Jim's cock. Jim's back arched as a silent cry tore past his lip and he gasped out as his eyes met with Spock's.

"Love you." He breathed and dipped down clashing lips and tongues as their bodies continued the rolling dance.

Jim groaned desperately into Spock's mouth as with a small shift of their hips Spock's cock pushed against his prostate. His lips tore away as again and again that spot was hit. It was all he could do to continue meeting the other thrust for thrust and eventually he caved allowing his body to just enjoy the ride.

Spock lifted his free hand to stroke at the others temple and Jim immediately curved into the touch, "God…love you so much." He breathed out and gasped as again and again that sweet spot was struck.

"_Ashal-veh... ashayam..._" Spock's words remained just as breathy as Jim's. The words were familiar and yet foreign as Jim accepted the declarations of love and adoration. It was difficult while his thoughts were dazed by what was transpiring but he grasped ahold of their importance.

He drove his hip down as Spock's thrusts quickened and it was perfect. All of it was amazing; being there with Spock and the other meeting him with just as much passion and vigor. Yet, what more was that it went past just the sex and the lust. This was all just one more means to further express their attachment to one another.

God it felt great having his arms running along and tracing the contours of his body, and feeling the pulse of the other settled deep within. It felt great being driven to bliss and beyond, but it was great because it was Spock.

"Please…" Jim hummed the words almost incoherently as he was falling deeper into the dazed bliss of the impending climax.

Spock's fingers stroked at the skin of Jim's cheek and the human turned to press open mouth kisses against the sensitive inner palm. Spock seemed to get the hint as he stroked once again at the others cheek and then settled the hands in place.

"My mind to yours…Our minds. One and together."

"As one…"

* * *

><p>"<em>Ashal-veh... ashayam...<em>" - "Darling... beloved..."

* * *

><p><strong>AN1:<strong>

So much to say to wrap up!

Hope this sounded okay, tried to get a good mix of reality due to all the trauma, but also that spirk slash we've been craving. I know I've left some newer things open ended. Please join me for the sequel…where I plan to answer all those and throw a new group of questions at you :D

It'll be fun.

**Other note:**

The title of this story stemmed from the quote;

"Even the stars come to an end after they have served their purpose"

by: Elemental_Mage or CatastrophicMeltdown here on f

_(It is not my own nor do I claim rights. Thank you for other writers out there.)_

The story is called Life in Death, and man…it took my breath away. I recommend reading it if you have not. It seemed to fit so well with my idea, well my initial idea. Hope you all know that when I originally intended to write this it was actually going to have Jim die at the end, having brought the crew to the point where he knew they would be able to live on without him; "handle it"

Changed many things when I had altered away from that course

But the idea was that, as Jim mentioned, he lived his life destined for greatness. And similar to the quote even the brightest of stars come to an end after they have served their purpose; thus my original plan had been to kill Jim off after he saved not only the day but so much more. It really was like a perfect fit to my idea…just boggled my mind.

I couldn't though…kill him off that is. Mostly due to the fact that I couldn't picture myself killing the amazing entity that is Jim. It was too sad and whenever I've read those death fics I always end up crying cuz I hope the entire way and they still kill him off. So…I couldn't do it. Woulda just been so cruel.

Anyway, there's a random bit of information to all who had asked earlier on if I was going to kill Jim off. Answer had been yes but long before I had even decided to post this. I like Jim and Spock together with happy romantic endings….and fluff…and spirk…

**Final AN:**

Okay so beside that note, stuff to wrap up.

As I mentioned just moments ago, I am starting planning for a sequel. Even mentioning the possibility of one made my mind go crazy with ideas. So, yah that's in the planning process. Also…even though I shouldn't I'm pre-planning another story that'll hopefully be more on the fun side than the angst (going to try giving juggling two stories a shot).

Because of my schedule and having to only type at night I know that my grammar and spell check only go so far…so if anyone is interested in beta'ing? I dunno how to go about doing that so figured I'd ask here. If anyone is interested in getting chapters before they're posted, please let me know? ^ ^

Also, haha, I feel like such a n00b I totally didn't know about the PM (private messaging). I had always figured that was what reviews were for…so I clicked that and the anonymous review one as well. Sorry to all who were trying to message me through there. It's up now.

But yah. Whoa. I finished this whole story so much faster than I had thought. Like…a month. Bam! The sequel is probably going to be longer because I have a couple arches I want to put in, and the other story is still too raw to figure…but it'll be long too. So expect posts. X )

Thank you all for your reviews and your support. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I had writing it out.

On to the Sequel. :D


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